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ariyadhana

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Everything posted by ariyadhana

  1. ariyadhana
    Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone makes stupid screw ups. It sounds like you have learned your lesson, not through the suspension, but through the pain you are experiencing over letting down people you respect. One thing though, you can't MAKE anyone forgive you. All you can do is take responsibility for your actions, apologize, and forgive yourself. A forgiveness from someone else has to come from INSIDE them. I don't know these people, but I am sure in time they will forgive you completely, assuming you don't make a pattern of this behaviour. For now if you want to make it up to them, maybe write them each a letter or meet with them privately? Explain that you know you made a bad mistake, and take responsibility for your actions. Apologize. That's really all you can do. They may not forgive you instantaneously, but in awhile it will be ok. Give it a little time. Good luck.
  2. ariyadhana
    It sounds like she does. Either that or she's just flirty or overaffectionate. If she isn't behaving this way with her guy friends, she probably likes. you.
  3. ariyadhana
    I think it's for the best. I honestly think you should have NC with him, as it sounds like he's definitely not over you and possibly being a bit manipulative. Telling him might help him move on, as he won't be as likely to sit around thinking you are coming back to him.
  4. ariyadhana
    Hello, I have a friend who at 29, has never been out of a relationship for more than 2 weeks. Shortly after I met him, he broke up with his partner of 5 years, just to get together with someone else a couple weeks later, and was professing his love for her within a month. Now, they were together for just over a year, and about 8 days after they finalized his breakup he took off to meet some girl off the internet, and now claims to be in love with her. Is this just a little.. weird? Thoughts?
  5. ariyadhana
    Well I did something stupid. I wrote him this morning, twice. Letting him know how I was doing, saying I hope he's ok, etc, etc. I've also found out in recent days that some of his other friends hate me and have wanted him to cut me out for a long time.
  6. ariyadhana
    I'm actually thinking about doing that degree, with a double specialization in cultural studies and global change. I would like to ultimately work for a social justice or human rights organization. What sorts of jobs interest you? I think it would be a solid background for a lot of careers, once you figure out what you want. Can I ask, how did you find the degree? Was it difficult doing the entire thing by correspondence? Did you do it full time or part time? I just wonder if I'd get lonely sitting at home all day doing school work.
  7. ariyadhana
    Right now I feel like I tend to develop unhealthy attachments to people, I tend to attach to one person at a time for several years, and I ask more of them than they are able to provide me with. I guess I want to lose these unhealthy attachments, and learn to be happy without being dependent on any particular person for my happiness. I want to lose my clinginess and fear of losing people, and develop multiple close relationships instead of investing everything in one person. Right now I also feel like with the friends who I have attached myself to, it hasn't been a mutual sharing. I feel I have dumped all my problems on them and that hasn't been fair.
  8. ariyadhana
    As for whether it's infatuation or love.. I don't think it necessarily has to be either, but love is something very deep and intense, and it usually involves knowing a person quite well. It sounds like you are crushing on each other though. So you think she is cute, but if you want to date her for more than 2 days I think you have to talk to her in person first, and see if you get along well in person. Maybe think of something you can talk to her about? Or maybe hang out in a group with some of her friends and some of your friends so you can get to know her better without the one on one pressure?
  9. ariyadhana
    I've lost most my friends in the last year or so, the closest of them ended our friendship just a few days ago. I feel your pain. What are your interests? There has to be a way for you to meet new people. Could you volunteer somewhere? Join a book club? Sports club? Take cooking lessons? I think the more we opportunities we allow for new people to come into their lives, the better chance of finding those people we can form a close bond with.
  10. ariyadhana
    I was on an anti-depressant for awhile, it was hard to get off of. I have also heard horror stories about effexor. As for medication being the only way to cope, I completely disagree. North American society is overmedicated, and while medication is definitely beneficial for many things, it is in my opinion often the quick fix. To me it sounds like you have low self-esteem, and are not happy with the direction your life is going. I think getting counselling to work on that would be more beneficial than turning to a pill.
