Derek

I'm curious, when you do the "hi" do you have some longer eye contact and a half-smile before the "hi" ? Like it's one thing to blurt out "HI!" and then wait for a mumbled "uh, hi" in surprise and shock... but a little flirty-ness can warm things up before the "hi, my name is Joe and I'm a secret agent" Can you follow up the "hi" with some funny-ness? You've gotta be approachable too. Be a little silly and creative, the guy's gotta be willing to risk being the fool to get the girl sometimes my friend. And the art of conversation is about moving smoothly from general topics (the weather (hey! it's hot out yo!) ) to facts (yeah I work for the FBI every summer as a recruiter for new agents) to opinions (yeah, I like the summer too), to feelings (I feel so alive in the summer) to other things... So ya gotsta start with a little conversational lubricant (innocuous topics and jokes)

You care too much what girls think. You pay attention to what they think of you. The "bad boys" don't give a care and figure another girl is always around the corner. So the "bad boy" isn't perceived as "needy" or "desperate" (even though indirectly they are immature little boys inside) The bad boy has as veneer of confidence that is attractive to girls. You can too. Fake it til you make it. (Fake confidence until eventually you will be.) So you need to forget about girls for a bit and take some more risks, (because you're pretending who cares what the rest of the world thinks of you, especially girls right?) - more risks like more life experience: (travel, more varied interests, extreme sports, biking, pool, cards, music, books, writing, martial arts, parachuting, car racing, whatever floats your boat, do it whole heartedly, even if its medieval roleplaying, do that completely well and I bet you'll find a girl with a similar interest. ) risks like in a party situation: - cross the room, talk to people(women) you wouldn't normally have the guts to, give longer ( 4 second ) eye contacts, get in their space a little. risks like in career/work/school: - be the first to volunteer for stuff, be the founder of something, join the team, join the lunch group, be the first to participate in new stuff even if it scares you. After all that risking, all that life experience, all those confidence builders, I'll eat my hat if some girl hasn't seen you on your adventures and wants to hop on your train with you. Then once you've got the girl's interest, then let that sensitive part of you come back on in little romantic unpredictable spurts.

"you can't help who you fall in love with" is a load of hooeee. Of course you can. Maybe you can't help who you might crush on, but it's another matter to act on it, to change feelings into actions. Everyday when we "feel" like having a chocolate bar and we decide to not act on our feelings we make a choice to live better than an animal. It's really that easy and yet that hard to do. Suck it up and give up on married guys.

No, not real love, you can "feel love" but not real love. You can be in infatuation or in a crush with more than 2 guys. Actually even married people can get crushes on anyone at anytime. But it's something else to act on a feeling. Real love is more than a feeling, it's a commitment, it's an act of the will. If you really loved this guy, then in your heart you know the right thing for his life, for his baby son, is that he stay with his son's mother. Real love is committed. Real love is loyal and faithful and does not cause harm to another. If he can cheat on his wife with you, then he can cheat on you when you're with him. Your gut is telling you that it's not right, that's why you are even questioning it here to the web forum. Listen to your instincts. Don't listen to him anymore. You're 15. You can do better than a cheater right off the start.

