pablovblack

Read this, there are some great helpers in there for you. link removed

BUMPETY BUMP, This is one good thread.

This is exactly my situation too and also how I feel, I would like to know your thoughts too please.

A, You have come so far in such a short period of time, you can handle being alone and you accept that she is not in your life anymore. But you learned didnt you, you know what you need to do now dont you. Good lad.

That made me laugh, ha ha.

Yeah exactly, the album Ive been listening to is Hip Hop, and I swore blind I hated Hip Hop when I was with my ex... Just shows dont it.

Yesterday, I came accross something that reminded me not of my ex but of a time before I met my ex.. It was an album that I used to have and I used to listen to it all the time around the age of 16-17, Im 23 now. Anyway I couldnt find it so I bought it this morning, and you know what it took me right back to a time when I was very happy and single and I can picture myself and how I was then before all this pain. So my idea is this, If you want to snap at of your pain for at least a few minutes or want to go back to a time when you was more happy, then I suggest you get some of your old stuff out or go visit somewhere that has no memories attached to your ex, This album I'm listening to now has made me feel so much better, It reminds of how I used to be.. A smiley happy boy who didnt know how much pain there was in this world.... Hope this helps you somewhat..

If one of my friends ended up going with my ex, I would be absolutely devistated, I simply wouldn't speak to them any more. It would have to be in many years time before they did it and I would have to be 100% over my ex.

She doesnt sound very committed to me, ](*,)

Honey, you have to really believe when people say it gets better, I really wanted to die when me and my ex broke up, I thought there was no way out, but there is, its called time and the pain does subdue, you will make it I can promise you that. Find time to do new things and better yourself, then one day you will realise that its all going to be a little more rosey... Hugs and best wishes. A

notanymore I'm glad you are coming to the realisation that this girl is just not who you thought she was, Its better to find out early and make a change. You know now she doesnt need to be on a pedistal and you dont need to be afraid of seeing her around, shes not good enought for you so dont let your self feel like the one who has to run scared.. Chin up, lets Rock and Roll. Aden

have you got msn messenger, if so PM me if you want to chat one night about it all...

Thanks guys, I feel better its true.. And would you believe that ten minutes ago I was walking back from the gym and guess who drove past me again, yep the ex, I didnt even bat an eyelid and my heart didn't miss a beat she chose this so she shall have it that way, I dont care where she's going or what she's doing... I am NUMBER 1 here, not her, its where I'm going thats what only matters. x

