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caro33

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Everything posted by caro33

  1. caro33
    Hi Anotherday, I've come late to your thread but I wanted to throw my support in as well. I think this guy sounds poisonous and surely you will be better off without him. All power to you mate, get him away from you so that you are closer to finding that relationship that is worthy of you.
  2. caro33
    Thanks guys but the thread was from months ago and we sorted it out. He now does what I ask him, and I try and be reasonable. It seems to work. He's back to the Xbox and is very good about checking with me about what's appropriate. I am also trying to be extra generous now because when the baby comes later this year he won't get much of a chance to play anything.
  3. caro33
    I don't really have a vested interest in fattening emit up you know. Your metabolism slows down in this situation as a conservation measure, it goes into starvation mode. Which means that losing weight is increasingly difficult. And when you then eat "normally" your body thinks it's in a time of boon and puts on more weight than if you had never starved yourself. It's hardly like eating 400 calories a day, or even 800 calories a day, is healthy is it? Would you recommend that?
  4. caro33
    Sorry I didn't see this before I wrote just now. Like I said, I think that sometimes it's the guy just putting to bed the place someone else had in his life. It's a process that takes some people a while, and while I don't think it's a "good" reason, for some people it just is. In my husband's case I think it was all the more so because he's one of the those men who only really bond with the woman they are seeing. He formed a real bond (or so he thought) with this ex of his, and he didn't want to let it go completely. I think that was because it hurt his ego to have been rejected, he wanted to believe she at least was still his friend. He didn't have any other friends he shared himself with, just the usual male bonding BS. I see his mentioning his ex to me as actually a kind of naive, innocent thing to do. It drove me bananas and I couldn't believe anyone was like that, but he was. There really wasn't the problem I thought there was. I even sent him to a psychologist who said the same thing. Some people just take longer to heal. He may not be "over" the ex, but that doesn't mean he loves his new partner any less, or that the ex constitutes a threat. If he's not in contact and doesn't talk about her, then she should become ancient history to him. I say that just from the original post of course. The OP could add something to her story that might well make me suggest running for the hills.
  5. caro33
    yeah maybe! Say it ain't so!
  6. caro33
    It's certainly not good, but one person's "all the time" and another's is different. She is also now sensitised to this subject, so once a week might be too much. It got like that for me (after what felt like daily mentions of her name). And there's comparing and there's comparing. Sometimes these things get said because we ask, and sometimes it's the guy saying "I can't believe how much I love you; I thought I was in love before, and now I see I love you even more". I know that I was compared a lot, and it irked me enormously, but the comparisons came about more because he was being dumb than because he was pining for her. I heard about how we liked the same books, said the same things, how he knew I was the one after he spent time with her - all sorts of things that deeply upset me, but they were not in fact signs that he still loved her in a threatening (to me) way. It wasn't fun, but it wasn't a "leave him now he's still in love with her" situation. And it all got resolved. Anyway, I've made my point I hope to the OP. I understand we all have different perspectives. It would be good to understand what's happening in more detail.
  7. caro33
    Guys I wouldn't normally argue but this might not be as clear as you suggest. I can imagine me having written much the same thing 2-3 months into my relationship and it just wasn't like you suggest. Now maybe there's information missing here that would change my mind, but from what's here it could go either way for me. Just my opinion, etc etc, but I don't want to scare anitar123.
  8. caro33
    Roswell I am trying to put together the time frame here: - four weeks ago you start having sex, without protection - one week later she starts the Pill - two weeks later she starts the sugar tablets on the Pill so she gets her period - it's been maybe a week since then I always understood that it does take a couple of weeks at least for the Pill to really kick in, so if you guys kept having sex once she started it she could still perhaps be pregnant. However, if she had a full period then the chances are minimal. But if you have started having sex since her period, then the risk is back if the Pill wasn't absorbed into her bloodstream for long enough before she went on to the sugar tablets. The Pill she's on should have had an instruction booklet/sheet. You can also google it and see what the instructions for use are, and how long it takes to "work". I agree that her sore breasts could have come about from the Pill, but it's also a pregnancy sign, as you know. The false negatives from home pregnancy tests happen because there is not enough of the pregnancy hormone in a woman's urine. This happens when the test is taken too early, such as before the woman's expected period. It can take more than 3 weeks for the hormone to show up, and I have heard of pregnant women who were as much as 6 weeks gone for whom the tests didn't work, but that's rare surely. She's probably not pregnant, but you are talking about a confluence of things happening here that do not necessarily rule it out. I would certainly advise that you guys research the Pill she's on to see what the risks really are, and the various websites etc might also talk about side effects like sore breasts.
