Derek

Others said it well... For myself personally, I have female friends at work I talk to every day, some are my mother's age, some are my age, some younger, some married, some with boyfriends. I am "friends" with all of them. Sure, the ladies 25 years older than me, I see no romantic connection with but they are fun to talk with too! But I am particularly careful about the conversations and time I spend with eligible women. That's what I think the original question was asking. There are some boundaries that are in place because of an office environment. Also they are friends in the context of work, not in the same league as buddies you talk about life's joy and pain with. I still think men and women that have no barriers to becoming more intimate than friends will naturally go that way. They can try to impose boundaries with each other, but usually one or the other will not be able to keep the boundary (whether secretly or not). The boundary needs to be continuously reinforced. - Derek P.S. A guy will endure and bury his feelings and try to "be a friend" to a girl he's crushing on alot longer than a girl could endure.

Yes and no. Yes, men and women can be acquaintances, but not deep friends. Usually one or the other can develop attachments beyond mere friendship. Like say you had a guy friend for 10 years, suddenly you break up and are looking for "a friend" for comfort, then your perception suddenly changes about your guy friend and he becomes a romantic possibility. There is always that "possibility" between opposite sex partners (even married ones). The sports friends are aquantainces. In my opinion they don't count. If you don't have one on one time when them, if you only talk about the sport in question. That's a different animal. Also some people can talk about "deep" topics but they would say the same things to a stranger anyway, that also is a different intimacy level for them. Ladies, think about this, if you actually flirted with the "guy friends" you have, are you sure they would rebuff your advances? So if I assume friendship is defined as a relationship of trust and confidence and sharing that you wouldn't share with just anyone, I think men and women can't be "just friends" for very long.

No ABBA? LOL! Totally depends on people and how certain songs affect you. Some people might want Club music, or Metal music or soft, soulful R&B. Makes me wonder, alot of people like Rain and Thunder or Oceans, perhaps one of those nature soundtracks would take you to another place.

I don't think they "hate" a pushover guy. He's just not as obviously attractive. A woman's radar goes up when a guy is confident and shows some brass cajones, in any situation. (This is why sports are good spots to safely show assertiveness) Just like a guy's ears perk up when he sees an apple shaped bottom in jeans go by or a particularly well fitted sweater. That woman is on his radar very quickly. Sure other women can too but they may have to do a little more or be a little different. The "nice guy" will have to do more to get her attention and get on her possiblility scan. Do you blame men for how they tend to like womanly curves? Why blame women for what they like? It just is.

What's the worst that could happen? She could say no? So what? Does that make you a loser, no it makes them a loser for not accepting your offer. It's their loss. Ask them to the prom. If they say no. Ask the shy cute girl in the back to the prom. Tell her straight up, let's go as friends, no pressure, no weirdness. ... But you never know what can happen ... BTW, about the coffee thing, how about you said "Hi, I'm going to get a coffee at that place afterschool, wanna come walk with me?" So you are already going and your life doesn't depend on her answer and it doesn't matter if she cares about the coffee itself or if she has money or anything. It's less direct pressure for an answer.

I think mike-e-mike is right on. There are the "bad boi" guys, then there are the "nice guys" and there are the "good guys" (or gentlemen) with the right balance, Often nice guys turn into "good guys" later on if they don't go all bitter and negative about being rejected during those "Drama" phases. The "bad boys" are addictions for immature girls, the "good guys" will be the ones they marry when those women finally wake up and know what they really want. Sadly, it can often be too late for them and they'll be stuck settling for an over the hill, pathetic "bad boy" pretender.

Look for enough things in common to build on, (like perhaps education level, where/how you were raised, family ties (are they still in touch with theirs?), culturally common things, spiritually common (religion), special interests/hobbies (golf or whatever) It really ain't that hard. I don't think you wanna ask about what they think about how they discipline children on the first few dates.

The art is in applying the science, just like music.

Thinking back to practicalities, The Art of Smalltalk, the art of conversation are lost skills these days. it is a useful skill that can be learned. Learning to start conversations with innocuous topics and easing into deeper conversations by deftly dodging defensive wall after defensive wall into an intimate conversation about Truth is a skill. People need to be lulled into deeper conversation. People are scared of truth with a capital T. Scared of offending. Scared of reacting. Scared of thinking deeply even. People are scared of their own thoughts in silence sometimes. Walking up to someone on the street and saying "What do you think about the true nature of Ultimate Reality and Absolute Truth" just isn't gonna work well except for a few people. It's like going up and asking a girl "do you wanna have sex", sure some might, but most need to have a few dates, some light conversation to gauge your intentions and motivations and then get into the deeper stuff. Conversation is much the same. Start with the Weather. (universal innocuous topic) "Nice day eh?" "..." Then with what's in front of you. "Oh so you are a runner?" "..." More specifically, "What do you think of those kinds of shoes for running." "..." Personally, "I think being healthy is important too" "..." Deeply, "I want to live forever" "..." Curious, "What do you think about heaven" Each time the person does a "handshake" (like how a computer modem communicates) and responds back with greater intimate answers/questions, then you can up the bandwidth (baud rate) to reach the next level. Get it? I'm an engineer too. Who took linguistics and cognitive science on the side. P.S. Usually you have to be vulnerable yourself first, to get the handshake reply from the other side. So if you are honest and open with people and they don't think you don't have an agenda to belittle them, then they might engage.

You can say the proverbial Socratic "unexamined life" is less fulfilling, but is it intrinsically less valuable? I've asked the why questions and read my share of philosophical meanderings, including Sartre and Camus, much of if vain naval gazing. The issue of having children these days not being taken as a serious responsibility, well it is only recently that we've even been able to have a choice in reproductive matters. Most children would have been "accidental" in a way. Basically a biological drive. Not everything is driven by will alone. And sure raising children should be taken seriously, the interesting thing is how even if you had a child and taught him all the knowledge you have and the ways you think are best, he might not care a wit for any of it and become a serial killer. Because humans have the terrible tendency towards "free will". So no matter if you raise your children "seriously", eventually everyone is responsible for their own actions.

