Parsley

Hello, thought I'd drop my opinion on your original questions in. I already think about my ex a lot...he hasn't been able to be online for a long time, so when I do see he's online it makes me think about him more, and have to force myself not to speak to him. If this is from the view of a dumper...I guess part of me would wonder about him a lot, but I wouldn't be overly surprised if they weren't online. I'd assume they had blocked me so they didn't have to worry about me talking to them unexpectedly. Again...from my perspective, I wasn't expecting my ex to contact me at all. It made it much more of a horrible shock to the system when he did. From the other perspective, I reckon I would want to hear from them, but again, I wouldn't be surprised and hurt if they didn't. I personally have tried to keep my feelings neutral with regards to msn names etc..used quotes from me or my friends. I don't want to pretend I'm happy when I'm clearly not, but then I don't want to be broadcasting to everyone on my list (most of whom I haven't spoken to in years) that my heart got broken. I honestly don't know what's running through her mind when she puts up those messages. It seems like a cold, heartless thing to do - knowing you are hurting and can see them. I do still care for my ex...a lot. I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I have no idea whether he'll ever change, and even if he did, if I could trust that that change would be permanent. I hope that he can...if not for me but for others after me. I'd think long and hard before giving him a second chance. Like I said, I don't know if I can trust him anymore. If I was the dumper...it would all depend on the reasons. If I could honestly know that he truly truly had changed, I may attempt friendship and see what happens. With that I'd have a chance to see whether or not those changes can last. I haven't contacted him without having had contact from him. Once he started ignoring me, I stopped instantly. It hurt too much to know that he was ignoring me, and didn't care that it hurt me. If I was the dumper, I would probably be the one to initiate contact. I've never been the dumper though, this question is really difficult to put myself into that position for. Oh how I wish I could just forget him. I assumed that my ex had just forgotten about me...dumped me and then moved on with his life. But then he contacted me, saying he missed me. It screwed me up completely, and I hated knowing that he hadn't just forgotten me. Because of the way things ended between us...I want either to still be together, or just past this. I don't want to have to think about any of it anymore. I don't know if any of that will have helped? It's just another lady opinion! Btw....you are so totally myspace! A picture in the mirror!

Hello people I get headaches all the time. In 2005 I got glasses, as my left eye is slightly weaker than my right, and the optician thought that it was the both of them working overtime to focues properly that caused my headaches. I was only supposed to use them to read, write, drive, use the computer...that kind of stuff...any time I had to concentrate on one thing. I can see fine without them - they were more of a headache preventative. I haven't worn them as much recently, and I haven't had the long drawn out headaches that I used to. But I keep getting sharp pains in my head, particularly after I stand up - regardless of whether it's standing up quickly ro from lying down or whatever. Sometimes they happen when I'm walking. It feels like a corkscrew going through my head, but only for a few seconds. Any ideas? Should I go back to the opticians?

I got a couple of answers from him...but was then ignored when he didn't feel like it. The way I've decided to see it, if he can't be bothered to give me any reasons, that gives me the all clear to make my own decisions about him and what happened, and they're hardly going to portray him in a favourable light are they? My ex has shown me just how little respect he had/has for me, and it hurts a LOT and God do I want to really just lay into him and show him how much it hurts to know that someone I loved could cause me such pain so easily. But I haven't told him off. I'm determined to be the bigger person. I think the silence will be more of a guilt trip than any telling off.

Day 8. Another good day because I had little chance to think of my ex. My sister, brother in law and nephew were over, and seriously...that little boy is the only thing that truly and utterly wipes my ex from my mind. I love him so much!! One time I said to my ex "You and Joseph are the only two people who can do pretty much *anything* and I'll smile and love you. Joseph weed on my bed today...and I cuddled him!" Obviously, it turns out that Joseph is the only one who can do anything and I will still love him. So yeah. Didn't think about him much. Did find myself having a rant at thin air about him a few minutes ago. Which is a good thing. I'd rather rant than wallow. And I'd also rather be talking to myself than him. x

As others have said on here...everyone has lived for years and years without sex...everyone is a virgin at some point!! Of course you can live without sex. It may not be the best time in your life if you have had sex and enjoyed it. There's something about the more you have sex the higher your drive will be. I'm fairly certain I'm about two months into at *least* 8 months without sex. I may not be very happy about it, but it's more than likely it will happen.