  9. caro33
    You cannot spot reduce. If you lose weight, you'll lose it all over. Or maybe you're predisposed to lose it from your ankles first - in any event, you can't just lose it off your belly. It will cost you much more than the $14/wk you saved in food when you collapse from organ failure. The medical bills and lifelong organ damage will be significant. It doesn't have to be cheese pizzas or starvation. Each lots of eggs, chicken breast, vegetables, steak, nuts, milk (skim). Keep with the tuna and bananas.
  10. caro33
    You are probably both being paranoid AND reacting for good reason. This stuff is complex, and in your position it's easy to let fear make things look black and white when they aren't. I was in a very similar position with my now husband. In fact, it sounds extremely familiar. He was all (recently, a few months before we met) heartbroken and talked constantly about his ex, who he also said was his best friend. It didn't bother me for a few weeks but then it hit me hard. He called her often, he compared us in ways he didn't realise. He was so in love with me, and I didn't doubt it, but I also had all my alarms going off about him not being over her. I vacillated between thinking he was over her completely, and believing he was still in love with her and I was just the consolation prize. Over time I have come to realise that difficult as it is to contemplate, he probably was not over her. But he probably wasn't in love with her either. It was grey, not black or white. He was still hurt probably, and he had some ties with her to work out. In the end they were worked out because I said "NO MORE", but it took me months to get there, and the time it took just did me harm. We got married, and all is wonderful. I still have moments of deep paranoia, and it doesn't help that she still pops up occasionally and that there are even web threads dedicated to how hot she is (yes I look). But I have mostly gotten over it. My advice to you is to put your foot down about what you will and will not tolerate, as you have done. But if he's doing the right thing by you now, then try and forget about it. He probably needs time to mentally and emotionally put her into a new compartment in his mind - to fix a place for her in his memory and then move on. He probably is "over" her in the way you need him to be, but he's just got some internal renegotiating to do. Give him, and yourself, a break if you can. Don't ignore your alarms, but try and give him the chance to demonstrate to you that he loves you and it's not about her.
  11. caro33
    Are you seriously saying that you ate only 460 calories worth of food in one whole day? That the lean cuisine, the tuna and veggie bite things came to that? And then you burned most of it off? Err, no. Your body needs calories to just keep going, for your organs to work and keep you alive. It need probably in excess of at least 1000 calories to just do that, let alone move you around. The sparkpeople number is probably closer to the truth, but if you are exercising you should be eating at the upper end of any limit. You need to be sure that you are getting at least 1200 calories net of your exercise. Given you are a guy and you are young I would say you need more than that, by the way. Far more.
  12. caro33
    Actually I just saw the "been with her boyfriend for over 6 years" part. What? How can they not have had something that looks like this kind of conversation so far? Is she in truth trying to force a proposal here? What do you think his reaction will be from what you know? If people are sending emails like this to one another after six years I wonder what's going on. I agree it makes her sound needy. The sending this to him at work is terrible too. By the way, ask her what she'll do if she doesn't hear from him. Emails and texts are so dangerous for this. He might get stuck in meetings, or need time to think, and she might be fretting all day that he freaked out and wants to break up....Messy!
  13. caro33
    I agree that this stuff has to be said in person. I also think this email is woffly and takes far too long to get to the point. I'm also with Parsley: I thought it was a breakup email for quite a while..until I go to the FIFTH paragraph. This doesn't exactly set the tone for a positive interaction! I think your friend needs to be more strategic in what she wants from this. If she's so afraid he'll freak out, then putting it like this in an email - while it seems less scary because she doesn't have to face him - is actually the worst thing to do. She can't see his body language and gauge what she says, and she comes accross as insecure. If she's going to tell him he's probably "the one" for her, she can say this to him in person (and why not just say that? It's just one sentence - "I know it's early days, but I think you might be the one for me" cue smile. He knows what this means, let him then say something.) In my view, she should: (a) Go the romantic route and write a love letter, in neat handwriting, and make it much shorter and less self-aware seeming. Just be clear about her feelings. Stop going on about freaking him out and make it less about being married and the "mrs" and more about how he's affected her so positively, how great she thinks they are together and how she hopes that one day they can share a life together.... or (b) Talk to him and say much the same thing as (a) above! or © Pick a quiet, romantic moment and just say what I suggested above: "I know it's early days, but I think you might be the one for me". If she's just going to blurt stuff like the email you showed us it looks awkward and far too self-conscious.
  14. caro33
    How many calories per day are you taking in?
  15. caro33
    There are different types of relationships obviously, and different people have different standards. For me, in my current stage of life, my relationship reflects me being with my best friend and wanting to share our futures together. Generally I would think a hallmark of a romantic relationship over a platonic friendship is a sense of priority. They prioritise you in their life, and you prioritise them. There are obligations and responsibilities that come with that level of trust and companionship that you don't tend to get so much with "just friends". In a monogamous relationship, you have essentially promised to forgo all others - it's an all or nothing concept that reinforces and builds upon the friendship and sexual connection.
