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JohnnyTable

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  1. JohnnyTable
    Cancelling the holiday is not giving up in the sense that giving up is a weak action. Cancelling the vacation is showing strength in that you want to heal. It shows that you are serious about moving on and that you truly care about your self worth and aren't willing to sit around delaying your happiness.
  2. JohnnyTable
    I'm confused, why communicate with her at all? And so what if you hurt her. That is her problem. Breaking up isn't a cakewalk.
  3. JohnnyTable
    Oh my, do NOT go on this holiday! I've made this mistake before but with smaller things and it was a LOT of pain. I really regretted doing it. I would talk myself into the fact that it was okay, but I was in denial. I know that you don't want to waste money. However, I bet you would gladly spend the cash to not feel the way that you are. Think of it that way, you are spending the money in order to not feel the pain that you would otherwise. Cancelling the holiday would also help you prove to yourself that you are not going to be with this person. It is taking action instead of just using words. It also sends a pretty clear message.
  4. JohnnyTable
    I think that we need a slightly different version of forgiveness. It does not mean that it is okay what they did. It does not mean that you are okay with what they did. It is not anything that you have to say to them. It is for you. All it means is that you don't carry it around with you anymore. You just get rid of the hurt in your heart. Sure your brain knows that it was wrong and that you disagree with it, but you "forgive" the person when you stop caring. For example, you could forgive a person for standing you up on a date. However this doesn't mean that you are going to take another date with them, because you know that they may stand you up. So in some ways, I think that forgiving a person allows you to stop hurting for what they have done, yet you can clearly see the person for who they truly are which allows you to make good decisions regarding them.
  5. JohnnyTable
    That's his problem! It is selfish for him to call for these reasons. He can miss you all he wants while you can move on.
  6. JohnnyTable
    This reminds me of swingers! Stop worrying about her and get on with your life. There are plenty of other women out there.
  7. JohnnyTable
    Right, don't answer emails or take phone calls. I didn't realize there was a divorce at hand. Obviously you need to be available enough to deal with this. It certainly complicates things.
  8. JohnnyTable
    I believe that going NC is civil. Its recognizing that you need time away to move on and heal. Both parties need this regardless if they know it or not. Bottom line is that this is either going to hurt a LOT, or it is going to hurt a LOT LOT for a LONG LONG time depending on how you handle it. It isn't fair to stay friends right now. It will confuse the heck out of you. You have known this person for half of your life. Take whatever time you need to move on and know that someday you can try to have this person in your life if you want. Could be in 5 years, whatever it takes. I honestly don't see how you can move on at any reasonable speed if you are talking on a daily basis. If this was working for you, you wouldn't be posting here.
  9. JohnnyTable
    You were doing well. Why? Because you weren't communicating for one thing. This is a perfectly okay thing to do and a good way to heal. Then he calls and you are messed up again. You are confused because you don't know what he wants. Who knows really, he could be bored, guilty, curious, etc. Fortunately, none of this really matters now does it? You broke up and you were moving on. Keep moving on. Cut all ties with this person and keep moving on. Sounds like you were doing great! Don't call him or contact him and realize that you will feel better again. P.S. His "excuse" for calling you is BS!
  10. JohnnyTable
    I read your thread again. Her wanting to be your friend and "not lose you" is her problem and not yours. You need to do what is best for you, and by the sounds of it that is not talking to this person and getting on with your life. She is being selfish by not letting you go. You need to figure out what you want and execute. Try to be with her? That is a long long road of pain with little success. Move on? That is another road of pain, but you will reach your goal. If you looked at this person now, without your history but knew what kinds of things can happen with her, would you date her?
  11. JohnnyTable
    No timelines. That is just something for you to wait for instead of the mindset of getting on with your life. If you set some timeline of 30 days, you are just going to waste 30 days of your life not moving forward. You need to realize that you don't want to contact your ex because you need to heal. There is no timeline for this. Its the same reason that you don't hammer nails into your head, it simply does not make sense.
