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Everything posted by ariyadhana

  1. I dont know, i think I can usually feel on the first date if there is a *chance* that it will work out or not. That is, does this person mesh with me on a basic level? I think it takes a few more dates to figure out if there is compatibility and any sort of a future. But yeah, most my dates are only one timers.
  2. okay, so i am two days away from 3 weeks NC with a guy i was dating that i really liked. After we ended it quite a bit of drama ensued, and while I have apologized and said I hoped we could at least be civil because we have mutual friends, he went cold on me about a month ago and has not replied to any of my attempts at contact. So yeah, 3 weeks ago was the last time I initiated anything, but I'm thinking about breaking it to say hey I'm still really sorry about how things ended up, and it would be nice to hear from you. I know this is bad, and that it is just going to result in me feeling worse Gah. Why can't I just let go?
  3. I agree with addictedblue. Finding an activity to involve yourself in is a great way to meet new people, and people who at least you share a common interest with rather than just random people in bars. It would also probably help to get you out of our post breakup funk and make you feel better about yourself!
  4. So I feel like I am for the most part over the guy I dated in the fall. I don't have any desire to go back to him or be treated the way he treated me again. Unfortunately there is this one little problem. I still seem to fantasize about him. How do I stop doing this when I haven't met someone new yet? I'm finding I always have to have someone to think about, and I don't know how to train my brain to get past that and to be truly happy with my independence. Any thoughts?
  5. You are 20! Go out and have fun! Date around and see who you meet, try to live in the moment and don't think about something that is years away! I wish I would have learned this sooner, I made the same mistake when I was younger of being too concerned about what might happen to get out there and live my life. I know the thought of a painful breakup in a few years may suck but just imagine the experiences you may be missing out on between now and then if you quit dating. I say go for it girl! As for non-negotiables. I think you should try and be open-minded and NOT compare new potentials to your ex. There might be certain qualities that they have that are better than your ex or certain qualities that are worse than your ex. I think you should make a list of things that are real important to you, things you cannot live without. For me these are things like non-smoker, college educated (or possibly self-educated), honest, respectful, kind, passionate. I then have a list of 'softer' qualities that i would like in someone but I could live without if there is a strong connection. I think you just need to dig into your heart and think about what is *really* important to you.
  6. She told you she was sick and THEN you asked her out? Why would you think she wasn't really sick in this case? I don't think this is a big deal, give her the benefit of the doubt and act like you normally would around her. Maybe try asking her again in a week or so if she's up to doing something together.
  7. If you tell her she will refer you to someone else. She can't and won't get involved, it would be suicide for her career. There is usually a period required by the psychological associations that must pass after you quit seeing someone before you can get involved with them romantically - where I live it is 2 years.
  8. Woah. This is pretty huge. I think you need to find support in your friends and family right now. I'm really sorry this happened to you, and this is likely going to be life altering for you and your boyfriend. I would suggest getting yourself into counselling ASAP. Whatever the reason, he took the life of another, and that's not an appropriate way to resolve an issue of domestic abuse. He is likely going to be behind bars for along time for that. I think, and this may be hard to hear, but you have to distance yourself from this guy. You are young and you still have your entire life ahead of him. Maybe you can still be a friend to him to some extent, but you are going to have to move on from him. He ruined his life, don't let him hold you back and ruin yours too.
  9. I didn't ask him out, he found me on a dating site and msg'd me asking me out. I didn't pay for anything, we went to a play that was free and he paid for the cab (8 bucks).
  10. So, went on a date last night with a guy who seemed nice and who I seemed to hit it off with. I'm not sure though, as I'm a bit shy, don't really elaborate on my responses very much, and he pretty much goes on and on. I'm thinking maybe I didn't give him enough sense of my depth. But at the same time there didn't really seem to be any awkward moments (except when I didn't get a few of his jokes). All in all, a good evening. However when I walked him home all he said to me was "thanks.. so i guess i'll see you around then".. Should I take that to mean he's not interested? I'm a bit fragile right now and I don't want to risk asking him out again and facing rejection Any thoughts? Should I just give it a few days?