  16. caro33
    You cannot get your calorie load too low or your will in fact slow down your metabolism. This can have negative outcomes, such as weight gain when you start eating normally again. Drink plenty of water, eat lots of protein. Make sure when you eat that you eat several smaller meals (say 6) over the day - it's like keeping a fire (your metabolism) burning with regular fuel. Go for nutrition over empty calories. That bowl of rice doesn't do anything for you.
  17. caro33
    I'm kind of the same way. If I'm worried about a big issue I obsess over the pretend issues instead. I'm a big lister, a planner, and I kind of let the big picture stuff work itself out and then I am forced to go with the flow. Hate change or major decisions because they are so hard to control. So no advice sorry, but you definitely aren't alone!
  18. caro33
    Hey CelesteSeven! Try not to worry about this too much, okay? Who knows what you can achieve and who you can be - it's not all about your grades, and it's certainly not all about your grades right now. I failed out of everything the first time around at Uni - no probation for me, just a fistful of Fs. When I went back I had to go through "academic rehabilitation"! Went on to do my PhD, have done well in my academic life. But would have been fine even if I never went back. Try not to sweat it, and well done on the B. caro
  19. caro33
    Yes, it will get better! You are only on Day 3 though, you're probably going to feel bad for a little while. Eight years is a long time! Mine ended suddenly a few years ago, after ten years together. I was a mess for a few weeks, then months went by where there was improvements in steady increments. My advice to you is to: (a) Know it will get better, there will be a time when you are happy again. (b) Don't ask any questions you don't need answers to: believe me, no matter how much you want to know if he is with someone else you do not really need to know this. "Material" to think about is not what you need right now - just focus on getting through each day. © Be kind to yourself, more than anything, be generous with yourself. You are grieving, you need to feed yourself, get some sleep, avoid stressful situations. Don't second guess yourself any more than you absolutely have to - there will be time to think about what you could have done differently later, when you are not so close to it all. Thinking too much right now won't get you anywhere. (d) Tell yourself again that it will get better. For me, I ended up believing I was better off without him, but it took a few months to get there. To start with I was just reeling from the shock of the person I saw as "family" just disappearing one day with no warning. Being alone in the house. I had been with him since I was 19, and there I was at 29 believing I would never be happy again. It hurt like hell, but you know I came back, better than before. I am now married to the best man I have ever known. Hang in there
  20. caro33
    It's going to sound bland maybe, but I think the best thing to aim for is to be as generous spirited with others as you can stand. Give people the benefit of the doubt, including yourself. Do this but without being a pushover. Act with integrity - try not to gossip, break confidences or act unreliably. Don't judge yourself too hard, do what you can to work out what excites you, what gives you some energy. Maybe you just haven't found it yet, but that doesn't mean it's not there. I think that perhaps the most important thing is for you to look at yourself impassively if you can. Try to see yourself from the outside and ask if YOU would be friends with, or go out with, you. If the answer is "no" then ask yourself why not, and maybe effect the changes you need to from there. But any changes that you make must be consistent with who you are. Don't become something you definitely aren't. My final "don't" is please don't get too melodramatic about things. You're not evil, this is not a fight between good and bad for your soul. You're a young person who has had some difficult times maybe, but you'll continue to grow, you'll find ways to be happy. Treating people better should come naturally as you feel more comfortable with who you are.
  21. caro33
    I personally do not understand your questions but perhaps that's beside the point. What are you looking for from us emit? Do you want to tell us more and perhaps get some help with coping strategies and ways to change your perspective?
  22. caro33
    Well you sound like you have it covered! So are you bothered enough about this to look further into your potential reasons for being alienated and perhaps make some changes?
  23. caro33
    Good for you
  24. caro33
    We have absolutely no way of knowing the answer to that. The possibilities include: - you are using definitions of "love" etc that are too ideal, that in fact no one would realistically subscribe to; - you have a condition that might benefit from treatment of some sort if you want a change; - you could be one of those people who blossom once they're older and you struggle until then to form lasting relationships; and/or - you just haven't met the right people to click with yet. Why do you think you haven't formed close friendships or developed strong relationships so far?
  25. caro33
    Let's get serious now emit, shall we? You honestly say you want to be the AntiChrist and do away with humanity? Or are these hypothetical questions? Because I mean no insult, but what you are describing is not evil to me, it's teenage angst. Now it feels massive when you experience it, but the "cure" tends to be just the usual maturing process; finding your way in the world. Don't punish yourself for stuff you did as a teenager. We all do messed up stuff when we're going through those years. Some more messed up than others true, but the sense of alienation and of being "wrong" is common. Perhaps your future is not in charity work, that's all. You can define yourself and be worthy and fulfilled 1000 ways without it being as absolute as "evil" or "charity worker".
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