  11. ariyadhana
    Well I haven't talked to him since Thursday, so I guess that makes this Day 4 of no contact. It's just so hard. He was a great friend in many ways, and I still feel like he cared about me more than most people did. So now it's almost like, well if he doesn't care about me anymore, who does? I feel so lost and alone. I feel like I've been burnt a lot in my life, and he was one person who I really thought I could trust. I'm starting to get really angry at him, and thinking more and more about the things he was dishonest about, I feel like I want to confront him. I want to understand why he did this to me if he cared as much as he claimed. I am trying to focus on myself, but it's so hard as I just keep thinking about everything that has happened and trying to rationalize and understand how much of it is my fault, and wishing things could have been different. I know this is futile but it's what I do. It's so hard to truly focus on me, rather than how I can fix myself so I can be a better friend to him.
  12. ariyadhana
    Thanks bleeder. I'm working to try and start doing it. It's just so difficult to work on ME, and being the best person I want so that I'm happy with myself, rather than being the best person I can be so that others will accept me and I can get fulfillment through them. But I hope I can get to the point where I feel like I am a whole person, strong and independent. Tigris: I've been to many counselor's/psychiatrists, none have helped me. I guess there is no harm in trying again, I really despise counselling though, I've been to probably 40 and it just doesn't seem to work for me.
  13. ariyadhana
    Hey I'm also in a very similar situation. I've had feelings for my friend for over 2 years. This has created a lot of problems in our friendship. He just moved to a new city 1000 miles away, and has decided he wants a break to deal with his "frustration and resentment" towards me. He told me we are no longer best friends, and I was beyond crushed. I professed my feelings for him a few days ago, and he ignored me. The next day I got in touch with him and asked if all was lost, and he said no, but that he wasn't sure we could be close friends again due to his "frustration" with me. I'm pretty choked up right now. I don't know what to do. I feel like I've done a lot for him, and yeah he helped me through a lot, oh and I got him a drawing signed by his favourite artist as a going away present when he moved. Yeah I can totally relate to you. I guess I'm a bit better off as at least my friend told me he was taking a break from me and didnt just disappear. I think pulling the disappearing act is awful, but maybe it will be better in the long run. I am going onto day four of no contact with my former best friend. It's pretty rough but I am getting by and starting to feel stronger.
  14. ariyadhana
    I agree it wasn't a good idea to make a testimonial about her so soon after the break up, but I disagree that deleting it was a good idea. It seems kind of silly, especially after she saw it and thanked you for it. I think now it will look like you are playing games.
  15. ariyadhana
    I've been doing a lot of self-reflection lately and I feel that for many years, since I was about 13, I've always had an unhealthy emotional dependency/clinginess to someone. These people have been teachers, friends, and one boyfriend. I seem to find one person who appears interested in helping me, and I trust them to the point where I dump everything I've been through on them, and don't really trust anyone else. I've never been close with my family, or had much support from them in my life, and I feel that might have something to do with it. I know this is incredibly unhealthy, I'm not functioning as a wholesome person. I have spent the last 2.5 years clinging to the person who became my best friend, and during that time my behaviour was destructive to the point where I now don't know if we'll have a friendship ever again. I am not really sure how to stop doing this though. I don't have many friends, and definitely don't make close friends or trust people very easily as I've been burnt a lot. I know I have to address this though before I can have truly healthy relationships. I want to feel truly independent, truly happy with ME, and not feel like I NEED any one person for support. But I'm not sue how to do that, and that seems to be the cycle I am in. Any thoughts?
  16. ariyadhana
    Some people need regular physical contact and intimacy more than others. Have you tried maybe finding girls who live near you?
  17. ariyadhana
    I think you should delete him off MSN. Keeping him on there and wondering about this will just prolong your pain, even if it eases it slightly right now.
  18. ariyadhana
    Well, she did something after telling you she wouldn't, but what you asked of her wasn't fair to begin with. There is nothing wrong with a girl having male friends and conversing/hanging out with them, and you should have NEVER tried to control who she talks to by making her promise she wouldn't add him. I think what you really need to deal with here is your insecurity and jealousy issues. So no, you have no reason to be insanely mad. It suggests you don't trust your girlfriend.