- Yeah use birth control, if you can't talk about that, if you can't go into a store to get it and use it, then you don't have the maturity to be having sex then do you? Be adult about it... But I know guys, what they wanna know is how to be a good lover the first time. They wanna know about techniques, about how-to, they want knowledge so they are respected as a lover. Sure they've seen porn and sex-ed in school but they wanna know more than the mechanics. How about some practical advice eh? So here are some ideas for a young man say on his wedding night: - Be gentle, be smooth and slow. Be considerate. Be a good listener. Be unselfish. You can be better than a 1 minute man. - It's like dancing, lead a little, but don't go too fast or too slow, let her know what's coming however you two communicate. (verbally or not) - how about you explore the rest of her thoroughly before you get to the end game. Massage and touch her back, stomach, neck, hips, legs, feet, HANDS (people forget about the fingers) Kissing anywhere that is tender (behind the knees, inside the arms, inside thighs, behind ears, neck,) - How about getting her off well BEFORE you even are close to worrying about getting yourself off. That means soft fingers and oral lovin'. Let her worry about getting you off later on perhaps. - Don't ask her before you try every little thing but yet don't surprise her either. ( hard balance to strike. ) Do ask what she likes though. She might surprise you. - Cuddle before and after. - The day she's had and the atmosphere around her matters. Some people say you have to make love to her heart and mind all day. - Atmosphere, like location, smells, lights, music, food, cleanliness, try to get every detail handled. - If things are wrong like weird smells, feeling secure (lights off?, curtains closed, parents coming home?), feeling content (no second thoughts). You'll be a better man to take the time to fix those things instead of being selfish. (even if it takes a few days to fix) - masturbate beforehand to take the edge off. - if you do finish early, keep going with your lips and hands all over for 20 minutes, then go again. - resist pumping like a porn star (even though it's hard not to), move your hips like a latin dancer instead. - positions? don't worry about that yet.

Actually it is absolutely right that they aren't the same size. If they were the same size then they wouldn't be able to "maneuver" as easily around each other. You'd always be "crushing" yourself. (It's by design).

Hmm, Now you know what's it's like for a guy to have a woody at the wrong time and not be able to stand up or walk (especially if you are in sweat pants) for a few minutes.

Not to get into a religious debate or anything... But you realize you are saying, I have FAITH..., that if I research enough, then the answers will be what I think they are. Existence (or not) of a higher power (or evil) isn't about proof, it's about faith because it can't be totally proven. At least theists acknowledge the aspect of faith. Agnostics are happily fence sitters. A more tenuable position but not very satifying. Finally putting your weight down on a belief system is a great feeling, whether true or not. But it's better if it's true.

It takes more faith to be an atheist than to be a theist. You'd be better off being agnostic. =)

Because people are broken... On the other hand, "nature vs nurture" is also a "simplistic" explanation. Because it takes away individual responsibility and blames it on genes or parents. I don't subscribe to the "tabula rasa" (blank slate) theories to explain people's behaviour. There comes a moment where people have a choice to do good or evil, even given their genes and upbringing, people - unlike animals - can choose to overcome their genes, no matter how difficult. Can't they? Thus they have responsibility for their own choices. The bigger picture is "the universe is broken" as well, thus bad things happen to good people.

and whipped cream, and ice cream even... music to make a different setting.

ideas? belly dancing, stripping... showers, hot tubs, friction, gloves, boots, cyber, phone talk, ice, carbonated drinks, syrop, chocolate or maple, fruits, strawberry, banana, candles, wax rim jobs, power tools, ...

Keep it short. The point of the call is to organize a meeting in person right? Don't be like a girlfriend and talk for 4 hours. Be natural. Be yourself. Entertain her a little. (make her laugh) End on a good note. (i.e. after she laughs at something, say, "well it's been great talking to you, I gotta go!)

The orgasmic response between men and women has more similarities than differences. As Ballys said, we started out with alot of the same basic parts though they changed shape. I think the bigger difference is in the brain rather than the "body" parts per se. The difference is often guys don't "plateau" for 15 minutes and then surprise themselves by going over the edge with a squeek. =) I think women have more "full body" experiences with waves of pleasure going all over up and down, head to toe. Guys will power through the plateau and explode within 3 minutes if they let themselves. Other guys get to know they can rest in the "plateau" like women can and last alot longer. Guys are like Dragsters, women are like Indy cars. The guys get up to speed quickly then once they cross the finish line they take a while to reset to go again. While women take a bit of time to get warmed up and to get to speed, then they can cruise there for a while, and then have multiple peak experiences if they wanted to. Women also take longer to cool down afterwards (so cuddling is important) unlike a guy who can throw out the parachute and who's brain turns to mush for a bit usually. I bet if girls were inside a guys head during sex they'd be surprised at how little he's thinking about and how focused he gets on what's in front of him. Then they might not be as surprised when he forgets some details. A guy inside a girls head would be overwhelmed and confused about why she's thinking of the groceries, the scum in the tub, the kids, the yoga class she should sign up, the size of her thighs and what her boobs look like jiggling in this position and in this light... when this hunk of man is right there! Guys would die from the stress of thinking of all of it at once.

