terk2021
-
Posts
387 -
Joined
-
Days Won
2
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Articles
Videos
Blogs
Store
Everything posted by terk2021
-
We found the house in January. I was skeptical about moving in prior to getting married. It was her "dream" house, she was my fiance. It was more than I wanted, but we were also moving in her 5 year old daughter, and it was a great place for our immediate family, and 1 or 2 more down the road (which we both agreed on we wanted). Basically, her career started taking off at the time we moved, and were still wedding planning, and lets just say that priorities changed... Between work, wedding planning, raising a daughter with joint custody, she became way overwhelmed... Ex came in and said get married or move out (part of divorce decree). After 3 weeks of pondering, she had not made a decision, and kept it from me for 3 weeks as to moving out of the house, or getting married. We missed the big wedding we both wanted (she chose place/date/bridesmaids...), said let's get married on honeymoon or smaller ceremony. Was not sure "when" she wanted to get married... Made the decision to move out for her I have been told wise decision, but have felt miserable since. Was not right, and I understood her exes point. He agreed we could get house because we were getting married in 3 months... He's a good father, and I hold no resentment towards him...
-
It's the text messaging that's killing me... Hearing our song, or hearing from her friends that she misses me... She is just &^%#@$&^ in the head right now... Trying to talk pushes her away, they should come out with a NC pill that you could take every day... Can't just delete numbers and email addresses. After 1.5 years, have those memorized Just need to quit ignoring the bad, and just remembering the good. I guess everyone deserves to get screwed over every once in a while. I used to be a jerk, so maybe I was being taught a lesson from the past???
-
It's as though I wrote that thread myself... If I would have followed all of the advice I had received, I would probably be in a different situation. NC is the way to go. Get yourself back out there. If you are not ready to date anyone else, then don't. But don't let her words eat at you. My exes words have been eating at me for months. I have given in each time she wants me back... Now, we are on a break again based on her choice, and I still find myself breaking NC just to talk to her... Nothings worse than living on hope, but hope to me (maybe like you) leads a little to fear... My guess? She knows she has a great guy to fall back on in you... Sound familiar?
-
thank you for the words of encouragement. Please keep them coming... I still have been unsuccessful about NC, because of personal matters still between us seperating things out... It's just so tough with the holidays coming up...
-
She was married before. Had been divorced for 2 years before we started going out. Had a 5 year old daughter. She says she was "scared" and not sure if she was ready to walk down the isle... But she was ready for me to buy her her dream house 3 months prior
-
Very strange. You have every right to have questions. It could be very innocent, but then again... I would leave him alone and wait for him to contact you. If I were in your position, that would bother me too... People can make time for the people they want to be with. No one is that important to be too busy...
-
I have been posting here for about 3 months now. Some of you have read my story, but my fiance postponed our wedding 3 weeks prior to it. We bought a house 3 months prior, or should I say, I bought a house 3 months prior. I had her move out 1 month after postponing the wedding. I had a backbone that day, but since, we have been going back and forth on getting back together. I have been making myself available, going back to her every time after she has requested a break and gone back on it. I have ignored the advice I have received from friends and family, as well as from the experiences of many of you on this board. I miss her and love her so much, but I have ignored all of the bad, and only thought about the good. No contact is the way I should have gone. I started to heal until the last time she came back. It's been as though she has had a manual that tells her every button to push on me. Even today, I found myself texting her, telling how I missed her... I am going to tell myself tonight, that I am moving forward starting now. Tomorrow is a brand new day, and I need to go NC, and get back to being me. It's been hard because I am living in this house (which would really hurt financially to try and sell right now) that has memories... Just need some support... Thank you.
-
Great Woman.......but is she worth pursuing?
terk2021 replied to motorman543's topic in Dating Advice
She probably feels work is the one thing she has control of... -
It is tough when you are dealing with someone that acts this way. It usually means troubled past. She is scared, and the question is how long do you wait for her to come around... Pursuing harder typically makes it worse as I am learning the hard way. If she calls you, just let her know that you are there for her... But you should wait for her to make that move...
-
It seems like since I have changed my ways after getting hurt once or twice, I have found myself being the one broken up with in a relationship. I have been told I am a nice guy and have a lot going for me. Maybe I have just met the wrong women, or have been looking in the wrong spots, but it seems that life was so much easier when I was a jerk. Where are the women out there that actually want to be with a nice guy?
