Doctor Smurf

Hi! I'm with a great girl, but for some reason I can't ever quite forget her past partners. She does make some references to them, and although I'm sure she's mine, I still feel more, well, jealous than I know is reasonable. We did start out as an affair - I don't wonder if its some kind of apparent guilt toward that - but it doesn't feel like guilt, more of something I've got against me - whenever we're being romantic or intimate together, a thought of an ex pops into my head and puts me right out of the mood. Any ideas to detach myself from a past that isn't mine, and enjoy the moment? Cheers!

Hi - I'm a sixteen year old guy and I'm having a lot of problems getting or maintaining an erection when I'm with my girlfriend - we managed to have sex together once, but it only lasted very briefly until I went soft. She's not the first girl I've had this problem with - whenever I've been in an intimate position with girls I've never been able to get, or stay, erect. When I'm alone I have no problems getting hard to masturbate - but somehow it fails when I'm with someone. I'd considered Viagra etc but I'm very concerned on being reliant on it at my age! Advice welcome! Ta, Doc

A myth I read somewhere years ago was that one of the first things a woman notices about a gentleman's appearance is his shoes - cleanliness etc. The phrase applied I think was: "If your shoes are falling apart, it looks like a relationship is likely to do the same thing". Since then I've always wondered if it actually does get noticed! Comments welcome! Doc

Its happened to me before several times - ends quickly some times, other times not. Usually happens to me when I'm either exhausted, or when big changes are happening! Doc

Good afternoon all... This problem of being so restricted in my going out has been gnawing away at me for some months, and has come to a head over Christmas. When I was thirteen my mother collapsed in a gym and was in hospital for several weeks, suffering slight [permanent] brain damage. She's still by all impressions a normal mother - and not a bad one, I might add - but she can't cope with things the way a typical person would. The additional stress to this is two months ago my cousin, who had just got his driving license was killed in a car crash. I'm a lucky guy, I've already qualified as a pilot [big plus that I'm trusted on my own in an aircraft] and a few weeks ago I paid for myself to do a skydive - my father said my mother had remarked "I'd rather trust him doing things like this than on an evening out with my friends". Whenever I have gone out I've not done anything stupid - I've never shown myself to be irresponsible, but just recently my mother has clamped down on me doing anything. I've tried to talk to her about it, but I've been shut out completely, so I tried my Dad. He's been very nice about it, but he won't say a word against her - all he'll say is that this is being a particularly hard Christmas for us, and that it’s not my fault. He's even gone as far as to say I haven't done anything wrong - which makes me feel so unjust, but I don't seem to be able to do anything about it. Apart from all that I'll be seventeen and able to learn to drive myself in six weeks - I needn't explain how they feel about that. But my Dad is putting up slight resistance, he won't help me out with writing cheques and things to apply for my provisional, and I don't really want to go behind him and do things other ways. I guess this is just a vent - and I do feel a prat taking up space when I know other kids suffer far worse than my insignificant worries - I just wanted it out. Many thanks for time and comments! Doc

Good evening all... My girlfriend and I split up three days ago, and though we had only been together 6 weeks I feel quite strongly about her. The reasons she gave where that "I didn't understand her" and that she thought "I didn't want to understand her". Above that there was a problem on each side. I spend a lot of time with another girl who is my ex, but she's also my best friend, and I've always been open that nothing is going on between us, she wasn't happy. The other side is between my GF and I we had more or less no intimacy - she told me from the outset she wanted no sex before marriage, but in six weeks we snogged twice, and she definitely didn't want to do it at all. That frustrated me, but I was coping. It all came to a massive head last week, and then I got left. It sucks because I know if I had said different things we could still be together, albeit on her terms. I still really like her, and I'm thinking of trying to get her back. But I'm a little scared of being a doormat, and whether or not I should be in a no-intimacy relationship - it was a bit like being friends and holding hands. Plus she would want me to cut down on time with my ex / best mate. But I was so proud of her! I would like her back, if she asked me I would say yes in a moment. Should I do it? Or is it a route to just more hurt? Please try and help me out on this!! My mind is completely tangled around it, I need an outside perspective. Thank you... D/S

I know how stupid this sounds, but what sort of things should one look for in a girl to have some kind of lasting relationship? Having come out of another six week turgid relationship, I want to look afresh for something that might be good. Any ideas welcome. Ta! Doc

Thank you all, particularly to vermilion - you hit the nail on the head! I like most of what was said, and having spent some time with her it doesn't all seem so bad now. Thanks once again... Doc

Sorry I should have added that. Yes, we're both sixteen, she is ever so slightly younger than me.