Cheatedon - I had a friend who had an ex who would text her and ring her a lot - like yours does. To me it seemed like he just didn't want to allow her to move on. He would quite happily sleep with other people, and made no attempt to hide it from her, but he would just keep her on a leash by contacting her so much. It didn't give her the chance to forget him, no matter how hard she tried. Is your ex the kind of person that might act like that?

So it's been a week pn NC.2 I feel fairly good I think? I had a really good day today. My delayed London window shopping trip was today. We spent maybe an hour on Oxford Street, hopped on the tube and thought we'd go to Notting Hill. Got there and decided the station looked dodgy, and carried onto Holland Park, intending to go to the end of the line and turn back, but saw a train standing at the station, pegged it off the one we were on and got on that. After that we ended up in Leytonstone to visit a different uni friend randomly. Was a very good day, and I got me a lovely top from Primark (one of my favourite places...ever.). Didn't have much chance to think about the ex, which is always good. When we got to the friend in Leytonstone we had a bit of a discussion about what had happened when he contacted me (I haven't seen them since the middle of January). She asked "If he wants you back he's not going about it in a very sensible way is he?......Do you want him back....?". I said "No...how could I ever possibly trust him again?" She looked so relieved and went "Oh thank god. Cause he is a ***** ****** and a ******* with a whole big pile of ***** pouring out of his *****" lol. I had the realisation that if he ever did want to get me back, he'd have to convince my friends that I should go back rather than convincing me. I figured...I'm far more likely to go back to something that's bad for me, right? Whereas my friends are always on the lookout for me. If they honestly thought that we should be back together, I'd trust their opinion far more than my own. And I think it would take a LOT for them to be convinced.

And how do you know that there's less fluid? Every time I've given oral there's been a lot more than just the end result to deal with!

I honestly can't say which I prefer. Since my ex and I broke up I can't really remember any time but the last with much detail, and I know that that time we ended up in missionary and it was a great...er...relief for both of us.

Eva - I know exactly what you mean about mucking up the rhythm! It just ends up being both of you moving the same way with no friction. And thank you Zerohalo - it's not exactly a walk in the park giving oral to a guy either. If a girl unexpectadley thrusts you're not going to have something shoved down your throat are you? Don't get me wrong...I love doing it (loved) but I hated it when I gagged.

Aw, facebook and poking are 5 minutes ago? it's only just starting to gain momentum here. Man, I am UNCOOL. I say go for it. If he doesn't poke back then he's obviously a bit rubbish. But if he's arsey enough to ignore you or make you feel embarrassed about if he doesn't, he doesn't sound like the kind of person I'd want to waste a poke on! Plenty of people have met partners in similar ways. I met my ex because of myspace (NOT a randomer I met up with...a friend of a friend I agree it does have a kind of stigma attached to it, simply because of the connection to the internet, but you know it's nothing seedy, and that's what matters.

Lol, thanks everyone I do moisturise it (ok, not everyday) but I think the stuff I use is a bit rubbish, and the good stuff I bought I left at uni Just try to get it back I guess? I may have to get it touched up though...there are a couple of areas that are definitely not as dark as others. Nevermind. Thanks!

Hey I got a tattoo on my hip about halfway through August last year. It healed over fine, and I love it. But a moment ago I scratched it (itch) and it seemed to kind of...peel? Kinda like sunburn does, but not as badly. The black got a little paler. When it did that I rubbed the rest of it and it all did the same thing. I've just put some moisturiser on it, and it's dark again, but I was just wondering if that's all it is? That it was just dry? When I had it checked a couple of weeks after I had it done the guy said it was doing fine and as it should. Should I go back if there are any problems?

