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misery12

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  1. misery12
    I've been talking to many people about this, and i've run accross a guy that's helped me a lot. All of you have too, but this guy brought some light to my head. He said .. "back off a bit, cool down... and see if she comes to you, if she does.. then she's yours.. if she doesn't initiate contact, then you lose nothing." I've realized that I do think about this everyday, but not to the extent that I NEED to talk to her. I only talk to her because I like her, and i'm only human. I am going to play it cool I think, show her I am independent, and I do not need her for a good time. Once she realizes that, I think she will start initiating contact with me, and once she does.. Then I'll make my move. I've thought this out long and hard.. and think of it this way.. If I asked her what she thought of "us" right now, she may not be totally sure of what she wants quite yet. That's why.. I will back off a bit, take it easy, don't treat her like a queen, but when we do talk, make sure im totally focused on her, so she knows I care for her. In time, things will work out as they are meant to, and it will be easier for me to take whatever answer she gives me. I will keep you all informed on my progress with her. Thanks.
  2. misery12
    Hope, you're sort of right.. I am in the position where I don't know if I should talk to her, and let her know how I feel, or if I should wait until she comes to me, since she was the dumper. I agree, we have spent a lot of time together, but she has shown some signs of interest. Some that I can't explain, and others, such as slapping my butt many times, getting close, telling a friend she likes me again. (few weeks ago) But I am at the point, where everyday I wake up wondering what I should do, should I talk to her, should I wait for her to talk to me.. it's insane! I hesitate to ask on MSN because everyone here is telling me that I should do it in person, but if I do it in person, I will have to wait a lot longer to do so, and to do it comfortably than to do it on the computer. We're very close, and im not scared to talk in person, but it's just easier over the computer, and it's more available. I actually might talk to her tonight, and tell her that I really enjoy spending time with her, and that I see us getting back together, and that if she would give us another shot, im willing to take as much time as she needs. I think this is a fair compromise. HOw's this sound?
  3. misery12
    lady, thanks. I understand where you're coming from.. but the thing is, she dumped me.. so the thing im more stuck on is "should I talk, or shouldn't I". This is because she was the dumper, so if she wants me back, shouldn't she be the one initiating it? Because if I am the one to initiate getting back together, won't that make me come off as desperate/needy.. whatever else. I could have easily talked to her by now, but it wouldn't have been in person. Since it's the summer, I see her a couple times a week, and on those occasions, it just never seems right. I am SO confused.. I am not sure if I should wait until after her surprise party, to see if she does anything, or should I just go for it? The thing is, I can talk to her, but it will be over MSN, and that's no way to start off a new relationship, so I don't know.
  4. misery12
    Believe me, I want to get back, but the last time I checked it takes two for a relationship to work so.. I am just playing it cool, there is no rush.. I am sure if I play my cards right, then in time, things will work out, there's no deadline.
  5. misery12
    Thanks lady! Good idea, I didn't think of that. I just want to make sure she's competlely oblivious until she hears "SURPRISE". I've never arranged a surprise party before, so hopefully number 1 works out. any more suggestions?
  6. misery12
    She'd do something, I know that. also, read my other posts if you need more info.. Plus, I just want to do something for her, she's such a deserving girl, and I know it would make her day, and i'd also like to see the look on her face.
  7. misery12
    Okay, so I am throwing my ex a surprise party, because after our break up, it wasn't bitter the least.. we are very close and there's a good chance we will get back together. (See my past posts for more details about our relationship). Anyways, her birthday is at the end of July, and last weekend on the drive down to our cottage, she was telling me that she isn't having a party, and that I should have one for her (as a joke). I was already planning on having one for her, so I just laughed it off. I've told a few of her closest friends about it so far, because I don't want too many people knowing too soon. I need advice on how to set this up so it's the perfect surprise.. she is close with my mom, so I think i'm gonna say "mom invited you over for a birthday supper tonight". I will call her mom up when I know my ex won't be home, and explain to her mom about the whole thing, so she's "in" on it. I want a lot of people to come, but i'm afraid the word will get out, and will ruin it. Any ideas on how to make it the perfect surprise?? Also, what's a nice gift I can get her?? I was thinking a box full of things that I know she loves? Any suggestions? Thanks.
  8. misery12
    Hey sean, im a big fan.
  9. misery12
    Go for a bike ride, or a jog, walk.. Ask some of your girl friends if they want to go for a hike in the woods or on a near by mountain if there is one. I think what you need to do is, be happy with yourself first.. and then love will follow. Like the song by The Used - Blue and Yellow says.. "you'll never find it, if you're looking for it". Just do your own thing, be glad that you have your health and your own sense of independence, and before you know it, the tables will turn and you'll be with someone.. believe me. How old are you by the way?
