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renaissancewoman101

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Everything posted by renaissancewoman101

  1. renaissancewoman101
    Because you dont want to sound like a dork in front of them and you dont want them to know that you like them. Then pick and choose the words you want to say, all the time wondering in the back of your mind if you sound like a dork, and pretty soon you sound like a dork because you are so worried about NOT sounding stupid or dorkish that you dont realize that you ARE sounding that way.
  2. renaissancewoman101
    I think with men, they like to act strong so they dont like to broadcast how heartbroken they are about the breakup so they find ways to grieve, etc that dont allow their friends, guys they hang with, find out. Plus on here there is a sort of anonymity when you post about breakups, desperation, etc. No one here really knows who you are in real life, have met up with you, etc., so here you can air your dirty laundry and not worry about how people here think of you, or that you can run into them later on and wonder what their opinion of you is like. Women post on here because they want to know how a guy thinks and, in understanding how a guy thinks, the woman uses that as a way to plan how they can get their own ex's back.
  3. renaissancewoman101
    Well, I didnt do much. I went grocery shopping at a local Asian market, then I took a drive down to Coronado and walked around by the Hotel del Coronado, down by the beach there. It was nice to be able see over to San Diego but it got cloudy and it got real cold so I didnt stay long but driving around Coronado was nice. My best friend called and complained to me about LA traffic for an hour as he drove home from work. I went and got Indian food for dinner and all in all, it was a rather boring day. I hope everybody else survived and had a good day.
  4. renaissancewoman101
    I understand how you feel about your height. Me, I am on the short end of the stick. I am only 4'5" tall. I was able to find a bf (unfort that relationship ended last year) and height really is relative. What you might consider as being too tall or too short, someone else might consider just right.
  5. renaissancewoman101
    Nathalie1970, that is always a possibility, stay here and vent. I am probably going to go down by the beach and walk around, smell the ocean air, see nature, and be happy that I am back out in CA where endless possibilities await me in regards to meeting people, meeting guys, and finding a new job. HA! Actually going down by the beach/boardwalk is not a bad idea. Usually there are people there, cute guys. The sun is out. Life is good. I could also go shopping. Dako, only you would find watching sea lions poop all over the children's pool a treat. You have a strange sense of humor
  6. renaissancewoman101
    The beach is a good idea. Else, I may take a drive. I always loved to take long drives. It's a stress reliever for me and always fun to look at the scenery while driving. I am not in a bad mood today, just a bit sad about things and hurt that my best friend changed his mind about having me hang out with them.
  7. renaissancewoman101
    It is Valentine's Day, the most dreaded day of the year for those who are broken up, single, alone, etc. This year I join the ranks of those people. I am doing ok today, a bit missing the ex, wondering what he is doing, part of me is sometimes even wondering if is still with his new gf (I know I shouldnt think like that). The weather is great down here in San Diego, sun is hot, temps are nice (compared to it being in the 30's in Milwaukee), but what to do? I was originally going to go up to Irvine to hang out with my best friend and his bf. My best friend just called me and told me that it wouldnt be a good idea for me to come by because his bf is in his cranky moods again and they were fighting last night over some stupid issues. Now I have nothing to do. I was going to go over by their place to hang out and forget about it being Val day and wanting to forget about the ex! Now I am stuck in my apartment by myself, not sure what to do. I spent the morning working on my resume, chasing some job leads, etc. I suppose I could go shopping or or something like that, but seeing lovestruck people with their SO's just makes me want to puke.
  8. renaissancewoman101
    I agree with all the other posters, you should back off and wait for him to contact you. I have learned from watching some of my friends, that if you chase a guy too much, they lose interest in you. I guess it is that notion that the guys want to be the initiators as well as the chasers.
  9. renaissancewoman101
    Mystik, you are right. When I was at university, I had Asian friends along with white friends, but most of the Asian guys that were there (there werent many) were all either in Engineering or the sciences, and all they cared about was studying, getting the MA or PHd degree. They werent into dating or anything like that.
