iheartNY79

Hey everyone....hopefully someone can offer some advice, as I think my situation is actually a pretty common one. So my bf and I have been together for about 4 months. In the beginning, things seemed so "perfect." We would hang out a couple nights a week, and do things together all the time. It seemed like he had all the time in the world for me. I would get off work at my part-time job, I'd text or call him and he'd pretty much drop what he was doing to come see me. We laughed, played, talked, we were so excited about the holidays coming and all the wonderful things we would share. So here is my problem....basically I started staying at his place EVERY night, right from the beginning. If we didn't hang out during the night, he would still call me when he was done doing whatever he was doing, and I'd come over and we'd go to bed. We joined a gym together and started a routine of going every morning before work (let me also add that we are co-workers (don't work directly together at all or really see each other during the day), and we came to find out that we are also neighbors (my townhouse is about 150 feet from his! (which is what brought us together in the first place). So needless to say it has been really easy to spend so much time together. Lately though, things have been a little tense. 2 of his buddies just moved in to replace his roomie that moved out. His old roomie really kept to himself and we had a lot of quality, quiet time together. His 2 new buddies are a lot more social and outgoing and they also share a love for Halo so they have been playing that together, etc. Well my BF has expressed the need for some more space. He said it's not like he doesn't want me around, he'd just rather see me spending some nights doing some things for ME rather than focusing on him so much. I admit we got into a pretty bad habit of me being there all the time. He does some web work on the side so many nights he comes home from work, we eat dinner then he has to get back to work in his room. Some nights I will chill there and take a nap, watch tv, etc. He basically said that he doesn't like those nights and he'd rather see me going out and doing things that are productive to me, spending time with friends, etc. I admit that these things need to change, I'm just not sure where to start. I was around all night Saturday when he and his friends were playing Halo. There were a few others there who weren't playing so we were just hanging out, drinking, watching them play. Well when he was done playing he was acting very distant and cold towards me. He kept leaving the room to get away from me and said he was going to bed. I went up and got in bed, he was taking a shower. He came out of the shower, and i thought he'd come to bed but he went downstairs to watch a movie w/ everyone. So I went to see what his deal was. Well, he freaked out on me and said he needs space, that i am always around. I had never seen him so upset with me, I freaked out. Well I went to bed alone but he joined me a couple hours later. When we woke up, he hugged me really tight, apologized and said he was just frustrated but that he was so sorry for being mean. I know I need to give him space, I don't want anything to mess up our relationship. It has been hard for me, I have been super emotional lately, and very needy. (I think my new birth control has made me a little anxious and depressed, which doesn't help matters any). I just don't know how/where to begin. I cannot stop replaying the things he said to me the other night, even though he apologized I still feel like things have been "tainted" now. I just want them to go back the way they were in the beginning. I know relationships change and evolve and nothing will be like the beginning but I know I can bring the "magic" back by just giving space. It just seems like every night when I say "ok im gonna do my thing and give him space," he ends up inviting me over and I end up staying all evening. I'm just frustrated. Does anyone have any kind of advice for me? I just want to try and make things better before they get worse! Thank you

