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ilinara

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Everything posted by ilinara

  1. ilinara
    I know this. Maybe you should raise the level and should try to get someone attracted that you even might think she would not be interested. That way it will not be so easy to give up, you will be flattered that she likes you.
  2. ilinara
    Too much work to just play something. Might be she did tell your mother that because she is not sure if you would still want her.
  3. ilinara
    Why do you tell her that she can bring her boyfriend? Why don't you make it clear to her that you want more than being friends? You give her hints that you want more and you do stuff that will make her understand that you are ok the way it is. If it will not bother you to keep being friends if she is not interested in you then you have nothing to lose by making clear to her what you want. I don't think she would quit your friendship if she is not interested in more. If she is not interested it will be enough to treat her as has been to keep the friendship up. She has never ever given you any signs that she is annoyed of your hints, from what you have written. She would be annoyed by it if she would not have interest, I believe (that is what I would do), to the opposite she is teasing you. I came to one conclusion after all these years, if there is a chance you have to try, people regret more what they haven't done than what they have done. Years later when the feelings are gone and the vulnerability has past together with them, it will be much easier to understand what was really going on but you will not have the chance any more. What are you afraid of? Disillusionment/rejection/losing a friend? Make clear to yourself what it is. If she is not interested you will go on with your life, most probably will not lose her as friend but will save your soul from becoming more and more afraid with every woman you meet. If you never understand what she really wanted how can you take a lesson out of this? It will cause a vicious circle of getting attracted to the same type of woman or if you have been hurt too much you will go to the opposite type of woman, but it will never be you choosing them, it will be your fears deciding for you. The brain works like this. Go for it and at least with the next woman it will be easier to read the signs right. IHO
  4. ilinara
    You have been friends for a long time now and anything that is not pretty much of a very clear sign will not make her understand if you are treating her like this because you have become a good and supporting friend meanwhile or because you want to become more than that. About that she has problems with her boyfriend: It might be a hint to show you that he would leave him, if she would tell you I am happy with him, than it would be destroying something. Maybe she is leaving the door open this way. About putting herself down: Ok, maybe she has self esteem issues but by telling you about it over and over she has found a way to let you tell her how much you appreciate her. Next time she does tell her more about how you feel for her and not just telling her that she should not think like that (any good friend would do that, you need to show her that you still are attracted to her). Some people do need to be in a partnership if they are happy or not and will not leave one before they have found another. She is shy and you are shy and you became friends meanwhile. Both sides are afraid to destroy this friendship I guess, both sides are not sure if the other person is wanting more than just being friends. You are the man and you have to be the one who has to do the approach. Next time you feel resistance to any offer push it. All the other things you told about her teasing you about girls etc. are all signs. If she would do this but wouldn't be more playful and shy when she is with you I would say maybe she just likes the attraction. As you are friends now for such a long time and she knows you acting to her only like this how can she know if you are just being a good friend or more? Invite her to hang out just the two of you and make clear it will be just the two of you. You have to be clear about that you want more. If she wouldn't want to go out she would say no. If she likes you this situation that is going on between the two of you is adding to her stress. If she doesn't like you... I don't think so. She might be afraid to destroy the friendship, so you would need to tell her that you like her since you first met her and you can tell her that if she doesn't want more you can tell her that it will be no problem for you (if it will not) that you still want to be a good firend to her but that you needed to talk about this because you want to move on if she is not interested. I hope this helps.
  5. ilinara
    I am not a person who finds it right to start something before the old relationship is over but since this goes on for so long and the other stuff that you stopped even talking to her a while ago and that she opened up pretty much that day etc. I would say don't assume and at the end you are the man. She could be thinking that you were interested in the past and not anymore. This U2 song is really no real sign for her. You could tell her that she means more to you than a friend but that you respect her current relationship. That she is more playful and shy when you are around is a very good sign that she is interested in you. Good Luck!
  6. ilinara
    didnt want to talk to her ever again... well that was a little harsh but at the end, you have needs, she has needs and it is normal that you first care for yourself on not for her.
  7. ilinara
    Just keep what you are doing right now. Maybe she wants to be sure that this change in you is not just something to win her back and when you are back together everything will change to how it has. 4 years is a long time and it is obvious she was not happy with the situation how it was and needed a lot of energy to break up and is afraid she will get caught in those unhappy conditions again. Just make her trust that you really are have changed and the only way to do this is time, I think.
