Sylph

I suggest that you do whatever you're both comfortable with doing. If you don't like the idea of having sex at this moment of time, as your current relationship stands, then you shouldn't have to. No one is going to enjoy meaningful sex where one partner is not going to be completely willing and comfortable with doing it. I sugges that first you continue going at the pace you are going at, communicate, perhaps build your way upto having sex by trying oral first. Just allow yourself to get to a point where you're more comfortable about having sex together and if you don't get there any time soon then so be it.

All I can say is thank you. I'm aware of these things but I don't get told it by anyone that often. Yes, I'm messed up, I mean I have a lot of thoughts going around in my head, constantly. Most of the time I don't know what to think or if what I think was ever my true opinion, whether I'm not just replaying what I think I'm supposed to be like. The only reason I don't show this is because I am level headed, I've gotten used to keep my thoughts steady and under control. My wit is just something that developed on the way, for better or for worse. And of all the things I can do being able to write down my train of thoughts in as... accurate a way as possible is something that comes surpisingly easy to me. Yes. Again, I think you're right. I do have a lot to get out, the problem is that I have no found a way to properly express myself in a creative manner. Artisitc abilities have always been a far sighted dream for me, but something I've always wanted to achieve. Something I think I could achieve... with help, with instruction. Something I haven't been able to get without money. You know, up til now I doubted if that was really true. I know people say it but there's so much pressure not to be strong and indepedant. Like having to depend on anything is the ultimate weakness. I could try that but I'm not sure what I really want, what I wish would happen. The chances are I'd turn that exercise into self-indulgent pieces of fantasy writing. Which might be okay as long as I don't fret over them. But yes, thank you. On a personal note I have to say you seem quite mature for your age, I don't know why I'm really surprised by it though. Maybe I'm just not used to anyone having a way with words at that age ^^ PS. Love the Chobits avatar =O EDIT I just remembered, if I had the money I'd buy another instrument. I used to play the violin but had to stop after a while, the teachering method wasn't working by Grade 2, I just caved in a gave up. And lessons were expensive... But I probably just made up that excuse. Still, I actualy enjoyed playing the violin, I haven't even thought about it until now... Maybe when I can afford to I'll pick up a Viola or try my hand at Bass guitar. I'm actually pretty confident I'd be able to do well under the right instruction.

To be honest when I say I have very few friends I mean I have very few friends, full stop. I have maybe two, three people I would class as a friend. Only one of them do I know "offline". The other two I don't get to speak to that often and one of them I wouldn't normally confide in anyway. I understand that, the possibility of it occurring once never occurred to me. I doubt it'll ever happen again, I can cope with it I'm sure. I'm affriad it's not going to happen. As I think I've said I've studied the subject and been exposed to many kinds of religion, including many different denominations of Christianity and I haven't found anything to convince me. I'm conviced that my decision is one based on logic and experience, my parents have never even mentioned God to me, no one has ever imposed their view on me about God at an impressionable age. Actually that's not true, I grew up thanking God every day because I was told to in primary school. I didn't actually understand what I was doing though. I'm willing to accept that but skeptical at the same time. How long does bullying have to go on for to any one person for them to be offically bullied? Even if just one week quaifies it's not the same... I don't know. Again, I kinda can't and I know that sounds like just another excuse but I really can't. It's been about two years since I last saw my counsiler, you know. I guess I can be proud of that. I am a hard worker. No matter what my personal life has been like I've always been able to separate that away from my education. I know I work hard, even if it's usually for disappointing results. I'd argue against that on grounds of dyslexia. The only reason write like I can is through persistance and by reading a lot. Sex isn't something I value really... I don't take pride in it I mean. I'll admit confidence is an issue but the only way I think I can resolve it is by being successful. That's yet to happen. And trying to make myself confident would feel like a huge lie. Uh, I don't think that's really me. I'd only do those things if I felt I had to. Thanks to the three other posters before -=Innocent=-, I didn't have anything specific I could respond to so I'll just say thanks.

I've been lurking in this thread and really I think it's time someone closed it. To be honest I don't think any good can come of it right now, there's no were else to go other than out right flaming and no one wants to see that.