Hi! I feel really pig-headed for even writing this, but its been getting me down now so I need to do something. I've been with an absolutely amazing girl in school for just over three weeks. Not long I know, but I really do like her and I want to stay with her. However it's a fact of life as a 16 year old male I do want some extent of sexual satisfaction, and this is the acknowledged stumbling block we're having. She has no interest in anything intimate beyond a simple kiss, and once in our three weeks she tried tongue and has shown no interest in doing it again. Against my better judgment I mentioned my feelings on it to her, and although she was very kind about it, it confirmed what I thought – she just doesn't have an interest in things intimate. It gets me down and I really want to stay with her, but temptation is so great, and when I spend time with her it's like spending time with a friend – just normal. Any suggestions, thoughts or actions? Ta for reading… Doc

I believe the answer to that is yes, you are at risk. You should be wearing a condom for guys, or a using a dental block (I think thats the name) if one is pleasuring a lady. However I think the risks are far lower than in penetrative sex. Hope helps, Doc EDIT Found this:

Hi all! I found out to my embarrassment that my lovely lady is terribly ticklish, so much so she can barely take me kissing her neck! We got to the point where making out was an obvious thing, but as soon as I reached under her shirt it was impossible! Any idea what I can do to ease this problem for both of us, as the way it is now it will soon become irritating I think as I've never come accross it before! Thank you all so much! Doc

Hi all - I suppose this will come over as another teenage whinge, but it's bugged me for some time now. I'm sixteen and have been for a while; we live in rural Wales with a standard type of family. I'm a decent kind of kid; I'm not going to deny I have failings because hey, I'm not and angel. However I've never been in serious trouble, never been arrested or in a fight or anything untoward, and I get good grades in my studies. The example I am going to cite is this - In the Air Cadets I go to we've had a First Aid course, and my parents had said we'll pick you up when you finish at four. In the event we finished at half past three and one of the lads wanted to see if a friend was working down in the town, so we all decided to walk down there with him. Its only accross town, we walked down, spent nothing and spoke to no-one. My parents where waiting when we got back, before the arranged time and I've had a big talk off them for it being irresponsible, how it's now "a bad mark on my track record". They say they wanted me to call them and they'd come and get me early. I didn't say anything to make it worse but I'm just thinking is this normal?? Sure, they say it's because they care, but could that care just a little less? I hear all the other kids stories of what they've done, and after one has scraped away the facade of bravado and exaggeration it's always far more than I'm allowed! I'm not asking the world, and that's not an isolated example, it's my life like that all the time - as soon as I step out the door they think I'm buying drugs, beer and beating up old ladies. That's not me. Am I being over sensitive? I just want a check with other people's opinions. Thank you all.

Hi! Well I've been single for a long while now and never had a "proper" girlfriend in my life... without sounding boastful I know I'm not unnatractive because I have girls approach me, some coming out asking to date me, others not so up front. This summer I'm trying to meet as many nice young ladies as I can to maybe find one who is truly nice. I've just come back from a date with an absolutely stunning blonde half american girl - I felt amazing just to be with her and that she liked me, yet I never convince myself I want to take anyone any further - to be my girlfriend. I had already arranged to meet another girl, but I confess I do like this one - I'm not comitted to anything yet, but how will I know when shes, or anyone else is the one to take further? TIA all! Doc

Personnaly in your situation I would probably just be thinking, "who cares what anyone else thinks?" I wouldn't see a problem with being with a taller girl (Though I am 6'1), if it will make her more confident or happy, then hey, let her!

