ghettogirl

I agree with the poster that says to wait. You sometimes see things within the personalities of people that will amaze you over time. I lived with this guy for 3 years and I thought for a long time that I knew him. He ended up leaving me $11,000 in the hole, screwed my car insurance record, accumulated $2,500 in parking tickets with my car. He swore he would pay it back all that time. I had no idea even in the first year what this guy was like. I could imagine if I had joined accounts and assets with him. I'm glad I waited.

I've been going out with my bf for about 6 months now. He's 36 and I'm 32. I was a little sad over the Easter weekend because he didn't offer to invite me over to his parents' house with him. I don't know if I would've gone because I had a very bad experience with my ex-bf's (of 5 years) parents. He knows about my bad experience with it. So I've been really busy at work this week and didn't have the time to see him much. He was doing "family" things and he said he felt really bad that he hasn't seen me all week. We call each other and touch base every day. Sometimes we talk for 20 minutes just to say hi. Other times we talk for and hour or two if there's stuff to talk about. Anyway, on Easter Sunday, when I talked to him after he got back from his parents', I asked him where he thought the relationship was going. He was taken aback because I don't usually talk about serious stuff like that. I've never asked him this before. He said he knew that why I was asking that -- because I felt uncomfortable b/c he didn't ask me to go to his parents'. I denied it, saying that I had bad experiences ... but I just wanted to know where we stood. Why I kind of didn't come clean with it was b/c I didn't want to guilt trip him. So we didn't see each other all week b/c he was doing "family things" (having dinner at his sister's house). We still talked to each other every night. During the week, he invited me over there for today, because he said he was going to help his brother-in-law build something. On Friday, he said he loved me for the first time. He's never said it in the 6 months we've been together. He said he's felt this way since a month after we got together but he wanted to think about it and be sure and he didn't want to just throw the word "love" around. He brought up the thing about going to his sister's while we were having dinner on Friday. He said it about 10 times yesterday. He was trying to dodge out of going to his sister's today, saying we couldn't build the thing we were supposed to be working on b/c it was raining. We went for a walk this morning and he talked about going to the movies instead. He talked to his brother-in-law on the phone yesterday and I was right there and I got the distinct impression that they had no idea I was supposed to be going over there with my bf. I deliberately didn't talk about it on Friday or Saturday b/c I wanted to see if he would really do it and, at the last minute, he just told me his dad was going and said he didn't know how his dad suddenly got involved in the project. He didn't outright ask me not to go anymore but he kind of just bailed. But the funny thing was...two hours before, when we were out for a walk, he seemed solemn and quiet. Even before he picked up his voice mail, he was acting weird and I felt he didn't want me to go with him. Do you think he just said "I love you" out of a feeling of guilt? I can't really tell -- I'm too within the situation. I need some outside perspective on the whole situation.

First of all, be honest with yourself about: 1. Your feelings towards your bf; 2. Your feelings towards the other guy; 3. KNOWING what it is you want out of a relationship. There is a possibility that your current relationship is not what you really want. I've been there. I started thinking about another guy a lot when I wasn't happy with the relationship I was in with my bf at the time. Know what it is you are not happy about and then evaluate how important that shortcoming is to you. Perhaps you see something in this other person that you wish your bf had. However, if you find that there is a major issue (i.e. something that cannot be fixed -- for example, if you liked the other guy because he respects you and your current bf does not respect you), then you have to consider whether or not you want to remain in your current relationship, regardless of whether or not there is another person there. The other guy may not be all that you make him out to be while you are in the relationship with your current bf. Remember: the grass is always greener on the other side.

Is it common for bf/gf to talk to each other everyday or not after 3 months? How often is it normal to see each other after 3 months?

I hear ya, girlfriend. My boy's been playing with my feelings too and we've also been seeing each other 2 months. Funny how all these guys think alike at the same time. Now, if I were an conspiracy theorist... He told me once that he dropped this girl he went out with for a year by just not calling her ever again one day out of the blue because "he was sick of the relationship"!!! I thought me and my boy had a connection but apparently not. I thought my boy really liked me but apparently not. I thought my boy really cared about me but apparently not. We only do things when HE wants to do things. We only talk on the phone when HE wants to talk on the phone. I thought he was a smart, interesting guy but apparently not. He's really just a stupid jerk playing with my emotions. He's really just a shallow person who doesn't care about the feelings of anyone but himself. He's really just a stupid ego-maniac who vies for your affections only to hurt you. It's not about you or me... There's nothing wrong with you or me... It's all about them. It's always been all about them. I REALLY feel your disappointment, Marianne. I'd give you a hug, too. I feel better after venting my exact same problem to you.

