P964
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My last girl friend of 3 years smothered me so bad that I couldn't stand it anymore. Every 10 seconds it was, I love you, you mean so much to me, she would be hanging all over me, I didn't have a moments peace. Not that I didn't love the girl but there is only so much a guy can take. It's basically what broke us up. So now I am dating a girl who I love more than anything. She is 100 times more independent than my ex. She still tells me she loves me and we get along great but i'm defiantly not the center of her world like I was in my prev. relationship. Now I find myself all the time wondering why she isn't smothering me or telling me she loves me more... Its to the point where I'm getting angry at her for not "needing me" like with my ex. We have talked about it, and she says that she loves me so much and that she isn't a smothering type of person and doesn't like to be smothered. It's almost like I need constant re-asherance from her, and when I don't get it I start to think like "oh my god she is getting sick of me" or "i'm getting on her nerves". We have talked about it a lot and its totally in my head, but I just can't get over it. It's almost like now that I don't have someone needing me in a relationship I'm freaking out because that's all I've ever known. It's starting to become a problem because I'm getting really angry at her and I don't know why. It's like now I'm the needy one and my needs are not being met. She just called me while I was writing this and all I could think of was that I was angry at her. She hasn't done anything to deserve it. I need to figure out a way to get over this.
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We have been dating for 4 months and we pretty much live together now for the past 2 months. Everything was going great, we were both in love and she would tell me all the time. Less than a week ago she told me that she wanted to love me forever and that i was the "one" Now in the past 3-5 days all of a sudden its like she doesn't even like me. She won't tell me she loves me unless I tell her first. She use to show affection to me all the time hugging/kissing/holding hands and now its like unless I initiate it we wouldn't even touch each other. I kind of got fed up and was like fine, if your not into I won't be either and I just kind of stoped initiating, last night we slept on like opposite ends of the bed, when a week ago we would of been right next to each other all night. I think she can sort of tell that I'm a little backed off and its drawn her out a little more, but thats not really a good thing. I mean I don't understand how things could be like 100% perfect 4 days ago and then all of a sudden she sort of went cold twards me?? Could it be PMS? I don't want it to sound like she treats me liek crap now, if anyone saw us together they would say we had a fine relationship, its just not as "lovey dovey " as it was before... Well I guess thats it.
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Ok I have been dating a girl for 3-4 months, we both love each other a lot, and we have pretty much been living together for the past 3 months. We both have our own apartments but I basically only use mine to change and take a shower. We are in our mid 20's and have both had a lot of relationships, and we've both had long term relationships. I would like to ask her to get engaged but i'm not sure what her reaction would be. She expressed a desire to get married and have a family with me a few times but its always been after we've had a few drinks. She always said that she was afraid to bring it up for the same reasons that I was, in that I might think it was to much to soon. Maybe this was just the liquor talking who knowns (I tend to 2nd guess myself about everything) but she has said things in the past like wanted to be with me forever. Its not like a "hey lets get married" (drunk talk) its more like "I've been thinking about this for awhile and ..." I am very much in love with this girl and have known from the day I met her that she was something special and that we just clicked. Our present situation somewhat scares me a little in that we are basically living together and there is no commitment. I'm not a fan of living together before marrage but it just sort of happened.
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I have been dating a girl for about 6 weeks. We started off slow, maybe 2-3 dates a week, but then about 3 weeks ago we just sort of clicked and have spent almost every night together sense then. We both enjoy the time we spend together more then anything, and I miss her if we don't see each other for a day. I know that we havn't been dating that long do you think this in unhealthy? Have you had any relationships like this where both of you couldn't get enought of each other? I know with my past relationships I have wanted space... but it seems different with this girl becuase its like I still do the things I enjoy in my life but just with her. We go to the gym, watch TV movies, go out drinking sometimes. Its like she and I have the same intrests that we can do them together. In past relationships if I wanted to go to the gym or out drinking and my ex wasn't into that then we just wouldn't hang out that night. In the past its always been like I needed space to do my own thing but it doesn't seem that way now. Any advice?
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How to let her down without hurting her
P964 posted a topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
Ok my ex broke up with me 6 months ago (rather harshly if i might add). It was VERY hard for me to get over it, took months and I saw a counselor 6-7 times. Well I finally got over her and I met a new girl who I am totaly in love with and I think she is amazing. I don't have any feelings left for my ex at all. She recently has been contacting me wanting to get back together, first it was subtle hints. Then she would start asking question like, are you seeing anyone? I didn't want to hurt her so I always said no. Well one day she told me about a date she went on and then asked me again if I was seeing anyone and told her yes. She didn't take it very well. She made lots of rude comments, and I ended up blocking her email/im/phone becuase I just didn't need to deal with it. I was never anything less then a perfect gentleman with her. She keeps sending me email to a different address that I didn't block explaining that she just wanted to be friends and that she wished she could just talk. So I said ok as long as we keep it strickly friends and we don't talk about our relationship in the past or our new ones in the future. Well that lasted about 3 days. She sent me another email that basically said she wanted me back and was willing to do ANYTHING and that she just needed to know if I still love her, and would ever take her back. I don't want to be hurt her at all, I still care for her, but I don't want this to continue. I have moved on and its not worth it to me to move back... I'm in love with someone great and its just over between us. Any suggestion on how to tell her forcefully but at the same time not hurt her? That its over and i'm in love with someone else and she needs to move on? Thanks -
The worst thing you can do when someone is pulling away is to follow them. Every time you call, send her a gift etc its going to make her pull away more. The best thing you can do is not contact her at all, maybe send her an email, or call her once every 2 weeks and just say, I'm here if you want to talk. No "I love you" or "I want you back" I know its hard. The same thing happened with me and my ex. It was the hardest thing i've ever done. After about a month of feeling sorry for myself I decided to move on and didn't look back. 3-4 months after the breakup she decided she wanted me back and you know what... I didn't want her back. It was one of the best feelings i've ever had. Why were you fighting all the time? Try to look at the reason why you broke up and didn't work. I mean I truly loved my ex girl friend but we just were not a good match. You are both still growing up and people change a lot durring this period of their life.
