Jump to content

butterflycloud

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    446

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by butterflycloud

  1. butterflycloud
    Well I was married for 4 years and that entire time I took his 'poo'. I am a soft person and I just kept eating it but eventually my mind and heart just couldnt go on any longer and I asked for a divorce. People are different and have different tolerance levels. My advice is to ether sort it out or wait until physically you can no longer be with him anymore, and believe me eventually you feel your soul screaming out at you that you have to get out of there despite your fears of being without them. I had to endure about 5 years of emotional abuse before I actually had the guts to leave.
  2. butterflycloud
    What was the real reason for her leaving, was it just your drinking or were there other complications?
  3. butterflycloud
    beautiful!!!!!
  4. butterflycloud
    If you had to sum up your divorce or break-up in one word what would it be? Just curious I guess...... Mine would be DISAPPOINTMENT
  5. butterflycloud
    I wish that everyone believed that relationships are just soul contracts because it makes it soooo much easier to understand that when a relationship comes to an end it was destined to anyway, and that both of you have walked away with huge opportunities to grow and develop through the issues that you have presented each other throughout the duration of the relationship. I know that knowing this doesnt take away the disappointment though but it helps with the pain of trying to understand why it even happened to begin with
  6. butterflycloud
    My advice is somewhat different. You may have a medical problem but you may have an emotional one. A lot of the time people become overweight because they are emotional eaters, eating to feel better, eating because they feel bad, eating to escape, eating in anger, depression etc. Sometimes we are not even aware of why we overeat- try and identify the feelings that you experience when you eat. If you cant identify this then why not see a psychologist. If it is a medical problem then see the doctor too, never the less you will need emotional support to help you through the weightloss, wether it be for motivation or identifying the underlying problem. Good luck
  7. butterflycloud
    The way that I like to think of relationships is as follows. Relationships are like soul contracts that two souls make with each other before they come to this earth. The contract states the specific lesson that each soul will teach eachother, be it positive or negative. These lessons will enable the souls to develop and learn through experience, well hopefully that is. The contract has an expiry date on ot so when that contract expires so does the relationship and then you move onto your new contract with someone new. These contracts are for lovers, parents, children and even friends. Just a nice way to think of it
  8. butterflycloud
    Lgirl, I know this doesnt help but I dont think that there is any specific infomation that you need to follow in order to overcome the heartache. Every person needs to look within and discover their own personal means of letting go. 9 months is not so long , some people take years to get over the ex, my aunt has been divorced for 10 years and she still acts as if it happened yesterday. I know that in my case I needed to cry ALOT and believe it or not I managed to release a lot of my emotions through my tears, but at the same time I had great support from my family and my psychologist. I also found that writing down how I felt also helped. Write down all your fears about the situation, then sit quietly and analyse it, scratch out all the points that you are not 100% sure will happen. In other words ask yourself this- " Do I know this will happen for a fact?' , if you cany answere yes then scratch that thought from your list. At the end of the day your list should be much shorter, the thing is that our minds always make things seem much worse than they really are. Once you see that your list is much shorter the situation doesnt seem as bad as you originally made out and it makes it just that easier to cope with. AS for exercise, I never did any of that, I did shop alot which helped!
  9. butterflycloud
    I think that you need to process a lot of your thoughts and feelings first until you finally reach the stage where your 'higher' mind has NO doubt that the two of you shouldnt be together. I think that you can only start telling your lower mind to shut up once your higher mind has done all its processing and has released any attachement to the ex through logical and rational thoughts free of raw emotions. Give yourself a bit more time, we all process things uniquely. Im sure in time this technique will work for you
  10. butterflycloud
    thanks Lgirl, I wish that I had known that 6 months ago! My understanding of the whole situation has become soooooo much easier to deal with now!
  11. butterflycloud
    Sounds to me like she is just trying to make you jealous, how old is she?
