LostInMyThoughts
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Everything posted by LostInMyThoughts
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Trust.. how can I get it back??
LostInMyThoughts replied to adidas7fire's topic in Relationship Advice
It sounds like you've made a lot of progress on yourself. This sounds a bit premature, but have you thought about counceling? Just speaking with a trained councelor might be all you need to help reconnect your mind and your heart. Honestly, I think getting engaged is the wrong approach to solving this conflict. Things *DO NOT* change when you get married. I was once married, and my ex-wife naively thought that marriage would some how solve our problems. Your boyfriend doesn't sound too receptive to your issues with comments like "move on from the past" and "all guys aren't the same." Which to a typical guy is a logical conclusion; why should he be blamed for what happened in the past. Which just means you'll need to work a little harder to deal with your issue on trust. Good luck. -
OK women, Need to Ask? Metros or Real men?
LostInMyThoughts replied to CamGuy's topic in Dating Advice
Okay enough with the sweeping generalizations. Some women like men that shave their chest. Some men like shaving their chests. Good fit. Other women like guys who don't shave their chest but don't look like something outta Jumanji. It's all just personal pref, and whatever makes you feel good about yourself. -
It's only an issue if you make it an issue. Try to reverse the roles. What if you had some really close friends that you absolutely loved, and he really didn't like them. And he made an issue of it to the point where you felt like you had to chose between him, and your friends. Doesn't seem like a good situation to be in. You don't have to force yourself to like his friends, but I'd give them a shot, and try to get to know them better.
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Yep! Well never say never. He *could* end up being the love of your life. He just has to prove it first I dunno, plenty of frats are nothing but sausage parties. Thats the spirit! It is his loss!!
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Brother Trouble
LostInMyThoughts replied to thyroxine's topic in Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
I agree whole heartedly. Support and love him as much as possible!! -
Ouch my friend, thats quite a problem to have to deal with. Sorry man. I wish I could give you an easy way out (join the circus?), but I don't think its possible. You're in a bind, you want to get this girl out of your head, but its not as easy as minimizing contact with her because you work together. Do you have a good report with your boss? Could you ask to be assigned to different shifts for the time being? If not, do you want to find a new job? As for your friendship, part of me wants you to be honest with her, and tell her that you're gonna try to minimize contact just so you can get your feelings straight. That way she'll know its not something she did that is causing you to drift away. Good luck bro.
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It does suck, that you were interested in getting to know him better and it didn't work out. He could be a player; your gut insticts were probably right on that account. However, I don't put all my eggs in one basket either. Dating, getting to know people, at least for me, doesn't mean exclusivity. Right now I have a few different girls that I'm talking to, and trying to get to know better. Of course I would not lie about my involvement with someone else (that would make me a player...) To me, things like "you're awesome" and "you make me laugh" are genuine praises, but not something that I would say exclusively to one person. Unlike say "I love you forever, you're the only one for me, I want you to have my babies, and cook and clean for me..." As for why he didn't make the effort, maybe something didn't click with him, or he misread a subtle signal from you, or was waiting for you to make the next move. I would call him if you are eager to be his friend; otherwise, I'd move on. And key his car.
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Trust.. how can I get it back??
LostInMyThoughts replied to adidas7fire's topic in Relationship Advice
It doesn't sound like you do trust him. If you trusted him, you'd trust him to make the right decision in his life, and trust that he knows better than to have untrustworthy people as friends. In a way your saying "I don't trust your judgement when it comes to female friends." How to make yourself not worry, is a good question. I'd start by having honest discourse with your boyfriend. Ask him if he can set aside some time to listen to you talk about your trust issues. Then try to explain why you don't trust his female friends in terms of *YOUR* own issues. Like something from a past relationship. Or is it really an insecurity that you have. If the discussion starts to get heated, take a moment, and respectfully say that you dont want to get into another argument, but would like to continue this sometime later. Sounds hammy, but I think it would do wonders for your relationship to talk with your bf about your issues with trust. -
Just let it go. Go straight NC if at all possible. Any more effort your put into this will probably end up backfiring on you. Talking to her family is a big no-no. The only reason I could see you talking to her family and friends is if she was seriously going to hurt herself. If she starts harassing you, then I'd take out a restraining order. Avoid confronting her and contacting her if at all possible. With the things she's done (lied about being pregnant, then losing the child) I wouldn't put it past her to take it further.
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Well if you and him weren't exclusive, I dont see anything wrong with him flattering someone else. Especially if he wasn't doing it at the same time he was saying those things to you. You can't expect a person to wait around for ever. That said, I think you should let this one go, and if you see him make the effort to be friendly. Unless you really want to be his friend, then by all means call him, and tell him that.
