thefireisoutanyway

Thanks for the reply. ------------------------------ Did u start e-mailing her, or her you? and what are the contents like? r they casual and friendly or do they talk about your relationship? All these things matter before I can give you my honest advice. _________________ She e-mailed me first. Yes, the e-mails have been casual, you know, just how things are going, what we've been up to lately, about the story she is working on , about what happened to me at work..., like that.

turning 23 and still a virgin~

...well, I don't know if this is a good idea, but this is what I did. I uninstalled aim and never signed on again for the last... 7 months or so. So now, I don't/can't stare at her SN ever again.

Hello everyone, My ex just started e-mailing me, and I'm not sure as to what to do. I haven't really seen her all that much since we stopped seeing each other, and haven't had much of a conversation since then either. From time to time, we've sent text messages. Those died out. Then I e-mailed her a few times, she e-mailed back, and that stopped when I sent a reply and she didn't reply back. Then one day, she sent me an e-mail, saying to hit her back just to chat. Her replies have been coming back much quickly than before, and it's been a few days since we've exchanged one or two e-mails. She e-mails me. I reply. She replies. I reply, etc. And I'm not sure if I should keep replying to her message. I don't want to bug her with the details of my daily life, or constant e-mails. I don't want her to feel obligated to reply back. Then, I don't want her to think I hate her or anything like that. I still love her very much, and that's part of the problem. I don't want to push her further away by doing either: 1) Make her feel like she's leading me on 2) Make her think I hate her b/c, well, she rejected me I'm not sure what I should do. Any tips?

Hello, I just wanted to thank everyone for their replies. In the end, I did go to the party. To minimize my stay, I went to the party as late as possible and left after an hour. My friend didn't seem to mind at all at this, and he didn't ask any questions either. Well, I feel kind of bad. But oh well.

Thanks for all the quick replies! Well, I already gave him a graduation gift and a card few days before graduation. I've thought of, say, telling him I have other things to do. But I can't think of any b.s. commitment so important that it cannot be moved to a different date. I thought about saying that I had to go to some government institution for a very important appointment, but those things aren't open on weekends. may be I should leave country... or something

One of my close friends graduated recently, and he invited me (via) to his graduation party. Here's the problem: I REALLY REALLY don't want to go. Reasons: -) I don't like the people. I know most of the people attending the party. I've met them before, I've hung out with them. I don't really care to hang out with them. In fact, a good number of them I just can't stand. The fact my ex is going to be there makes it worse. -) The most people invited share similar interests, and all of the previous parties have been based on this. I don't really fit in, and I am sick of trying to fit in with the crowd of people that I really don't care for. I guess I CAN be truthful, and tell him all this stuff. Except, I don't think that's such a good idea. So, how should I handle this situation? Should I just accept the invitation and suffer for one day, for the sake of... something? If I were to decline, what would be the best way to decline, without hurting anyone's feelings?

Excellent! Just what I needed to hear. Thank you very much ^_^

I'd choose #2 any day. Unless I am in dire need of some physical attention. Or drunk. Or extremely depressed.

When someone says, "I'll talk to you when I get back [from some place]." to you, that does that mean something? Something? Anything? What if that someone is, like your ex? What if that "some place" is some tropical island?

I thought that me and my ex were on somewhat friendly terms. Right after the break up, we hung out a lot, txted each other, and talked to each other on-line etc. (I was still in love with her.) The break up wasn't bad, but basically I felt very little joy in my life unless she was involved in some way. Towards the end of the winter break, I came upon this website, and learned about NC. So NC I did. Kind of. When the Winter Break was over, she e-mailed me, txted, me, asking how come I wasn't visiting etc. etc. I responded... so I guess it wasn't really nc... but... Eventually, the e-mails, the txt msgs sort of died out. She still txted me from time to time. One night, I got a call from her, but I couldn't answer b/c the phone died on me... So anyway, I called her a few days ago, just some chit-chat, and invited her to lunch, as I was going with a group of friends. She said she couldn't make it or something... The next day, after the lunch, I visited some of my friends who live in the dorms in my college, and I thought I'd pay a visit to my ex who lived in the same building. She didn't seem thrilled to see me at all... in fact, it felt like she wanted me to leave asap. (She said she has to finish her reading soon... I told her that I wasn't doing anymore work today b/c of the heat and she said I should go to the library or something to work...etc.) And I would've left right away, but then she was telling me something funny that happened at work... And then, I told her about the lunch... (me not a good story teller ) Then she said she wasn't feeling well, wanted to go to sleep, and asked me to leave ...well yeah. It's stupid, but I guess I wanted to vent this out. I don't know. At one point, I thought she was missing me and stuff, but I guess not. From her on-line journal, it seems like her parents are setting her up with someone for a date... This is frustrating... I don't know. There isn't anyone right now that I can just pour all this stuff out.