  12. butterflycloud
    I have been going through the same thing and I couldnt seem to understand why I knew in my heart that I didnt want him back but at the same time I couldnt let him go. So I went to the most amazing psychologist on earth! This is what she had to say: She said that the human brain has 'two parts' - the upper and the lower mammalian brain. Your upper brain is the more logical of the two and is spiritually 'connected' to your soul and 'higher' thinking. This upper brain reasons out logically that the two of you cannot be together anymore and accepts that as being the highest truth. BUT your lower brain- the more human/primal brain craves the need for physical touch, aknowledgement and generally being wanted by another person- this part of your brain is like a small child having a tantrum-"I want, I want , I want!!!!!". This part of your brain cannot understand the reasoning of the higher brain but rather keeps flooding you with feelings of loss, wanting to get back together and of not being able to let go. So at the end of the day you have a 'push-pull' scenario, one side saying that you cannot be with the ex and the other side saying I want the ex back now. So how do you cope with this??? The advice is hard but it works once you get it right. Your 'higher' mind has to tell your 'lower' mind to stop wth all the childish "I want, I want , I want" and you need to tell yourself that the feelings of not being able to let go are coming from a primal need to be with someone and are not related to wanting to be with your ex. Hope that makes sense!
  13. butterflycloud
    Hi Shadows Light Thanks for your post, well I guess we are in the same boat. What you said made sense- now that we are apart he will find fault with everything that I do. I guess the only way to deal with that sort of criticism from our exs is to empower ourselves- the more empowered you are the less likely you are to feed into him 'emotional poison' Tell yourself that you refuse to eat emotional poison and that his criticism comes from his issues with himself not you. As far as wanting recognition from the ex I can understand that but just know that wanting his recognition is admitting to yourself that you are not worthy of your own praise and that you still value his opinion. Well to hell with his opinion, his opinion doesnt count anymore and that is part of being divorced
  14. butterflycloud
    Thanks for all your replies. It means a lot to know that all of you stand behind me! I went to see the psychologist on Friday and as it turns out she said thAT THE ex has a narsissistic personality, so all the better that I have saved my son from this. She did however say that I will have to do a lot of debriefing when my son comes home from seeing his dad. Im just happy to know that I have done the best that I could for my son under the circumstances
  15. butterflycloud
    Thanks Mgirl! Your post has really given me a bit of confidence in my parenting style. Th ething is that the ex makes me feel guilty by saying that all I have to do is be harder on our son and then the two of us can get back together. Now I feel that I am being a monster in the whole thing by telling the ex that I wont change how I am with my son for the sake of getting back together with him.
  16. butterflycloud
    Im not saying that my son has no discipline at all. I live by the disposition that you teach a child the right way from the start and reinforce is so that you dont have to end up reprimending them through physical 'smacks'. My son has a lot of respect for me and it was not earned through fear. I dont agree that I should have though of my husband first. If both I and my son were being emotionally abused then surely I should think of my son first- a child who is defensless to the words of his father. I was brought up in a loving home , a 'soft' home I guess, never hit but rather tought the right way from the start. Girltrappedinside, please also remember that I am a single mom trying her best here. And my son comes first now.
  17. butterflycloud
    thanks for your reply! Thanks for saying that Im an awesome mother. I often feel a lot of guilt that I have brought my son into this world and I cannot provide him with a complete family. But I guess no family is better than a destructive one. The thing is that the ex wants to get back together and he keeps on telling me that If I am just harder on our son that that will end the fights and we can be a happy family again. I think that is why he keeps on pushing me to be harder on our son- so that we can get back together. Im also worried becasue I know that every time my son goes to his dad he is treated very differently than he is in my home.
  18. butterflycloud
    The ex and I got divorced a year a ago, I divorced him beacsue of his abusive nature towards both myself and my son. The ex was highly critical and controlling. So to avoid having our beautiful son grow up exposed to that sort of father, I divorced him after many counselling sessions to try and correct things. Anyway last night he called me for two hours telling me that if I only enforced 'discipline' on our son then the two of us could get back together. You see all our fighting was over our son- the ex said that I was too soft and I said that he was too hard and that lead to the eventual break-up. The ex was physically abused as a child and was brought up with the thinking that kids are more of a burden than an absolute gift. He has a bad relationship with our son(4 years ) as all he has ever done is shout at him, he has never really loved that child. Due to the fathers harshness I have overcompensated which I am trying to now correct. I am however soft on him, I prefer to teach him the right way first rather than to reprimand afterwards. My son has turned into a beautiful gentle boy with wonderful manners and a loving a gentle disposition, I have never found a need to hit my son and the ex finds great fault in this, he believes that by hitting a child you teach then respect. I think that by teaching through love you teach them respect. The ex keeps on telling me that i will raise a brat and that my son will never have respect for me and that I think I know everything about parenting. I admit that Im not the perfect parent but Im trying damm hard at being a single parent. In my opinion I have saved my son from leading an insecure life with his father- always being put down and never unconditionally accepted. How do I cope with an ex taht keeps on telling me that Im bringing up our son the wrong way and that he needs more 'discipline, smacks and grounding'? He makes me wonder if I am not bringing my son uo correctly and makes me doubt my mothering skills!