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I doubt this is drug addiction. Was she big into drinking/drugs before this? I've seen so many people go from being strait edge all their life then they get the oppertunity to get into drugs and they just dive into it. They feel like it was something they herd about and were missing all there life. I know when I got to college I did the same thing, I felt that I didn't fit in well with my friends in HS because they all drank and did drugs. When I got to college I didn't have any reputation or know anyone so I just went crazy. It lasted for a year or two and then i got bored of that whole scence. My guess is that, if you really care for her she knows it that when the excitment of doing drugs and hanging out with this loser wears off she will come crying back to you. If I were you I would move on, and if she comes back and you want her back fine.... Do you want to be with a girl who would hurt you, lie to both you and her family? You deserve better. Move on, be single for awhile and find someone else.
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We broke up about 3-4 months ago
P964 replied to P964's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
Well about another month later... wow how things are different. I met another girl who I think is amazing. We get along great, we share a lot of intrests, have a awesome time together. The ex girl friend let me know that she went on a date and that it didn't go so well becuase she was thinking of me. She asked if I had been saying anything (about the 4-5 time she has asked) I always told her no because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Well I told her yes this time now that things were getting more serious with this new girl. Wow did shit start to hit the fan, she turned into a super bitch. Made lots of rude comments, and let me know that "she didn't know how she really felt until now" and that she always though we would get back together. I don't feel bad for her for even 1 second. She broke up with me, and now in her mind its finally over... she thought up until now that I would always take her back, but now she sees that I have moved on and she hasn't. I don't feel anything for her anymore and it actualy makes me sick to my stomach to even talk to her now. I would of gotten back with her if I had not met this other girl, just becuase I was lonely. That would of been the biggest mistake of my life. People would tell me things like, do you want to get back together with her becuase you really love her or your lonley and were comfortable with her. I knew we didn't work and that our relationship had major problems but I was lonley and though that being with her was better then being lonley. -
We broke up about 3-4 months ago
P964 replied to P964's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
Ok well its been about a month. We emailed back an forth for awhile and then started talking regularly. I can tell that I think she is lonley and that she wants to get back together, she is dancing around it a lot. I have given her no indication that I would like to get back together, i'm just sort of being friendly. She would like to meet up sometime next week (her idea). Maybe she doesn't want to get back together and maybe she is just being friendly but she contacts me multiple times per day ... and says that she misses me etc. What gets me is that, she broke up with me when things were going good in her life. She had met some new friends and felt like she belonged… I felt basically like she didn't need me anymore. Now that they aren't as rosy as they were before its like she needs me as support for her. It really kind of ticks me off when I think about it. I've been dating a lot of girls and having fun, although I am lonely and miss that connection that we had. I still haven't found anyone that I really connected with but I went out with great girl last night, who knows if it will turn into anything but I have a feeling that I will find someone it's just going to take time. I am undecided on if I will meet her or not. -
We broke up about 3-4 months ago
P964 replied to P964's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
Well I got an email back from her. I guess it was pretty blah, nothing in it that made me think she wants to get back together. "I was really glad to hear from you." " Believe it or not I do really miss you. You have been so important to me." "There were very hurt feelings both ways, but I hope that this is a sign that we might be able to at least stay in touch." "I hope that you don't think that what happened was easy on me either. You still mean the world to me." I guess I'm looking for someone to say "WOW it sounds like she wants to get back together!" I know she doesn't. The two people that knew our relationship best is us and its pretty hard to interpert stuff like this. The last thing I want to do is start emailing her and get this false sense of hope. -
We broke up about 3-4 months ago
P964 replied to P964's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
Ok well I sent her an email. It was real short maybe like 8-12 lines. I asked her about how she was doing in grad school, how her family was and that I hoped she was doing good, and happy. I'll let you guys know if she writes back. Already just writing the email brought back a ton of old feelings, which I dunno if thats a good thing, but oh well. -
Well my ex girl friend of 3 years broke up with me about 4 months ago. I had somewhat been taking her for granted and we had some big differences like her wanted to get married and me not wanting too. I was pretty devistated for 3-4 weeks but I got over it as best I could. About a month ago I started to see some other girls, nothing serious at all just a few dates. I guess that kinda threw me back about 2-3 months becuase it made me think of how much I still loved my ex and how she was exactly what I wanted. Its going to be pretty hard to find someone that I care for, respect and love as much as her. I kind of feel like that was my one shot and I blew it. Anyway I havn't had any contact with her in 3 months (she lives about 5 hours away now). I was thinking of sending her an email and just seeing how she is doing. Maybe after 4 months she will think differently about our relationship. On the other hand it could be more hurtfull to talk with her and hope to get back together when she is just wanting to be friends. I know that she would never tell me if she was seeing someone else to spare my feelings. A lot of times i'll have dreams at night of us getting back together and i'll wake up and it will put me in a depressed mood for the rest of the day. I just feel that I should atleast contact her and if their is any chance its worth the risk.