  10. renaissancewoman101
    That is one thing I dislike about being an Asian girl, everybody makes the assumption that ALL Asian girls are shy and demure. I am shy but demure, I am not so sure. I've been told that in order to attract guys, one must give off the signal that they are available and open to flirting. Hell, I dont know. I've never been good with flirting and I probably wouldnt know if a guy was into me or wanted to flirt with me, unless someone hit me with a 2x4, ha ha!!! Question for other girls, when you go out, how do you notice if a guy is looking at you or into you, aka wanting to flirt with you or noticing you from a far?? I have a hard time ever picking that up. Most times, when I am out, I either am out by myself or I am with my best friend and his bf, but they have noticed that guys are attracted to me, esp if I dress well and am in an upbeat mood that day. My best friend will point it out to me, and I, like the clueless moron, will be like, oh yeah. I cant seem to sense it. How can you girls pick it up or are there methods to be open to picking up signals like that. As you can tell, dating and flirting is not my forte
  11. renaissancewoman101
    Sometimes guys can be too polite because they are nervous, because maybe THEY like you too. Do you know anything about the guy since he works with you, like what he likes to do, etc., If so, strike up a conversation about something that he likes and see how that turns out.
  12. renaissancewoman101
    CluelessGuy321, where do you live? I think a lot of how people perceive you depends on where you live and what people are like in that area in regards to other cultures/races. I am full Chinese and I spent the first 18 years of my life living in LA where it is a "melting pot" of all cultures. I went to school with people from all races, hung out with friends who were white, Asian, Latino, etc. Mixed race dating is very much accepted out here and I had friends who dated whites, Latinos, etc. Then I moved out to Milwaukee, WI. That was a culture shock to me. Imagine moving from a city that was very multicultural to a city that was conservative and mostly white, and the people there very much believed in the racial stereotypes of like Asians owning laundromats. One Easter weekend I went home with a friend of mines from college (she was white). She lived in a very small farming town (as in one main street) and the people there were mesmerized to see me, an Asian woman. There were a few people there who naturally assumed my dad owned a laundromat. As for myself, I usually date out of my race. The two long term relationships I had, both the guys were white. I have dated one Asian guy in my life (but then I dont date a lot). Most of the time, I find that white guys can be attracted to me, and also, I spent 15 years of my life in Wisconsin and the Midwest has a high population of whites. I find that most Asian guys are not that open about things and dont like to discuss their feelings, etc. They tend to be more closed about things. Now that I move back to CA and to San Diego, I am not sure what I want to do in terms of dating. I havent really gone out looking yet. My brother, on the other hand, is like most Asian guys, he is quiet but he likes trendy things and he is not nerdy. He loves sports and all that and he makes decent money as a computer engineer. He dates mostly Asian women.
  13. renaissancewoman101
    Valentine's Day, I am going up in the evening by my best friend and I am going to hang out with him and his bf, order pizza and watch the Olympics and watch the both of them fall asleep on the couch out of boredom and tiredness (my best friend drives about three hours round trip each day to go to work and back) and then drive back down to San Diego. Yep, lots of fun . Truthfully, that is all I am going to do for Valentines Day. Last year when I was still with the ex, Valentine's Day weekend was the first time I came to the realization that I was starting to lose my feelings for the ex. I had taken him up to a trendy resort area in Northern Wisconsin for the weekend and at dinner, I realize that he really stuck out like a sore thumb and he did not fit into anything I liked to do. That was the beginning of the end when I began to pull away from him and self-destruct the relationship.
  14. renaissancewoman101
    Flirting is a hard thing to do, but if you are interested in a guy, sometimes you just have to get your guts/courage up and go and make some small talk with the guy. That is how I did it with my last bf (my current ex). I was a Ren Faire event with some friends and he had come in with his buddy. I had seen him before and I found him interesting and attractive but I was afraid to approach him. So, that night at the party, I got up the courage to go up to him and make small talk with him. We talked for a long awhile, exchanged numbers and then my friends and I went out with him and his buddy for drinks and he and I went on to date for about two years. The key to flirting is having confidence about yourself. SOmetimes you just have to make believe that you are confident and then believe in that, even though in your heart you may feel that you are being stupid by flirting with the guy. SOmetimes you just have to fake confidence because that is what guys like, a confident and self-assured girl. It aint easy, but if you can fake it, you can make a guy fall for it and maybe even, in the end, you can believe in it too.
