Parsley

You appreciate being happy more than you ever did before, because it becomes so rare. You discover the people who really do love you with all their hearts. The people who have let me moan on and on and endlessly discuss whatever's happening, and will still offer up help when they sense that I'm feeling down about it aren't the people I thought they'd be. I've only known them since September, but they've proved themselves to be beyond the most amazing friends. Retail Therapy. The satisfication you feel when you realise for the first time that, should they ask for a second chance, you would say no without hesitation or regret. You have the chance to reinvent yourself, or even simply buff up the old you that had become tarnished and battered in the last few months. ENA!

Kate - most people just carry on! See how long you can go. It can only help you more

I've never heard that derivation before! Only Chatham Average and Chav as in the romany word for 'boy'. That works just as well though, lol. I'd like it to be known that I am definitely not a chav. You see...I have fashion sense...sense of reason....and know all about cause and effect.

I'll admit, it does take amazing strength not to smack chavs at any given opportunity - I'm amazed you managed to find one away from the rest of the herd! You could have received some major damage otherwise. My claim to fame - Term chav originated from my hometown. *shakes head in dispair* You'd think it would be famous for the Dockyard or Charles D ickens....but no. It's famous for Chatham Averages Just try and keep a head on you even when you are drunk and annoyed. Difficult as this is. And I know that running into a Chav when you're in that kind of mood can be deadly. The number of times I've been swept away by my friends for not knowing when to shut up... edit : haha! Had to change Charles' surname - apparently it's a profanity. Guess the sweeper doesn't like A Christmas Carol as much as the rest of us...

Now sure what day this is!! Shall I tell you why? I woke up this morning and looked at my phone, and saw there was a delivery report for a message to my ex. This confused me a hell of a lot as I had absolutely not recollection whatsoever of sending him anything. Checked my outbox, and there was a message - with my address in it, asking for my dvds and nothing else. There was some incredibly questionable spelling - leading me to believe that this was one of my famous woke up in the middle of the night and sent and fell asleep instantly messages. (My previous ex used to receive these a lot - some actually made no sense whatsoever - very funny at times!) There was no reply, but I didn't care - haven't noticed myself checking my phone anymore than usual either. Possibly because I was probably about 3/4s unconscious whilst sending said message. So what do I count that as? Aside from that - still feeling absolutely FAAAAANTASTIC! Don't understand it in the slightest. I've come to a few conclusions that I should feel really upset about, but I don't. Feel like if he said "I love you, I want you back" I would say "Is that so? How interesting. See ya!" and then skip off into the sunset singing as patting small animals and children as I pass. WOO Shaker! Finishing tomorrow! Got any plans? xxxx

Ok - but she HAS given thought to it. That's what this whole thread it about!! Echo has said that she knows that it is something he is comfortable with, they haven't just met, she's not going overboard with detail, just giving him the bare essentials, because she wanted to be a bit provocative and suggestive and sexy! It isn't a prerequsitie for the relationship, I can hardly see him dumping her for it! We've heard everything from her view here and this is about her relationship. It seems like you've grasped onto the word tactic and not let go of it, despite what she says. It's about her relationship, not about how you would feel having received such an email.

Sorry I'm not a guy - but for me it took about 5 seconds. I saw it coming a mile off...was shocked that it had finally happened, but knew that that was that and nothing was going to change.

So she should never try to express her sexy side? There's only so much of the everyday girlfriend you introduce to your parents to that you can do. You've got to be a bit blue sometimes. If that's her personality why repress it? I'd hate to think someone I was with was holding back their sexual side. My ex never hid stuff like that from me - and much as I dislike him now - I loved that he did that. I loved that I'd know it if he wanted me. Right from the start. (Seriously...I knew before we were together And it has nothing WHATSOEVER to do with the fact that now I think he's a There's got to be room for sexiness in a relationship. It's normal. It's human. (It's sexy, rawr)

littlebylittle - thank you You're right - that's what happens with the insecurity...you think something's wrong, you're told you're not but you can't help feeling that way. I don't think the fact that there actually was something wrong helped that. And also in my case I always heard things like "nah, it's alright, see ya" and was reassured before he pulled away again almost instantly. If he ever got closer for that matter. I'm having a bit of trouble thinking "It didn't work out, oh well, we had some good times" Today I managed to rip the pedestal out from beneath him, but am having some major difficuties in not beating him severely with it. I don't think you can be blamed for having a part of you that wants her to realise what she's lost. I want my ex to realise that. I know it's not the healthiest approach, but I reckon it's one of those things that you have to let yourself feel for awhile. Otherwise your self-worth would come crashing down, and would take a long time to rebuild. It seems to be quite common to keep everything! I keep so much stuff it's ridiculous. Bus tickets, cinema tickets, train tickers, brochues, packaging, doodles, even my old school timetables..I used to stick them all over my walls, but now I've started using scrapbooks. With my ex I never had enough things besides bus tickets and a couple of paper lanterns. I threw them away instantly. Deleted his pictures off my computer that day too. Pretty much the same with my previous ex - but I had a whole shoebox full. I went around the night we broke up and put absolutely everything about us two as a couple in that box, and gave it to my best friend. I didn't want that destroyed because I knew I'd be friends with him one day, and I didn't want to forget those times. And I am friends with him, good friends. That's never going to happen with this ex though. Never.