  11. It sounds like they are just having fun. However, it sounds like you take religion very seriously, and she doesn't share your religious beliefs or take it seriously at all. You haven't provided much info on the rest of your relationship, but perhaps you need to consider if differing religious views are something that are going to be an issue for you?
  12. thanks guys. we've been trying to do NC but i feel so guilty when my friends are all like 'its not fair to the rest of us that you guys cant figure your stuff out'. its so hurtful to have him showing up where my friends are, and he kind of did invade my circle of friends. we are in a small community and know the same people. NC is just so impractical. i don't know what to do, i just want him out of my life
  13. Hi all, So I dated a guy from about mid-Sept to late October. We were intimate that entire time, but ended up calling it quits because he has a lot of emotional baggage and didnt want to pursue a relationship. I am admittedly quite into him, though he has told me all he feels for me is "friendship and sexual desire". Anyways, he has expressed an interest in being friends, and I would love to be friends, as I thought he was a great guy. However friendship hasn't really worked for me so far, as I needed some time to let the dust settle. A week after we broke up he told me about some fling he had, which obviously upset me and at that point we agreed to do NC for awhile so I could heal. However we have mutual friends and that isn't really working. Last weekend he showed up somewhere that he knew my friends were and acted all surprised to see me, and asked what I was doing there. After that I broke NC and talked to him on the phone once, just to see how he was doing. A few days after that I called to check-in if he still wanted to stick with the NC, because I was a little confused - and he said that he thought NC was the deal and he didnt see what there was to be confused about.. So yesterday, I had a little dinner gathering at my place followed by a get-together at a pub. My ex had known about this and was originally invited, though he didnt attend dinner. I had been told by a friend that my ex was planning on coming to the pub, so I called him after dinner to see if that was true. He said it was, and that he'd see us there soon. So we get there, and he shows up a few minutes later... with a date I'm so confused by this. I felt it was rather disrespectful to me to do that when he knows I am trying to get strong enough for us to have a friendship. Why bring a date to something I organized? Our friends don't think he was being malicious, but I really don't see how he could possibly think that was ok? When this happened I excused myself to the washroom to call a friend who told me to get the heck out of there. So I finished my drink, said my goodbyes to everyone but him, and I walked out of my own party. I thought about sitting there and acting nice, but I just couldn't have it rubbed in my face like that. I am so angry and hurt by this. I feel like I want to contact him and say something to him, and I feel like what he did took a lot of nerve. What does everyone think about this?
  14. I think an ex is an ex for a reason, and he is obviously not right for you at this point in your life or else you would be thinking of looking elsewhere. I agree go out and date and see what else is out there and if you are meant to find your way back to each other you will.
  15. Just do an internet search for how to give a good blow job or how to give a good hand job (depending on what it is you want to start doing). I find though it just takes practice to build up your confidence. I think it is important to talk to your boyfriend though and maybe communicate to him that you are feeling insecure about your inexperience - besides he will know better than anyone what he likes and could give the best tips and maybe help you feel more comfortable and at ease.
  16. Thanks for the advice all. Here is an update to my situation: So last weekend we were at a party together and I was once again getting mixed messages from him about what was going on between us and what level of intimacy I could initiate with him without crossing some sort of boundary that seemed to be shifting from day to day. I really realized then that I couldn't keep doing what we were doing, and that it had to stop. The next day we talked and he pretty much said the same thing. I did a week of NC, which was fine and well, and then we hung out Friday night as "friends". It was just that, he wouldn't even cuddle with me. I guess my question is, is there hope for this situation? I really want more than friends with this guy and I would like to be in a position to be able to have that should he work his baggage out. Obviously there was a physical connection, and he is still interested in getting to know me on an emotional level, right? I'm just worried now that I might get perma friend-zoned and our spark will die. Thoughts?
