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butterflycloud

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  1. butterflycloud
    I have been seeing the ex after a year of divorce. I had thought that we were going to be ok that things could change- sometimes he is nice to be around but at other times I see glimpses of the his 'old ' self. The problem is that more and more the old habits seem to be returning. I do love him but I dont want to be with the 'old' him and he seems to think that he will be moving back soon. He keeps on pressurising me to make a final decision as to wther I want him back or not and to be honest sometimes I want him back and at other times I dont. He was very nice to me in the beginning but the more time we have spent together the more he has resorted to his old ways. We have a son together and that is why I thought that I should give the 'leopard a chance to change its spots'. But now I find myself in a HUGE predicament!!! How do I tell him that I love him but I just dont want to be with him anymore. This is really hard for me to do because I fear the lonliness but I think that I fear the confrontation most. I basically need a helping hand to support me while I do this. It will break my heart but what can I do if the leopard has not changed his spots????
  2. butterflycloud
    thanks for all the advice! Well after having a really tough weekend I went the docyor this morning and got a perscription for the next three months. As I said earlier, Im just so tired of feeling sad. I took one this morning and I must admit that I feel a bit strange and shaky but as another member said- it takes a while for the side effects to ware off. Thanks again, you guys are great!!
  3. butterflycloud
    Thanks puppy! and everyone else! Yes puppy- Im sad about my friend too! Ill try and cope for a few more weeks without any antidepressants. What I actually want is a knife so that I can cut my ego from my chest so that I dont have to feel hurt anymore!!
  4. butterflycloud
    thatnks becazitwasfun. So do you suggest that I leave the anitdepressants? I know that sometimes drugs just make you numb and slow down the process of moving on. Can you suggest another way of overcoming the saddness?
  5. butterflycloud
    should I take natural antidepressants or 'medical' one?
  6. butterflycloud
    I see atherapisr often and I am dealing with the issues but all the time that I am trying to work through things there are tears running down my cheeks. Sometimes I struggle to even forget about the whole situation for just a day and things that are supposd to be fun seem dulled by my inner saddness. Thanks for your words
  7. butterflycloud
    I have been divorced for almost a year and am still struggling. Guess Im having trouble letting go of all the attachements, anger and pain. I so damm tired of feeling sad!!!!!!!!!!! I know that I still need time to try and forget but I cant take feeling soooooooooo sad anymore!](*,) ](*,) ](*,) Should I take antidepressants to help for the moment?
  8. butterflycloud
    this must be the song that has helped me the most- Ive listened to it so much that the CD has actually snapped in half! by Sarah Maclachlin Fallen Heaven Bend to take my hand And lead me through the fire Be the long awaited answer To a long and painful fight Truth be told I tried my best But somewhere long the way I got caught up in all there was to offer But the cost was so much more than I could bear Though I've tried I've fallen I have sunk so low I messed up Better I should know So don't come round here and Tell me I told you so We all begin out with good intent When love is raw and young We believe that we can change ourselves The past can be undone But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals In the lonely light of morning In the wound that would not heal It's the bitter taste of losing everything I've held so dear Though I've tried I've fallen I have sunk so low I messed up Better I should know So don't come round here and Tell me I told you so Heaven bend to take my hand I've nowhere left to turn I'm lost to these I thought were friends To everyone I know Oh they turn their heads embarrassed Pretend that they don't see That it's one wrong step one slip before you know it And there doesn't seem away to be redeemed Though I've tried I've fallen I have sunk so low I messed up Better I should know So don't come round here and Tell me I told you so I messed up Better I should know So don't come round here and Tell me I told you so
  9. butterflycloud
    Have you been for counselling?
  10. butterflycloud
    thanks! Will keep you posted!
  11. butterflycloud
    I would never do anything to hurt her intentionally. Even when I found out that she had sent all my emails to him I just left it, I didnt even confront her. I would never wish any harm upon her at all. Perhaps you are right- maybe I should just leave the friendship. If she apologised then I would consider it. I have been through a rough divorce and she was a real strength to me. I miss her advice and most of all her company. Thanks Puppy
  12. butterflycloud
    Thanks- I will listen to that song more often! Like your signature too
  13. butterflycloud
    Thanks! I sent a text message to her and her husband. Not sure if I should send flowers. The thing is that im not sure that I should restore my friendship with her- she did some really nasty things to try to hurt me eg She sent all the emails I had sent her moaning about the ex, staright to my ex. Perhaps I shouldnt allow her back into my space...
  14. butterflycloud
    Before the ex and I were divorced we had mutual friends, a couple that we were very close to. To cut is short the ex landed up remaining friends with them and the wife and I were close for a while until she fell pregnant. Her pregnancy brought about a lot of moodyness and aggression. One day I put her in her place ( gently) and said that even though she was pregnant it didnt mean that she could get away with being so verbally abusive to people. She retaliated and broke the friendship off with me. She is a very vendictive person and she ended up telling my ex all that I had told her in confidence leading to a lot of trouble! Anyway I left it at that even though I missed her tremendously. She gave birth to twins this morning after struggling to fall pregant for over three years. I so wanted to be there for her, I wanted to help her and share baby clothes and all that stuff. So Im really sad today- I really miss her. In a way she was my best friend
  15. butterflycloud
    Well to be honest I think that you are better off without him if he is telling you that he likes other girls. How rude! I would really be insulted. It sounds as if he is making up petty excuses to break up with you by asking if you liked anyone else. You are better off without him.