  10. misery12
    I agree.. I would have liked it much more if she came to me herself. And believe me, I would have had this talk with her much earlier if I had the chance, and I know that we will probably be sitting alone at some point on this trip, but I don't know how to start the "talk" up.. I want her to know that I want to be back with her, and that I love spending time with her, and if she's willing to give us another shot, i'm willing to take as long as she needs. I don't know how to tell her this.. because we might not even be close to the topic of relationships, or "Us" or getting back together, or anything.. and if I just bring it up out of the blue, it will seem like it's the only thing im thinking of.. and that'll make me seem desperate/needy.. so how can I get to the point of talking to her about it??
  11. misery12
    I feel like an idiot right now.. My ex and I are going down to my cottage for a few days tonight with my family, so she just called me up, to talk.. and things are going ok.. but she isn't saying too much, I find there's a lot of silences.. so I say something, and I don't hear anything, and she just keeps acting like im saying something verrrrry wrong, and is like "what do I say to that".. for example.. we were talking about skittles we ate last time we were at the cottage, and she suddenly goes "how long have they been down there" and since we were on the topic, I was like "my parents, or the skittles?".. and there's a long silence.. and I go my parents? and she awkwardly laughs and goes.. hah yeah.. I told her I was tired, and so was she.. from soccer.. and im just like "so what's everyone at your house doing? just hanging out?" and then another silence followed by a "yeahhh.." she then said "I got to go, cya at 7".. and then I said bye. I feel like I made a huge backspace in my relationship with her.. but I guess we are hanging out for the next 3 days.. do you think it matters? I feel like a complete idiot.
  12. misery12
    Okay, I need to fill you all in. Hope, I know you've been following up a lot, and don't think that I wimped out on talking to her, because last saturday I was planning on talking to her, believe me! I have gotten all these signs she likes me, and if she doesn't like me, then she's sending me mixed signals. The reason I didn't talk to her on saturday was because everyone at my party was drunk, (responsibly) and I KNEW it wasn't a good time to talk, and I said to myself "there's other times" such as my cottage, hopefully that works out.. if not, we'll go next weekend or so. Also, someone else told me maybe she's using me? but she has a pool, so there's no need to use me for mine, and I have huge/nice house, but so does she.. she has everything I do.. so there's no reason to 'use' me.. but thanks.. and the thing is, if I feel like im being used, I will say something, and stand up for myself, I still have my dignity. So that's where I stand.. Hope that clears things up. As for the other poster, sorry I forget your name, and im too lazy to go back.. I have an IM program called Miranda, which has a plugin that when people read your away message, it pops up saying they are. I talked to her for a few minutes this morning, and told her there might be a chance we can't go to the cottage this weekend because my sisters boyfriend might have a baseball game monday night, and if they don't go.. it would be boring with just my parents.. but I told her that im finding out tonight if we can go or not.. and she said "oh ok thats fine with me" so I said "ok i'll let you know" she replied, thanks.. she has a soccer tournament this weekend and I said "good luck, and you better score or you're not welcome at our cottage " and she just said "hah". I didn't respond to that because I felt like there was nothing more to talk about and I just x'ed it out because if she wanted to talk, she could talk to me.. then I checked her away message about 20 mins later, and she went to the mall.. So that's where I stand.. hope this helps guys! Oh yeah, Dead Eyes, I forgot to add.. she broke up with me about a month ago.. and I don't realllly know why.. I think she just said it wasn't working and wanted to be friends, and she mentioned that she felt a little smothered at times.. but since we broke up I haven't mentioned one thing about our relationship, and i've given her so much space/time.. and since the break up.. we've hung out many many times.. Bbq's, partys, dinner, movies, plays, swimming, beach.. etc.. this is in one month.
  13. misery12
    Like what??
  14. misery12
    Hey, I know you all are probably getting fed up with me by now.. But I wonder something, and I'm hoping you all can help me. My ex and I are still very close, im probably the guy she's closest to, but it seems she doesn't initiate contact wtih me on msn/icq that much.. She occasionally does, but a good percentage of the time, it's me.. and I feel, since I was the one being dumped.. shouldn't she come to me? Or else I will come off as desperate and needy.. I feel if I stop initiating contact, she wont start.. and we won't talk, and I don't want that. She's coming to my cottage with me this weekend, and we don't really have much to talk about, but we could always say "hey, what are you doing today" and go from there.. She's giving me signs, and she's told a mutual friend of ours, that she likes me again, and I always see her reading my away message, but never saying hey.. Any thoughts?? what do I do??
  15. misery12
    Man.. That's not right, she's confusing you way too much, you say she changes her mind in the same day? Tell her that you don't want to sit here waiting for her to make up her mind, and that you're going to give her space, and to come to you when she has a final decision. If she can't make up her mind.. walk. Seriously.
  16. misery12
    Why not go with her, once or twice, and see what she actually is doing. Maybe it's not that bad.. but if you're so in love with her, partake in one of her activities. IF you do realize what she's doing doesn't suit you, and you're uncomfortable with it.. tell her, maybe you two can compromise. You have to communicate, these problems won't fix themself on their own. If she isn't willing to compromise, and seems to put "partying" before you, you know what the only solution is.. Good Luck.