This is my account up to press, Its been 3 months since me and my ex broke up it was mutual at first then but when I wanted her back after a week knowing I had made a mistake she was gone and did not want to know. I'm 23 and was with my ex of 20 for 5 years since we were 18 and 15 respectively, we have known each other forever, she lives a 5 minute walk away from me and works directly accross the road looking after kids at a fun center, What I wouldn't give to live even a couple of miles away from my ex, but that's life deal or be dealt. On Monday the 17th of April 2006 I thought my world had ended. On Monday the 15th of May 2006 I found this website and the fabled NC method. On Tuesday the 05th of July 2006 I had an epiphany. Let me start by saying that no I am not over my ex, far from it, I would say I am 25% over her but I have found that getting over your ex has nothing to do with the ex themselves and your images of them or your past together, It has everything to do with time and understanding yourself, last night I had an epiphany here's how it went. I was coming back from my mums house after chats and coffee and a feeling of wellness not experienced in many months, Just as I was about to pull up home I thought hey I'll just drive past my house instead of going straight home and go for a quick spin round the block then come back. So who did I see coming up the road just as I past my house? Yep my ex in her car, this was at 10:00pm and the usual thoughts of where has she been, to a friends, to meet a guy, for a date with someone, maybe she's just had sex… ahhhh damn you brain… As Shakespeare so eloquently put it: "O, beware, my lord, of jealousy! It is the green-eyed monster, which doth mock the meat it feeds on." Yeah we have all done it the crazy thinking, its like torture, and we know where it gets us, up that same sh*t creek with out that same illusive paddle, its no fun there is it? Then I kind of had an idea and things became a lot calmer and easier to understand, like someone flushed 3 months worth of ill thought and idea out of my head, I thought to myself, Aden! You fool! There is nothing you can do, yes she exists, and She is NOT going away anytime soon. She can do what she likes now, as hard as it seems she can have sex with anyone she desires, Yes I said SEX and as torturous as that is and you know what, there's nothing you can do about it, NOTHING. So I thought to myself what am I going to do curl up and die and worry about what she has been doing or who she has been with all night and get no sleep and wake up lousy like a loser, HELL NO, I actually started to smile at how my overworking (game playing) mind has been putting me in a state of backward health and disrepute for the past three months. I then looked at the situation from another perspective, never mind her coming home at 10:00pm what about me, I was going in the opposite direction from my house at 10:00pm and how must that of looked to her when I drove past her (think booty calls? Etc, etc) I never used to go out at that time. So why am I doing all the fruitcake thinking and grieving when I have no control or say over the situation, up until that point She had control because I begged and begged her back, I did all the stupid things to try and "Win" her over and you cant win something back that's gone. But where was I going at that time, now that was certainly out of her control and the tables become somewhat turned, no longer will she picture me stuck in my house hoping she would come back while she was being like queen Bit*h sat at home feeling powerful because I chased her and made myself look like an quivering * * *, Nope I was out and rocking at 10:00pm and she doesn't know where I was going, like I'm moving on which I am. Then I realised another important realisation, Dude its not about control, so then is that why I have found it so hard to accept, is it because my pride, ego and dignity has just gone 10 rounds with Iron Mike Tyson including the ear nibbling. Yes, Yes, Yes. I have no control over that girl, my monkey, my angel, my baby, whatever the * * * * she is called now and you know what I'm fine with that, because she has no control over me, I have control over me and I'm gonna use it, all the self improvement I have been doing recently means so much more because its for me and no one else. So yeah she saw my out and about at 10:00pm and here's the best bit maybe she doesn't care what I was doing at all, well Isn't that a good enough reason to stop placing these ex's on a damn pedestal and move on with YOUR life, she dumped me for Christ sakes why would she care. So what I am finding now is that it is totally out of my control what she is doing, but I am in total control of how I deal with my problems and what I do, my dad said to me some time back, The measure of a man is how he deals with his problems, it never made sense till now but its so true, you really have to be a MAN/WOMAN, so for now If that means putting a brave face on, looking good, or projecting a better image of yourself that's fine, but one day it wont be a charade and I'm getting closer to closure every day. So what am I going to do now because I've sorted most of my demons out, Well I'm going to better myself all round, I'm buying new clothes, getting a new car, maybe going to get a new haircut, all things to try and forward and improve my image and myself (we all know how we can slide when we are comfortable), and its FOR ME not her, who knows in the meantime she might see me around and if I'm different she IS going to want to know about me, We will see If I'm still interested then not the other way around, No one is dragging me through that much pain, anxiety and turmoil for all this time and is going to get to me again so easily, the barriers for HER are up and I'm on a one way street, looking forward with fresh aspirations and goals. Every day we think we are getting better and we post here saying we are, but we are not truly moving forward, we only move forward when we let the past go and accept what has happened, let go of the ropes that are holding you back, and by the ropes I don't mean your physical ex and the sooper doper memories and things you shared, they are more than likely dead now, I mean that whatever blockage that is going on upstairs that is holding you back, in my case It was Jealousy and Denial, It Seems so easy now when I sum it up like that. There's is no Jealousy, only acceptance that she is moving forward with her life, If I love her I will accept that and I do. There is no Denial, the girl I loved more than anything is GONE, and she is not going to knock on my door again, she is not going to ring my phone again, I will never stroke her hair nor will I ever again kiss her lips. Don't forget, If you had that special someone once, why will you never find someone like them again, If you say to me you wont find anyone like them again, then no you wont, not right now not with that broken frame of mind, your just not ready yet that's all. I know we will have relapses and that's just the past haunting our minds, we are far more intelligent than the tricks our minds play on us and we will succeed, there is light at the end of this dark, dark tunnel, yeah like many I though my world was over and life couldn't go on, well time is going to go on and it always will, so lets ride it out guys, we owe it to ourselves, our futures, our children we either have or haven't met yet and our new partner wherever they are walking on this earth now. Your friend, Aden.

i feel you man.. its true time heels.

