MyTeddyBear

I saw my (ex) on Saturday evening. I went to give him some of his things. Well, apparently he didn't get my message that I was coming by. Anyway, he was surprised LOL but not in a bad way. We decided to go out to dinner (sort of awkward at first, but got better) Then went back to his place, drank some beers, listened to music and talked about politics. It was really nice. It was like we'd never been apart. We decided to out to a local pub. We had a great time in the pub, laughing and joking with each other... then he planted a huge kiss on me. We went back to his place and one thing led to another.... you can guess. It was very emotional. He didn't let go of me the whole night. In the morning he was super nice. He went and brought breakfast and severed it me. He treated me like a queen. We slept together again... I had to leave later Sunday afternoon. He really didn't want me to go, he kept holding me and saying, "no not yet". When we parted I gave him his things. Stuff, I figured he'd want. Anyway, we hugged and kissed goodbye. But he didn't say, I'll call you later or I'll see you later. I guess maybe I expected that, because of the way he was with me. I know this man loves me. Did I hurt him by giving him his things? I didn't do it in a bad way... Let me say, that this man broke up our realtionship, because he was scared and fearful of where "it" was all going. We didn't fight, no one cheated, this was about him. Now what do I do? What have I done?? Should I go NC again? -

Fiona Apple - Sleep to dream I tell you how I feel But you don't care I say tell me the truth But you don't dare You say love is a hell You cannot bear And I say gimme mine Back and then go there For all I care I got my feet On the ground And I don't go to Sleep to dream You got your head In the clouds And you're not at All what you seem This mind, this body And this voice cannot be Stifled by your deviant ways So don't forget what I told you Don't come around I got my own hell to raise I have never been So insulted in all my life I could swallow the seas To wash down all this pride First you run like a fool Just to be at my side And now you run like a fool But you just run to hide And I can't abide I got my feet On the ground And I don't go To sleep to dream You got your head In the clouds and You're not at all What you seem This mind, this body And this voice cannot be Stifled by your deviant ways So don't forget what I told you Don't come around I got my own hell to raise Don't make it a big deal Don't be so sensitive We're not playing A game anymore You don't have To be so defensive Don't you plead me your case Don't bother to explain Don't even show me your face 'Cause it's a crying shame Just go back to the rock From under which you came Take the sorrow you gave And all the stakes you claim And don't forget the blame I got my feet On the ground And I don't go To sleep to dream You got your head In the clouds and You're not at all What you seem This mind, this body And this voice cannot be Stifled by your deviant ways So don't forget What I told you Don't come around I got my own hell to raise

yeah i was nc for 9 days. then he called last week. he tells me how much he missed me and so forth. he said, he didn't know if he did the right thing (breaking up). i know he called yesterday because he wanted to see me. now, what the hell is his problem? i can't figure this man out.

i wasn't home. he left no message. i called back after i came home, but he wasn't there (or didn't pick up) . i left a message, but he didn't call back. should i try to call him back again tonight or not? i sort of know why he called, but i'd like to hear it from him. damn, i hate games...

Some background 150960[/url] I was NC for 9 days and last night he calls. I totally didn’t expect it. Anyway we talked for almost 2 hours about what had happened. He kept telling me how much he missed me and the kids. He said all he thinks about is me and he wanted to call so many times, but he didn’t because he thought I hated him for what he did. Then, he said, he thinks he might have made a mistake. Ya think? (I didn’t say that, but that’s what I thought) when we were talking I talked like the relationship was past tense. Because to me is was. That’s not what I want, tho. Why won’t he just say, I’m sorry, I definitely made a mistake! Lets make this work. Does he think I will reject him because of all the pain he put me through? He’s so wishy washy... I can’t figured him out and I’m tried of trying. ](*,)

he just said he missed us. He didn't know if it was the right thing to be apart. and, he said, wanted to hear my voice and to know I was ok. I feel really numb. I've cried so much these past weeks and been in so much pain. I'm unsure what to do next.