Ooh ooh, I did good...I think? I have two versions of msn on my computer. One is amsn, and the other is msn for macs. I usually use amsn, and had deleted my ex from my list. Now, for some reason today, I signed into msn for macs instead, and had to open a conversation window to check something. I opened up the top group (the one that only has my best friends in it) because someone was online in it. And it was my ex. I reaaaallly don't understand that at all. I guess maybe because amsn isn't produced by the same people msn for macs doesn't follow what I do in amsn. So in this one, my ex was still in my top group, and online. AGH. BUT. I didn't talk to him. Oh my GOD did it take me a lot of strength. We were both online for about an hour or so and the whole time I was forcing myself to think "And what will you feel if you talk to him and he doesn't respond?" When he finally went offline I felt kind of deflated but in a good way. Like relief I guess. I went and had a shower and sang Athlete very very loudly. And now I'm about to go and have a lovely walk in the snow (woot! Snow!!) to get som bread and milk and maybe something to eat. La la la! xxxx

I think it's one of those things you have to 'fake till you make'. Force yourself not to feel like that by distracting yourself when you feel it coming on. Eventually (hopefully) you just won't feel those feelings anymore. I know how hard it is to worry that you're overanalysing and putting your relationship on the line because of it. Unfortunately, in my case I wasn't overanalysing...I was being led to believe I was. But before I found out the above, I sent plenty of apologetic texts and emails about the way I was acting. Just put in it what you feel... "I'm sorry for being so paranoid recently, I don't know what's brought it on. I'm going to try to get back to who I used to be! I love you xxx"

lol I guess I can say what I said before this NC. He contacted me just about a week ago, at 1am, by text, saying that he missed me, asking if I missed him. I said I didn't know if I did, some days I was fine, others I didn't think about much else. After that he rang me, and we "chatted" for awhile. By chatted, I mean he asked me how I was, what I'd been up to, and I remained monosyllabic at all times (apart from when he asked about my baby nephew. Nothing can shut me up about him!). He asked if I hated him, I said a little bit, he seemed quite pleased that I didn't hate his guts. He also asked if I wanted to go to the pub with him the next day. I didn't. I knew we'd have to have some kind of weird conversation, and if it was going to be then, I'd rather do it in the daytime. So I text him the next day asking if he'd meant the things he said. I didn't get a reply. So I (stupidly) text him again saying "Is that my reply? I do want to talk to you, you caught me off guard last night. Hope you had a good evening" I never got a reply to that either. So once again I started NC. I'm a lot angrier this time though

Aw Coldplay will be wicked. Gigs at HUGE venues are fantastic. I saw Scissor Sisters at V-festival a couple of years ago, with the moon out and everything. Absolutely amazing! There's nothing like feelings thousands of people dancing and singing Filthy/Gorgeous all around you!! I am extremely jealous! I've found myself in a bit of a strange mood. I don't miss my ex (well, not at the moment) but I really really really miss kissing all of a sudden. I'm not very impressed.

It's great to see you so positive! Most of what I read on here everyday is negative, obviously because people post more when they feel depressed - I know I do! I hope you find someone lovely amongst the masses of lovely ladies who are fighting tooth and claw to get a glimpse of you! You've reminded me of what I did after I broke up with my ex last year, I just made myself look forward to starting uni and all the new people I would meet there. Luckily for me I get the same experience this year, so I have something to look forward once more! I convinced myself so whole heartedly that I would find someone who would make me smile that it made me forget how much I missed him and also meant I wasn't looking for someone, so I found someone! Weird how that works isn't it?

