need2bme

I totally agree Motor. I know how you feel though brother. I have tried and tried. I will have a text convo with her, after she wants to know what is going on with me and then she just trails off, no reply, no nothing. I am worth more than nothing and so should you be...

Backing off, coming forward, losing the chase, losing interest. ARRGGHH!! What is all of this? I only ask, 'cause I just went through it and the more I read on it, the less perspective I get. All I can do is try and be the best me I know how as can you. I know I need to change things about myself and I will. Just know that you are worth everything you want. As someone stated on these boards, "Never make someone your everything, when you are only an option".

I don't think the thread was intended to bash those with ADD. I like the way N83 has put all her thoughts out here and I have ADD. OK, so more back to the point girlie. How much do you think you like him? I ask, because I don't want you to run and hide at the first thought of insecurity and blame it on anything. OK, I don't know you well enough to think you would, but remember I just went through Ms. Insecure Fling and I want you to give this a chance, especially if you are thinking about him when he is not around. N83 has a boyfriend, N83 has a boyfriend, neener, neener, neener...;-)

Classes are the way to go. I joined an acting class and met a couple of women there that actually ended up wanting to go out. Everyone ended up too busy though, with me getting ready for the new job, them being single moms and all... I did get invited out though and actually like one of them. Too bad I am moving. Anyway, a class is an awesome place to meet someone. Plus, in an acting class, you can be as goofy or real as you want to be.

Welcome. I am sorry you feel the way you do. Just remember that NC is for you. However, if you really want to know how to stick with it, just try and remember what you feel like, every time you break it. Or, you could simply ask the 2 girls I dated this year. They seem to be doing just fine with not contacting me.

If the guy is a nice enough guy and you like him, then he or any other guy, is never a "bad guy to take a chance on". To paraphrase what Ruiz wrote in his book The Language of Love, "we let a dog be a dog (then something along the lines of letting a man or a woman be who they are instead of changing them)". "We don't try to change a dog. We know the dog is a dog. We know the dog loves us." He then goes on to state that "when we find the person we think is perfect for us, we have to hope we are everything to them". Something along those lines anyway. I believe what he is trying to state is that we need to let people be who they are and think more about how we love.

Batya33: I did not mean any malice with the post. I know what you wrote. I did not want to offend. ;-) I also want to point out that quite a few people with ADD, myself included, tend to blurt and sometimes say whatever is on their mind. All I can say is that it keeps my life interesting.

Just NIKE. Two words. DO IT!!! Nothing ventured, nothing gained, and all that. Oh, I like your term, "guts first". I think I will steal it.

OK, N83, ya knew I was gonna chime in. ;-) Oh, and don't flame me for this as I know the words Batya wrote were not intended to mean what I am about to comment on, but not all people with ADD and a little impulse control, will molest a child. So, I agree with the others in that at least you will never be bored. Wanting to punch him in the face maybe, but bored, never. Indeed...;-) I can jump from subject to subject and come all the way around to the first subject again and not lose track. I once had a boss tell me, "that was not even what we were talking about". ;-) BTW, are you sure he has ADD? Does he at least attempt to listen when you speak? I know that could be a big turn off. Oh, and don't discount the kissing. As I always say, it has been stated that the eyes are the window to the soul, but the way someone kisses is a true testament to their soul. Does he joke a lot or say inappropriate things. If he doesn't, then maybe it won't be so bad after he feels more comfortable with you. Besides, most of the time, kids (and this does not go back to my earlier statement) love us, cause we act so much like them. Good Luck, Girlie!!!

Agreed. You state in your post exactly how you feel and that is what she should hear. I have messed up too many times by not doing that. Don't swallow it, spit it out....