I had one on Wednesday, and you know what they come and go hun... I feel awesome today, truly.... I cant believe the change in emotion in such a short amount of time.... I wanted to die on Wednesday, and today I'm full of beans...... you know you will get through this, its just hard when your not in the frame of mind I know.... Hugs for you Roxari......

This is correct but only since me and my ex broke up, Honest !!!!!

Our song was Purple Rain, So im going to put some purple coloured water in a bottle like this one.......... link removed and put that in the box of her left over items.... Only Joking, But you dont know how much I would like to do that, using a symbol instead of words... "I never meant to cause you any sorrow" "I never meant to cause you any pain" And all that.................... ha ha

Thank you Belle, Gaiden, Carolineq and Crvers... I appreciate yuour comments... I will sort this out this weekend....

Thanks man, Thats what my mum said, Your totally right, Its such a bugger though because all I want to say is a few things but silence is golden right. Ok but what about this!!!!! I bought her some things that I never got to give her becuase we broke up in the mean time. Should I send her those in the box because they are technically hers and she knows I bought them her... What you think to that equation.... (Just send the personal stuff?)

Right I'm sending the box of my ex'x stuff back to her house on Saturday because I want rid of it now, I sleep above it, its under my bed for petes sake... That cant be good, all those vibes radiating from it (joke). Link here Anyway, I want to add a letter with a few lines to her in it, tell me I'm doing the wrong thing!!!!!! I must be right!!!!!! Just some things to get of my chest!!!! Bad Idea, Right!!!!!!

I think anything to do with myspace when it comes to relationships is very avoidable. That is IMHO.

Thanks guys, I think I will do it as it needs to be done crvers Thanks for your words they are very welcome and much appreciated, Yeah I am certainly doing a lot better than I was a month and a half ago, things are beginningto become more clear and I'm looking forward to the future instead of dwelling in the past which is a terrible thing to do. Thanks again friends.

I am pretty convinced now that no matter what I do (nothing as I'm doing NC) is going to get back my ex GF, but I have a little problem that needs sorting out sooner rather than later. I made her Dad a website a couple of years ago and the name of the website includes her last name as that is what her dads business is called, I administer the whole website including the fact that I host the website on my personal server(computer) so I see it every time I go onto there.... I dont want to have anything to do with it anymore for obvious reasons and have written up some documentation so that he can do it all himself and I dont need to be involved. I think it is a good thing that I do this and simply dont delete it so it just stops working as that seems a little childish to say the least, so I will send him a letter stating in the nicest possible way that I can no longer deal with it and hope he understands why etc etc. But I was also going to add one extra thing to the letter and would like to know what you fine folks think about this. About 8 months ago Me and my ex fell out and I ended up getting into a heated argument with her parents I said some things that looking back where not very mature of me and to this day I regret saying them, So in the later I was going to put a couple of lines saying that I was sorry for the things I said and wish her mum and Dad the best in the future and hope there is no animosity or ill feeling toward, I havent spoken to them since this happened you see... Will my ex see this as * s s kissing in the hope that it might make her think I'm being decent and take it the wrong way or that my intentions are good, my intention is to close some issues that are bothering me since I have developed myself as a human being these last few months.. Should I just send the instructions for the site administration and nothing else or should I had a couple of lines of an apology and best wishes... I would appreciate your opinions on this matter as I need to do it pretty soon.