Hey boston From reading all your posts on the NC challenge it seems like you're facing so many difficulties. The last time I remember hearing you sound positive was when you decided that not becoming a doctor was the way to go. I can empathise with the anxieties, I'm feeling similar things. A few years ago I lost a lot of weight in a short time, and now people keep saying that I'm looking thinner and it worries me a lot, as well as worries like you said Dako, about unemployment, and that I'm becoming somewhat of a recluse. I've been living back home for about 2.5 months now, and I've only seen my 2 best friends that live here twice in that time, not at all since the break up. When the worries and anxieties threaten to consume me I tend to write a huge long letter/diary entry, then go for a bracing walk. It's so ridiculously cold out at the moment, so it always is bracing. I plug my ipod in, put it on shuffle and listen to whatever comes on and think about whatever it makes me think about. I find that, though people say when you're feeling depressed you shouldn't dwell on it, if I ignore it it just escalates. So I let myself wallow for awhile...let it all out in the letter and think about it on the walk, then come back and bury myself in something else. I totally believe that you can come out the other side of this a fantastically strong person. It's just the image I've built up of you from what I've read, and my resolution this year is to trust my instincts....

I'm really happy for you, and just like SD said, she will see for sure that what she thought was so fabulous about this guy will turn out to be nothing compared to what you gave her. And when she turns around to you you better just be all "uh huh? uh huh? Yeah....nah....soz."

Hey Tijuana, I was wondering where you'd got to! I can't believe she acted so harshly towards you! It doesn't seem to make any sense that she would finally give you a real reason that shows that you are a good guy and it was her own selfishness that made her break up with you...and then criticize you so horribly. I'd maybe hazard a guess that it's a guilt thing...self-preservation. She knows that she's treated you like a piece of rubbish, and if she has any soul in her at all, she'll feel guilty. My opinion (well the most prevalent one) is that she's trying to offset that by picking out flaws in you...kind of like we have to do to take our exes off the pedastal they've been on for so long. I don't know if I'm coming accross clearly...I'm still not sure why she feels the need to point them out to you!

Having a pretty good day so far. One thing I noticed as soon as I woke up made me very happy. Since the break up I've had a lot of dreams about my ex (except it isn't my ex...lol. It's his face, his body, his personality, but it's not him) and in all of them we end up being *ahem* intimate. Now last night I had a dream about kissing and sleeping with someone else! Incidentally the guy my ex had a big argument with and now hates, lol. Now I'm not taking that to mean "Ooh, I had a sex dream about Chris - that is going to happen" I know it's not. For a multitude of reasons But it's cheered me up a lot, because I didn't dream about my ex, as him or not him but him. Cheers me up to know my mind is thinking about being with other people again, whether I'm aware of it or not. No temptation to contact him as yet. Fingers crossed this keeps up...

Lol, yeah maybe he didn't put it the best way he possibly could have. But overall, I think you handled it well. I think everyone has that kind of thing at some point. With my first boyfriend we always said 'I luv you' because we didn't mean love, but it was more than like. We obviously didn't say it in person...cause that just wouldn't work. With my recent ex he said he was 'in like' with me, which worked ok for awhile. He did end up saying he loved me quite early...and the first time he did I just stayed silent cause I had no idea what else to say lol.

I've read of a few people on here who've met, and the odd one or two who are engaged! I guess it's quite likely that when you do meet someone through something like this that you will get on quite well...you already know a lot about how that person works by what they've posted, and you know what they've been through, what they will have difficult with etc. I, however have never met anyone from ENA. There aren't many people on here from my neck of the woods. I live in a horrible part of Britain. My town's claim to fame is that the term Chav (referring to the lad and ladettes with the plastic bling) originated here. Oh yes...stylin'.

Good Luck!!! Hope everything goes swimmingly for you! And wow...you get to have the whole baby thing! My sister had a baby in July and the whole time from then to now, watching him grow is just the most amazing thing to watch! And you get to be there all the time. Unfair. *sulks* You threw me a bit there with the 2/07/2007 thing. I thought "What?! It is most definitely not July. Buh?! Oh." Teehee...I could get so easily duped into giving americans birthday presents when it's not their birthday. However I rarely meet anyone from outside europe, so I think I'm safe.... Eep! xx