I was nine days NC. He called and said, he missed me & the family... and didn't know if he made the right choice. and blah blah blah,,,,, ya know.... We talked for over 2 hours. I am so numb from everything. Why did he call me? to ease his guilt? or loneliness? Damnit...

Untouchable Face by Ani DiFranco Perfect

no, it was HIM. It really was.

" You had a great women and a wonderful little family and you left us. You will always look back on this and it will haunt you. Your heart will be filled with regret. You will always wonder "what if". And this is what you deserve. A life long torture of "what ifs." I let go you now. Knowing that I did all I could. You knew my circumstances before you came back. Hell, you knew them when you sitting right here in my living room. Yet you didn't say a f***ing word. What a great act. " "Maybe you were bored and we filled your time. But now you choose being "alone" over us. I know you keep your ex girlfriend around. Don't think I didn't know. I know there is a "friend" in ******. The dumbest thing I ever did was to trust you. You can never loved anyone. You don't even love yourself. You are a weak man. It's too bad because you could've been a great one." "I can do better"

I had a good time. But it felt really strange. There were times in the evening i didn't think at all about my ex. but after it was over, i missed him terribly. maybe it's normal, i dunno? I don't think i'm ready to date. I need time heal. I realize this now.

I was asked out and I'm going. no, i'm not trying to replace one with another but i see no point in sitting at home alone and pining over my ex. If i know him like i believe I do, he feels like crap. He made his bed, though. I did everything right and he left. and you know what ...he's a fool!

it's just strange. and i know it doesn't matter. I'm so numb to everything he's done. our break-up wasn't angry or drama, so I guess I don't get it. If you don't want to talk to someone, then don't. Why the drama of blocking. Growup, already.

and yahoo messager. What the hell? i haven't called him on skype since our break-up. and i just happen to look at it tonight. why is he doing this? We just talked on Tuesday (at his work) and it wasn't bad at ALL . He did say it was hard to talk with me and he was sad. by the way he ended it. I have never begged for him back or anything. I don't write emails... nothing. I'm pretty much NC. So what the hell?

I agree 100%. it's totally possible. I also think it depends on the realtionship you had. Mine was LD for a while, so we were great friends before the realtionship truly began. Right not, there are too many emotions( we both still love each other very much) between us to be friends. But I believe in time we will.

i feel eveything you decribed. " Every step forward feels like one step further from him, and what we had. " that's exactly what i'm feeling too. i talk to my ex today and now i know he feels it too. i think if you truly had a deep love for one another, the pain hurts on both sides. it's going to be a tough road and i'm weary...

Right now it's hard to think of the future. I know I will go through a gamut of emotions and I'm ready for them. Honestly, if I knew then what I know now, I'd still do it. I regret nothing. No matter where we are or who else we are with, we will always have our connection. And, no you can't have 5 bucks!

I called my bf (ex now) after NC for a week. the story We talked for a long time. We talked what has been going on and how we were doing. He was hurting just like me. He felt so incredibly sorry for hurting me. It was genuine. he said he hadn't called because he didn't know what to say. Bottom line, is that he didn’t want this situation (we are 100 miles apart, & I have three kids from a previous marriage) He’s from Europe and he didn’t want to commit to me, because his heart isn’t really here in America. He knew I couldn’t leave and he knows he can’t stay forever. I think I knew that long before all of this happened. But we were both in denial. We were both scared to let the other one go. But finally he made the choice. Am I hurt and broken hearted? Oh God, yes! But, I think as hard as it is to admit this, he is right. We expected too much from each other. We both said to each other that we are so much more than bf/gf. We are friends. Always. It will take some time to get over the pain we both feel. Now may we both heal.

I believe mine does. not because it makes me feel better, but because I know him, like no one else... I know he's going through the same pain ( maybe worse than me, since it was his decision). He loves me and I haunt his mind . This I know without a doubt.

