LostInMyThoughts

People are different, and no blanket-statement such as "I do it, why can't you" is fair to use. Maybe my coworker knows that if she gets into a relationship, she'd focus all her energy on it, instead of being more time conscious. Or maybe she wouldn't want to start a relationship knowing she couldn't put the level of effort necessary to maintain her idea of a healthy relationship. What ever her reasoning is, I will respect her wishes.

Yeah I went through my old posts (kinda fun actually), and the girl I was referring too was my music teacher. Nothing panned out about it. Spilled milk and all that... I haven't spoken to my mom since before I made that post. Neither my mom or my dad. She just gave the gift to my sister, who gave it to me. I just ended up buying a bunch of toys and donating them to Toys for Tots with the money I had earmarked for my neices and nephews (from marriage).

Yeah, it depends. If a girl is in jeans, I like them form fitting... Dress clothes are nice when the situation warrants it.

I think I understand what you're saying. I hadn't planned on giving her the cold shoulder, but we aren't friends. A better clasification would be work-aquaintences. She has opened up to me, and I enjoy talking with her,and I know the more she gets to know about me, the higher probability that she'd date me (i grow on people like a nice foot-fungus). The way I interpreted what she said was that she's too busy right now to really spend time with anyone because of school, including the friends she has now. Probably because she doesn't want to get rid of her momentum going down the stretch towards graduation. If I'm lucky its because she is attracted to me and is afraid that starting a relationship might throw her off track. Speculating though, gets me nowhere. So for now, trying to get her to be friends, is going to be tough. I feel like if I press her to hang out, its only going to make her like me less, so I'll just drop out invites to hang out with me and a few other coworkers every now and again, and see if she'll come out. The girl from xmas, was probably my music teacher. I still have lessons, but in the words of my friend: "it was a lame situation." I had the feeling she liked me--a few other casual observers thought the same thing. I took a chance, but she said no, for whatever reason, so I decided to move on. But I'm keeping my eye's open for potential love. You can beat this dog, but you can't kill em

Unfortunately it's her issue, so she has to deal with it. Is she up to seeing a counselor?

Thanks for trivializing my issues bro

I'm in a similar situation, here is what I'd suggest doing. With coworkers, unlike other potential partners, you have to take things slow, because laying your cards all out could negatively impact things. Just start talking to her about small things; like what she did last weekend, or if she has any big plans for the weekend. She'll start talking about her interests and stuff, and you can use that to carry on more conversations. Obviously don't spend all your time talking with her; take it slow, to get a feel if she's interested. Then as you get more comfortable with each other, try to organize a light-friendly gathering with coworkers, maybe a happy-hour, or going to a concert, where it will be you and a few other people she knows. Ask her if she wants to join you guys. If she says yes, thats probably a good sign. If she can't make it, it will sound less like you asking her out, and more just trying to hangout, which won't cause too much stress on the work environment. I did something similar (you can read my previous post), it didn't work out, but there isn't any weird tension here.

Hehe, so many girls... This is my coworker that I've been debating asking out. We haven't hung out or anything yet, just talked at work, while I was trying to get a feel if she was interested. What led me to believe she was at least interested in being friends is that she's opened up to me about her personal life, particularly her family, and their flaws (we all have flaws...). So I felt that she was at least comfortable enough with that, then perhaps she'd be okay with getting together after work. I basically took it as a sign that she's either not interested and is letting me down gently, or she's really busy and doesn't have the time. Either way, at this moment, focusing my energy on her is probably futile. Since she did leave the door open, if/when she graduates and if I am single I would give it another go. ANd I guess I'm proud of myself for taking a chance.

Just an update for all you friends out there who have given me love and support during my journey of life-after-divorce. After some trepidation, I asked the girl from work to come out with me and some friends tonite. She said she couldn't because monday's are bad. I dropped the hint that I was interested, and said that I was going to make it my goal to get her to hang out with me. (That was a little strong, and I know thats coming from my dominant-control-freak personality--w/e). She said in the future she would. Now I do know she is busy with school (she is working on a Ph.D in pyschology--and is determined to finish this year), so I didn't take it too hard; but I do realize that at this point in time, she doesn't have the time available for a relationship, even one of a new friendship. Sucks for me, sucks for her. So I'm back to the drawing board; though I do have another potential-love-mate (although her name is the same as my sisters!!!).

It gets better over time, especially if you both are committed to making it better. The downside is your anxiety is going to cause problems, which in turn will cause you more anxiety, and it's a downward spiral. You said its getting better, but perhaps too slow for your tastes. Is there a way you can help the process along? If not, just realize that is getting better, although slowly, but it is getting there. In the grand scheme of things 7-months isn't all that much time. If you're worried about how it is for him, just check in with him once in a while. Don't keep asking about it. If its bad for him, he'll speak up. You dont have to answer these questions, but think about them: What about your sex isn't working for you? How comfortable are you with your sexuality? How important is sex to your relationship? What about it is causing you anxiety? Is there a way to work through your anxiety, together? Have you talked with your partner about your anxiety? Good luck!!!