  15. renaissancewoman101
    It isnt good to play games with a guy because they may backfire on you. But, it is a good rule of thumb to not let a guy know how much you are into them, and play aloof with them because, from the way my ex was, guys usually want what they cant have. But I am not good at games either. I did learn that what I said above is true because towards the end of my recent relationship, I lost my feelings for my ex and began to neglect him and pull away from him and do my own things. When I did that my ex chased me but I didnt respond. Only after he got fed up with chasing me, and then he dumped me, then I responded and wanted him back badly.
  16. renaissancewoman101
    I've decided to just ignore the situation and the ex's mother. I dont really want to call her up and start trouble again. Although her son broke up with me, I was always and still am afraid of her because she is the in your face type of woman. I always tend to be the unconfrontational type and when things go wrong, I tend to find the unobtrusive way to fix things. I have trouble confronting people about things. That is just not my style. Last night I did try to find out from my dad about what the ex's mom was harping about and how much she told my dad but my mom was kinda upset about the whole thing and when my mom gets worked up about things, my dad will shut down and just not deal with it and let my mother deal with it. My mom went out of town for two weeks so I am probably going to go home Sat and talk to my dad to see what really went on since I know he will tell me the truth. One thing this whole situation has done is it has made me decide that I dont want the ex back. I am still lonely out here and need to make friends but I will take small steps in doing that.
  17. renaissancewoman101
    Staying friends does "lessen the pain of the dumper" but it creates more pain for the dumpee. I think it is hard to stay friends with an ex and it does slow you from healing from your breakup because you dont take the opportunity to let him go and rebuild your own life. And it doesnt give HIM the opportunity to miss YOU. When you let your ex go gracefully, it makes them think maybe they did the wrong thing and now you dont care. It makes them rethink their decision and maybe even want you back. But, overall, letting them go without being friends with them helps you to heal and put your life back together. I know that now. It hasnt been an easy road for me but I am starting to put my life back together after a rather nasty breakup and after some rather strange interference tactics from the ex's mother.
  18. renaissancewoman101
    Your boyfriend's reactions sound like how my best friend and his bf is. My best friend's bf is constantly nagging at my best friend at how he does things. Nothing he does is good enough. If it is good, he always finds something else to pick on, to be upset about, etc. And his bf constantly monitors his phone calls, who he talks to on emails, what time he comes home, etc. To me, that is a sign of an insecure person. Maybe your bf is insecure about your relationship and worries about losing you, and/or maybe he is a control freak. My best friend's bf is a control freak.
  19. renaissancewoman101
    Yes, you need to give your guy some space. I've learned from friends and from my own experiences that if you give your guys space that they will come back and want you more. Guys like women who are self assured and not clingy. Also, you need to develop your own life and do things on your own so that when you do see your guy, you can have stuff to talk about, stuff to share in. I used to be like you, to get clingy to a guy and want to see him a lot, talk to him a lot, but I have gotten a lot better, esp with my recent relationship. The first year I was dating the ex, I got clingy to him and always wanted to see him, talk to him, hang on him, etc. He got tired of that and pulled away from me. It took me a lot of courage to try and overcome that. Funny thing is the second year of our relationship, I started to lose my feelings for my ex so naturally I pulled away from him, was aloof to him, and didnt not want to spend time with him. Guess what, he came chasing me back. He then became the clingy, chasing one. Unfortuanetly, his chasing didnt bring me back, only when he got tired of my distance and aloofness and he broke up with me, that brought me back wanting him bad, but it was too late. I have finally realized that chasing a guy is not a good thing and being clingy is not a good thing and after seeing what happened between me and the ex, I realize it is a good thing to have your own life, because relationships dont last forever and if and when they end it is good to have your own life, your own friends to fall back on.