I'm going to bite the bullet, I'm sick off feeling like this. I give in, I raise the white flag and admit all defeat. I can't keep this act up anymore, it's been so many years now I'm going to break soon enough, I just feel it's better I get help now before I do break down. *Sigh* I need help, there I've said it. I thought I was strong enough to go on forever but that's not true. I'm going to get help, I've been thinking about it for the last few days and nights, it's been churning over in my head long enough for me to be sure of this. Yesterday I spent some time looking around for mental health clinics in my area. That was easy enough for me, it was a small step I could handle, the problem isn't that there isn't a mental health clinic somewhere in my area it's just after I spent some more time trying to plan how to get there, how to arrange an appointment I just clammed up and shut down. It's what I do, I can't help it, if it looks too daunting I'll just close up and block everything out. Again, I honestly can't help it, it's a problem I have with dealing with any kind of confrontation. Just planning the journey and a basic organising task caused me to completely freak out and give up on the spot. I'm deathly affriad of getting anything wrong in a situation like that, what if I got the wrong bus? Missed a stop? Came even 5 minutes late for an appointment? It makes me physically sick in my stomach to even imagine those kinds of senarios. Right now anyone reading this must think I'm pretty pathetic, I'd be inclinded to agree too, I can only repeat what I've said before. I can't help it. 'So if you can't plan a simple journey how're you going to get any kind of help' you ask? Luckily I have a Plan, a plan that requires a capital "P". Infact I had a few Plans, the first two weren't very good but I considered them anyway. For entertainment value I'll type them out, feel free to skip the next two paragraphs to get back to the important bit. Firstly, a few days of thinking and my first plan to draw enough attention to me would be to punch a police officer. Yes, I honestly considered this, even despite my deep rooted fear of confrontation. All I'd have to do is find one, hit him and give myself up. Or at least knock his hat off, something. Then I remember I live in London, there are no police on the street. Ever. Secondly, a slightly more simplistic plan. Throw myself into traffic, it would be quick, easy and I wouldn't have to do anything. I could just pass out and not have to deal with it for a while. unfortunately I don't want to die, I'm not suicidal and it's a pretty stupid idea. Third. Now this is the one I've decided on, I imagine most of you will laugh, the rest of you will probably give up on humanity all together, so read at your own risk. I plan to get my parents involved, simple as that. I can do it and not have to be part of any horrifying confrontation, I can write a note (well type a note, my hand writing is almost illedgable) and leave it somewhere for them to find. I'm not sure what I'll say exactly but it'll be something along the lines of: I have sevre depression, I've had it for years but I feel I can't cope anymore. I can't confront you about it because it would be impossible. I suffer extreme anxeity all the time, I think it might be anxeity disorder or agoraphobia. I think I might have other things wrong with me but I can't be sure, I can only suspect schizophrenia among other things. I need to get myself diagnosed but I can't do it on my own, I need help or it'll never get done. Actually that's what I plan to say, I can't think of any better way to put it really. From there I don't know where it'll go, it'll probably involve a lot of crying on my part, as much as I hate to do so. If all goes... well, I'll end up going to a mental health clinic and then... I don't know. If my suspicions are correct I'll be precribed drugs and be told to piss off. I know that if I have to start attending group sessions it'll all go wrong, as I said, I clam up, it would be a useless exercise for me. And well, I'm not from a well off family, not at all. If it comes to having to pay for a therapist the chances are it won't happen, there just isn't the funds available. I can very well see this turning into a worse situation but I don't really have any choice here. So here we go. That's what I plan to do... Really pretty pathetic, huh? I mean sheesh, your parents? What're you, 14? Yeah, okay, I'm going to stop now... I just want to write out something I read recently, something I indentified. Just though I'd share while I'm here:

That's all I need to hear to be convinced you're in the right. You've got nothing to worry about or feel guilty for if that's what you agreed on before hand.

I agree with everything said so far, it's pretty normal to not last as long as you'd like, especially when it's your first time. Eventually you should be able to desensatise yourself and be able to hold out, you should also get used to how long your partner can last too.

England, but people have been getting talling here for a couple of generations now. It's just that no one seems to have bothered to make the door frames any bigger. I've every hit my head once but that was enough, imagine power walking head first into something made out of... wall. After that you damn well remember to duck every time.

I have no problem with admiting that I cry, not very often but I'm not one to hide it at all. Last time I checked I feel emotions too, I'm quite aware of them and even though I make a great deal of effort to manage them it doesn't mean that they never existed in the first place. I'd probably show them more if I haven't gotten so used to projecting a false image of myself to the general public, I'm sure a lot of guys do the same but maybe not for the same reasons. Of course men feel emotions, it's just that most feel pressured by society to not show them. Men are generally just not allowed to show them. Again, I'd like to think I wasn't affected by that. But then again, who knows? Emotions are relative to each and every person, we cannot measure and plot emotion on a graph so that we might compair it with someone else. Maybe I am the heartless bastard I occasionally suspect myself of being, deluded by denial. Who knows?