  16. butterflycloud
    Hi What made you go for the cycling girl?Besides the fact that your girlfriend was leaving?
  17. butterflycloud
    how do you make yourself ready for love?
  18. butterflycloud
    thanks giggles I guess that Im just a bit dispondent as I was hoping that I would have met him by now! But I guess that patience is a virtue that I have to learn
  19. butterflycloud
    Is finding that specail partner predestined or do you have to be physically proactive in the serach for a new love? I have been looking for someone for a while but havnt found anyone so Im beginning to believe that no matter what you do or dont do, that special someone is only going to present themselves to you when the time is right. What do you think or what has your experience been?
  20. butterflycloud
    Hi there I felt, and somtimes feel the EXACT way that you do. I too was an emotional punching bag and luckily I got out. After missing him so much, although knowing that I couldnt be with him, I went to see my therapist. This is what she said, and Im sure that this will help you. You have two parts to your brain- the lower brain and the higher brain. The lower brain is the 'human brain' that requires physical touch and affection from another human and as soon as you are alone this part of the brain starts craving that physical touch again- almost like a child having a tantrum " I want it and I want it now!!!".Then you have the 'higher brain' the more rational of the two, the part of the brain that is aware of 'higher and more spiritual knowing', this part of your brain tells you that he was abusive and that you are better off without him. So at the end of the day you have an internal conflict- let him go vs " I want that loving touch again". So what do you do??? The advice is hard to do but worth persuing.Whenever you miss him- his touch, his kisses, his telling you that he loves you, just remember that it is only the primitive part of your brain that misses the physical touch and not really him for who he is. Just tell the primitive side to shut the hell up and think of something else. Once you do this for a while you will realise that you dont really miss HIM but rather SOMEONE who will hold and touch and love you. Allow your higher brain to rule your emotions and not the lower brain. All said I know that it is hard and that you will lapse into missing him from time to time. But keep at it! All the best!
  21. butterflycloud
    I had the same thing happen to me and like you I am not used to the cold shoulder. It seems to me that perhaps he is no longer interested. In my experience when someone says that they cant see you right now because they have a lot going on their life it is because they are not really interested and they just dont know how to braek it to you. Yet your situation seems quite complex-he did sleep with you so that either means that he is a player or that perhaps he really is going thrpough a tough time right now and needs his space. My suggestion would be to drop him an email and ask him outright as to wether he is interested or not. Make him feel safe in his decision by telling him that you will understand either a yes or no answere. Dont call as he may feel akward to be upfront with you directly. If he doesnt answere or gives you a wishy washy answere then move on- you dont need that kind of relationship! Good luck!
  22. butterflycloud
    My ex was very abusive and feels the loss of his 'trophy wife' ( in his words). As for me I am grieving the loss of a life partner and a father to my beautiful son- it is I who is now a single mom and alone. People should not judge others before finding out all the facts. It was really hurtful and unfair to say that he is grieving more than I.
  23. butterflycloud
    Thanks for all your posts! And thanks for standing up for me too. Andy- I am not stopping the ex from moving on and in no way have I indicated to him that I am grieving his loss so he has no idea about how I am feeling. I would never stop the ex from moving on, instead I am trying to release him with love. But at the same time I am finally feeling the last bit of the 'letting go' process and I dont think that I should deny how I feel. I know that I am wrong wanting him to want me but like I said in my first post- it is just ny ego talking- that is why I am in this forum- to get advice on how to quiten the ego
  24. butterflycloud
    thanx puppy.. I know that I have done the best thing by leaving the ex but I cant seem to stop my ego from feeling rejected. I know that in the long term his withdrawl from me is for the best but it doesnt make it any easier to deal with right now.....
  25. butterflycloud
    Been divorced almost a year but finding it difficult to let go. The ex has been trying to get back together with me for almost the whole year apart. Yet on Friday he called to say that he was going to break all contact except the necessary contact for our son's sake. I know that I should be glad that the ex is trying to move on but to be honest I felt shattered....I know that it is only my ego and pride that are hurt- some part of me wants to know that he still wants me- I know that that is wrong and selfish but I cant help from wanting that from him. The whole weekend I was sad and aggressive and depressed and right now I sit at work trying to hold back the tears. Perhaps I am facing the actual reality of the situation- that we are over and I have to let go in all entirity............. My mind is playing tricks on me- Im feeling anxious about him being with another and my emotions are practicing what that devastating feeling will feel like. I was strong but after him breaking contact with me I am feeling so hurt....... Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated!!!!!
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