ruffjp
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I understand and would not think of rushing into anything. Thanks for the advice.
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I have all standard access rights to my kids. We decided that the kids are in her custody, I still have all my visitation rights. I have my kids with me just as much as she has them. She works nights and rather than have a stranger watch our kids, they stay with me. This is usually every other weekend and at least two nights a week. She makes sure that if something is going on in my family that our kids are available to attend that event even if it is her weekend, and I do likewise. I'm sorry this seems to be contrary to peoples beliefs but I like to look at my life in a positive light. No things don't always go my way but being negetive about life is no way to live. I don't want my kids to look at their father as being gloom and doom and always on the negetive.
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She has sole custody because at the time of the divorce she was not making much money and neither was I so the proccess was done with as little involvment of lawyers as possible. As to why she would want me to move I am going to discuss with her. At the time the comment was made I was to confused to try and talk about it. I needed time to think about what she was saying and why. We are not being nasty with each other so I do not see her as trying to put anything over on me. We spend quite a bit of time together, sometimes even when the kids are not home. So like I said before I am not sure that she is completely satisfied with her decision to be divorced. She has a lot of past issues that she is trying to deal with and I was not allowing her to deal with these things in the manner she needed. We have both talked about it and agreed that our main relationship problem was communication about what we both needed.
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Thanks sorry to be so defensive. I know this woman better than anyone and the things that are happening just do not jive with someone who is sure of what they are doing.
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She is not calling any of the shots. She just made a comment and I am trying to decide where she is headed with said comment and is there something still there. She has not been telling me or forcing anything on me. I am not convinced that she is sure what it is she really wants. This is the first time in her life that she has had the capability to make it on her own. She comes from a background where men have done nothing but hurt her and when I pushed the issue of what it was that she was trying to do she took the easy way out. Now she is trying to figure out just what she has done.
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She already has sole custody of the kids. Our divorce was not nasty and hateful. She just graduated from college and was feeling smothered and the things that I did in responce are what brought on the divorce. I did not see her actions for what they were and reacted with anger instead of love and concern for her feelings. She did'nt even ask for much in the way of child support, there was no raking me thru the coals like so many of the divorces that you hear about. Maybe I am in the wrong post but I am still trying to save my family. I am not some young dumb kid and I would have to have some kind of commitment before I would pack up and move to Hawaii. Sorry to rant but I am a very family oriented person and family mean everything to me. Thanks for the input I do appreciate seeing all aspects of the sitch.
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Hi all I have'nt been on in a while and I am not sure this is the right place to post this but I really need some input. Divorce has been final for about 3 months. Contact is on and off we have two kids so n/c is difficult. We seem to go through a cycle of a couple of weeks of good times, talking and enjoying each others company. Then comes a few days of n/c, this has been going on since the divorce was final. She still holds to her reasons for divorce and says she loves me but can't trust me. I still want to make a go at a relationship. We were married 16 years and I am not ready to give that time up. Now that you have some background what I need input on is today she and I were talking about her work and she started telling me about a possible job opportunity in Hawaii. This sounds like a great job and I wasn't sure what to say, but before I said anything she looked depressed and said that I would have to look for a job in Hawaii because she could'nt move there without me. Now I am very confused about where our relationship is going. I don't want to read to much into this, but should I have hope that this may go somwhere? I still love her very much and would love to get back together.
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She called again and wanted me to lookup something online for her, I told her I would. Then after talking for a few minutes she asked if I wanted to go to lunch. I know I should have said I'm busy, but I did'nt. We had a nice lunch, pretty much just talking about the kids and cats. And yes I still want her back and I know I'm not helping myself by doing things like this. I am supposed to have the kids tonite we'll see how that goes.
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I just dont know anymore!!!!!!
ruffjp replied to nx2chaos's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I really feel for ya man, I am goin through the same type of thing. Everyday is a trial, but you just have to keep looking at what is important. Make your life revolve around your son. Make sure you live a little for your self as well. Can anyone tell us why nursing school seems to affect women this way. My wife of 16 years just graduated with her BSN and promptly divorced me. Is it a thing with the schooling that makes them believe they have to be totally self sufficiant or what. Anyway keep your chin up and believe in yourself, you can do this and can be happy. I remind myself of this almost hourly. Good luck. -
Well after 1 whole day of nc she called this morning. I know I shouldn't have answered but I thought it might be about my picking up the kids this evening. She just wanted to talk about some issues with the car that used to be mine. She is having trouble getting the copy of the title corrected to show that she owns the car. She asked how I was doing, and I said ok I guess. I probably should have said I was doing great but she knows that I am totally broke and can't even go anywhere. This sucks, I want her and my kids back.
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She was my life for 18 years and her not being here is killing me. She said I have major control issues that I didn't even know about, and in nov. she said she was done didn't want to be married anymore. She also says she still loves me, but I guess that doesn't mean as a mate anymore. I would still do anything for her, even die for her.
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She is winning the at the N.C. I just helped her move some more stuff and it is destroying me. I want to talk to her and hold her so much. I don't know how I am going to make thru the night. She has everything that is important to me, my kids,the cats, all our stuff, all our pictures. I just don't even want to go on.
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Usually she is very nice and sometimes even close and affectionate, but there are other times mostly after spending time with her mom or friends that she is very distant and angry. I have some other posts that tell the details of the relationship. I am very confused.
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Today has been miserable. She had me over for dinner last night it was great. We ate together then we played scrabble just like old times. I probably should not have gone, but I want her back so bad. I've spent half of my life loving her and can't stand not seeing her. I still get the same thrill when I see her or hear her voice as I did when we first met. I know everyone here says to go N.C. but we have kids to deal with and N.C. is nearly impossible. I am trying to move on but can't seem to think of anything else but her. She called me twice today about our daughter and I broke down after each call. Just don't know what to do.
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Well things aren't any better she doesn't even show any remorse or feelings of any kind. She acts like I am the only one responsible for our divorce. She says she has to do what is best for her kids. I think she is being selfish and wants to prove that she doesn't need any support from anyone.