I recently met a girl whom I thought was cute, and seemed like she was interested in me. Problem is, she and my sister have the same name. It weirds me out. Am I the only one who is put off of the idea of dating someone with same name as a sibling?

Except Lindyhop (sp?) apparently. A dude I know signed up for classes and said that this was the first time they had more men then women. I also kicked around taking dance lessons to meet girls, but right now work is so crazy that I dont have the time.

Personally I like the workouts outlined in Arnolds Encyclopedia of Bodybuilding. The V-shape is a skinny waist and wide chest and back. Curls wont help with that... To bulk up, I would move towards more sets with lower reps, increasing the weight as you go. 6-8 sets starting at 10 reps, working your way to your one rep max. Also are you taking protein supplements. Thats is a must if you want to add bulk. I'd also add incline and decline bench, to hit the upper and lower pecs. You can finish your pecs off by repping the bar as many times as possible. Also add seated rows (which will also work your bi's), and bent over row, to work your upper back muscles. To add effect to the V-shape, look at slimming down your waist by doing ab-excercises, not just situps. Leg lifts, boards, and reverse crunches.

Hrm thats a toughy. Was there a specific reason he gave out his number and cell, ie business networking? Perhaps you could do a little recon work first; You said you met him at a small party, so someone who knows him, must know someone you know. Could you ask a little bit more info about him? You could also ask one of them if they still have his information.

I have some experience. Post away.

Is that you're sister? Can I have her too? Do you shower in the nude?

That is something I think you can and probably should control. It sounds like you understand that calling him up will end up being bad thing for you, even if for the moment its great. If you start getting an intense desire to be with him, but understand that you only want him physically, then either take care of yourself, or just take a cold shower. Or meet up with a creepy guy you just met on an internet advice forum.

Some kids learn. Many don't. I was picked on and teased A LOT when I was in school. I was different from everyone else, but moreso because my parents had eroded what little self-esteem I had and I wasn't able to stand up for myself. As I got older, because of my sharp-wit, I became a bully of sorts, taking the fight back to the people who would pick on me. Eventually I got so good at it, I just became a bully myself. I've now learned a lot about why I've been that way. I haven't really made amends, and I still am brutal if someone picks on me, but I do know that I am a bully.

Why force yourself to stop it? If it was a good thing, cherish it, then look forward to having that same aspect of your relationship with someone new. Are you really obsessing over him? Or is it just fond memories? I think its okay to fantasize about it, but dont get to the point that if you do find yourself in another intimate relationship that you think about your ex. I would just ride it out.

I'd rather post this as a PM, but you don't have Private Messages enabled... I only had to read "19 asian" to know enough about your situation. I'm asian, and I went through a lot of what you are going through. I think your wanting to drop out of college, and your issues with your parents (or better said your parents issues...) are two separate issues, each adding to your stress. College. I wouldn't drop out. College isn't for everyone, but once you leave school its hard to get back that momentum. Once you start "settling down" life takes over and the time flies (trust me...today I'm an old man). What is okay, is changing what your going to school for. Perhaps Nursing isn't all that you thought it was going to be. Have you given anythought towards what other programs interest you? My parents are a lot like your parents. They came from very poor families and worked hard to build a life for me and my sister. That said, this is MY life and I am free to live it how I see fit. You're not messing anything up! Remember that please. Its your life. We're taught to always respect our parents, but our parents are people too, and they make mistakes, just like everyone else. You're trying to gain your independence from your parents, and I think thats great! You're dad sounds like he has issues from his childhood that need to be addressed. He's saying very mean and hurtful things; things he has no right to say to anyone, especially his daughter. He's the one with problems, not you. Going to college, even if its a struggle, is probably the best course of action. Even though a degree doesn't guarentee success, having one is pretty much required for most jobs now a days. I think you might benefit from going to see one of the schools counselors. If they dont have one, then maybe see a private one. Good luck, and I hope things work out for you.

Sure. "I love you" can easily lose it's meaning, if you say it and aren't being sincere.

Go with your gut instinct. He could be telling the truth, but I'd trust your BS-meter. If you do decide to give it a shot, try something low-key like meet for coffee. You can decide how long to stay (although the ol-friend-calling-on-a-cell-phone trick works too). Good luck!

It depends if he's interested, and what he is trying to go for. If he's not interested, he'll probably avoid calling you, and I'd take that as a sign to move on. If he calls you later down the road...I'd be a little cautious. I'd let him make the next move. You've shown him you're interested. If he doesn't reciprocate, then its his loss and I'd move on.

I'm sorry to hear about this. If its any consulation, it sounds like your ex has issues, and he hasn't dealt with them, so he's just going to set himself up to get hurt. I know its not much, and I know how tough it is to get over an ex... Now it's time to focus on yourself, and become a stronger, better person.

I have to disagree. I'm "divorced" but its not finalized until next month sometime, and I've been moving on with my life. I think its unfair to discriminate against someone who is getting divorced but not yet actually divorced. There is already enough stigma out there for people who are divorced, why add to it with discrimination? In some US States, the finalization period is as long as a year!!! If a person is going to lie and get involved with someone while still having the intention of being married, they will lie on the application regardless. Just my 2 cents. Thanks for posting the story though