Sad Heartbroken Confused Abandoned Angry Love Female dumpee/dumper

the story I thought I was a stronger person. My bf of a year and half broke things off 9 days ago. I barely eat(lost 7 pounds already) and I don't sleep well. I cry at the drop of a hat. I try to keep myself busy, but I have no motivative for anything. I feel like I'm slipping into a deep depression. I really have no answers as to why he just walked away from everything we had. This haunts me. I haven't contacted him recently, because I'm afraid of being rejected and I want to be strong. Some words of encouragement would be appreciated...

my bf (ex?) Of a year and a half, said to me last Friday he didn't think he was strong enough to be with me. We were separated for 3 months then for 4 months. All the while he kept saying how much he wanted this relationship and he could wait to come back to me. He has been back a little over 3 now. we went from a long distance relationship to acting like we were married with children (I have 3 kids from a previous marriage). Since he has been back things seemed really good. About a month ago, I could feel him becoming more distance from me. I figured he was just adjusting to his new job, and life here. We would only see each other on the weekends or on our days off since his job was 100miles away from where I lived. It was hard on both of us. Every time we parted it was sad. Recently we spent a 9 day vacation together it was really nice. We were happy. He came back 3 days later, which I didn't expect. I thought he'd want some down time. But I didn't say anything, and he came. It was good... but I could feel something was wrong. He left after the labor day weekend. We talked on the phone during the week. He seemed depressed and not having much to say. He said how much he love me, I remember that because he wouldn't say that often. Anyway, Friday came around and I call him. I asked if he was coming. He said he didn't know what time he'd get off work and it might be too late. Since he took the bus he had to leave at certain time. I could have come to him that weekend, but as the conversation went on I realized he maybe didn't want to see me at all. He said he'd call later. He finally called my on my cell while I was at the store. He said, he got home too late. This is bull * * * *. He knew I knew that. I said I couldn't talk and I had to go. I was disappointed. I called him when I got home and asked him what is going on? He said, he'd been thinking about the future and where this is all going. He went on to tell me, he didn't think he was strong enough for me. He said he didn't want to hurt me. He told me it was about him ...not me. He said he loved the kids. He said, he had messed up everything in his life and never finish anything. I asked him if this was "it". He said he "I think so... " I couldn't believe this! I cried, then he cried. Said he had to go. I said I loved him. We went back and forth with this for a while. In the end he hung up... I was devastated. After this I went no contact for 3 days. I called him on Tuesday he seemed sheepish. He said, it was weird to not talk. I said, it was good for us for now(trying to be strong). He said, he didn't know about that. I said, I had to go, but we could talk later tonight. He said, not tonight. We'll talk at the end of the week, he said. Ok...fine. I went to NC again. Thursday I broke down and wrote him an email in which I described what went wrong and I addressed the issues I thought were bothering him. (New job, new city, living in two places, going from 0 to 60 in our relationship) Maybe it was dumb to do it. I felt like I had to say something. Then I wrote him another email that following morning, it was short... all I said was that I missed him and this hurts. That's all. I didn't get a response. I was hurt but wasn't surprised. i know i need to get on with things. but i'm left wondering about so much. he seems so indecisive. he always has been. i think he's bi-polar. he has always been up and down. I know I can't wait around wondering he'll do. I truly am worried about him. please give me some advice.

it's day 6 of the "break-up". I'm realizing more and more, it's over. I have so many questions that I know will never be answered. memories they keep rolling through my mind. My last physical contact with him was so affectionate and sweet. I had no idea. (He broke it off on the phone) It was only a week ago that he said how much he loved me. (it's hard for him to say that) I know he meant it. I keep thinking how did this happen? we went through so much to be together. Was it all a lie? I'm lost.... help me through this...

I know what you're feeling. I'm only in day 6 of the break-up. it's tough. this place is great,tho . it has help me alot. be strong.

That could be true. But I do let him dictate how we feel about myself. That is sad. My problem with the whole break up is that I don't know if we really broke up or not. He keeps saying he doesn't know? "He's not sure". It would be nice to know what the hell is going on.