Of course, there is also the option of emptying out your cartridge ahead of time.

I actually lost the desire to look at porn or masturbate once I got into a relationship. I guess it's different for each people.

Thanks for your replies! Actually, I have no idea WHY I am getting them gifts. I have been trying to formulate a logical reply for the last 5 minutes, but it is not coming. May be I want to give gifts b/c subconsciously I believe that my ex'll come back to me or something? But then why the hell am I getting her roomie gift? At the time I was buying them, I was thinking about how I haven't spoken to either of them for about a month and haven't seen either of them for almost two months. Even I can't figure myself out. But I know for certain that 1) I am not over my ex, and I want to get back together with her. 2) I have no intention of getting together with my ex's roomate. Guh =_= May be I should just forget about giving them stuff. I still have the receipt for the chocolates...

Hello, I was at the mall today to buy my family (mother, grandmother, sister) some Godiva chocolate for V-day. At the time I was buying, something in my head convinced me that I should definitely get my ex and her roomate a box of chocolate each. (One of those small ones that have only two pieces.) Both my ex and roomate were friends before I got into a relationship, the relationship only lasted a month, which ended wth me getting dumped, followed by 3 months of me moping in pain. So I thought, as a friend, I can give them both something, and since I'm giving them both the same thing, it won't get misinterpreted? Is this a bad idea?

My story--can be, but cutting everything short--isn't very long. I was in a 'relationship' for a month, got dumped, did the 'friend' thing / begging to get back together thing for the next two and a half months, found this place, started NC, and it's been three weeks. The first few weeks have been, actually not so bad. The whole NC thing seemed kind of fun at first. I felt like I was making progress in terms healing. But towards the end of the 2nd week, I started to feel depressed, and two days ago, I almost broke down crying. And I have been feeling like cow manure for the past two days, I don't know... I feel sad, tired, sleepy, and nothing seems to be fun. For the past week, she has been e-mailing me, inviiting me to visit (the dorm, since our mutual friends live in the dorm as well), sending me random txt msgs, and stuff, but two days ago, she stopped. I REALLY would like to see her... but I guess that just means that I still have a very long way to go until I heal.... I don't know. I don't know what to do. I still want to get back together with her, and this NC thing... am I pushing her away? I keep thinking that b/c I am doing NC, she feels no need to contact me or be friendly to me. Is NC really the best thing?

Yeah, I am doing exactly what hockeyboy is doing -- just doing NC without saying anything. She's been sending me e-mails and msgs from time to time asking me what has happened to me, but I haven't done anything that would make her think I was intentionally cutting off contact with her. So is it actually "better" to let your ex know that you are doing NC?

=_= Well, probably lots of measure theory, algebra, and topology. (Might slip in some complex analysis for fun) Holidays, days of the week, months seem to hold no meaning for me... well, they sort of did, but only during the short time I was in a relationship. But now that's over, time no longer holds any significant meaning to me.