  20. renaissancewoman101
    Hi Nathalie1970, thanks for your message of reassurance. I know I am not a bad person. It is just that some days I get very down on myself. I have a bad habit of looking to other people for reassurance and for approval. That is not a good trait to have and I have been working on trying to curb that. I have made a decision to once and for all LET GO OF THE EX and if his mother calls again, I am going to tell her that I am done with her son and I dont want to get back together with them. Her behavior yesterday freaked me out and has made me realize why I didnt like hanging out at his house and why I always avioded his mother. Should I call the ex's mother and tell her never to contact my parents again?? I am not sure what to do next concerning the ex and his mother. I dont want to reconnect with the ex again, but I also dont want his mother to try and call me at my parents' house again. How should I go about this delicately w/o pissing off anybody else? I will be strong and go on with my life. I still need to find a job so I can keep busy and make friends. You guys have been there for me and I appreciate it alot.
  21. renaissancewoman101
    I am not sure if I dread Valentine's day. Right now, I know that I am not going to think about the ex. After everything that has happened today, I know that I dont want to get back together with the ex. Dont take me wrong, there will be days when I will miss him, but I need to move on and I dont need to be sucked back into the whole mess with his mother and him. For Valentine's Day, I may go hang out with my best friend and his bf, that is if my best friend has cooled down by Tuesday. Originally he wanted me to come up and hang out with them, not sure now. Right now he is angry with me and doesnt want to talk to me.
  22. renaissancewoman101
    Dako, I never bothered to change where I lived. Remember I have only been out here a month. I originally lived in Milwaukee, WI. I guess I should change that. My bad! Better now?????
  23. renaissancewoman101
    I will be fine. It is just hard sometimes to deal with life when I feel everybody is against me. Being new in a city doesnt help either. I am strong and I will survive. I was strong enough to pick up and move out here from a city that I had lived in for 15 years. Life goes on and I have to roll with the punches and move on with it. It is hard to be that resigned to life though. Most times I feel overwhelmed by it. I am glad to be able to post on here. You guys are really nice people.
  24. renaissancewoman101
    The weird thing about this whole thing with my parents was that for the last 15 years when I was living in Wisconsin, my mother was always asking me when I was ever going to move back out here. She has always been trying to get me to move back to CA. And now that I AM BACK, my parents are mad at me and blaming me for everything. You know what, I can do fine without anybody. I dont need my parents or my friends. I should just deal with life on my own and dont give a s*hit what people think of me. I wish I can be like most people and not give a craps *ss what people think of them, what their parents think of them, and just go out and piss the world off. If I could be like that, I would be a lot better than how I feel right now.
  25. renaissancewoman101
    I am over by my best friend's house. Everybody is mad at me so I dont know what I want to do. I got into a shouting match with my parents and now they blame me for everything. They are asking me what the hell did I get involved with and why the hell is the ex's mother calling THEM. My parents think it is my fault and that I should deal with it on my own. Then my mom got mad at me for getting involved with weird people that cause trouble for them. This whole thing led into how they are mad I came back to CA because ever since I've been back, I have been nothing but trouble for them. As usual money, my height, the way I am, etc all gets dragged into the dirt and I am tired of listening to the same stuff that my mom blames me for, the fact that I am not successful, the fact that she cant take me to see her friends, take me back to see my parent's family, etc. I didnt get into my situation with my best friend because that would have been fuel for the fire. My parents are very mad at me for lending money to my ex. Now they are accusing me of being a spendthrift and if I can give money to my ex, I dont need their help at all. I yelled at my parents and told them that I was sorry for everything and that I was sorry for coming back out to CA. I then left the house and went over to my best friend. He's mad at me because he thinks my ex is nuts and his mother is nuts. My best friend wants to call them up and rip them into one. I dont need this. I really dont need everybody being mad at me. Now my best friend wont talk to me either. I have to drive back down to San Diego tonight because my best friend is mad at me too and blaming me for all this. This isnt my fault. I am a good and decent person. If anybody from here ever met me and knew me, they would say I am a nice, friendly, kind, caring and DECENT person. My life is crap and one of my pets is sick again. To top it all off, there is a possibility I may get banned from a messageboard that I belong to concerning guinea pigs because some stupid issue. Sometimes I wish my life was over. I dont know where to go a lot of times. I am just pissed off and feel as though everybody abandoned me.
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