thefireisoutanyway

It's kind of funny for me to ask this, myself being a male and all. But seriously, I read posts about how some people go on dates, and at times, you know, they make sweet love to each other on their first or second dates. I mean, do they actually just have one ready?

Yeah, I think I know what you mean. Just imagining what I'd do if my ex-called me, or told me if she wanted to get back with me, I realized it's not so simple. In anycase, I wish you luck.

On first dates, I usually don't expect anything at all. You shouldn't feel obligated to hold hands or kiss. Just let things happen naturally. Another ridiculous thing I heard is that it's a rule for girls to put out on the third date. All these rules about what a girl/guy has to do on some n-th date is preposterous. No girl/guy should ever do something "just because it's the n-th date."

I don't know. Usually, when I give compliments, I do it when I notice something new about the person. Say she/he got a new hair cut, or is wearing something new, or it's obvious that the other person wants me to comment on the new look. It doesn't necessarily imply anything sexual, even if I am attracted to that person, because I do it to everyone who I feel comfortable having an informal chat with. (So not EVERYONE, but a select few.) In short it's 1) courtesy/politeness 2) small talk 3) an encouragement, b/c the new look really suits them well, and they should do it more often.

Congrats! I wish I could be that strong. Yes, as darkblue asked, I too am a bit curious about how you feel about your ex. You said you have no expectations, but do you still want to get back with her?

Well, Echo, I'd say you are way ahead of me in the NC-healing, and for me it's been a little less than a year since I broke up with my g/f. What you've achieved is not trivial at all, considering that I am less than half of where you are, and I've only managed to completetly do NC until two weeks ago. Keep it up!

Hello, So, NC. No Contact. No contact with the ex in any shape or form. No messaging, no phones, no e-mails, no stalking--NOTHING. Then what about mutual friends? I'll tell you guys what I am doing: I am trying to cut them all off. If I spot one of them from a distance, I turn around and hide. I avoid places where there is a greater chance of me running into them. I avoid any "group" gatherings, regardless of whether my ex'd be there or not. I don't respond (I don't even read) any e-mails (not that there were many). I have not turned on my phone for about two weeks, then froze the account. May be it's not the best nor the wisest thing to do, this is what I feel is most comfortable with. If you don't mind, would you share with me, and possibly other interested readers, what you did with your mutual friends?

Hi, thanks for your replies, I guess I'm confused as to why not just saying, "See ya," or "bye" and going our separate ways. I mean, I just thought it was a bit odd to shakehands, since we were 1) Not making some sort of a contract 2) Not having a date So is it common for women to shake hands after hanging out with a friend? Or perhaps she got weird vibes from me and she wanted to sort of "put me in my place"?

This is kind of a follow up on the post linked below: link removed In a nutshell--a woman from work. We go to see a movie together, just the two of us. Was it a date? I dunno. We talk alot, and she tells me that she is still very much in love with her ex, etc., the day ends with a handshake. I thought I'd try one more time, and called her. I left messages, two times, and I decided to quit completely... So I did. The next time I ran into her, she apologized for not returning my calls, and told me that she had left her phone elsewhere... Today, it was late, and I was getting some water, and I ran into her in front of her office. We chatted a bit, and then she dragged me over saying that there is something to watch on the computer. With that we hung out for like an hour or something. It wasn't just the two of us, but one of her friends dropped in and out, etc. Anyways, it was fun, but we were both tired, so we decided to call it a day. I walked her back to her office (b/c mine was on the way), and when we got there, she took her hand out for a handshake. ...I am probably looking into this TOO much, but I mean, what is up with this handshake thing?

People in jail have sex all the time, but that doesn't make them gay. Same thing applies to pirates, and possibly ninjas.

Hey Mel My initial reaction to your reply was, well, unhappy. I guess a part of me was hoping that someone would encourage me to talk to her one more time. But that just confirms that your advice may be just the thing for this situation. I am still thinking, hoping that she has some affection left for me, and she'll be sad if I disappeared from her, when in reality, it'll be a major relief for her. Thanks for opening my eyes. I knew what to do, but you helped me realize it. I'll go full NC. If anything cool happens, I'll put follow ups, but then, that's that wishful thinking again!