-
who should call who? will he come back?
terk2021 replied to lleessaaaa's topic in Breaking Up Advice
A good friend of mine gave me advice about 3 months ago on my ex. I did not take it, and I regret it. Tell him in a letter, or email, that you are moving on with your life. It's not giving him an ultimatum, but let him know you are moving forward. If you meet someone during that timeframe, you do, but you are not out to find someone... If you are available when he is ready, then you are, and it's meant to be. I have not been giving my ex space, because she has asked for it twice, and came back very quickly each time I did not contact her. Since, I have been trying to win her back, and it's been a rough 4 months of wondering where she is, what she is doing... -
At this point...all is lost...please help me.
terk2021 replied to miss888s's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
That is very cold... It's amazing how some people in this world can be. Don't take this the wrong way, but the false hope is what has been killing me the most. She tells me last night that she is still in love with me, but needs until the end of the year to figure things out. In the mean time, she has been spending time with her ex-husband and telling me it's for her daughter... Getting walked on sucks... My prayers are with you, and I hope you find strength as well. I told her last night I would respect her space until the end of the year... I am with you. All I ask is WHY WHY WHY... It's been 4 months for me... -
At this point...all is lost...please help me.
terk2021 replied to miss888s's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
miss, I fully can relate to your posts. It's been 4 months since my fiance canceled our wedding, and she did it 3 weeks before it. I kicked her out of the house about 3 months ago. I have never really been religious, and she got me to go to church, attend a marriage prep class... I have still been talking with the minister that was going to marry us. It was always difficult for me to understand why she did what she did. I bought her her dream house, and gave her everything, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially. I have been seeing her off and on for the past 2 months, and it's been pure hell... The minister ultimately gave me some great advice. Remember that God is looking out for you, and he may have saved you from much more pain and suffering down the road. Revenge is not a great motive to have, but you have to trust that everything happens for a reason, and he may have saved you from something much worse. Your guy is out there. Don't give up... -
She was married before, and said she was scared... She did not give a time frame for setting a date, and after a month of that, that's when I asked her to move out.
-
I have posted here a few times about my situation. My fiance postponed our wedding 3 weeks prior to it. A month later, I asked her to move out. Since, we have been on and off again. She asked for a break, I gave it to her. One week later, she broke NC and said she missed me and made a mistake. I started thinking we were getting closer. A month later, request for break through the end of the year so she could figure things out. We have still been in contact for various reasons. I have broken it a number of times. She says she still loves me, but does not know what she wants. I sent her an email yesterday stating that I still loved her, and I will start respecting her space and NC until the end of the year. The email I got back said that she did not love me like she used to... I emailed her back and thanked her for her honesty, and I asked her to repay some of the debt that I paid off for her out of respect. During our relationship, I helped her out financially. I was doing it for my fiance, not a girl I had just been dating for a few months... She called me and we talked for an hour. Many of her friends I met during our relationship have become my friend, and have been there for me through these tough times. She was mad that her friends were talking to me, and not to her anymore. She said she sent me the "dear John" email and told me she did not love me that way anymore, because she simply wanted me to stop calling... I know that's what I need to do. She said that in fact she is still in love with me, but just does not know what she wants right now... Am I wrong in asking for money back? She is definitely confused right now, and I have been fighting a battle I have no control over. But she says she is still in love with me??? I am going NC for the rest of the year. I have been weak, and letting my heart lead me as opposed to my head. Mixed signals coming from her left and right...
-
It's been 4 months since we have truly gone out. I have had my "rebound dates" for about a month now since I have seen her last... I am ready to move forward in life. One of my friends put it to me best: "Quit giving her the milk if she does not want to buy the cow". I love that quote...
-
It's hard to turn love on and off like it's a switch. After all she has put me through, I heard she was sick, so yesterday I went by the store and picked up a card, mixed flowers, soup, and tootsie pops, her favorite and put them on the doorstep of her apartment. I barely got a thank you... I get reminded every day about NC from friends, family and this site. It takes time to sink in. It took me 1 year to get over the 1st love of my life. This one, 4 months. I think after what I did yesterday and what I got in return says it all. There is some truth to the fact that she may be hurting. I have heard from mutual friends that my ex has been out buying a ton of things, trying to keep busy, and all of those things. When it comes right down to it though, these friends tell me that she is not happy. Kind of makes me feel good, but I wish her no harm. So tonight, I am going out with friends, and I am going to remember that someone broke my heart, and I found someone else that loved me after that. I am 35, never been married, and I look forward to the day that I meet her, whoever or wherever she is. But don't give up... There is someone out there that wants the same things you do... And remember, YOU DESERVE BETTER. I am not a huge country music fan, but there is a song out there by Rascal Flats "God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you". That was supposed to be our wedding song... Someone is out there watching out for us. Keep your head up, and don't let her win by you giving up. I gave up for 4 months, and today is a new beginning for me. Let it be one for you!