  19. ariyadhana
    I know it's hard but your focus can't be on getting him back. I think an ex is an ex for a reason, and it's only been a week. I think taking some time and doing the No contact thing is a real healthy thing for you to do at this point. Just love yourself, if your meant to get back together it will happen without you going and chasing after him. If it's not, I think you just need to remember things happen for a reason and try to go on with life.
  20. ariyadhana
    I'm not blaming myself for my honesty, I'm blaming myself for my cruelty. I called him a cradle robber, called his relationship with her a fling, constantly referred to her as a "little girl", basically did everything I could to hurt him in regards to that relationship, because I was so hurt by it all. i had doubts on it all too, he seems to just dive into love without really thinking rationally about things like a huge age/distance gap. I was also insecure about other things, I complained and swore about his roommates (who were often talking about me), constantly attacked him and accused him of not caring about me, was needy, etc. Yet he was always there when I needed him, always kind to me, but now all of the sudden I am not a close friend when 3 months ago I was his best friend? How does it change that quickly? Things had been relatively well the last few months. I hadnt said anything about his girlfriend since like August, and it has been like two months since I said anything about any of the roomates. I just don't understand how his feelings about our friendship have changed so suddenly, and feel like he must have been bottling up the resentment and now it is just boiling over. I just hate that I screwed everything up. We had a lot of good times, but things could have been so much better. I feel so terrible about this. I lost my closest friend, and he says he doesn't know if he can be close to me again. I'm trying to focus on myself, I just honestly believed he would be in my life as a close friend forever. I thought I had an advantage that way, as opposed to girlfriends who fade in and out of his life. It's just hard to get him out of my head, he was in my life for 2.5 years, and we went through so much in our friendship. Now I feel like he is just so resentful towards me, while I'm still holding on to something that perhaps meant more to me than it ever meant to him.
  21. ariyadhana
    The problem was my jealousy, and saying things about the other girls, like him being in a relationship with someone 10 years younger (and barely out of high school), and he was talking about moving to be with her after he had spent like two weeks with him. So yeah I freaked out and had things to say about that. There has just been so much baggage. I wish I could have just been happy being his friends. I'm not sorry I told him how I feel, but I'm sorry for a lot of the ill treatment I've given him in the past.
  22. ariyadhana
    She might even just think you called her by accident if it only rang once. You know that sometimes happens when cell phones get bumped around, you can accidentally dial a speed dial number without knowing it. I wouldn't worry about it, keep up the good work!
  23. ariyadhana
    I know it's tempting to have your roommate reporting back on what your ex is saying and doing, but it isn't healthy for you. I think you need to talk to your roommate and make it clear that you DO NOT WANT TO KNOW! What your roommate is doing is almost as bad as you having direct contact with your ex, and possibly worse since it is second-hand info and who knows exactly what is being said or in what context. You need to put this to a stop, it's for your own good.
  24. ariyadhana
    Last night I got really upset and emailed him professing my love, knowing that he didn't feel the same way. ](*,) Prior to this I had only told him I had feelings for him, and then tried to downplay the significance of the feelings. He never wrote back, and then today I called his cell, and asked if i could talk. He said he was at work, and so he came on MSN to talk to me instead. He said all is not lost, but he "doesnt know how close we can be" again, because he has so much frustration with me. I'm just so hurt. I feel like he's never going to forgive me. I don't know how we could go from best friends to barely friends in less than 3 months, it makes me wonder if I was only his best friend because he didn't have many friends, where as now he's making a bunch of new friends in his new city and doesn't need me anymore. Plus knowing I love him of course he's not going to want to talk to me about things. ](*,) I really feel like I blew this friendship. I just wish I could rewind time.
  25. ariyadhana
    That's exactly how it was with my best friend, I was the one initiating about 85% of the contact/plans. But now I realize that wasn't fair, and he should have made an effort to make more of an equal contribution. I know he cared about me, but part of me thinks he didn't make the effort because he knew he could get away with it, and that I would just keep doing everything and chasing after him. I think you just have to have the confidence to put your foot down, and say enough is enough. Don't let people take you for granted. I'm shy too but just be yourself and don't worry about whether people will like you or not. There are friends out there for most every type of person, just have confidence in yourself and give yourself time to open up and allow new people to get to know you. It can take time to form new bonds, but it will happen.
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