Boromir

Sorry I meant to say my friends didn't think she was interested. Well, you feel pretty strongly about her not liking me, so maybe you are right. I know about the kiss on the cheek thing.

I need some help calming my nerves. I get so anxious when I am unsure of something. I've posted things about the girls I have been interested in the past, but I feel like this is a little different. This time, I am having to do a lot of chasing, and it isn't a role I am used to. Not that I am really good looking or anything, but in the past if it wasn't obvious from the beginning that a girl was interested in me, I didn't pursue her. So I told myself that the next time I thought I had found a great woman I would be patient and work hard for her. Now that I am there it is really hard to judge how I am doing. To sum things up, this woman is from Spain and is 29. I'm 32. We work together and I have been interested in her for over a year. At a Christmas party, a mutual friend offered to introduce us. So we set up a happy hour and we finally met. All my friends were there and it went really well. I was told that in Spain women don't go out on one-on-one dates like they do in America, so if anything was going to happen, we'd have to go out in a group. We tried to set up going out three times but she always cancelled at the last minute. Our friend said not to take it personally, but all my friends said she must be interested. This woman has only been in America for about a year and a half, and really doesn't go out much. She doesn't know a lot of people either. She is a VP and a section manager where I work, and is very busy during the day. I've gone by and chatted with her and she has always been warm and friendly. I bought her some cookies that she liked and little stuff like that. Finally I asked her out myself, making sure that a group of us were going. She invited her friends too. We went out to a comedy club, for dinner, and a club and really had a good time. We talked, but I tried not to be too obvious about hitting on her. I just wanted her to be comfortable around me. We we all said good-bye at the end of the night, she gave me a kiss on the cheek, but from what I am learning about Spanish customs, I am not sure that means anything like it would in America. It still felt great though!! LOL She has warmed up I've learned we have a lot in common, and I like her even more. The problem is that my opportunities to invite her out are limited because of her schedule. To make things worse, I spend a lot of time analyzing what si going on and whether I am doing a good job or not. It has taken MONTHS to get to the point of where I am at, and while I admit that she's worth the effort, some kind of re-assurance that I am doing a good job would be nice. Now her brother is visiting from Spain and I don't know how long he is here for, and that is going to kick back the time I'll have to ask her out. So I guess I am asking for some signs to look for to see if she kind of likes me too. From what I am learning, Americans and Europeans kind of do things differently. If she were American and things were progressing this slowly, I would almost say she isn't interested. Our mutual friend told me that she knows that I like her, and that she would be ignoring me if she wasn't at least a little interested in me, which does make sense. I am just not clear on where the line is on being polite and actually being interested. Things felt kind of platonic when we went out. . . arrrgghh!!! I am over analying! Please someone tell me what to look for! Especially if there is anyone from Spain or Eruope here. I am being as nice as I can be with her, so I hope that means something. I really like this woman but I don't know how to read Spanish women. . .

Sorry to hear about this, but listen, this ***** isn't worth getting hurt over, or the trouble you'll be in if you hurt the other guy seriously. And don't blame him either. If he didn't know she had a boyfriend, he may not have done it, and even if he did, she is the one who betrayed you. The absolute best way to get back at this girl is to move on and act like she had no significance in your life. There are 6 billion people out there, and half are women. Take a shot at another. Keep your chin up. I've been on both sides of cheating, and it sucks either way. Just let this one go.

man, I am going through the same thing. It is funny because I have no problem with being myself around the girls I am not interested in, but when it comes to one I like, I get really quiet and shy. I know the faster I am myself, then the less disappointed I'll be when someone really gets to know the real me, but because I am hung up on things about me, I think it makes me insecure.