Can someone please tell me what's going on? I was going out with this guy for about 2 months. We were seeing each other twice a week. About 2 weeks after new years, he called me one Saturday night and I was at a club with my a few girlfriends. First he phoned my home phone and then phoned my cell. He got all insecure but wouldn't admit to it. He talked about cheating and everything when I got home at 4 in the morning. He heard my friend who was crashing over at my place that night, so he knows I wasn't out with some dude. Then the budding relationship suddenly took a turn and chilled down quite noticeably. He got more agitated on the phone and the conversations got stale. A week of this passed and I got a bit upset one night. I went over there and we ended up breaking up (I initiated it because I didn't know what else to do). I told him I liked him a lot but I just couldn't take not being able to fight and not talking about what was bugging him. But at the end of the conversation, he made it sound like he was breaking up with me. Ok, whatever. But we agreed we'd think about it and talk at the end of the week. I called him on the Tuesday because my friend said that he probably was upset about the club thing because his ex had cheated on him and his trust level was low. So I called him and told him that I understand he's been hurt before and he said that I was interrupting his thinking time about the situation. We talked on the Friday and he said he liked me and he said the whole relationship thing scares him. So I said we'd back off and we could go back to how it was when we first started seeing each other. Cool. I told him I didn't want to get complacent in a relationship and I wanted the spark to be still there. I told him I wanted to get to know him better and I really care about him. I told him that I wanted something where they guy is my best friend too and can talk to me about anything. So we talked on Sunday night and his buddies just left his place. We said we'd go out on Friday. He said, "Good, I'll be on a date and be seeing my best friend, too." Then he said he'd call tonight but no phone call and no one home. Why say, "I'll call on Tuesday and not do it?" And why have the phone calls dwindled?

Increase your "marketability" by learning more skills and making yourself more self-sufficient. Do things that you really love. Treat yourself good. It will improve your marketability to others and it will improve self-esteem. You will see the world with a different set of eyes.

Anyone want to make any wagers on what happens when two commitmentphobes date each other? I think I might be a commitmentphobe and I found out that this guy I'm dating is also a commitmentphobe. We both play the same commitmentphobe games with each other, I've just noticed tonight. Me: I will try to drive guys to break up with me when I want to leave the relationship but can't for one reason or another (I've had many instances where it was socially inappropriate to leave a relationship like a terminally ill relative -- but a major event like an accidental unplanned pregnancy and subsequent abortion made me want to leave). So I (subconsciously) will do things that I KNOW will drive the guy to leave. I will act devastated and shocked when he leaves -- to the point where I convince myself that I am -- but I realize that I've saved up enough money to get myself a new place to live (because we lived together). Not all the relationships were this extreme -- but I know I have a pattern of doing things that will drive the guy nuts when I want out instead of outright breaking up with him. I've even gone through instances where I want to join the military in order to get away from the guy and use it as a reason to leave and have the relationship just dwindle. This guy I'm seeing: commitmentphobe also. Will go after a girl like me and he'll say that I like him more than I do -- to the point where he puts the words "marriage" and "kids" in my mouth after only 2 months and tells me he's scared of it. His longest relationship was 2 years (he's 38) and he'll break up with a girl when a relationship gets serious. He wants a girl to be utterly devoted to him but in the past, he gets cold feet whenever a girl gets close. A girl starts telling him she loves him and he backs off and gets scared. I'm laughing at this because we're both equally dysfunctional. Could this actually be a match made in heaven where no one will get hurt because we're both scared of the same thing?

I guess I was being a bit insensitive. IMHO, break-up sex is sex that makes you feel like you're kissing the face of god. I've tried to rationalize why -- I think it's because it's the most honest and open moment in a relationship -- because you know there's nothing left to hold onto and you let everything out and there's complete and utter honesty of all feelings. (Sometimes it even rectifies the situation). It's the physical expression of that raw and complete honesty, which drives you to feel really close to the other person at that moment and the closeness turns into arousal.

I broke up with this guy I was going out with for 2 months and a little bit a few nights ago. He said he was sad and thought he noticed a chilling period around a week or two ago. I noticed it too and it was triggered because I went to a club with a couple of girlfriends and he felt some ways about it. We had seen each other on Friday night and had sex. But I didn't like the cooling down of the relationship. Something just didn't feel right and I felt he was mad at me for going to the club. But just the fact that we couldn't talk about it and we couldn't fight meant that we weren't achieving that comfort level with each other. He kept saying everything was ok but I know it wasn't ok with him. Anyways, to make a long story short, I went to his house on Sunday and broke up with him. He turned it around and made it sound like he was breaking up with me but then said that he still wanted me in his life. He said that he wanted to get to know me better. One thing led to another and we both got really turned on. I tried to initiate break up sex with him (because it's the ultimate best sex) and he refused. That was a first for me. What does it mean when the guy refuses break up sex even though you can tell physically that he wants it?