N83: No, you don't understand. I had already sold the tickets. So, I did not even go to the concert. I really wanted to go. Oh well...I still cannot believe that the "fling" said she had to work on Sunday. She never works on Sunday. Yeah, but somehow we need to remember what brought us together in the first place. There has to be something that attracted most to a relationship to begin with. Right? Maybe we start getting hung up on what we are supposed to say or we start trying to hard. When I spoke to the new girl I was going to go to the concert with, she was really sweet, but I could tell that we were both a little nervous and this was on the phone. I mean we couldn't even see each other, so why be nervous? I just think we have to train ourselves differently. hosswhispra: Before I comment on what you typed, I should let you know that after reading some of the things you posted and/or replied to me and others, I thought you might be her, a while back. She was REALLY into horses and just the way you worded some things worried me. ;-) Now I know different. As for the gift, thank you for seeing it as thoughtful. Apparently though, she would not see it that way. I did not go through with it as she went through the whole commitment withdrawal. I just still don't see how someone turns so quick. It is easy to get jaded. I actually spent all morning in bed, cause the whole trip/ticket fiasco just hit me. I know that somewhere, there is someone that won't just turn on a dime and think things about me (good or bad) when they don't even know me. Also, I know that it is time to be strong, because I am quite frankly tired of "relationship stupidity". Bekah: Good question; to anyone. Ya know, I think that most of us don't do that. Tony Robbins states that we should always have standards that we WILL NOT go below. I know that he is a strange guy sometimes, but those words could not be more true. I don't know what causes us to accept less than what we believe we deserve. In my case, even though I could see some strange behavior and "red flags" the attention of a beautiful woman, won over. Ya know what though, the fact that she wants uncommitted guys and other facts I won't go into, make me understand that it was all her. She wanted to find things wrong with me, so she could have an excuse. The next time I talk to her, if I do, she will hear this, "Nah, I don't want to get together. I don't feel like having my heart handed to me again. I don't wanna sit through someone telling me what is wrong with me or us, when they don't even know me. One more thing, make sure you think of me daily, cause believe me, that is what is going to happen. Oh, and have a nice day. Bye."

Dude, who the heck knows anymore. Right? Do what your heart tells ya bro. I text my fling out of the blue and get the standard, "WOW, I haven't spoken to you in a long time". "How are you?" spcheel and so we text maybe 2-3 times and she stops responding, just gone. Ain't that a helluva way to treat someone? So, what do I know? She went from how great I was to finding faults and SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ME!!! So, I say that they should step up. Why do we have to do all the work. If you are as successful as you say and are a good catch man, let her work it for a little while...

Beckah: I still get scared. A lot. I know it is because of insecurities. I know it is letting things go that I never should have. Hang in there girlie. If this one guy does not call you back, there will be PUHLENTEEHEE more. Trust me... Oh, and one other thing...decide RIGHT NOW what you will no longer put up with from yourself in worrying about a date. I totally started the last 3 convos with this current girl. She texts back and ask how I have been. I start to text back and forth and then she is just gone. So, no more. If she wants to talk, she can call. She has no right to treat me like I am not worth the time. She doesn't even know me... N83: Got something crazee to tell ya girlie. OK, so the "fling" (her new name) told me about the concert tix I should pick up (while we were together); right? So, I pick them up and as you may or may not remember, asked her about the concert on our "lunch". She replies it is too far away, but she would like to go. So, I of course have sent a text or two and sent something to her work for her (which was a cute thing to do, considering our convos and ANY OTHER girl would have loved). All the while, she just stops texting or just does not respond. So, tonight, I am supposed to go out of town for the concert this weekend. I ask plenty of people if they want to go. They want to, but cannot make it so quickly (they would have had to travel, to get to the concert too). So, I get online and post everywhere to find someone to go with. I get some hits, but nothing that clicks. Tonight, I text the fling, testing for info and she says she is working on the weekend and not going to the concert. Um, ok, she never worked on the weekend before, but, um, ok. So, I thought that since something magical was not going to happen and that I could use my funds for something else, I sell the tix and change my flight. Now here is the funny part, I went to the restroom and came back and lo and behold, there is a message from a girl asking if I still want a date for the concert. See? That is how my ADD life goes...;-)

So, what is the next step? Have you spoken to her lately? I text mine yesterday and we had a few texts and then she just disappeared. Go figure!