Hi everyone! Well, the next chapter of my story involving this woman from India too another twist for me. The story kind of starts here if you are interested: link removed Anyway, yesterday I emailed her a few times at work and got quick responses. Then she dropped off for about four hours because I guess she was busy. I was kind of bumbed out about it as the day before she turned down getting coffee together as she said she was too busy. She did get back to me and seemed very interested in what I was writing. Well, we had a holiday office party that night and it was in our building and we saw each other going in. I pretty much kept to my friends and then we decided to all go to the casino. Well, on the way I talked to some co-workers who are Indian and they flat out were convinced that she liked me and that I just had to keep up what I was doing and be patient. They said for an India girl to even be txt messaging me and writing back to me meant she was interested, and perhaps not to take the issue with her parents as serious as I was. I kept asking them, are you listening to my story, and the part about her just wanting to be friends, but they insisted that she had to be interested to be acting the way that she was. So we get to the casino and I am not thinking anything about her when I get a txt message from the girl and I was surprised. She asked how I liked the party and that she couldn't stay long. I replied that we were all having fun bla bla. I showed it to my friend who is a girl and she asked who initiated the messaging. When I said she did she was surprised. So this morning I came in and emailed her good morning and got the same back. I txt messaged her at 9pm to see what she was doing and she was busy cleaning because she had family coming in. I said that I was just going to call and say hi. So I call her and we talk for a bit and then she hangs up on me cause the Apprentice is on. It was super abrupt. Look, I like the show too but geez. I am trying so hard to be patient. I don't know why it takes some people to take awhile to decide if they like someone or not, and what to do about it. I don't even know what to do next. Do I keep up with the little stuff? Ask her out to lunch although I have a feeling she'll turn me down? I don't even want to answer the phone if she calls me back because I feel blown off. I don't want to play games either. . . . . .

Hi everyone, First, thanks to your responses to my previous thread about the Indian girl I am crazy head over heels over. link removed I forgot to mention in that thread that I compliment her a lot. I mean, when she dressed up for work one day, I emailed her to say she looked great. When I thought she was being thoughtful to me, I asked her how she became so thoughtful. I am the kind of guy that likes to compliment others when I think they are doing something nice or impressive, and I feel like I could compliment this girl all day. I was just wondering if she were to just trying to remain friends if that the compliments that I give her don't have some kind of affect. Are women receptive to that? Especially over time? I am not overdoing it, it just that at least once a day I have something nice to say to her about her.

Can you give me insight to what you are reading that makes you think she likes me any more than a friend? I am having a hard time looking at this objectively.

Well, I think she is really driven to make this nothing but a friendship. We had a company lunch, and when I arrived she was already there and we smiled at each other. I txt her hello as I was accross the room, and she replied back. Back at the office she emailed me asking how I enjoyed it. I told her that it was fun, but everyone kept asking me about her. She asked if I said that we had gone out, and I can't remember if I replied to her. People still think she is torn but I just dont see it. After work, a several of us went to happy hour and she didn't go. I txt her and she said she had somethings to do. Later I txted her to see if she wanted to do something after, and she said yeah. BUT then she asked if we were going to do it as FRIENDS. I asked her, "what are you afraid of?" She didnt really answer. She eventually called me back to say that she was too tired and would rather do it some other night. Then we played txt messages back and forth teasing each other and wishing each other a good night. I am so sad right now. The girl is turning out to be everything I want and she is doing a good job at holding me at arms length.

Thanks so much for your responses guys. I guess if I take a step back from it and stop thinking about just how I feel, I guess she could be kind of torn too. I mean, I've been nothing but nice to this girl. If someone said that someone liked me, it would kick my interest in them for sure. It was an interesting moment. I really did see her sadness about sort of being trapped in something that she'd not be a part of. I mean, if she were to find the one, who was from South India, and treated her well, and had her parent's approval, then she'd be set. The fact that she's 26 and hasn't found him yet kind of tells me a little. I still have a lot to learn about her, but at the very least I have to give her credit for being so cool. It was just odd that she invited me out without having any intentions. I mean, if she thought that I could flick a switch and just be friends on a dime without any kind of afterthought. . . It is just that she said it that night that she wasn't looking for anything more than a friend. Then she showed me a little more personal and affectionate side that I wasn't expecting and then withdrew it. I will say this though, it hurts that I am not even being considered good enough because I'm from a certain area. I would treat this girl like gold. I get such a nice feeling when I think about her. I wish things like that would be more important than my skin color or where I was from. I guess I should feel bad for her too.