May be I wasn't clear about my intention... My intention isn't trying to get back with her. It's to not hurt my ex's feeling and not make things weird between her, our mutual friends, and me, as much as possible. So, with that being said, is it better to: 1) Tell her that I am doing NC 2) Just continue my NC?

Hello, So, after a year of partial NC type of thing, I have not only failed to move on, but pushed my ex even further away. May be the second part is a good thing, I don't know. From what I can gather, she is happily in a relationship with someone right now. I've also realized my actions in the past year since the break up were very stalkerish and should be stopped immediately. And to prevent further such actions, I've decided to go complete NC. So I've been doing that for about 3 weeks. My last e-mail to her, I realized was extremely creepy in a bad stalkerish way, and did not expect a response from her, especially AFTER I found out about her b/f. I figured she'll never, ever respond, that I'll never ever hear from her ever again. But lo-and behold, a response from her. As part of my NC compaign, I did not read the e-mail. Of course, the e-mail could've told me to completely #@#$ off... And while it is HIGHLY unlikely, she might've left me some txt msgs (she used to do that for a while...) on my phone, or even less likely, a voice msg... But my phone's been dead for a while, so I don't know. Am I just being a jerk by doing this? I care about her, as a friend, and I don't want to hurt her anymore than I did. (So not over her.) Should I break NC one time to tell her I am doing NC? One other important reason for NC is so that my ex will competely forget my existence--ouch it hurts even thinking those words. But telling her that I am doing this would kind of defeat the purpose, no? Help! Any thoughts on this will be appreciated!

Wow, thanks for all the replies. I forgot to mention semi-nudeness, as in either topless or bathrobe type of thing. But yes, what got me worried originally was the thought, "Hmm, if I started going at it whilst doing stuff with a girl..."

If you are making out with a girl, and if she starts masturbating, does that necessarily imply that you are doing something wrong? (i.e., you aren't doing a good enough job to keep her excited?)

Hi, I wanted to thank everyone who left a post. The situation with me is, that I went out with this girl for about a month. She was my first g/f. Up to this date, I haven't been able to get over her. In 10 days, it would've been one year anniversary, if we had stayed together. Since the break up, we've been keeping in touch. We'd exchange occasional e-mails and txt msgs. There'd be time when we'd meet (but with a group of friends) and such. Eventually, every form of contact died and away, and we were slowly drifting apart. About three weeks ago, I found out that she'd been seeing a guy for a few months. Since then, I've completely stopped contacting her in anyway. It's kind of funny since she stopped contacting me just a day or so before I found out about the guy. I guess it is for the best. It seems like I use guilt as a tool when I am trying to get together with someone. It appears as though the reason our "relationship" lasted a whole month in the first place was b/c of my guilt trip routine. I feel terrible for what I made my ex go through for the past year. I love her very much, and I realize that the best thing for me to do, is to have myself removed from her life permanently. She'll forget me, and she'll be happy.

Hello everyone, I was just wanted to get a general idea for the following questions: 1) After a break up, how long does it take for you to move on? 2) Are you still friends with your ex? If so, how long does it take for you to be able to see him/her just as a friend? May be 1) and 2) mean the same for most people, but to me, they are slightly different. I guess since I am asking, I should answer these questions myself first: 1) It's been about a year since I broke up with my g/f, and I still love her. 2) I've almost completely broke off contact with her and my common friends. So I guess I am not really friends with her anymore.

Yes, I have the same exact problem, and yes, I've tried to do what you did: writing stuff down. I just can't make small talk. It's very hard for me, and I guess it something that needs to be practiced.