Yup from Sheffield, and yes in my opinion a lot better than the monkeys. People say they're very like them, and I can see where they're coming from...but I think they're focusing too much on the fact that they have the same accent.

It always makes me wonder when I meet gay people that fulfill the stereotype - whether or not they are actually that way or is it a social thing? I had a gay singing teacher who was in every sense of the word, fabulous! He owned. Through my whole relationship with my ex (the one is gay now) we all joked about him being gay, because he fit the stereotype so well. And now he is! It's something I wonder about a lot. And I think you can be safe in knowing that he will get what he deserves. The father in the case my mum was a juror for got 18 years (not nearly enough, in my opinion. Life should mean life) and the officers said he'd already been threatened on numerous occasions. Paedophiles are the ones that they all hate in there - regardless of what they themselves have done. The thing that really makes me nervous about that case is; social services only removed them from their house because the children were so absolutely filthy, and teachers had reported it. It was a long time before the children disclosed what had been happening. If the parents had washed those kids....they would have gotten away with it.

I'm so shocked at how many people I talk to and see so regularly on here have been through such a horrible experience. Scotcha, what you said has stuck with me. I studied Measure for Measure at A-level and a huge part of the moral of the story is that it's not virginity of your body that matters...it's your mind. I've read about lots of people (here and on other forums, magazines and so on) who see it as them losing their virginity and hating that that's their experience. I wish that your idea could be more widespread, as I bet it helps if only the tinest amount.

Good! I aim to please! Yes it is - from my favourite song, "Cheshire Cat Smile" by Milburn. 'Oh how your mind's not on it Pass me a book and I'll read you a sonnet girl, Walls go up and guards come down He's banging on the door thinking, 'Where the f*** is she now?' Don't open your mouth and stick to your guns You've got to realise that she's indifferent Wha-o wha-o what's your name? Just won't learn...here we go again. So it has come to an end things haven't changed, yeah you're still looking rough my friend things get broken things come clear if you wanted to leave so much then, why are you still here? Don't open your mouth and stick to your guns You've got to realise that she's indifferent Wha-o wha-o what's your name? Just won't learn...here we go again. Don't open your mouth and stick to your guns You've got to realise that she's indifferent Wha-o wha-o what's your name? Just won't learn...here we go again."

I'd be too scared that they'd go out and ruin other people's lives. At least...I think I would. Who knows how I'd feel if I were in your position cause I clearly haven't got a clue - something for which I'm so grateful. *hugs*

I am a willing hug dispenser. I'm in a great mood, and not willing to let it dissipate. You want hugs, I got 'em.

Thanks numbhead - I most certainly am feeling very cautious about my emotions. I'm so happy that I'm finally happy that I don't want anything to change that. I'm trying to change my life. Trying to find a job....exercise and all that. I can't wait until I go back to uni in october and find a new life again! The thing I'm trying to cling onto about all of this is how I've suddenly seen this true character out of him that I now see that I did see before. I want to trust my instincts this year, but I'm not sure what they're telling me about this. I think they're still reeling too.

*hug* It's hardly surprising. It's just completely beyond my realms of understanding. There was a survey done in Britain last year or the year before, and a third of people thought that girl who dressed provocatively brought it on themselves when they got raped. When I heard that I sat for I don't know how long just gaping at the screen at the complete idiocy of a third of the population of my country.

I think Piasley80 summed it up amazingly! Also blue-eyedspacemonkey! I know a lot of people who are gay. My ex boyfriend is gay! He wasn't molested. I have a friend who I've known since reception who was never comfortable. For a long time she said she was bi, then that she was a lesbian - now she is living her two years as a man before having a sex change. I agree that being molested as a child is OBVIOUSLY going to affect you later in life. My mu was recently on the jury for a child abuse case and...oh my..the things just absolutely sicken me. There were 3 children, one too young to have any evidence, but two of them were 4 and 6 I think, a girl and boy. Not only were they raped by both their parents, but also forced ti have intercourse with each other. They aren't allowed to see each other anymore now, because their relationship has become sexualised. And they can't be adopted - only fostered. It's sickening to think how 'damaged' those children are so young in their lives. But I doubt that any of their experiences would 'cause' them to become homosexual. There's even a theory about a gay gene? I read an article about it a few years ago, I can't remember the specifics, but it backs up the idea (which I believe) that you are just born one way or another. Boy or Girl, Black or White, Gay or Straight.