Please tell me what to make of this. Okay, I've posted about this girl a few times. To quickly sum things up, I've been crazy about this American-born Indian girl for almost a year. Her family is from South India, which is an important part of this story. I'm a White American. Until the last week, we never really talked although we work in the same department. She is kind of shy, and just listens to her Ipod while working. I used to get some really nice smiles from her, but never could bring myself to introduce myself. I am rather shy myself until you get to know me, and then you can't get me to shut up. So then someone at work found out that I liked her and told her. It was a rather uncomfortable situation that reminded me of 5th grade. Without going into the details, I eventually emailed her and said, "I hope (insert name) isn't making you feel half as uncomfortable as I am." She responded and was totally cool about it. We replied back and forth, and I told her that I had been trying to figure out how to introduce myself to her since she started working there. SHe was really cool and said that things would just blow over. She said that she didn't date people she worked with. Of course I was bummed out. That happened between Tue. and Wed. On Thursday I was so busy and only saw her when my friends and I were going to lunch. We passed in the hallway and she smiled and waved at me. I thought I smiled back, but I am realizing that my face doesn't always smile like I think it does. Well, on Friday, she emailed me again asking if we could get away from all the gossip about us and talk. She had to stay late and so I went home and she called me. She basically wanted to be sure everything was cool, and without saying it, seemed interested in me. I gave her more info about the situation because it's caused some problems between me and some other people, and at the end of the conversation, invited me out with her friends after she got out of work. So we went clubbing and I met her friends, who are also Indian. We had a good time and after one of the clubs closed, they suggested going to one more place as it was still open. On the way her friends bailed out so it wa just us. Somehow 'us' came up and she said that she just invited me out because she thought I was a cool guy and could be friends. I will admit that we did click. Now I wasn't jumping to anything, but I was disappointed. I tried to take her home but she wanted to stay out. I reluctantly took her to the club and we sat at a table and talked some more. Now, we just met, yet we started talking like we knew each other for years. I felt a vibe and asked her if she felt it too, and she said yes. Then she said that she wouldn't be able to ever date me because her family wants her to marry a guy from South India, like where her entire family is from. She said it was hard, and that her parents were arranged, and they don't even really treat each other nicely. She's only had three boyfriends in her life, and she said at 26 she should have three kids by Indian standards. I was crushed. She kept telling me how cool she thought I was, and that since I had travelled the world, knew more about her culture than she did. She said that she knew how well I would treat her, and that if it wasn't for her situation, she would give me a chance. Then she kind of rolled up into a ball and I held her. For the first time in my life, I realized how Romeo must have felt. Anyway, it was almost 5 in the morning and we had a few drinks by that point. That was probably helping with the honesty. I mentioned that I was hungry and she wanted to go to Dennys for Breakfest. But on the way, I just felt like it was hopeless being together so I took her home. She was a little upset and wanted to still go to breakfeast. She got a little affectionate by putting her hands in my hair so I said okay. On the way, she couldn't understand how I didn't have a girlfriend, and that someone hadn't snatched me up. She liked that I got a long with her friends and that we seemed to have fun together. I guess she's met people before that don't like Indians. At the table I said, "sit on my side" and she replied, "no, sit on my side" and so I did. I held her for a bit and she said she didn't mind. She kept telling me how cool she thought I was (and that she liked my nose?????), and I kept telling her being cool wasn't enough. (I wasn't from South India) When I dropped her off I just gave her a hug. I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere and I just wanted to go home. On my way, I txt messaged her "I hope you find what you are looking for" to which she replied, "I hope we both do." I txted her again saying that I missed her already, but I kind of got a generic "I value your friendship" response. Then she called me again late afternoon leaving me a voice message asking to speak to me about the night before. I didn't get a chance to call her back, and the next day she called me two more times and txt me asking me where I was. Finally, she left a message saying that she didn't mean to lead me on, that she just thought I was a cool guy, and that because of her situation, there isn't anything that can be done about us. She didn't want us to be uncomfortable at work. So I called her back and we chatted for a bit, and she wanted to be sure everything was okay. Natually I said yes, but I think she knew as well as I did that I was disappointed. I've like this girl from the second I saw her, and she knows it. So I normally wouldn't have posted this, but a friend of mine who is a girl thinks she is wrestling with her feelings on me. She said that she could have just as easily never called me once, let alone three times on Sunday, yet she did. I thought is was because she was cool and just wanted to be sure work was okay, but now I am wondering. I mean, do you guys think she is wrestling with something, and going back and forth on what she would like to do, and what she is being made to do (what her parents want)? Why would she invite me out if she knew that I liked her. She doesn't seem to be evil. . . can she be that naive? I know the best thing for me to do is at lest be friends. We clicked. We are a lot alike. We are both in the same field, and while most of my friends are married with kids now, her friends don't live here. So we probably are good for each other in that aspects. Ladies, you know yourselves. . . what do you think is going on here? I really thought I felt something, and I think she did too.