Well, cooldude, let's just say I am not a very social person to begin with, so the number of people that I hang out with has been limited. The people I referred to in my original message were at some point either roomates, suitemates, have become part of the group through ex-suitemates, etc... so no, not really. Thanks for your advice TTSS. It's been two weeks since I started NC, and it's gotten a lot better. I've started to work out, study and read a lot more than I used to, I even joined two clubs this semester. Like Tuesday, I felt so great that I thought I had finally recovered. Then Wednesday, I spent the entire day moping because my ex did not send me an e-mail like she did on Monday and Tuesday. (She did, eventually, late at night) It's really sad. I made up my mind to move on and be strong about things, but I know that a small part of me is hoping that she'll come running into my arms b/c she misses me and stuff. But I KNOW that she doesn't really care... or if she does, it's not the way I want her to care. It's just I was so happy for that one month we spent together. I never felt happier in my life and now that she is gone and I really love her. I should forget it and move on. But I keep wanting her back. I even bought her a Christmas present that is still in the bottom drawer of my desk. The main reason I wanted to see her over the break was so that I could give it to her, but now, it's just in there. Nicely wrapped. Just rotting away. (It's a good thing I didn't buy her food) I don't know. I still have mood swings. Like I was feeling really good about 20 minutes ago, but now...

No, I guess it's not really the laziness... since 1) I don't want to even run into her or anyone by chance 2) I don't want any of them to visit me 3) I don't want to talk to them through any medium. Yes, thinking about it, it's probably the association. And the fact that many of the people in the group currently are in a "successful" relationship--although I should be happy for them--makes me want to not see them even more.

But honestly, I have absolutely no desire to see or talk to any of "them." May be this is a phase I'm going through... I don't mind company of my classmates to work on problems together--in fact, I enjoy it a lot. Just don't feel like visiting "them" or do anything with "them." May be I'm just lazy and I don't feel like walking over to their dorm...

Hello, First of all, I want to thank each and every one of you who has posted stuff on this place. It has been a great help for me, in the past few weeks, and I feel like just from reading I have healed a lot from my recent break up. This is the first time I am posting, so I'm kind of nervous But anyway~ I found this website over the winter break, approximately two months after getting dumped by my first girlfriend ever. (We were 'together' for a month) In those approximate two months, I have gone through the typical begging and...well, I didn't actually beg, but more like I would be her friend in the hopes of getting back together if I stayed friends we'd be back together. And of course, I did things which pushed her even further away, and probably reduced if not completely killed off the chance of us ever getting back together. Over the break, I tried to meet up with her (which we had talked about doing), but it was very obvious that she did not want to, and I got upset over it. And I was completely obsessing over her--checking her on-line journal everyday, stalking her on the instant messenger, sending her txt messages on regular basis, etc., even after being answered "no" for about the 5th time. (I learned later that all of these things probably pushed her further away.) Then, towards the end of the break, I decided to look on the internet for advice on getting her back, which brought me to this site (which I began to visit on a fairly regular basis) The entire concept of "No Contact" was completely new to me, but I liked the idea and so I immediately started to use it. So these are the things I am doing: 1) I always have my cell off, only use it to make important calls, or check the time. 2) I uninstalled my messenger from my computer, and I never use it anymore 3) I don't answer any calls on the campus phone 4) I don't visit my friend's dormitory (b/c she lives in the same building, and she frequently visits my friends dorm) 5) I plan to not participate in any future activities with my friends, as most of the future activities involves her as well. (I thought about participating when she is not there, but I realized this may draw attention, and because there was some group-drama involved with me and her, I do not want to draw attention to "us") 6) An exception to 4) : I would visit only when I knew that there would be no way for her to be present, and only stay for a duration of less than 20 min. 7) I decided to not to respond to any of her e-mails, unless it is something important. *Since the term started, I got about 3 or 4 really really short e-mails from her, asking me whether I still existed, when I'd be visiting the 'group'(not her, but the group of friends referred in #5), etc. As those were questions, not wanting to be rude (was the excuse I used on myself), I sent replies consisting of less than 5 words, just long enough to answer the question. In her last e-mail, she was telling me I should visit (the group), and as I saw no question, I felt no need to answer. But from now onI will not respond at all. (Seriously considering to cancel or get rid of my social e-mail acounts.) A consequence of this would be cutting off contact with not just her but most of my friends on campus, as most of my friends live in the same dorm as her or use the same messenger, etc. Am I going way too far with this NC thing? It's only been a few days since I have "actively" practiced NC (as in, this was the first week since classes started), and I am having some doubts about the way I'm handling the situation. Any input would be appreciated P.S. At this point, I am not so concerned about getting her back. I started to use NC initially for that purpose, but now I am more concerned with healing and moving on. But if someone wants to give tips on getting her back, I'm all ears