-
So what if I still love her?
-
Well spoken. Which woman she really is, I may never know, but I may have been truly blessed to find out before saying "I do". Thanks.
-
I hear you my friend. My fiance canceled our wedding 3 weeks before it. We took a marriage prep class, and I have actuallys stayed close with the minister that taught it, and was going to marry us. He gave me a great piece of advice. I am not the most religious person on the face of the earth, but remember that God is watching, and everything happens for a reason. Not that revenge should be a factor, but if you have done everything that you could have done in the relationship, and you are a good person, and she does not care or is messed up and does not know how to care, it will come out in the wash. And everything happens for a reason. My friends have been telling me to look at this as a blessing and that I may have been saved from something far worse than what I have been going through...
-
Could it be that she is realizing what she lost? For 1.2 years, I had someone that loved me so much, and did all of the little things to show it. What changed in our relationship was the "promise" her career started to show her, and the change in priority I became. Now here career is starting to kill her off a little... The bad part for me is I still love her. I had an incredible woman for 1.2 years, and for 4 months I have seen someone completely different. Is it possible that what I had for 1.2 years may come back? I am learning that I should not sit around and wait for it, but I have to say that I LOVED that woman with all of my heart. The one in front of me now, I hardly recognize...
-
The other thing she is saying is that I never loved her, and hanging out with her friends is proving it???
-
My fiance postponed our wedding 3 weeks before it. We had lived together in our house since April, and had a wedding scheduled for the end of July. It was downhill from there, and I asked her to move out at the end of August. Since, we have seen each other off and on, with her asking for the "break" once, which lasted a week and she regretted everything and missed me so much. Then 3 weeks later, another "break". This one requested until the end of the year so she can figure out life. We dated for about 9 months before we got engaged, and during that time, I became friends with lot of her friends. Most of them were couples, but some single girls. Since calling off the wedding, her friends have been watching what's been going on. This almost sounds kind of high school, but since her friends have been hanging out with me and calling me. This of course has driven my ex-fiance nuts. She has been calling me and accusing me of trying to make her look like the villan in everything. Her friends have told me a lot of things that she has done. Pretty much bad stuff, but she never cheated on me. Her friends felt she used me. I still love this woman very much. I am under the partial dillusion that we have a shot at getting back together. Her friends are telling me that I deserve much better, and some of them have even been trying to set me up. I don't want to sound petty, but it is nice to hear from people that have known her for a lot longer than I have that I have done nothing wrong, I am a nice guy, and I deserve better. It is becoming more realistic to me that my ex is probably never coming back, but I have made some great friends through the past year. Should I not be able to be friends with them, just because my fiance dumped me? I am 35 years old, and I have never been married. I know it's time to move on in my life, and these are great friends that feel they have wonderful friends that I should meet and go out with. Should I feel guilty?
-
Kia, I can certainly feel your pain. My fiance canceled our wedding 3 weeks before it, and talked about pushing it out further and further and further as time went along. I kicked her out, and it felt good at the time. Now I have a big house with memories of how great things once were. My friends have been telling me to leave her alone and give her her space. I have done the exact opposite, and now I find myself getting the occasional call to see how I am doing. When I ask if she still loves me, she is not sure. There is certainly a connection, otherwise she would not be calling. I speak from the heart on this. MOVE ON. Get out there and meet people that want the same things that you do. If he loves you, and he may in fact love you, then you have to let him come back to you. You sound like a great person, and you deserve so much better. It's been 4 months for me, and I still feel pain just about every day. If you have good friends around you, go out with them, have fun, and get back to doing the things you used to enjoy before you met this guy. Like you, I have not found that counseling, books, and journals work... Best advice is to go out and try and have fun. If he loves you, he will come back. If he does not, you will be that much ahead in your recovery...
-
I would certainly be upfront with her as to what your feelings are, and what type of relationship that you want with her. The only tough part of that is you have to be prepared for any response. I would not suggest an ultimatum with her. Those generally have only 1 outcome. A piece of advice my friends have been giving me as I have gone through my latest loss is: "Do not give up the milk if they do not want to buy the cow". I thought that was kind of an interesting quote. I did not follow it. Our relationship is now over, and I have chalked it up to a learning experience. What I meant by that is that if you are ready for the kind of relationship that is going to grow, and she is not, then let her know that you still want to see her, just let her know that you need to move forward in your life. If she wants to call you and see you and you are available, go out with her. Timing has so much to do with relationships. I am now going out with someone that I went out with a few years ago that was just not ready to open up her heart. It's so tough to be with a person when they are not ready to do that and you are. I hope this helps. Believe me, I wish I would have taken my family and friends advice a long time ago...