I've been crazy about this girl at work for about a year now. We've never really said anything more than Hi to each other even though we work in the same department. We are both in Technology, but she works on different assignments. Anyway, a co-worker of her was asking me how I felt about another girl, and a friend of mine said I should go for it. I replied no and that he knew why and that we weren't discussing it. The next thing I know he's telling this woman that I like the other girl. Well, she tried to play match-maker while I was pleading to her not to say anything, as I thought it would make her feel uncomfortable, as she really didn't know who I was. Well, she passed on that this girl doesn't date co-workers, and then as I was walking by this morning, she pointed me out. I was uncomfortable, and so was the girl that I liked. Finally this woman that was trying to 'help me out' realized that I was really embarrassed as that it went too far. I sat at my desk and eventually wrote and email to this girl appologizing about everything if she felt half as uncomfortable as I did. She replied back that it was a bit uncomfortable, but that it was all good. Then she said that is wasn't like I was a bad guy or anything, its that she just doesn't date in the work place, and she didn't mind hanging out as friends. Very cool of her to be cool about it, and while I know that this woman's cause didn't help, I know that the 'not dating in the workplace' is BS. If she were really interested there wouldn't be a rule there. Hell, I've used that one myself. Anyway, this is just tough. I didn't know this girl that much but I did think about her a lot. Now I am embarrassed. I don't like everyone in my business, so it looks like I'm going to have to becareful who I talk to. I think something needed to happen though. I learned she was single, but then off and on I heard she was dating and I was always mad that I didn't have more nerve to talk to her. I didn't want to find out she wasn't interested this way. I just want to crawl into a hole.

Well, the title says it all. I just found out that the girl that I have posted an awful lot about early on here is marrying the guy she started dating after me. It's been a year and a half since we broke up. I can't say I have wanted her back, but I still have issues for everything I went through. We spent four years together and really never talked about marriage. She's dated this guy for a year and a half. . . I feel like there is something wrong with me. I'm 32 and feel so old. At one time I thought I was going to marry my ex, and never really thought I'd be alone at 32. This sucks. My sadness has more to do with me than her. I miss her friendship, but she wouldn't be a good friend now to me anyway. I miss being in love and caring for someone, and there really isn't anyone around me. My friends and family have been really cool, and my career is going great. I feel so empty though not having someone in my life. I can't understand how my ex moved on so quickly. I guess when you find the one you know it.

Well all it take is for a seed to get planted in your head and suddenly it becomes an option. Don't think this is an alternative. True, it would be, but you'd be DEAD. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Someone always has it worse, and someone always handles things better. We all seem to evaluate how well we are doing by comparing how we feel to how we felt at a different time, so that's why sometimes we forget how good we really got it. There have been times where I was distant with my family too. It is a crappy feeling but half of this seems that you are relying on them to make you happy. This is shared by more people than you realize. It's okay, and it will pass. I have been in this situation too. I have had some great friends, but was disappointed that I wasn't closer to other people that I met and liked. For some reason I didn't have what they were looking for I guess. It is hard establishing good friends, and you'll go through a lot of social friends before you find really good ones. The best thing I can say is to be patient and try to expose yourself to as many situations where there are people. Play sports, join clubs, etc etc. When my ex and I broke up, I had lost contact with a lot of my old friends. I had to pretty much start all over again. I joined some sport teams, socialized with those 'social friends' until I found the friends I liked. I still wish I had more so I could keep myself occupied, but I have done pretty well for myself. Just remember that there are a lot of people who probably wish they had a friend like you. Some of the people you may feel you have nothing in common with, or aren't cool enough to other people turn out to be great friends. Just be nice to everyone. WHo knows who'll turn up as a best friend? Then screw this b***h. She's not a friend. I know this hurt but this is for the best. If she isn't considerate enough to ask you to come along or respect your friendship, she ain't worth keeping around. She's part of the reason you feel like crap because you feel she doesn't think you are good enough. You should be thinking that I am raising my standards so I don't waste my time with idiots like this. Then just kick your way in. Be assertive. Believe me, there are plenty at your school that felt like you did, but you probably missed them. College is supposed to be the best time of your life. I hated the first school I went to, but loved the second. I felt a lone at my first college and I think it hurt my grades and ended up being part of the reason I dropped out. The second time I did things differently. I made sure I was active, and making friends just turned out easier. I don't know what you are doing for a job, but I recommend getting a job as a waiter. Wait staff can be a pain in the *ss sometimes, but they are always up for going out and drinking after and I've always made friends that way. Some jobs don't force you to deal with people, or require the teamwork that waiting tables needs, so it is a unique environment and I think that will help you. Believe me, ditch the money thing. You want a girl to like you for who you are, not for the money you are going to spend on her. Let that be the bonus part. I've gone through some dry spells too. I have some friends who will ask out every girl they talk to without shame because they play the averages game, betting that 2-3 out of a hundred will say yes. Guess what? They are usually getting laid when I am not. In your case you are drowning yourself in the few that you 'blown' and you are forgetting that there are so many other women around that you aren't even paying attention to. Timing does have a lot to do with relationships. Something just occurred to me. If your family is well off, maybe your friend's families are too. My family had money too when I was young, and I always hated the kids who had money. I never liked how they acted and couldn't care less what they thought of me. I preferred people who were more down to earth and real. Maybe you are missing some of those people. You'll have to get active. I don't think you've really found yourself, or what kind of person you want to be, because I don't see any confidence in your post. A great girl could come along but you won't have all the pieces within yourself to keep her around. My advice is to say f*** to anyone who doesn't give back to you what you give them, and make sure you let them know what you want from them. Next, join some clubs, sports, or whatever even if you suck. Look to meet one or two people out of a group at a time. Believe me, if you try to go after everything at once you wont get it. Get a job where the people working look like they are having fun. I don't even want to here you don't need to work or your scedule doesn't allow for it. I went through college working 35 hours a week so that bullsh*t wont fly with me. Good luck! And keep your chin up!

