misery12

I didn't read any of the replies, except for a line of Vert's. Which he's correct. If you're planning on using NC to get him back, than chances are you should use another method because like I said in another post, it's not a miracle drug. You can't expect to use these emotional healing tactics like potions, so everything magically *poofs* back to how you want it to be. NC is used for YOU. So YOU heal. It has nothing to do with anyone else. It obviously works... Think of it logically, if you meet someone, and then never talk to them again in your life, 30 years later you will not be into them, obviously. But, if you spend those 30 years wallowing in self pity, and wanting them back every second, even though you're not talking to them.. it won't.

I know the feeling that you're experiencing right now. It's like... if your ex-gf comes back, then she must realize what she's done wrong, and wants to change, so i'll give her another chance. But really... nobody can change overnight. If she really wants you, she has to mend all the scars she single handedly brought to you. Which shouldn't be as easy as a "im sorry, take me back?". It should be a confession of her flaws, and a solution to her faults.

If you don't feel emotionally fulfilled with your relationship, why try to imagine there's something there when there's not. The more time you waste with someone you *know* is not "the one".. the less time you have to spend with "the one" that is out there. There's someone out there for all of us. Fact.

Man, you're right where I was. It's so weird reading that.. because your mind-set is so different when you're in that position. It's because you have such a high tolerance for what she throws at you, you don't realize what it's really doing until a few months down the road. I'm telling you now.. the only way to get her back is to not talk to her. Talking to her will only smother her, and push her away more. Let her come to you. You have to appear busy (or be busy) and appear happy at all times.. she has to know your happiness is based around her. She probably thinks that. You're allowed to cry or whatever you want, but make sure you vent your emotions on this forum, and not to her inbox. Trust me. Gets you nowheres but reverse. I know which step you should take from each part of progress you make, feel free to PM anytime. You came to the right place for situations like this. Maybe she just wants time/space to herself and once she see's you're not going to wait around for her, she may realize what she's lost and come back for you.. if she doesn't, at least you know how she really feels.. right? Don't you want a girl that feels the same about you? Don't settle just because you have memories with her. Memories can be made with anyone... and any bad memories you have with her, can be replaced by someone else.

I agree. If you do want her back, just let her know you're fine without her. She's not the core to your happiness.. you can use working with her to your benefit, because she'll see that you are doing fine without her and soon enough she may be wondering why.

Sex is good with many woman out there, don't settle for a ***** like this. She's a lunatic, and you should have no business with her. IF she contacts you, I'd suggest that you either don't reply, or say something along the lines of... "hopefully you realize you can't treat people like this, maybe this will be your wake up call..happy birthday". I'd suggest you don't say anything at all though. So many people (including myself) think of ways to get back at their ex and make them feel bad.. but if you try too hard, it only ends up with them mad at you, and not regretting their decision the least. The SMARTEST thing you can do... is to never talk to her again, unless she totally turns around for the best.. she'll know why.

It's a common tactic, it's not a miracle drug. It won't bring her back if for 1) she doesn't want to be together with you, and 2) you aren't meant to be. If you play aloof, and use it accordingly, and don't over-do it, it can work to your benefit, only.. and I repeat only.. if it's meant to.

Exactly. Posting on here will not make him realize he's a bad kisser. I'd say wait until you two are cuddling or something, and then initiate a kiss.. just a peck. Then maybe later when you start making out or something, and he tries to do his "thing".. just say . take it easy or something, in a flirtatious way. That should solve it for that particular time. If you keep doing this multiple times, he will realize and try to kiss more like you are, and then get the picture.

I agree with Metallica. She is taken, DO NOT put yourself in the position to be shut down and have your heart broken. Deep down you know if you asked her right now, what her answer would be. The road you should take though.. be her BEST friend, show her you're there for her.. don't be overly flirtatious unless she compensates, and balances it out. Let her flirt with you, and start conversations with you, and then you turn up the frequency and give a little back. Don't always be available either man, that's the first step for a girl to take advantage. If she thinks that you'll be there through thick and thin and deal with all of her ****, then things go bad. Keep your dignity, and self-respect, but also be there when she needs support, (with her sister) or any other problems. Even if it's with her boyfriend, be there to help her out. Just try to avoid being labeled the "girls best friend" because that usually creates a different bond and is hard to transform into a relationship the way you'll want to. Good luck.

Hey man I'm around your age, and I HATE seeing suicide posts by young guys.. HATE it, It's a waste of life. I know you're experiencing bad times, but you've only been alive for a single century. 3 years dude... and you'll be an adult, and you can leave your mom and she has NO say in what you do. You have to keep your head up, once you start respecting yourself, people will notice that and see you have confidence, and that IS attractive. You also have to have a serious talk with your mother, you may even want to bring her to this site and show her what you have posted and the replies you've gotten to it. SHE NEEDS TO CHANGE, and start supporting her teenage son when life is very difficult for you. Plus, where I live, when you're 16.. you can get your license, is that the same with you?? IF so.. then you can be driving next year! That opens a whole new world man, and whenever you feel like getting out of the house, you can leave.. (be responsible.). Take your girlfriend out for a drive. Also, you need to convince your mom that your girlfriend is an awesome person, and she has to realize that she needs a concrete reason to dislike her or else she just sounds immature and juvenial. Seems like your mom is the biggest problem in your life, and that is soo far from what reality should be. She has to realize the pressure it puts on you in school, and in life in general. Good luck man. Keep your head up.