Especially for a woman, mind blowing sex is usually when you have the complete package. Physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually even, connectedness. Because you're impatient, you're gonna settle for a second rate product. I don't think you should. You're worth more aren't you? If you think you can separate out the physical part and just have a casual roll in the hay, then that's your decision. Be up front and honest about it. Don't expect him to "come around" and become your boyfriend. I've heard people say, each lover you have you give a little bit of yourself to and less of you is available to invest in your future soulmate. Is this guy worth giving that up? I think the showerhead would do and it wouldn't complain that you didn't cuddle afterwards or that you didn't go down. P.S. Apologies to all the players out there for foiling your plans that count on girls like this to fall for your charms.

The only way to guard your heart from further shredding is to be clinical about it for a time. Clinical, logical, matter of fact, direct, honest with yourself. If you look at the facts, and are honest, the relationship is done. You don't need him to "react" to your messages, you don't need to "react" to him. Because of your 7 years, both of you can manipulate each other like experts. Don't let it happen. No Contact. Ignore him. Let the swirls of feelings wash over, feel them completely and they'll soon fade and you'll come out the other side. Someone said wait a year then perhaps you can risk your heart again. Heal thyself first.

No. Once you "fix" the Bad Boy. He leaves you for someone better.

Well, there are lots of ideas. I think you are : 1. looking in the wrong places 2. advertizing the wrong thing. About the "Wrong Places" - Change your routine. Get up earlier. Meet people at the grocery store on weekends or some other time. - Find people with similar interests, take dancing lessons (latin,swing) or go to a biking/hiking club or some other interest. Perhaps even church. Don't take a woodworking class, those are filled with women wanting to meet hot carpenters =) - bars and pubs would tend towards the type of guy that is hunting for casual hook-ups. Change venues. Let friends know you'd be available to be setup with mutual friends. Just be honest and open. Why not? About the "Wrong Thing" You say you want a "serious" relationship, yet are dating all the time, seemingly with "good looking" players that keep breaking your heart. So the "nice guys" that are hovering around may actually see YOU as the player and are gonna avoid you. What about giving the chance to a "nice looking" guy that doesn't dress like a rock star and isn't so smooth and charming all the girls? Ever considered that the "rock star" boyfriend may never be as loyal as a normal guy? How important is the "look" of the guy versus his character? How important is it how YOU look on his arm? If you insist on trying to find a diamond among the "players", then weed out the weak ones by telling them first thing, you're not gonna give away your cookies (sex) until they are in for the long haul. Don't keep trying to placate them. You're worth more than that aren't you? So what if they whine, they're not the kind of guy you're looking for. Try slightly older guys that are more willing to settle down. Go for quality over quantity.

I think that was a very good approach. I think it would be best if both parties are moving into that with eyes wide open, no internal conflicts and completely invested. No one is feeling coerced or cajoled. You sound like a thoughtful guy so I don't think you would want to be with someone who didn't want to be there, completely, with you. Wait for the Real Thing.

So you have reassured him that you love him and that you really love the sex you've been having and you'd just like to try some new things because you think he'd like it too. You've made it clear you aren't rejecting or criticizing him as a lover (that hurts alot for a guy) but you love him so much you want him to be the best lover he can be. Your body's pleasure is a hobby for both of you to experiment on. You'd like him to become a specialist in your new found hobby. Showstoppers? For him? likely would be things like anal or vibrators or anything "external" to just you and him (whips). But innocuous things found in any household like chocolate syrup wouldn't be over the top. I think if he is reassured that you want him, badly, that he is the best lover ever and you just want to help hone his craft, then I think he might feel "safe" enough to try new things. Think of it as a sports analogy, even professional players getting paid millions need coaching when learning new territory (i.e. your body, your pleasure)

