lucy259

I dated my ex for 3.5 years. We were in our mid (and now late) 20's. He broke up with me about 7 months ago, saying he couldn't move it forward and knew I wanted to get married and have kids. The relationship was drama all the time, when it was good it was great but when it was bad it was unbearable. He has a lot of issues, including an anxiety disorder, which is sometimes debilitating, and as well as a variety of family problems. I thought I was over him, we have had no contact since he broke up with me and if we are both invited to the same place, one of us doesn't go. Anyways, I was eating with a friend last Thursday and he passed the restaurant from the street. I was okay at the time, but I can' seem to get away from the idea that my best friend of several years became a stranger on the street and how profoundly sad that is. My friend who was with me when I saw him said she say him two days later and that he looked sad and lonely. I've been okay with this breakup because I've reminded myself that he's sick and just couldn't move forward. Yesterday I logged into the dating site that we met through and noticed he put a profile back up. It was different than when we met-- probably more honest as it said "I don't know if I want kids" and that he was just looking for a "date," no marriage or anything. Also said that he was "rarely active," instead of active and "secular" instead of religious like it had been. I know that none of his knew answers are compatible with me, I want to be married, have kids, be active and value my religion-- so logically I know this just isn't a match. BUT, I miss him terribly, I miss the closeness of having a best friend and knowing he will come through for me. I'm seeing someone knew, but not exclusively (I'm also dating around). He is very considerate and positive in ways my ex never was. But I"m always finding faults with him, because he's not my best friend like my ex was and its not the same. I find myself letting the ex creep back into my mind and am not sure how to handle it. I was really doing pretty well until I saw him passing me on that street and am somewhat haunted by that. (It doesn't help that the restaurant he passed was where we had out 2nd date)... Any ideas welcome.

Scount-- Thanks for your response... I somehow thought this would get easier... But my sister just hasn't been there for me recently and when we went to talk, words were had and she went off on how its not her fault she's getting married first and I'm all alone...I really don't care how much she apologizes, its just something I can't seem to let go of....

I know that this stuff takes time and have issues both with being patient and feeling inadequate. I have been a bridesmaid three times in six months and have lots of married friends. My sister and I have always been in a weird self-imposed competition. My parents haven't really compared us and neither of us has really pressured the other, its just sort of unspoken. We are both hard-working, smart, motivated people. However, I've always been the responsible one, closer to my parents, and the one she runs to first when something goes wrong (she knows I'm always the one to fix things when they go wrong for her), but I'm also the one who bears the brunt of her anger/rage, when things do go wrong. I feel like we've always had tension between us and it was just beginning to get better the past few months/weeks and now I feel like I'm losing her. The fact is I don't want to date her fiance, am glad that I know I can live on my own, and have had the chance to date... but just feel that this isn't the natural order of things. It's not how I envisioned by life would be at this age or how things would play out. My sister has always been the independent one, the risk taker, but also the one who went to the dances in high school, had male friends, and boyfriends. It's all really fine and good except when I think of the upcoming wedding it just eats at me. Not sure how to hold it together...

I'm 28 and was broken up with at the end of September after a 3.5 year relationship, where he just couldn't move further. I saw someone this past January for about a month, who blew me off, which hurt too. These are my only signifcant relationships. My younger sister is 24 and just got engaged a few days ago to her boyfriend that she's dated on and off, but mostly on for the past 8 years (they've been on for the past 5 or 6). I'm basically miserable by this whole thing. I want to be happy for her, but I was already having tremendous anxiety about being alone and about never meeting anyone. I know that this is a happy time for her and I don't want to be bitter and spoil it... However, this just keeps reminding me of how alone and inadequate I feel. I feel like I never got a chance with my sister because she's been dating him her whole adult life and that I'm perpetually the third wheel. I don't want to become one of those bitter, angry single older sisters, but not sure how to work through this. It just feels like this isn't what is supposed to happen and play out this way. I've tried talking to her and my mom and just wish that I could find some peace. I feel such tremendous pressure to meet someone and start that chapter of my life, but just don't know how to keep pushing forward.