  17. misery12
    Guys do date overweight girls.. But I understand what you mean.. I think it's because of the obvious though, men are attracted to slim, fit, attractive girls.. and some "fat" girls aren't classified as one of these. There are many men out there that like the overweight woman, because there's "more to love". If you're wondering because of yourself, don't get down on yourself because men should look past the outside and love you for who you are, and if there is a guy that you like, that only wants you for your appearance, screw him... you wouldn't want a guy like that anyways. Hope this helps.
  18. misery12
    Well you're not together.. so the best way to look at your situation is to think of it as a fresh start. Pretend you've never dated before and you have this crush on her, and she has one on you.. If you put a little space in between you two, without totally shutting her out compeltely, do you actually think she'd give up that quick? And vice-versa.. wouldn't you question why she did this to you? you wouldn't just let her go if you liked her.. you'd try and contact her. Just let it be, and be aloof/cool in most cases. Good Luck!
  19. misery12
    Agreed. It's his life, and he can't live it through you, nor hide from it behind you. Even if you tell his parents, he'd have to face them about it anyways, and in the end, it wouldn't matter who told them, the same outcome would occur, whatever that may be. Tell him that. Be there to support, but don't do it all.
  20. misery12
    This would be a problem if you were in a long-term relationship, but sometimes this behavior is typical starting off, as in your case. She's probably not 100% comfortable with you yet, and in time, will open up if you let her know that you are there to listen. Make sure that you keep your pride, and dignity, and not let her walk all over you in the process. Just be there for her, let her know you'll listen when she wants to talk, but don't pester her about it, the more you push, the more she'll pull away. Just ease off, let her know you're there, and then leave it at that.
  21. misery12
    Well you're answering all your own questions. You come here seeking advice, but chances are you will end up doing what you think is right for this situation in the end. Things will fall as they may, in the end.. and you can't control that. If you're meant to be together, she will come back soon or later, and it'll then be your choice, and not hers. If she doesn't come back, or initiate contact with you, in a few weeks to a month, she clearly moved on, and that should be your motivation to do so, as well. Good luck with your decision.
  22. misery12
    I'm in an amazingly similar situation with my ex girlfriend. She tells her friends she likes me again, and she shows all the signs of being my girlfriend , flirting, touching, looking into eyes, laughing.. (no kissing).. but then she hasn't said anything to me about getting back together, so I feel I am getting mixed signals. It's been about a month since we broke up, and I feel that the only way things will get better, or change.. is to talk to her, and get her opinion. Same thing goes for you, you have to confront her, and tell her how you feel, at the same time keeping your dignity. Anyone else have advice for us?
  23. misery12
    That's the thing.. She has told her friend that she does like me.. but she hasn't said anything to me yet, maybe she's waiting for me to go first.. and I will say something soon.. and I will tell her I don't want it to get weird or anything, but just let her know how I feel, and I won't be too pushy or anything, and I know that she will agree, and I will be surprised if she doesn't. If she doesn't agree with me, then I will figure it out when it comes. But I don't know if wednesday is good, because she has a soccer game, and she will be eager to get home afterwards, and it's not a good place to talk, so maybe I could invite her over Friday night or something? because I have soccer thursday night. also, I invited her down to my cottage again next week.. because they're shooting a movie down there, and I thought it would be cool to go see them, and she said "yeah maybe, i'll see what im doing". I'm pretty sure she'll come though, she doesn't do much. So maybe I could wait until then.. to talk to her, or I could invite her over Friday? I don't know..
  24. misery12
    It's been about a week or so since i've filled you all in on my situation. Anyways, my pool party came, and it was a fun time, but the thing is.. more people were drunk then I thought would be.. (her included) and so I didn't really get a chance to talk with her. She felt sick near the end of the night so I sat with her in the kitchen while others were swimming. Anyways, I don't really know what to do now... since I was sort of counting on saturday to be the day that we got closer, and I let her know face to face, how I felt about her. But that didn't work out. So.. from here, I was planning on inviting her over for a swim or something one day this week.. she can't today because she's hanging out with her 2 girl friends, and that's cool. Tomorrow I am going to watch her soccer game, so maybe Wednesday or something. I haven't mentioned a thing to her about our relationship in over a month, and yesterday after my soccer game, she came online, and asked me how the game went as SOON as she came online, within seconds. She initiates contact a lot more now, and I am not as eager to talk to her every minute of the day like I used to be. I feel i'm making some serious progress in changing, and I feel that if we were together again, i'd be everything she wanted, I just want that chance.
  25. misery12
    Women can do anything men can do.. well except pee standing up of course.. It's all about society making an image of males being more dominant, but I think it's whatever you feel, is what matters.. don't get down on yourself, be proud!
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