  19. butterflycloud
    Girls that are 'in your face' are the same as the rest. Treating her well and respecting that she is naturally a loud person is good enough. A movie and dinner sounds great. Dont let her loudness intimidate you, being loud is sometimes a cover for being a bit shy, or maybe she is just a confident person. Good luck and remember to be yourself!
  20. butterflycloud
    Ive been wondering about the same thing- if there is no chemistry but they are everything youve ever wanted then is it possible to make it work? My mom reckons that you dont need that 'superficial' chemistry but I disagree. Can you learn to be attracted to someone?
  21. butterflycloud
    I dont want to try again unless he goes some serious therapy and makes ammends with my parents, but I know that he wont do that. Im just trying to figure out why I still have feelings for him when i dont really want to be with him. He sent this email this morning- see what you think: "Hey, I have done some thinking about us and the bottom line is that I do want you and I do want you to feel the same. How we can do this is going to be quite unusual- I think. I have come up with this. You have find it difficult to make a decision about us , even if you have been around me most of the weekends and during the holidays. I suggest that we cut all social contact with each other for about a month or two. Only phoning, speaking and seeing each other when we have to-- where Matt is concerned. In this time, you will realize what you want and I pray that I will be part of that. I am hoping that it will give you quality, time for you to think things clearly through. I want to be with you, for more than one reason and I Need for you to feel the same. This is hopefully what you need to make an informed decision. Please give me your thoughts on this." But I know what he really means- I know that he just wants to mess around for two months going out all the time and he is a real flirt. He also told me that he has no one in his life but then I found all these messages on his phone from 2 girls. So if he lied to me about that he could lie about anything. I know that I may need space to really think things through but how can I trust what he is doing- I dont know if I should just tell him to leave the whole thing. Im not prepared to sit down and think hard about us while he is doing 'god knows what'!
  22. butterflycloud
    for now I think that you should keep on chatting on enotalone, it will keep your mind off of him for the moment. Otherwise I would suggest doing something that makes you feel better- go shopping, do your hair, go for a facial or a nice walk and everytime he enters your mind tell your self that you are not prepared to deal with this- change the subject! Good luck!!
  23. butterflycloud
    Maybe you need to sit down and really explore your thought of " do I miss him or just the thought of him'? Your mind is a terrible thing sometimes- it makes you doubt your decisions and makes you feel all guilty about it! Assure yourself why it is that you broke up with him. Trust that you made the right decision- if you broke up with him it must have been for very valid reasons- trust that you did the right thing for yourself. And also if he got engaged so quickly that sounds a bit odd. In my opinion no one in the right mind could cope with a break up so quickly and move on to the extreme of being engaged to another. Dont mean to sound nasty but hois engagement could be a bad case of the 'rebound blues'
  24. butterflycloud
    sometimes it is not a physical problem but rather an emotional problem. Even though you may feel fine emotionally, sub consciously there may be pent up gulit feelings over the last two abortions. Your mind is very powerful and perhaps those pent up emotions are stopping you from falling pregnant. Why dont you see a psychologist to try to asertain wether or not there are hidden emotions- if there are and you manage to release them you will be able to fall pregnant. Another view may be that everything in life has divine timing- no matter how hard you try to have a baby if it is not the right time then it just wont happen. Im sure that there is a little soul waiting up there for the right time to come to you. Have faith, everything will be ok Im sure
  25. butterflycloud
    Thanks Ravens folly. I spoke to him last night and told him that I didnt think that we could ever really get back together and that I was being selfish by holding onto him and maybe giving him 'false hopes'. I told him that he too deserves happiness and that perhaps he should move on. The problem is that he doesnt want to let me go- he still thinks that we can resolve our issues. But perhaps I need to take your advice and break the contact. Im also afraid to break it off because he will start being abusive again and start threatening me with lawyers again when it comes to my son. Every time I have told the ex that we cant be together he starts all the threats. But for my own sake and his I will have to break the contact.
×
×
  • Create New...