  8. ilinara
    Why don't you tell her that you don't want to talk to her for a while. She should not call you after that and she will not get frustrated that you even don't want to become a friend. She is over you it seems, has a new bf and is comfortable talking to you after the breakup.
  9. ilinara
    thanks
  10. ilinara
    I don't think he is using you. I had once a boyfriend that told me similiar stuff like I don't want to hurt you and stuff you would tell when you want to break up. I was very young and didn't understand why he was telling me that and after a while he wanted that we break up. We were still seeing each other and after two very painful months, started again. Later it turned out he was still in love with another woman that he even had wanted to marry. It had been months that they were not together anymore but he couldn't get over it and I guess I was feeling it and was reacting to him because I could feel something is missing. I would try to find out why he thinks this is best for you. I have another girlfriend that has lived something similiar to this. Her boyfriend wanted to break up and they kept seeing each other, after the girl started with someone else he decided he wants her back and they are together now. He has feelings for you but has a problem, too, maybe it is not you but only him.
  11. ilinara
    thanks
  12. ilinara
    Not a good sign, maybe she is not ready to marry.
  13. ilinara
    Your husband is jealous. Insure him that you lov him and want to be with him and tell him you don't like his ''habit''. If he keeps doing it flirt with someone really attractive in front of him, he has to feel how that feels.
  14. ilinara
    I would definitely ask her out. Who knows if you will like the other girl or if it will work out with her. You can postpone the meeting with the other girl. Ask your brother to talk to the girl you like to find out wether she has a boyfriend or not, as she will guess that he is asking for you her answer will be something like a no or yes for you inviting her to a date as well.
  15. ilinara
    You have done nothing wrong, everything is fine. Even if you would do it will not break anything. She tries to adjust the two of you. The reason she tells you all this is, she feels pressure to do the same amount of caring and stuff when you do it but doesn't want to give up herself and goals and loose herself. That shows she has the capability to do it but doesn't feel good when she does. Just show her your love and attention but don't expect anything back. Take what she gives you and be happy with that. She will do more and more when she feels less pressure to do so.
  16. ilinara
    If she has a boyfriend and is telling you that I would say dont loose time with trying to be firends and stuff. Tell her that you like her and and find out if she interested or not. Is she has a boyfriend and doesn't have intentions to break with him even if you become friends the way she looks at you will not change. Even if she quits with her boyfriend in the future, you will have no real chance.
  17. ilinara
    Watch how often she is doing msging and calling and keep it close to that until you go on a date together. You could even do a little bit more than she does.
  18. ilinara
    Even if he is not he will get bored with you asking him this over and over again. Try to stay happy and busy but keep showing him you love him when you are together. That's what I would recommend.
  19. ilinara
    What ever it is, he will be unfaithful in the future. Do you want a man that is not loyal? Don't waste your time. Forget him.
  20. ilinara
    If you see anything in her behaviours that would show her interest, do the same and watch how she responds. Try talking more to her like she is trying to do with you. If she asks you more personal questions do the same. If what she is doing is out of interest she will interprete it as interest when you do the same things. If it is just friendly (looks more as interest) she will think, of you doing the same, only as being friendly but you will have opened the door. What happened summer is unimportant, might be even to your advantage.
  21. ilinara
    Giving me time for what? This is really annoying.
  22. ilinara
    Tell her what you expect from a relationship what you can accept and what not. Like, if we will come together again then... I would expect you to not cheat on me for example. What being together with someone looks like in your head. What her friend told you about setting rules, I think she tried to tell you if you want her as girlfriend then make it clear to her that she is your girlfriend again and not an ex that you still see. Your relationship needs a name.
  23. ilinara
    I would wait a little bit more and see if things get better or worse.
  24. ilinara
    I didn't like the way he got into details. If he wants only sex he doesn't have to do that. It' s more like he wants to use you to fulfill him his fantasy and maybe even knows you had a crush on him and is using that, thereforeeee that direct approach, he knows you are interested anyway. For me it sounds like he sees you as someone he can use to have sex with when he needs it.
  25. ilinara
    In your case not at all, he is interested in you. I would call once and keep it short and see how he responds.
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