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LOL!!! Man-bag. I totally wanna show up on a date carrying a man-purse. That would be so funny. Go home alone, not so funny. But its comedic genius!
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There's a big difference between dressing "in style" and "Dressing to impress." Just because you're not wearing stylish clothes, doesn't mean you can't dress nicely. Wearing a nice shirt and slacks is much better than showing up in some beat up old jeans and a grubby emo-looking tshirt.
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well you can ask her on a date. If you've gotten to know a girl, and she seems interested, ask her out. Be direct that you want to go out, not just "hang out."
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Okay for one you're not an idiot. You just seem like you wanted to show him all your cards. As if to say, "If you knew the WHOLE story, my behavior might make a little more sense." That doesn't sound like an idiot. Honestly I like that quality in a person, but unfortunately in the world of dating, its can be counter-productive if done too early.
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A lot of it is genetic. How do you define "look lean?" If you want, have your body fat analyzed and go from there. If you're carrying extra fat, you muscles will look bulky. But the flipside is, as you go for lean, you'll see a drop in your overall strength. Bodybuilders do this, they bulk up with a lot of protien, and weight training, then to get ready for competition, they drop a signifigant amount of body fat (to an almost unhealthy state).
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I dont think what you did was wrong; I mean you didn't JUST meet the guy. You're explaining some of the things in your past that have influenced your behavior (I dread having to do this with my next partner...). The key, I guess, is to not lay it on all at once, and to let him know that you're working through your issues. Also make sure you don't rag on yourself while telling him by saying things like "I've got a big problem with anger" or "Im a big ball of crazy." I wouldn't have necessarily used email to do it, but its the past and NOTHING you can do can change it (unless you break into his home and delete the email before he sees it). So I would try to stop obsessing about it, although I know that will be tough. You can call him and let him know that you'd like to talk to him in person, and put the ball in his court. EDIT: To answer your question, no I wouldn't be totally fed up with you; because I know the real truth: Everyone has issues. Now if after the first time we met you were like "By the way, I have codependency issues. And I wear my wedding gown every saturday night..." then I might be a little more hesitent.
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You can try; but you're not going to be helping her. People (imho) often make the mistake of trying to be friends with their ex's to soon after a relationship. You both need a period of time to cool off and reflect. While that period differs from person to person, it certainly isn't as short as a week or a month...
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Definitely deep. Its about love, and mixed emotions I think. Sometimes you stay because you believe you have the power to change a person. Sometimes its because you are afraid of what might happen if you leave.
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This is off topic, but I think you are way off the mark. Just because my *problems* don't rate high on your personal scale doesn't mean they aren't any less important. I know that things can be worse (like say living in Sierra Leon and having my arms cut-off); but that doesn't mean that the stuff I deal with is trivial. Don't come here and tell me to get a grip because I'm some how lucky because I could be dealing with real problems, like cheating (my ex-wife cheated on me) or abuse (my parents were abusive)--both of which you could find out by reading some of my prior posts, because you're just being a jerk, and that attitude isn't welcome here.
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Oh the pun was intended!
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Mixed signals come with the territory, I'm afraid. She didn't say no, so I would definitely call her and ask her very directly if she wants to go to dinner on friday.
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I think you should be direct. I understand where miracle29 is coming from in that you don't want to push the issue; but I do believe you should make your thoughts known in a direct, respectful manner. As tylerdurden said, most of us men are pretty dense, and it's hard for us to read between the lines. As a football watching, beer drinking, flatulant dummy, I would like to hear something like "We've been seeing each other for the past 5 weeks. I really enjoy being with you, and I'd like to take our relationship to the next level. What do you think about becoming [dating] exclusive[ly]?" Now you've let him know clearly that you want something more out of your relationship. I know its not easy to let yourself be vunerable, and it's a risk because he might not give you the answer you're really hoping for. Then again, you'll know more about your situation and sometimes clarity into a situation is all you'll need. My main point, be direct with your feelings. Its not being pushy to tell someone what you want. After all, the squeeky wheel gets zee grease. Good luck Venus!!!
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In a way, its healthy that you're willing to try something new for your partner; but if you really are uncomfortable with the whole idea, I would forgo the experience. If you do descide to try; do your research first. There are plenty of websites that are devoted to teaching couples how to engage in safe anal sex. I'm not trying to scare you, but like with all things sexually related, I believe its a necessity to understand all the facts before diving in.
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I just added Dom Perignon stock to my 401k portfolio.