*I apologize to all of you with REAL problems for posting about something as trivial as this. But it's eating me up...* Please tell me I'm not the only person in the world who hates having their birthday celebrated, or am I? A few years ago, I've been part of a small group (which is now not so small), and it's been a tradition of this group to go around and give surprise birthday parties and such. I tried to avoid this event when my turn came by not giving them my birthday or trying to somehow not mention the topic, etc. It actually offends me that these people will do this, even when I have (I think I have) explicitly told them not to do this. Of course, I can't tell this to them, b/c they do put effort into getting the party together and getting a gift etc. Whereas certain people want it or feel cheated when they get skipped due to some circumstances, I HATE it. I really really HATE it. Though I have not told anyone, I consider myself to be no longer part of the group. I do not participate in of their group events, I no longer communicate with any of the other members, and I've recently got myself removed from the "member list" on the group's website. I don't want to be part of the group in any way or form, let alone have a party thrown in my name and I have to go b/c it's MY birthday party. If I didn't like all the people in the group, I wouldn't have much problem telling them off. But there is one or two people in that group, that I consider to be close friends. Unfortunately, one of these guys is the founder of the group, the one who started the tradition of doing parties for people in the group. Secondly, there is the issue of my ex. Even before we started seeing each other, I started to feel bored by the group. When we started going out, I continued to hang out with the group, but mostly b/c she was there. When we broke up, I kind of stopped showing up, b/c there was no real reason to be there. Unfortunately, I think this made many people think I stopped showing up to avoid my ex, which is NOT true at all. I really like my ex (as a friend), and I wish her to be happy and everything, and I don't want her to feel guilty for the break up, and I don't want her to think I am alienating myself b/c of her. I don't want other people to blame her for it either. My birthday is coming up soon. I don't know whether or not my friend is planning on doing a b-day party for me or not. Regardless, I don't want to be part of it, and if I can, I want to put a stop to this silly tradition and completely break off from the group, without creating drama. I could really use some advice...

At least you HAVE someone who likes you. You should go see "The Forty Year Old Virgin." Virgins rule~ (or not)

I think the best way to move on is to completely break that person from your life. Meanwhile, you do other things, meet new people, etc. When you are busy doing other things, there is less time for you to obsess over the whole thing. It's been a year since my g/f dumped me. At first, we stayed "friends" and we'd txt each other, hang out, e-mail each other and whatever. But being that I never got over her, I guess she realized that she was leading me on, so she stopped doing things that were exclusive to just us and tried to do things as a group, since we had a group of common friends. Well, things didn't work out too well, for me. Keeping in contact with her prevented me from moving on and gave me false hope. When I realized this, I decided to completely cut her out of myself. Although I can't say I am completely over her, I don't get depressed over her, I don't obsess over her anymore. Even when I found out she had been seeing someone for the past few months, it didn't phase me. The point I'm trying to make is, that I didn't start to heal until she was completely out of my sight, out of my reach. So, it's up to you, if you want to do what I did. I have to say, I did sacrifice certain things to get to where I am now, but it was definitely worth it.

Yeah, good proportions, more emphasis on shape than size. Ideal size would be just big enough to fit in my hand (my hands are pretty big though). Somewhat perky and supple. If the nipular area is too big, it's a turn off.

hahahhaa, man I hate September. I found out my ex had a b/f My friend heard that his ex was engaged. I went out with a woman, who gave me a handshake after the movie. How about it?

Hello, It's kind of embarrassing... but.. uhm... here goes. I was... in the process of pleasuring myself while on the computer when I noticed... an itch... and a lump near the base of my penis. It felt like a size of a mosquito bite. So I went into the bathroom to check, and I saw this... things, which looked like a pimple residing on my foreskin, near the base of the penis, close to my testicles. I decided to give this thing a little squeeze and it popped, and tons of sticky gum like yellow crap mixed with blood came out. I put some peroxide on it, fearing infection... but... I don't know what else to do. I mean, could this be some sign of...STD? (note: never had sex. virgin. not had any sexual activity with another person in a whole year.)

I just got back from the movies with her. The movie was really cute and we both had a good time watching the movie, and we had a really good chat together. We talked about a lot of things. Her personal life and a little bit of my personal life. Our work, etc. She told me she still loved her ex- a lot... At the end of the date, just before she left, she stuck her hand out for a handshake. ... Well, I guess that's it... We did make plans to hang out again. ...huh... May be I am stuck in the friend zone?