Is there any point at which I could contact him just to get some closure--we did see eachother every weekend for a month.... Like two weeks after I last heard from him?

Met a guy online, who turned out to be a friend of a friend. We went on four great dates. A Saturday, which went into Sun mng (no sex) and he called and texted Mon, the next Thursday, met up at a party the next Sat and he crashed at my place; then the next Fri. He was invited to a party that I helped throw, which got out of hand and I apologized for me drinking too much and not being too much fun. He emailed the next Mon with a random question and I apologized. He asked me out for the next Friday and I invited him over dinner. All seemed okay until I confirmed Friday and he said he wanted to talk about what happened at the party. Friday he was pretty normal, but said he really liked me until the party and the party wasn't his scene. I said it wasn't mine and I liked him; he said he was concerned that I liked him too much, but spent all eve talking to me and said we'd hang out Sun and he'd call. He doesn't call Sun and I email him Tuesday to see what's up. He said he got busy sun and that he needs to call and will. He looks at my online profile on Friday and has been on dating site a few times, but other than that its now the next Mon and I haven't heard anything. I know tomorrow is Valentine's Day and so he may be avoiding or may be avoiding me totally. My friends either say give up he doesn't owe you anything or call and leave a message Thursday just seeing what's up and asking him for coffee. What should I do? I don't want to get hurt, but I just don't get what happened and would like to give it a shot. Any other ideas on how to deal with it? We both agreed we really clicked on those first few dates.

So I was broken up with about three months ago. We dated for 3.5 years. He has a lot of issues (anger, anxiety, panic attacks, etc.) and had had doubts before. He showed up one day to give me my keys back. The problem I'm having is he keeps lurking places in my life. What do you do when they won't go quietly away. We've had no contact at all-- he called my number once, but hung up. Recently, he blogged about our relationship and what an accomplishment it was to end things and how he has his independence back. It was incredibly painful to see (I know I shouldn't have looked at it). We used to have the same group of friends, but they have pretty much stopped inviting him-- because they were my friends and I would go out regardless of whether he came along or not. He went to one party we were invited to before the break up because I said I was out of town on the evite. He managed to get himself there in the rain and stayed up late (both unusual), that was about 2.5 months ago. The day after the blogging incident, I got added to an evite, which had previously bounced. He was on it and already wrote he was going (maybe because he saw it wouldn't make it to me, email was misspelled). First, I'm hurt that the people (though acquaintences) invited both of us-- but maybe they used the same list as last year, but it still hurts. Second I"m hurt that this is some kind of race to go to things and whoever calls "it "first gets to go. Third, I'm bothered that he's going to try to force himself back into the group, making things hard on me all the time. He's the one who crapped on me and I feel like he should go quietly into the night. Now, I wrote yes on the invite, and he hasn't changed his (we have a month til the event). I know I don't really want to go even if he isn't there, because its far away and I"m going to be going thru medical tests at that time. However, I'm not sure if I should say no right away. If I should say no, that I have other plans and ignoring it. or Leave it as yes and make him wonder and then call saying I"m not feeling well. I don't want these people to be under the impression that its okay to invite us both... but I don't want to be "that girl" who acts immature and petty. The hard part is I get so rattled when I hear anything about him. I'm also on an internet dating site and I know he is too, however, he has but a tv character in his profile and I have to presume he's not using it to actually meet people. I just am not sure how to handle the party situation, given what I know he is writing on the web, and what to do to calm myself whenever I see reminders of him. I know one day he will be back on the web dating as himself and I am sure that will be upsetting too, even I have met someone, but especially if I have not. I'm in my mid to late 20's, but this was my first boyfriend and love and I really haven't had any other experience dating. Ideas on how to handle this?