motorman543

Thanks friends for your comments. I guess no response is the best response to hold my dignity and respect. I didn't have interest in her anymore until I got this message. I really don't want to have interest in her after her flakiness and disrespect. I wish I could say what you said Beec but I would feel awkward next time I see her after saying that. ----- Yes it is complete b.s. that she was too busy for a simple bday wish or any explanation as to why we stopped seeing eachother. It was games from the start. One of those I am a lot of work, you don't want to date me, yes I do, I chase after her, she warns me that work will be getting extremely busy, I say fine no problem lets go our separate ways, boom then she wants me, we go out, I invite her something formal and nice and she cancels the day before. I never get a make up date and don't hear back from her. I plan to get some dinner and drinks with her roomate (we are friends) soon so maybe that is what prompted her note. Anyhow, she has made things awkward for herself knowing that I would certainly run into in the future.

Lets say there was this girl that you went on a date with 4-5 times. Had a great time. Good connection. Definate chemistry. But then she got busy with work and put you on the back burner. Didn't retutn you last phone call and didn't go out of her way to contact you at all. Friends tell you she is going through a I hate guys phase and is immature when dealing with men. Then you invite her to your bday party to be nice, not expecting her to come. She never responds. So you move on, put her out of your mind and have a great time meeting other women. But then almost two weeks after your bday you get a message from her saying Hi, happy late bday. I am sorry I missed it. I have just been working too hard. Hope you had a great time. What would you make of this? Why did she even go out of her way now? (1.5 months since I have spoken to her) She didn't care to save face earlier when she pretty much stopped talking to me. Oh you girls sure are confusing.

Oh I wish I was in college again...but that is over. I am still in school, but a male dominated field with no women. I have yet to meet a decent girl at the bar. I will try the bus and other random places. I really have been making the effort lately. In fact I am off to meet a random girl that I met on craigs list tonight. She looked cute we'll see. She invited me over for a drink.

Thanks Mav you are probably right...But are what people my age do around here. Funny thing is..these guys are 27-28 and older than me. I think I am just over the bar scene and need to find girls with similar interest like you suggest.

I am tired of going out with mt guy friends. I used to have a great girlfriend but now I am single (it didn't work out). Now the weekend consist of going to dinner with my guy friends than hitting the bars. "You go talk to her, not you go talk to her" is what goes on through out the night. It is pathetic I am admit. So I head over and talk to some random girl that I have never met before. I usually get turned down because she is with her friends or because she doesn't care to talk to me. I have never hooked up or dated a random girl. The only girl that I have dated has been friends of friends that I have some connection with. The girls look like they are having so much fun together with their other girlfriends (are they really or just acting like it??). While us guys have talked about the football playoffs 3 times aready and what girls we should have hooked up with on new years. I am tired of my guy friends and just want a girlfriend to hang out with again. What can I do to get past this???? It is wearing on me!!

I appreciate the insight Lilly and the honesty Budman. Lily I tried setting up convient dates or times to see eachother but go no where. How about lunch? (you are going to think I am crazy but I usually skip lunch or have my interns bring me something) Excuses, excuses I know. But I can't ever tell if they are valid or not so it confuses me. Especially when she returns my phone calls. If she wasn't interested I would think she would just not return them or be truthful. (maybe this is part of her imaturity) Budman you are probably correct. I had this mentality when I first started taking her out on dates and was ready to give up on her. But then something told me to try one more time a little harder and she really came around for a week or two and it just went to show that hard work pays off. But there has been a steady decline in contact. And yes you are right she probably wouldn't go out of her way to contact me at this point. It woud need to be me again, which is ridiculous after she cancelled twice on me. Soooo...with all that said. How do I clear things up and come to a resolution for myself? I don't like the idea of just not talking anymore. I think it is childish and only leaves things awkward for future encounters that will certainly occur. Should I just pull her aside next time I see her and talk to her or just act like we never dated and limit talking to her? Or call/e-mail her one last time?

Well said Terk. I have concluded that my situation is bad timing. It has been 3 weeks now since I last saw (xmas break) and we never came to any conclusion which bothers me. I don't like unresolved issues. She just never responded to my last phone call, nor made any attempt to make up our cancelled date. Speaking to a friend I come to find out that she did tell her friends about us dating and hooking up. I thought she was keeping things a secret which I was wrong. Anyhow, they told me that she is going through a "boys suck" phase and is really immature about guys. And that she just got out of a long relationship that SHE ended. Seems odd to hate guys when you are the one that ended things (and no it was not over cheating). I showed her nothing but respect so I don't get the whole I hate boys right now mind frame. She obviosuly got over that for a month or two while she was seeing me because we had a great time. So what does that mean??