Strange irony in life that the "frisky" girls often get with the conservative guys and the "frisky" guys get with the conservative girls. Perhaps it's all a matter of degree. He responded with the politically correct "you are my fantasy". Safe response. Hmm. "reverse cowgirl" is a pretty good start. Doggy style. Leaning over a chair back, against a wall, spooning, scissors. Forwards, backwards, face to face... it's hard to get into specific positions, it's kinda subjective. Variety is always good. Ease into that stuff. Books and other references work well to give ideas. There are games such as picking cards that can spice up the bedroom with ideas. While I think power tools are quite handy (pun intended), others can be intimidated thinking "well what am I, chopped liver? she can get herself off" That'll need some careful maneuvering to not stomp on the fragile male ego when it comes to sex. (I tend to think that making love is about her pleasure, not about mine, power tools or not). What about changing location? What about dedicating each room in your place with a romp. In the shower, clothes on at first, or the car or a picnic or whatever. What about him going to a hotel restaurant and pretending to not know each other and him "picking you up" and taking you home. Other ideas? Perhaps feeding each other with food? blindfold? (try other senses) Wearing nothing but his white dressy shirt. Wearing nothing but a raincoat and heels. Perhaps getting all dressed up and making him undress you slowly. (Being in pyjamas is too easy!) You're prolly gonna have to be senstive a bit to let him slowly express himself like Madonna says.

Perhaps say "Tonight, I'm gonna be the leader, this weekend, you be the leader." Give him permission to be the "man" that's inside him. Let him know you expect him to be a man with you. Let him step up and rise to the occasion ('xcuse the pun). If you take the lead all the time, he's not gonna stretch his "being the man" muscles. I wonder if perhaps he's just looking for comfort sex and is satisfied with mediocre. In a way that's selfish and lazy. Is he gonna need some incentive or reward perhaps? Tell him you want to be a woman to his man once in a while. You don't wanna have to be the proverbial man all the time. Have you talked about the issues honestly and matter-of-factly outside the bedroom context? Like at dinner time when there is no pressure to perform? Does he have any fantasies of his own? What about role-playing/costumes? The phone/sex talk is a good start. It's gonna be hard for him if he is conservative in every other aspect of his life. Maybe adding adventures in other areas would help the bedroom too. Maybe you should take dancing lessons. =)

"I'm gonna try to excersise more and sleep better"? Hmm, I hear a good orgasm is a great way to "sleep better" P.S. Instead of the up-down motion, you can change the angles like others have said (with propping up, pelvis on the stomach, sitting up, leg over the shoulder, even turning around backwards looking at his legs, yet on top, gives different angles) Perhaps try small figure eight movements with your hips. Naturally things will move up-down. Up-down feels good for him, moving around feels good for you. He doesn't need any more stimulation or he might finish early but you can do what you feels good for you. He'll get the benefits too. And there is nothing wrong with changing to hands and mouth at any time to catch some breath, then starting up again.

If a woman was as honest and vulnerable and told me where she was at and what she was feeling the way you did, if I genuinely cared for her, I'd naturally want to hold her as long as it took for her to come out of her funk to the other side. If the dude can't handle waiting for you to work through your feelings, he wasn't worth it in the first place. On the other hand, maybe you really aren't ready to approach this guy... Maybe you should find some girlfriends to drink with and eat ice cream and complain about boys instead. =) The real healer is time...

To play the devil's advocate: Self pleasuring is fast, easy, you always get what you want, you don't have to work hard, it's not messy or sweaty (depending), you don't have to worry about the afterglow, nor about consequences (pregnancy), you don't have to talk or coddle or cuddle or appease or listen to anyone, you can think about any fantasy you want. But on the other hand, in my opinion, the greatest turn on is to see a partner completely letting go in extreme ecstasy and knowing you were the one to take her there. The deeper issue is about the status of the relationship, being able to be honest in communicating and not the behaviour itself.