I'd suggest you be comfortable with your surroundings. For example if you're worried that someone might walk in at any moment and catch you in the act then the chances are it's not going to happen. I'm sure it's already occurred to you but I suggest doing it either later on at night or in the shower, infact the shower would probably be a lot easier. General note: Conditioner makes an excellent lube mastaboritory (is that even a word?) needs in the bathroom.

True to my world I talked to her about it and she doesn't really mind. We're both in a 'zOMG, someone is coming up the stairs. Dress! Act normal! Where are my glasses!?' kind of situation so it's actually kind of neccisary to be dressed just in case sometimes.

Holy... Moly, I just has to express my amazement at that. He must have had some pretty serious back problems and difficulty with door frames. I already have to duck under most door ways for fear of hitting my head. Yeah, just wow xD

Okay, this is what emo means to me: Someone who is emo is usually two things; from a well-off/rich family and has never had a real problem in their life. They're the kind of kids who thinks being depressed is "cool". They spend their time writing in their Live Journals moaning about how hard their life is while they sit on their * * * * eating the finest caviar. In short, they're attention * * * * * *. They'll do anything to get people to pay attention to them, they'll threaten to cut and kill themselves over the phone to a friend just so that person will come rushing over to them. Not only do are they extremely selfish and self centered, they also create a stereotype about all people will mental health issues and this is all for attention. Maybe a couple of these emo kids actually do have a problem but the ones I met usually don't. I can't help but despise these kiddies.

I haven't really had any problems with it, I remember my first girlfriend did object to it once but it was never a major issue. I'm also quite happy to talk about it with her, I'm mostly just curious about what people think. To be more accurate I don't mean after just a "quickie", this is after full blown sex. But uh, it's not a question of sleeping either, we're not in a situation where we can spend the night together but sleeping in the same bed naked I wouldn't have an issue with. It's just that time right after sex, I guess I'm slightly worried about safety (as in sexual protection) too. I wouldn't want to risk taking off the condom (something I do as I go to get dressed) and then get up close to them, just incase I get any sperm even close to the vagina.

Yeah, I really don't want to be offensive here but you've kind of made a few topics exactly like this. I think you need to understand that life does not revolve around getting into a relationship, I'm sure it doesn't seem like it right now but the chances are you're not missing out on much. Especially if the ammount of heart ache people on this forum alone seem to go through with relationships, is any indication of what most relationships are like.

I do, I'll freely admit that I'm intimidated by good looking women. But then everyone I meet in real life intimidates me xD It's definitly a self-confidence thing. EDIT: Typos ;_;

Okay, I'm curious since I have a slight insecurity about it. Do you find it offensive if after you've had sex, your partner puts his/her cloths back on, even if it was just underwear. I'm saying this because this is what I do. I'm perfectly happy with my appearance, I can gladly say I have no insecurities about being seen naked but after I've had sex I just have to get fully dressed again. I'll get back into bed afterwards to snuggle but I just won't do it without wearing at least boxers and trousers. So to my question, would you personally take offence to something like this?

Some assembly required? xD

I hope no one will suggest doing a runner. Basically I think you should do what's best for you, while taking into consideration her feeling and emotional state. I gather that you still want to be there for her and help her with what she's going through but this doens't mean you have to be in a relationship with her. If you feel trapped then maybe you should break up with her but under the understanding that you want to help her through this, express your feelings of emtrapment to her. You can't be expected to sacrifise yourself entirely for her, that just isn't fair on you. Perhaps she'll understand and perhaps she won't, it's not your fault if she can't. I suggest that whether you do stay with her or not you should just try to be there for her, it's clear that she needs someone.

Hmm, anti love. If you could box emotional termoil this message board would have it's own large scale economy =3

I just hope that moment lasts for you. I've gone through enough occasions where I've suddenly decided to start doing something to solve problems in my life and a couple of hours later deflating. Not that I'm saying this happen to you. Good luck regardless.

The only advice I can give you is put more emphasis on the "up" rather than the "down" with a hand job. Pulling downwards can be pretty painful. It's the only reason I can think of what you might be doing wrong and he's just trying to take it and not complain. To be perfectly honest male masturbation is extremely simple and non-complex. As Ash said, try and do it together, whether that means jerking each other off together or just kissing.

I've seen successful auctions for people souls. You receive a piece of paper with '[Name of person]'s soul'. So this might work, not that I think anyone will actually bid I'm sorry to say >_

I'd like to take this oppurtunity to prove that statement wrong. I don't think looks are that important, they matter but only to a small degree. I'll gladly say admit that I was with someone who was over weight, and I don't mean they had just a little meat on the bone either. And some how I managed to fall in love with this person too. And for your information the only reason we broke up was because she cheated on me~ I feel some greater justice has been done here today.