Agreed. You might also need some motivation to stay home, and as ComputerGuy and Vert have said, why risk the chance of all your hard work leading up to this point, to be lost?

Agreed. How's it feel to know that you don't have her heart to the fullest extent. You know for a fact that if this one man came to town, she'd be gone. So what's stopping her from finding a new man as easily as that. Let her go, she'll know why, she's a player, and wants you to stick around if things don't work out with her ex, don't give her the satisfaction.

I didn't really read your post, ahha.. I just read the title.. :S

I do. Karma.

Some people feel it's an issue because at 15 and 18 you're at different points in your life, such as at 15, you're concerned about friends/school, things like that.. at 18 you're an adult and usually have a job, car, and are getting your own life together. 27/30 are much more the same stage in life, so that's basically why.. Also, it might be considered rape where you live if the woman is 18, and the guy is 15.

Bring a single friend. She doesn't need to be tied up over horses.. they don't need to be completely the same. Opposites do attract sometimes. (seems to happen more often in science though).

She seems like a lunatic. I'm sure this isn't playing too well on your heart strings, drop her for good, DONT call her, DONT take her calls, and find a new girl. She'll get the point.. if she wnats you, she has to seriously work for it now.

Hah, no I understand that. That's why i'm asking everyone, because im not sure what to do. I'm asking a friend of ours right now, and she thinks I shouldn't ask her.. because she thinks my ex would have already said something if she wanted to be back with me.. but I don't think thats true because she's never said anything to me when she did like me, I had to find out from others. About a month ago I found out she liked me again (1 month after our break up).. but it wasn't from her. IT was from my friend.. which I don't like hearing from.. I'd rather my ex just tell me.. It's just an insane scenario it seems there's no benefits in either direction. Here's the thing.. IM NOT 25.. I can't get out there and meet other girls. I'm going into grade 11, and I know mostly all the girls in my school.. seriously. I don't like dating girls from other schools because it gets confusing.. trust me. I am getting my license soon.. I sort of just dont' want to be the only one left out of my friends that haven't really experimented with a girl.. my 2 closest friends have girlfriends, and im happy for them, but I hate being alone. That's one of the reasons im holding onto her, I think. I really feel as if I should say something to her.. get her opinion, and then block her. So at least I know.. But on the other hand, I think if I keep busy.. once school starts, and I get my license.. i'll be very occupied, and might be able to move on that way.

I just really don't think I can stop talking to her.. I hope you can understand that. We ARE good friends.. and I know if I try hard enough I can move on without totally erasing her. I just have to get my mind around some facts. Such as, IF she really wanted me.. wouldn't she come to me? But here's the thing... when I found out she liked me back in December, It was never from her. I was at a party and her sister was there and she was the one that told me.. and then my sister would say "go out with ___ she's so cute".. and I was never really into her, but then I got interested. Never ONCE did she ever mention having feelings for me, we sort of just knew after awhile. I don't think she ever mentioned how much she liked me or anything while we were going out. I did say to her how much I liked her one time, and she said "same goes for me".. or something. So.. do you think it's smart to say this to her.. "I have feelings for you, but I need to know if you have any intention on having something with me again, so I know if i'm wasting my time or not". This.. will show her that I don't want to play her games anymore, and if she really wants something with me.. she better step up. IF she doesn't, then at least i'll know and I can move on and stop guessing. I think that's the reason why i'm having such trouble moving on from her, because there's been SO much going on since the break up that I can't tell if she wants something with me, so im stuck here guessing all the time. I really think I should say that to her... so I can get her solid word.. and move on.

I don't think I can cut contact with her completely though. She's a great girl, and she'd know if I blocked her or whatever, and then she'd know I was still wallowing over her. The thing is, she may still have feelings for me.. deep down, I just have that feeling you know, and we were together for about 6 months, so I know how she thinks.. and what makes her happy/sad.. things like that. She told her friends she'd probably be upset if I was with another girl, but that's the thing.. most of the girls I know ARE taken. The ones that aren't I have no interest in.. I have thought about all the girls I know, and She seems to be the only one.. maybe it's just my feelings thinking for me, I dont know. Just for thought, anybody know what I could do to make her feelings come out? IF she has themm.. what are some things that will make them shine through, without tricking her, or doing immature tactics.