Has anyone else found that a big shock that normally would devastate you be the thing that pulls you a lot closer back to who you were?

I can't even imagine how horrible having that happen must be. The thought terrifies me so much, I just don't dare leave the house by myself. I don't know if this statistic is true of the rest of the world, but I know here the chances of you being attacked by someone you know very well are far larger than by a stranger. When I read about people that have been raped, I always wonder about how your life must be affected by it. I mean...after my ex broke up with me, the thought of anyone else touching me was physically repulsive. I just couldn't even consider it. How did/do you overcome that, because that impulse has got to be a lot stronger than mine ever was or ever could be?

I don't understand why it was this that pushed him off that pedestal. It was very sudden. And it's not because he got dumped on v-day, not at all. Or that he got dumped at all. I just seem to have seen him in a much clearer light all of a sudden, and now I feel like I just don't care at all anymore. Like...he could call me right now and say "I miss you, I love you, I want to try again" and I could say "Not a chance in hell." and really and truly mean it, and not regret it in the slightest.

So true. I was thinking about this earlier, I felt so so alone rght after the break up, even though I really wasn't. And my friends have been fantastic. But still, the people that know everything about what I'm feeling, and the people that have helped me most are people on here. There's always someone to turn to when it feels like there's no one else. I happily volunteer! Email or PM me anytime you need it

Today I found out that my ex got dumped on Valentines' Day. I wasn't aware he was with anyone. He dumped me 2 days after Christmas. He contacted me on the first of feb (I haven't remembered on purpose, I just changed the calendar seconds before he text me) saying that he missed me, asking if I missed him, asking me to see him the next day. It might just be me, but I don't think I'd call it getting dumped if I was in a relationship for less than two weeks, so he must have been with someone when he texted me. At first I was *so* upset at realising this. I also found some stuff that he'd written that made me feel so cheap and used. But it only took me having a shower after that to get into this most amazing mood! The best I've been in for a seriously long time! I don't really understand how I can possibly feel so good, considering what I've found out and the conclusions I've come to from those...such as the feeling of being used. I think that the huge shock to the system was the smack in the face that I needed to make me really and truly see how amazingly better off I'm going to be without that guy. I know we all say it a million times after we get broken up with....but I feel it so strongly. Even up to yesterday, if I thought about seeing him I felt awful. But now I think about it and feel amazing, like if I saw him I could and would laugh and not give a toss about him at all. Is this something that's fairly common? If any of you have experiences similar, I really would love to hear about them. If this is just my reaction to it, and by tomorrow I'm going to be a big pile of jelly, I'd rather have some time to prepare myself for that!

Well this is unexpected! I feel really good. REALLY good. I shouldn't feel this good! What's going on? I've put on my "Happy' playlist, not to cheer me up, but because I'm happy. That hasn't happened since...umm October/November?! Maybe even before that. I think I've got delayed rebound going on...when we first broke up, just the idea of being with someone else was completely unthinkable, but now I want it really badly. And it's not just as a result of what happened earlier, I've been feeling like that for a few days. It's not going to happen - I'm just not i a position to do anything like that. But still. I prefer this feeling. I have a feeling the ex is well and truly off his pedestal. I do have very very strong urge to throw said pedestal at him, but no. GBH wouldn't make me feel better (for long).

Ok definitely shoot me. Right. I don't know if you remember, a few weeks ago (quite a few weeks ago) I found that I could check the address my ex used to send to without feeling weird, but myspace still felt a little odd. Well I got that feeling that I could do it again, but because I had carried out my little plan regarding that email and my friend, I couldn't find out. I use it as a kind of mark. So this time, I was checkingmy own myspace, and saw that he had posted a bulletin. I hadn't bothered to remove him for various reasons. NOT to hang onto anything. So I thought, right I wonder how I feel now? I thought I'd turned a corner the other day. So I looked at his profile...and now I'm not sure how I feel at all. At first I felt fine - then I noticed a comment. So I've just found out that he has been with someone else...and in fact got dumped on Valentine's Day. You have no idea how much I want to swear right now. Part of me is so upset that it's happened, though I knew it would. I guess when he told me he missed me I just didn't think that he could also have someone else at the same time. And now I'm also kind of scared that someone else was in the picture beforehand. Another part of me let go of something. Maybe the hope? I want to punch that guy so much right now. Also...tell me if you agree, you wouldn't say you got dumped if you were with someone less than 2 weeks, right? He contacted me on the first of feb (I remember, cause I had literally *just* changed my calendar) so something is very definitely wrong with him. Agh. I feel so completely conflicted. I'm so upset, but I'm kinda really happy too.