I've been working with this woman for over a year now.She just turned 26. She is actually a consultant who works with a different team, but we are in the same department. I'm 32. The amazing thing is, we've really never had a conversation, yet we see each other every day. When I first saw her, I was in awe by how hot she was, and I got a glance back from her. When I turned to look at her again, she looked back at me. You normally don't get a second look from a woman unless she likes what she sees. Anyway, she's apparently shy and only talks to people that she is on a project with, or seems to know very well. Ironically, I am kind of the same way. I am very approachable and friendly to people that I have broken the ice with, but very stand-offish with people I don't really know. Well, hot girls that I am interested in I am definitely stand-offish with. People I don't care about? Easy. Women I dig? Much much harder. The best part is that I casually mentioned to someone that I wanted to get to know her better, but figured a girl as beautiful as her would have a boyfriend. This guy came back to me half and hour later and over a single conversation with her, found out a bunch of stuff including that she had no man. I laughed, but it just went to show I don't have the balls to just walk over and talk to her like he did. She did have a boyfriend for a short time, but I guess she is single now. I can't imagine what could have gone wrong because I would treat this girl like gold. Anyway, when we pass in the halls, if I get a smile from her, it is at the last second as she is usually looking away or down at the ground. It isn't until someone talks to her does she actually keep her chin up and act normal. But since we don't talk. . . I used to get the smile a lot, but recently it's stopped. I don't know why. A friend says that I come accross as a little arrogant or uninterested to people I don't know, so I may have accidently sent a message to her that I really wasn't interested in getting to know her. She may be a lot like me where I kind of need to be pushed to approach someone. It is hard to just go up and introduce myself, because everyone I work with is around it I would just feel so stupid. I constantly talk to everyone I know because I am warm and friendly to everyone there, but since I don't get any kind of "I'm here" sign from her I don't try anything. She works hard, so most of the time I see her she has her nose in her project. So I guess ladies. . . what do I do? How do I read this? She used to give me such beautiful little smiles, but now it just looks like she's avoiding eye contact. If what my friend says is right, maybe I've come accross as "whatever". I mean, she see's me talking to EVERYONE but her. When we do make eye contact, it'll be in a situation where she'll round a corner where me and a few people are standing and she'll look right at me for a second (and usually only at me), and then look away before I have a chance to smile. She's caught me looking at her, and she'll look at me right back. It's just so hard to read this girl. What do you think?!?!?!

I'm actually kind of shy too, but a friend pointed out something to me awhile ago and I keep forgetting it myself. His point went something like this (and I'll use your case as an example): Right now if you don't ask her to the dance, there is a 100% chance she isn't going to be going with you. Even if there is only a 1% chance she'd say yes to your invite, your odds are better doing something than nothing. So what have you got to lose? That she says no? It's better to try and get shot down than to wonder endlessly if she would have said yes or not. Besides, she might just say yes! Just suck it up and ask her. Don't make a big deal out of it. If it doesn't work out you'll still get something from the experience.