You are right Terk. I need a more balanced person. I have been very patient and have played by her rules, but you can only be so patient. I think 2 weeks of not seeing them when you only live a mile away is more than patient. We have flirted through e-mail a bit. She even called me back friday, hinted she was going out saturday with her girls. She even called me at 1am when I texted her a quick message. I called her earlier the next day to try to set something up. No call back. I texted her at night and got no response. That really bothered me since it has been so long since we have seen each other and now we are going to leave for two weeks for xmas. I have changed my approach the last few times from a real date (because she canceled the last one) to a more casual lets get a drink or get dinner after work. At this point and given these actions, do you think there is any chance remaining? Or is it pretty clear she is not interested? Or heloladies, do you think I should continue until she clearly tells me she doesn't want to date>? Every time I right her off, I call one last time and then she seems interested but her talk turns into little action. I am left frustrated. But after two unreturned voicemails, a canceled date she never made up to me, I am at the point where I MUST move on and let HER call me if anything is to be genuine. Do you all Agree??

cut it out dude. It is a waste of your time. You are trying to get something from it that your GF is not giving you. Take the engergy and time and give it to your relationship

You think you have things under control and you know what you are doing and then the pro comes along (i.e. Heloladies) and all logic gets thrown at the door. You are right I am just making excuses I need to get back on my game and work my magic. Anyhow I texted her tonight and she ended up trying to call me super late. Her message sent chills through my spine. When I called her back I was drunk (it is friday night give me a break) and she kept saying she would talk to me tomorrow. Whatever that means?? I met some great girls tonight. Super cute and very friendly. One has a boyfriend but she didn't act like it at all. Out of all you great girls out there why do I get stuck on this one?? uggghh I know i can do better and someone that puts effort into it Oh and thanks Heloladies. I am taking your advice and will give it a shot tonight.

I appreciate the words of wisdom and experience. I am still learning these things the hard way. All your points make sense. I needed someone like you to clear the clouds from my fogged perspective. About number 2, I don't think I would loose interest if she was more available, it just sparks my interest early on, 3 you are correct, but she did warn me early on that her work was going to get out of control and she wouldn't be able to see her friends for a month or two until after the holidays and that her work isn't always like this, just seasonal. 6 I don't know where she is getting this ego boost from because none of her friends know about us, but maybe it just makes her feel good about herself . There have been two or three times where I have gotten so frustrated with this girl that I told myself I wasn't going to call her anymore. Then I wait 4-5 days (and she never goes out of her way to call me) and I end up breaking my promise to myself. I feel bad not calling her back tonight. Because I totally know what it is like to be on the other side. (treat people how you want to be treated) But maybe that will show her that I am not going to chase her anymore and be at her beck and call. But to be honest with you and myself, I will probably break down, end up seeing her at the bars tomorrow, act disinterested and see where it goes from there. And leave it up to her to contact me after that. I wish I was stronger and had more dignity.

Ya you are probably right dude. The truth hurts. Thanks for the honesty Why am I chasing her so much you ask? 1. She isn't like all the other girls, and a complete opposite of my ex's 2. She isn't readily available 3. The sexual chemistry between us on those 4-5 dates were off the chart. Some of the best kissing ever. 4. I know what I want, and I can usually attain it with enough hard work and intelligence (but maybe not this time) 5. Persistence supposedly pays off 6. Most woman that aren't interested will tell you or not call you back and that hasn't happened yet

Ok so there is a girl that i have been trying to date. I say trying because it has taken quite the effort compared to most woman. We have gone on dates a handful of times and have always had a great time. Then she got busy with work, cancelled on me twice and I haven't seen her in two weeks. I called her today and left a message just saying Hi. She called back, left a message saying she wasn't going out tonight because she was too tired but that she would be ready to go tomorrow and that she was probably going out with her girlfriends. I am not a big fan of going out to bars, etc. with a girl and her friends when your goal is to date the woman. Too many distractions to really get to know them better. And I will probably just end up drunk and in a bedroom, which isn't good because I am looking for more than FWB and casual hookups. I can get that with a lot less effort. This seems to be the only time she and I will get to see her before I leave for xmas. 1. Should I go despite the ideal conditions for trying to date someone? 2. Or should I put my foot down, just pass and do my own thing ? I know the male dating gurus would say that this is a total No. And that if she can't make the time for a one on one date than on to the next girl. What do you all think? And should I call her back tonight like she asked me or let her wonder where I am going tonight? She has really worked the play hard to get deal so I need to balance things out and take back some control.

Oh I did. I wrote her back the next day and teased her about working so much and about her comment. But haven't heard back from her. What confuses me, is that other than not having time these past 2 weeks, she is still really nice and responds to my e-mails. When we first started going out on dates I brought up the fact that she didn't seem that interested because she wouldn't return my phone calls. And that I understood that girls get quiet and don't respond when they are not interested. This got her all worked up and she told me I didn't understand girls and that they need to be pursued and then jumped my bones later that night. This has been the most difficult woman I have tried to figure out. But I have put in 80% of the work and it gets old fast.