Hey all, I'd like to vent here a little bit, advice would be appreciated. So my ex and I broke up about 2 months ago, or more.. and since then we've kept in contact.. talking a few times a week. We used to hang out a few times a week, but then she would tell her friends I was clingy and things, so I backed off, and I think she's seeing that im more independent now. Here's the thing, my 2 closest buddies have girlfriends, and they're always happy, and go to their girlfriends houses, kiss them, and cuddle with them, and I miss that. I am not interested in any other girl in my school, and I don't like dating girls outside of my school, because it's hard. I still have feelings for my ex, and I wish we could get back together, but only if she changed some of her ways. I know through a mutual friend that she thinks im a great guy but just wants to be friends right now.. (that's what the friend thinks she understood while talking to her). Awhile ago I posted saying that my ex might have fooled around with another guy at a party, I found out she didn't.. and that she is now realizing he's just another loser, and isn't what she thought he was. I am 16, and I'm getting my license within the next few months so that opens up some new doors.. but some nights I just find myself feeling jealous, and envy people in healthy relationships. They go home feeling happy and fulfilled with their love life, and can kiss their girlfriends every week, and I have nobody. I loved my ex so much.. and wish we could be together again. I've kept strong and gave her space, and in the past 3 weeks or so she's been initiating conversations with me on IM a lot more, and I occasionally do too. I find her checking my away message many times per day .. She checked it 6 times in like 2-3 hours. I just don't know what to do to overcome these feelings right now. Whenever I see people kissing or holding each other, I can't help but think of her.. or ANYTHING mostly that involves a relationship... then I end up feeling empty. I don't think I should talk to her about this, because she's never really been the type of person to talk about her feelings.. with anyone. Also, if 2 months after our break up, I come out asking if she wants anything with me again, that'll make me look more needy than anything. At the same time though, I don't want to be her security guy, that she can come back to if she doesn't find another guy... I dont think she's looking though. Her whole family loves me, and yesterday her sister asked me to hang out with her. It didn't work out and she said "maybe another time?" Does anybody know any tactics to overcome these feelings? What are these feelings? What should I do.. and please don't say... "work on yourself" I know all of that.. What can I do/think of when I get these feelings to make me feel better? Thanks.

As an answer to your question, I find that you're in love with the thought. This guy seems to have some flaws that aren't present in other guys. You may love him, but not in love with him. You're so used to your day to day life with him being involved, you don't know how you would react to the world without him. I've been in your boat, but the truth is, you have to decide what you want as soon as possible. The longer you put these feelings off, the harder you fall, trust me. If you want to be single, then break up with him. Nicely. If you want to stay with him, TELL him that you will hang out with whoever you want, whenever you want, and if he doesn't like that, he CAN leave. Tell him that he has to understand you're with HIM. It's not that he doesn't trust the guys you hang out with, it's that he doesn't trust you, plain and simple. If he trusted you, then he would know it doesn't matter if they made a move or not, because you'd shut them down. He's insecure, and jealous and you have to let him know you're not going to deal with it. If he doesn't trust you, he better start.. or you're walking. That's the smart thing to do. Good luck.

I use Miranda. It's a program that allows you to put your ICQ/MSN contacts onto one list. You download a plugin from the website which allows you to see when people read your away message. Here's the thing. I would have asked my ex how she felt a long time ago, but one of the main reason we broke up is because she felt I was clingy... and she didn't really like it when I would ask her how she felt about the relationship. She likes it when things are more laid back, and don't really worry about too much. I know her the best, and the best route to take would be to give her space and let her come to me.. But I still get confused.

I don't know if this is the right forum to post this in, but oh well. Anyways, most of you know my story of my ex and I.. Well the weekend that just past, I went to another province with my soccer team for the whole weekend. Today she hasn't talked to me.. But her sister did. Who is one year older than I am. She said "____ come over!" ... she then told me she wants to hang out with me. I know it's nothing like that.. just friendly because we're friends. Her boyfriend is on my soccer team and we're good buddies so I would never do anything stupid, just to let you know. So I said to her "what would your sister think of us hanging out?" and she said "I don't care".. but she ended up inviting another friend over and said "we'll hang out another time ??" I said sure. I'm just in an odd situation and I need to vent here.. because I still do have feelings for my ex.. but I don't talk to her unless she talks to me right now.. I haven't talked to her since last Wednesday.. I was talking to her then.. and I told her my cousins were over.. and she told me to come to her soccer game that night, and bring my cousins too. During the game she would look over at me ( I was with my friend/cousins) and smile a few times. She also checked my away message this morning within a minute of her signing online. I am just SO confused. I know you all are probably pissed about hearing my stories, but I'd like to know what to do really.. here's what I know. My ex may still have feelings for me.. because a female friend of mine told me she liked me about a month ago.. then she went away for a month, and just came home friday.. and said things are "GOOD". So I shouldn't worry. I was like... alright. I haven't talked to her yet.. but the thing is, I know I shouldn't seem needy or anything, and believe me, I'm not. I give her so much space, but I still encounter mixed signals. People told me to move on with my own life, and I HAVE. I worried about ME. I still run into things involving her though, there's no way around it. I know that if she wanted to get back with me, I would have a long talk with her first, to find out what we both wanted from each other... I'm just in a tough situation where it seems there's ups and downs looking from every angle. Then her sister talked to me today, which confused me even more.. and then I told her sister to say hi to her mom for me because we haven't talked in a month or so. Any advice?

He's probably nervous, or he was in a weird position that would cause his muscles to shake.