  17. I think you need to tell him. Maybe he does feel the same way and just feels like he can't get away from his current GF. Just tell him and see what he says. If he rejects you you will have your answer and it will make it easier to move on without wondering "what if". I was in this EXACT same situation, and trust me, sometimes when you have feelings for someone you have a very close bond with, it can feel like those feelings are being reciprocated even when they are not - platonic feelings can be quite strong. Tell him and get your peace of mind.
  18. While it may very well be true that she will start cutting everyday, I think she may also be using this as a manipulation tactic to get you to stay with her. Either way it sounds like she has an unhealthy dependency on you that could manifest itself in dangerous ways. I think the best you can do is talk to her and tell her that while you love and care for her you want her to work on getting healthy so that you can make the decision to move or not based on what is best for you not on pressures of what might happen to her if you don't do what she wants. DO NOT give in and just do what she wants, then she wins - trust me you do not want to be the enabler of her behaviour. She needs help that you cannot give her.
  19. It sounds to me like you are now the one playing games. Clearly you are unhappy with his behaviour to the point of dumping. Was the relationship that serious? I doesn't sound like you've had "the talk" yet about where things are heading, and that you are just dating casually. Maybe you need to do your part to be more upfront and honest about what your expectations are, instead of expecting him to be a mindreader.
  20. Here's the deal. About a month ago I met a great guy. We had a definite spark- shared interests, and a great physical/emotional attraction. We started dating quite frequently (3-4 times/week), but about 3 weeks in, he told me he wanted to slow things down, and that he wasn't looking for a relationship. I kind of knew he wanted to take things slow, as he just got out of a 5 year relationship in June that had a lot of trouble in the last couple years of it. He's kind of messed up from that, and I understand why he wouldn't want to rush into something. However I don't want to date if it's not going anywhere, especially this intensely, and we have been fully intimate - something we have tried to stop with the whole "slowing things down" but neither of us seems to be able to restrain ourselves. We've talked about being friends, but neither of us seem strong enough for that either, it just always goes beyond that. I don't know what to do. We are currently on NC while I try and figure this out. Some may say stay away because we want different things, but I find it so hard for me to meet compatible people. I feel it is only once every 2-3 years I find someone who I "click" with. I can't keep doing what we are doing, but I don't know what to do. Help!
  21. I don't think there is anything wrong with that at all. It is definitely better than the blind patriotism some people exhibit.
  22. I don't know if you've heard of an artist called Shakira, but she's a Latin America singer who has done some stuff in English as well. Her english songs are pretty lovey-dovey, so maybe you could find the spanish versions of some of them and follow the english lyrics while you listen to them. As far as telling him how you feel about him, just tell him what is in your heart. What you said in this post about how much you love him, would do anything for him, etc would probably be a good start. Don't worry about getting the spanish perfect there are online translators that will help, and maybe you can look at some of the sites that give free lessons to help you put together simple sentances. You could simply start by saying I love you: link removed
  23. Hi, Ok, you got engaged a week and a half after you met? It's probably good that he decided to delay, as much as it sucks now. He probably just wants to make sure this is the right decision. I would have probably backed out too as it sounds like this engagement came out of lust. As for holding off on sex, I take it you are waiting for marriage? I guess that depends on how strongly he feels about you and about waiting. I guess if that's what you want and it's meant to be then he will wait for you.
  24. I, personally, don't know what a 19 year old would want with a 14 year old.. People go through a lot of growth in their teens, and at 19 year are pretty much an adult, at 14 you are really just starting to learn about yourself and make that transition. Also, the age of consent is likely going to be increasing in Canada to 16 very soon. What do her parents think about this? I defintely wouldn't allow my 14 yr old daughter to date a 19 year old. Be careful they dont nail your * * * when the law changes.
  25. you should go to the doc anyways just because it doesnt hurt doesnt mean there is nothing wrong it could be something serious so please get it checked out that said when i read your first post i thought it was just your cervix you were feeling
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