I say be honest with her and tell her you still love her (if you still do). Tell her with the deepest honesty. Define the parameters of any relationship that might occur so that the same problems to re-occur as before. Give yourselves space within the relationship. I'm going through this with my ex-boyfriend. He broke up with me about 4 months ago after a 3 year common law relationship (we were together for a total of 5 years). I just started seeing another guy a few weeks ago. I tried to tell myself I was over my ex but I think I'm not. I loved him deeply and intensely. I loved him in a way that I loved no other. I believe I still do no matter what I tell anyone. I like the new guy a lot but I do not love him. I love my ex. He was my best friend and I loved him more than anything in the world -- I'd take the hurt I feel a thousandfold and a bullet for him. But he got restless in the relationship and felt too closed in and had to end it. I told him about the new guy last night and he cried and I felt his hurt because I still love him. It's possible that I may be with the new guy (partly) because I feel the hurt so deeply like no other hurt I've felt before and I need to take away the sting. I believe I'm doing this but I can't help it -- nothing else is taking away that intense hurt I feel. I would not take him back because he's already left once and it will likely not be the same -- he's already broken that trust of being there forever. I'm confused too because I love him still. I want to be his friend but I love him too much and it hurts so bad for both of us. Perhaps we cannot be just friends because we, too, went through a lot. I just spent the morning crying my eyes out because of the hurt he feels and because I still care. I say tell her. Live for today and tell her. Tell her you love her and tell her with complete and sincere honesty from the bottom of your heart. You don't know what may be tomorrow but live for today and tell her today. I don't know if it will make a difference, though, but at least you will have no regrets about missing out on telling her and knowing with certainty where you stand. Regret is the worst possible thing to live with.

I've been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks now. He was my friend from a place I worked at 2 years ago. We only started talking recently and he asked me out for a drink. We hit it off really well that night, had a lot of common interests, and one thing led to another and he left at noon the next day (Saturday morning). He said he'd call Sunday but surprised me by calling me Saturday night just to say hi. It wasn't a one-night stand because we've talked every day since that night (average duration of call: between 30 minutes and 1.5 hours) and we've seen each other about once a week. He's gone out of his way to tell me he's not seeing anyone. Each time we see each other, we do stuff, but the physical attraction's really intense and we wind up back at one of our places. He called me on Sunday night and was really drunk. We had a 4-hour long conversation where he gave me all his "baggage" and I gave him some of mine. Then, he said to me, "I want you to be in my life but I don't want the same old routine where I can't go get drunk with friends on a friday night." Ok, whatever. That's cool, I told him. And I told him that I was already in his life. He proceeded to tell me that he had the opportunity to go out with these two girls with his buddy but he didn't because he couldn't do that to "his girl." He said he wasn't going to tell me that but he wanted to anyway. So last night, we went out for dinner and played pool and he holds my hand and everything. The whole night was amazing. So he calls me tonight and we're just gabbing. I wondered about what he said when he was hammered the other night. So I asked. I said I wanted him in my life, too. He said, "I don't want you to think it's forever or anything. It might be but it might not be but he can't decide until later in the relationship." I was crushed. His pizza arrived and I said I have to go and do some work and I'll talk to him tomorrow. I called back a few hours later and he brought it up again and said that he didn't want to get entangled in a BS relationship because he's had girlfriends where he's had to tiptoe around them and ended up getting really hurt because he said things he didn't mean and it made him look like an a-hole. He said he really likes me and likes where this is going but doesn't want to say something just because he thinks I want to hear it (I asked what he thinks I want to hear and he said he didn't know) or what he doesn't mean like he did in the umpteenth number of relationships before and he doesn't want to be taken advantage of. Now, guys, I don't recall really asking for anything. Did I ask for something without knowing it? What the hell does all this mean?

thanks, ugottabejokin ... i was feeling kind of awkward because my brother said it was stalkerish, too, but this guy practically told me where he lives and all the landmarks by his house. i used to be his friend at work but then he moved away to another job site and i gave him my number before i left there. he called me once and said, "I've been wanting to call you for a long time" and then told me he broke up with his girl because he was trying to call me and his girl had dialed in on the line before the phone rang and he picked up and thought he was talking to me. But we hung up that time and I forgot to ask for his number. This was about 11 months ago but my bf was sitting right there at the time and it wasn't cool to talk. I had given him my cellphone number because we were on dial up internet at the time and the houseline was always busy. Me and my bf broke up about 3 months ago and I found this guy's book when I was moving to my new place so I wanted to call him to return it.

Is it ok to phone a guy you like if you got his phone number from the phone book and he didn't actually give it to you?