Hi all... this is a bit of a random post I suppose, but I really want to get my feelings down and some comments on them. As my profile says I'm sixteen, but I've never been to school (home educated), but I shall be going to sixth form in September - a pretty awful Sixth from what I've heard too. For the first time in a year or so I'm going out with a girl, who is fifteen, and although it's only been three weeks together I think she's quite attached to me already. However I don't seem to feel like someone really special, more like a friend with benefits to whom I'm especially nice - But I don't want to end it just like that because I'm both reluctant to upset her, and its early days yet. Apart from that it seems like we're almost part-time partners, by which I mean I can only see her so rarely (once a week or so, I don't see her as part of my life-routine either) it's like she doesn't exist the rest of the time and she's not amazing at keeping in contact. To compound all that I've acquired a crush on a completely non-eligible girl, eighteen, in a long-term relationship and not local. I think its not so much that I want to be with her its that she highlights more or less what I want - overlaid with a fear that if I got to know her well she wouldn't be what I thought. For some reason I've always been attracted to older girls, it's like their sense of life's direction is what I would like in a girlfriend. What's worse is I don't seem to have a clue what I want from my life – I've got this whole "adult" lifestyle, with work and pilot training and a few other things I don't seem to get time out to be a kid anymore! I can't think of anything to add, I think my principal question in all that is what should I do with my GF? Wait and see if it does work out and I do see she's someone I truly like, or quit it before I dig myself into something far too deep – the latter I am reluctant to do. Any other comments mucho welcome! Thank you all!

Me being an innocent virgin and all I can't really pass comment, though whilst I was out with my lovely lady earlier I must admit to my pondering what she was feeling... It would be great if they could find some way of simulating it in the future perhaps.... Doc

Thank you all so much! greyskylullaby, you hit on just about everything I had considered, so thanks! I hope I can work well with this girl, I swear she's worth it! Doc

I met a girl who is less than a year younger than me, very nice and seemingly attracted to me a short while ago. We've been together and spoken a few times, and went on our first proper "date" last night. The thing is the eving we spent was a wonderful one, but it was such hard work because I had to make all the conversation, it made me feel like a dating failure! I checked the list of pointers on this site, and seeing a no to all of them thought I would never see another date with her. However, afterwards she sent me such a sweet text saying she hoped she hadn't put me off her, and asking for a second meeting I have decided that, as she said herself she was a shy kind of person I am happy to give her another shot. I am aware that she could be using me, but I think thats down to me having some problems from previous callous girls. My question is this, how can I help this absolute Angel of a girl out of her shell next time? Should I talk to her about her shyness, or is that too much of a blunt approach? It may be a while until we can meet again, but I think we both want to. TIA all.

Hi all... First of all I want to apologize if this sounds a bit selfish, because I know some people would die for the opportunities I have... Just recently I've had my second set of GCSE's (Through College), I had "Student of the Year" last year for them, this year the exams where ok too. Obviously no results as yet, but it gave me no satisfaction to complete them. As some of you may know I did my Gliding Scholarship and passed perfectly, which made me very happy at the time, though it wore off quickly. Now I'm reaching the top of a medical paperwork mountain to go back to the school and fly again for more training. Apart from that I've got the prospect of driving a car when I'm seventeen (February), or getting a moped now which is another choice I can't make. I've got my job, which is ok though I've just been handed an hour cut, 1/3 off my wages. I'm invited out for a friend's engagement party on Saturday night, so I'm looking forwards to that, though not rapturously. Out of all this, I'm still not happy. I can't understand why! Granted, I'm single but surely I can still be happy? Money I'm not short of either, I just seem to have lost the capability to be really happy with something. Can anyone offer any advice, or just some comments on any of this? Thank you all, Doc

Yeah I'm thinking the same thing, though 'cos I live in the countryside and can't drive the choices are limited... Still with the prospect of spending all summer at work I'll take a look!

Thank you all, each and every one. Ilse, she was just using condom's, but luckily she's been with this fellow for a long time, and from my experience of them both they're a responsible pair. Sadly I don't live anywhere near her, so I can only offer far off support.... Thank you all!

A good friend of mine confessed to me earlier that she could well be pregnant after a condom splitting incident a short while ago. She's fifteen, I believe her steady is 16, and she's not on the pill. She is waiting for her period to come before she gets a test, which should be along anyday now, but can you tell me what the realistic chances are? I should imagine they're quite high, but I'm un-educated as far as girl-anatomy girls in that respect! Not to mention single I am concerned for her, and I hope posting this doesn't count as betraying her confidence... I don't think it should. Thanks for reading

Nice poem, very scary considering my name is... Dan

Hi Liza... I can relate to part of what you say regarding trusting the other sex, I find that hard too because I've been systematically hurt by girls over the last six months or so, or at least thats how it seems. I know we are both far from alone on that one. I don't have any experience to give to you on your father, but I know others on here can! So take care, and rest assured its not boring, its why the forums here! Doc