We don't all do it. I have dated more than 1 girl at a time. No BF/GF. Then when I got serious about one of them, I stopped dating the others. Simple as that. I will agree though, that when you are dating more than one girl, it makes it easier to handle your emotions with them all. ;-)

Just wait a little while. If you haven't heard from him soon, then call him. If he does not want to go out, you have your answer. Until then, son't worry about what he thinks, until you know what he thinks. Also, I read once that someone's opinion of you is just that, their opinion. So, even if he does not get back with you, I know someone will...

Forgive me for quoting and running, but...I agree wholeheartedly. Just tell #1 how you feel and stop flirting with #2. I know it feels good to have them both like you, but now is the time to turn things around. Oh, and tell your "brother" to stop making a big deal out of it and just be your friend. ;-) Good luck.

Don't do it. I text yesterday with a simple text. She texts back with, "WOW! I have not heard from you in a while. (been about 13 days) How are you?, etc.". So we text back and forth a couple of times and then she is just gone. No goodbye. No, I gotta run, but I want to talk to you 'cause I told you how much I cared and we had our tongues down each others throat (OK, so a little jaded there for a sec ). JUST GONE!! I sent her something really cute to her work, that had a little meaning from a convo we had. She got it earlier this morning. Does she call? Does she say "thank you"? NOPE!! Don't do it, brother! Please don't do it!!!

Too funny, but too true. I sometimes think it sad that we have to play games, but we do. I read on the boards once, that we do have to play the games. It is hard to know when. Someone comes after you full bore, so you get scared and back off. They keep coming so you think it must be ok, so you come forward, then they back off. I think, at least for me, that it is important to find a way to do MANY other things, so you can keep your mind off of them, while they chase you.

HA! HA! HA! (not laughing at you; laughing with you) I have slight ADD and some anxiety. I can tell you that in my family, we can bounce from one subject to the next. I always say I love rapid fire convo. Also, I will never be described as a linear thinker. ;-) So, I totally know where you are coming from. My last fling stated that I could talk a lot and that "she liked that about me", she then added "of course later, if it ever gets old, I will tell you". I guess she forgot to "tell me". Hee Hee! All I am saying is that he is probably a nice guy. Just be honest with him and don't get involved and then spring, "I need my space" on him. ;-)

I wanted to take time at work to reply to this one. I was in the same boat. However, she pulled and pulled and then went with the "space" line or not used to being around someone so much. We were not around each other, that much. So, yes, I was fine at first not seeing her as much, then she wanted to see me, now it as if I don't exist. I can have a text convo with her and then she is gone. No goodbye or nothing. Is this what you want? I know it is hard to break free, as I want to see her too, but cannot. So, I have to let go. My life is worth more to me than someone making excuses not to see me. If he likes you, he should see you.

So, come on and spill it. What happened on your last date? Are you guys seeing each other? Is he the new BF? What? What? The suspense is killing me...

Someone trys to get you into a quick relationship and supposedly loves being with you and decides all is right, then decides everything is wrong with you and they need space. It does not make sense to me, because if they were right about you to begin with, then they drop you because they were "wrong about the right", couldn't they just as well be, "wrong about the wrong"? If you use the logic to imply that it was going to fast and now I am this and that, can I not use the same logic to inform that if you came to such a fast conclusion that I was great, how do you not know that thinking I am NOT great could just as well be wrong? The logic escapes me. I know people change, but when one gets together quickly and then separate quickly, without taking it slow and actually taking the space, just seems to defy logic. If you want to believe you took it too fast to know someone and they are not what you thought, then why not take the time now, to really find out. Anyway, that is my rant for today...

Tell them that...;-)

I agree sending them back is childish. Oh, don't get me wrong, I thought about it too. I am just stating that it will do more harm than good and make you appear like an impetuous child. Don't do it. You will be very angry with yourself, when you no longer have those items. They still mean something to you and you know this. You are just hurting. Take care.