OK so my boyfriend of almost 4 months just got 2 new roommates a week ago. They are his buddies from high school who just moved back up from Florida. The roommate he had decided to move out, and he was excited about having his whole house to himself. Then, his 2 friends (who are twin brothers) asked if they could move in. He has plenty of space and thought it could be "fun" for a while so he said yes. He asked me how I felt about it, and though I wasn't ecstatic, who am I really to demand certain things after only a few months. It's his house, and it wouldn't have looked good if I were opposed. So, they moved in. It's been a week and I feel like we haven't had a moment's peace. My boyfriend seems to love having them there, they have all had fun playing games together, watching movies, etc. The problem is, I'm having a REALLY hard time adjusting to them. I like having the company, but they are ALWAYS around. His last roommate really kept to himself and we had so much quiet time together. Now, we can't even talk in his room for 5 minutes without one of them walking in to ask him something. The other night we got home from snowboarding, got a pizza and started a fire. He was going to take a "quick" shower and come right back downstairs. Well, I fell asleep, and about 45 minutes later he was still in the hallway talking to them! He hadn't even taken a shower yet, and the pizza was burnt! What am I supposed to say? I feel like I'd come off as overbearing, high maintenance and bossy if I complained. I just don't know what to do. These guys are 24, I'm 26. I'm over the frat-house lifestyle. My boyfriend is VERY mature, successful and focused. These guys are too, but so far they haven't found jobs yet, so they just sit around. They have all the time in the world to play games and always try to influence my BF to stop working and play w/ them. They are nice guys but I can see this getting ugly if I don't learn how to live with it. On top of that, is another issue. I have a 23 year old sister who just broke up with her BF. I felt bad for her and invited her over for superbowl @ my boyfriends house. He didn't want me to initially because she has a tendency to throw herself @ every guy she meets. She hooked up with his last roommate and that was just ugly, so he didn't want that happening again. I talked to her and she assured me that she wanted to try and work things out w/ her on-again-off-again ex, and she just wanted someplace to be for superbowl, so we gave in and let her come. Well she hooked up with one of his roommates! She came over saturday night with me and has been there all weekend! I just called her and she is still there. Now she acts as if she could care less about her ex, and she's planning on staying again tonight @ my BFs. The problem is my sister always seems to try and make me look bad in front of my BF. She shows off and tries to make people feel bad for her. I don't want anything she says or does to interfere with my relationship, which is why I don't think anything should happen between them, but i think it is too late. I just don't know how to keep everything separate. I feel like I don't belong anymore. It used to be my bf and i, i'd be there every night, we had "our" time. Now it's everyone, it's like a big party 24-7. His roommates are always like "so what are WE doing this weekend?" Ugh. I just don't know how to handle this. I will admit I have a tendency to want his undivided attention at times. I was used to getting all my bf's attention and now I have to share it. I'm also uncomfortable w/ the fact that his friend may feel compelled to share details about he and my sister that I don't want my boyfriend hearing. You know how guys are. My sister tends to dive head first into things so I KNOW she is already planning on being there day in and day out which i am NOT prepared to handle. UGH!!! I am sooooo annoyed right now. I wanted her to be happy and find a nice guy but why did it have to be my boyfriend's roommate! She has caused tension already and I'm just SO afraid it's only going to get worse. Does anyone have ANY advice for me? I know this is long so I appreciate it!!!! Thanks!!

thank you sooooooooooooooooo much! i think that is exactly what i needed to hear. I really am his biggest cheerleader, but that is a tough job!!! When nothing else seems to be going right, that is a lot of pressure on 1 person to be 100% there for someone. He's admitted that he expects "more" out of me, but I don't take that in a bad way, in fact, I'm honored by that. It just hurts when I feel like I let him down. Because he is somewhat depressed, the little things that most of us forget about or let slip, really affect him and just add icing to the cake of things that are going wrong. It has been a learning experience and i have grown so much more mature since we've been together. you're right, i think the vacation is just what he needs, and even though he can't get psyched up for it yet, once it's a reality i think he may let loose. It will be great....well, i will follow up as things progress...thanks again!!

Hi everyone...well I will sum this up as best I can. I have been with my BF almost 2 years. He is 28, I am 25. He is pretty unstable right now, in terms of his finances, his family (he barely talks to either of his parents). He has a GREAT job and is incredibly talented, but lately it seems like he is really down. He has a considerable amount of debt, which he is attempting to fix, and will probably be clear in about 2 years, however little things keep popping up unexpectadly (his car battery needed to be replaced, etc). He feels like he takes 1 step forward and 2 steps back. He had his yearly review for his job this week and didn't get as much as he expected, nor the promotion he is deserving of. He was almost counting on a considerable raise to get him by. He works part-time on the side as well. Here's my problem - while I have my share of debt, it is under control and I still manage to afford things and am able to have fun without worrying. I have a great job, great friends (my BF only has a few close friends, nothing like my network of friends I can call at any time), I have a great family, my parents are still married, etc. I am a VERY optimistic person by nature, and have helped my BF get thru some rough times. Lately, though, it seems like he isn't excited about anything. We are going on vacation next month and I am so excited for it. Last week I asked if he was excited and he said, "I'm sorry, I can't get excited about much right now." UGH! I have always been the type of person to get really psyched for things, and to not have him share that enthusiasm with me really brings me down. I want to see him happy, but I feel like I am fighting a losing battle right now. We have a great time together, but I know his head is always someplace else. He feels like there's always something, and I know he is unhappy with where he is at 28. I try to be optimistic, but his cynicism doesn't let me get very far. Don't get me wrong, he is a GREAT person and I know in my heart we will get thru this - but is there any advice for helping me deal with HIS feelings? I don't want this to come between us, I want to be there for him but I have no idea how!! He gets upset at really small things and says with everyone else letting him down he might put more pressure on me and expect more of me because I am his girlfriend. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by this!!! Any thoughts?! Thanks!!