RayKay said it well, a truly smart person makes everyone else feel smarter, makes complicated things simple (i.e. Einstein, e=mc2). I also used to think I was the "smartest guy in the room" sometimes, I was impatient when other people seemed to take so long to understand things that for me would just snap off the blackboard or page in the book into my brain as obvious. But since then I've learned that being smart doesn't make you wise. Knowing alot of things doesn't make you a better person. All that you really need to know you learned in kindergarten, as they say. The more I've learned the less I really know. Knowing stuff and showing it off by matching wits to belittle others and "prop" oneself up is a form of intellectual bullying that isn't any better than physical bullying. There is a certain amount one needs to know, the rest can be indulgences. (and often vanity) Derek

Ross, dude, that's every guys lament, you are no different than anyone else. Get over the naval gazing and change something about yourself. You weren't even willing to let your hair grow out a little. Think of change as a science experiment. You know how well things are working for you now. Trial and error dude. Cavemen did it. You can too. Complaining isn't attractive, especially in a man. Stop the insanity of doing the same thing over and over. Make some changes, in little steps. Be what you think a man would be, then eventually you become one.

NC means you are beginning to separate yourself from the emotional attachment you had. It takes time, it will hurt, but it will be for the best. Whether they come back to you or not. You will be in a better mental position either way. Because you are taking back control of your willpower. You will soon regain your perspective and be an individual again. Intertwined no more.

It can be hard to define love, (other than Corinthians 13 in the Bible: i.e. Love is patient, love is kind, etc.) but certainly you can say what it isn't. Love isn't violent. Love isn't selfish. Love doesn't solve all your problems, even though it feels like it might.

every flower is different, yet beautiful...

A good looking male flight attendant who was an Olympian? and not gay? wow...

Flowers? I don't think most guys would go for that. Especially not a bouquet. A single one could be romantic with a card etc. but I think other ideas are better... Maybe try some of the other ideas: If the dude is athletic, give him a case of Whey Protein powder for his energy shakes. LOL! books, DVD movies, music, mix tape/CD, food is always good: Homemade cookies, muffins are sexy. anything made with your own hands is cool. even a homemade trail mix if he is some outdoorsy type. Whatever food he is into, sending him his favorite take-out with a note would probably be fun too. (choc bar, donut, burger etc)

PocoDiablo, you said everything I woulda said. Being "large" ain't all that. Being just the right size gives you more options anyway. (oral/anal/etc) The right girl will think you are just right for her. If your member size is a showstopper, she's not worth your time anyway.

"adult diapers on a 20 year old" sounds like an old internet myth. "a friend of a friend of a friend" story. But who knows I side with O-tofu on this one. (O-soy?)

Real Love is more than a mere feeling though... It's an act of the will... "Like", "Lust" and being "in love" is a feeling, real love is deeper than that.

good questions, all those things you mentioned are body language that the other person is interested. But I don't think there is a definitive thing, everyone is different. Like if he glances to the left and holds your right hand for 3 seconds, then he wants to kiss ya. Wouldn't it be great if there was a "Mood Ring" to tell? Sometimes risks have to be taken. If you can get in their personal space a little and they aren't backing away that's a good sign. If there has been light touching and flirting and alot of eye contact with smiles. I think all those things combined usually mean they aren't gonna reject you for sure. You need some female opinions though on what they do to let a guy know they're ready to be kissed.

Dude, when I was growing up, whenever there was a crisis, I'm sad to say, often the first thing we did was hit the library So I know a few things about things... But I'm a journeyman in life just the rest of you schmoes. Tesseract, I guess the idea is to get to the end and push over the edge(often the guy's 1st goal) but the build up is good too (often the girl's goal is for that to last). I've heard people describe it as ocean waves or pulses of pleasure up and down your body from your head to your toes to your head again. It can't be all bad, but then again, it's not all that either (Sex isn't everything in life despite what the culture (or boys) say to you)

I dunno the steps other than practice, practice, practice. Off the top of my head I think: Take drama/acting/improv classes to step outside your emotional comfort zone. Take dancing lessons. Yes these are stereotypically "girly" interests but suck it up. P.S. I would think hanging out with "dynamic" people would leave the original poster in the shadows compared to them. (since they are natural attention seekers)

(Aside to chaos, dude you care about their opinion too much, you've got to act like you are the prize, and people will believe what you act like. You don't have to be a jerk to have a quiet confidence in yourself.) What seems to attract women like honey is being confident. Confidence can mean being comfortable in your own skin as a man, being authentically yourself, being transparent, being happy with your life, having a goal or direction you are heading in, having many interests and experiences that you can share with others. (skills) Sometimes being "nice" can be perceived as complacent, a doormat, no opinion of their own, a placating "yes" man, thus weak. And many women don't respect that at first glance. You'd have to get past that initial barrier. Living a life as full and as fun as can be without a care in the world for whether women are there or not is very attractive to them. They will want to join your party. They want to get on your life's train wherever it is going. You've got to have a train to jump onto.

CarnelianB, you put chaos in his place yo! *snap!* It's a fundamental question, do you live for the empty pleasure (and painful consequences) of a fleeting moment, or try to build a lifetime of moments and memories with a like-minded person of the opposite sex? What kind of man are you? You're better off filling your life with experiences and adventures (travel, sports, adventures, adrenaline, schools, weird jobs) and along the way finding a girl that wants to adventure along side you and not drag you down. It'll make a better man out of you.