  12. JohnnyTable
    I think that she still wants me. I just know it!
  13. JohnnyTable
    My ex dumped me ten years ago and went off with another guy. Now she is married and has been for a few years. I'll be seeing her in a week at my highschool reunion. Do you think that my 10 years of NC has made her want me back? Okay I'm sorry, just couldn't help with the Friday humor. I will say that 10 years of NC will do wonders, but that doesn't mean I feel like seeing her! Enjoy your weekend everybody.
  14. JohnnyTable
    Why are you talking to this person? It is obviously upsetting you, so you might want to knock it off.
  15. JohnnyTable
  16. JohnnyTable
    I know that you are hurt. I have gone over the same thought process. For one thing, forget about being friends. If someday you feel like it, then great you can explore that the. But for now you need to drop the idea all together. How can you be friends with somebody like this? For another thing, how he feels about you doesn't mean ANYTHING. He can feel whatever he wants. You two are broken up. His feelings towards you are now irrelevant. What matters is how you feel about yourself. You are basing your happiness on how somebody else, somebody who left you, feels about you. How silly is this? You need to turn this around to yourself. Base your happiness on what is important to you. Base your happiness on how you feel about yourself. Start feeling good about yourself, and you will start to feel happy. JT
  17. JohnnyTable
    P.S. I know that art courses are demanding as I know a couple who is going through something similiar (and they are staying together). However they are not emotionally demanding which would be a good reason to breakup with somebody if you couldn't handle the emotions of something like a death in the family along with the starting of a new relationship.
  18. JohnnyTable
    First of all, her "reason" to end the relationship is just an excuse. Does that really sound like a good reason to you? The hard fact is that she doesn't want to be with you. She might not know why, but it doesn't really matter. This whole giving it another shot when the time is right business is just designed to keep you on a string so that she can come back if she wants to. I'm sorry, but you are setting yourself up for some pain here. And why would you want to be with somebody that cuts and runs when they go through something demanding? Would you rather have somebody that comes to you for support during these times? Even if that support is simply "hey I need some time for this right now, but I am still with you." I can understand putting less into the relationship for awhile, but ending it all together? Hmmm So as things stand right now, you are broken up. This means that you are no longer together. This means that you currently DO NOT have a future together in a relationship. Unless I am missing something, you are in denial. Stop being friends and move on with your life. If at some point you want to be her friend without being in a relationship, then great you can be her friend. If she decides to come back, then great you can deal with those issues then. Waiting around for somebody that you are not in a relationship with is a waste of time. There are too many other women out there.
  19. JohnnyTable
    Most likely because he is hurt. Even if you did nothing wrong from your perspective, this isn't necessarily true from his perspective. For example my ex was emailing me after our breakup. From her perspective it was probably fine. From mine it was making me furious because she wasn't leaving me alone like she said that she would. So even innocent things can be grabbed onto by the other person as a reason to be mad at them. Being angry helps the person learn and propels them to move forward. It won't last forever, but I can't say how long it will last. However I must say that even if they are no longer mad at you, it doesn't mean that they will want anything to do with you.
  20. JohnnyTable
    Sounds like he wants to string you along and that you are holding tight!
  21. JohnnyTable
    Stop letting him treat you this way. Don't take his call. It sounds like contact is not good for you, so I would stick with NC. It's his problem that he needs closure, not you. Honestly I don't see how you can give it to him anyway.
  22. JohnnyTable
    That reply is awesome. Well done!
  23. JohnnyTable
    I'm worried about this situation. You are waiting around for a month, which is a long time in the world of pain, for something that might not come. You might as well try to move on and just see how things go. His excuse of "being really busy in Aug" just sounds like he is stringing you along to me.
  24. JohnnyTable
    The anger stage is important. It hurts, but it is what motivates you to keep moving on when you forget about the bad things that happened. I think it puts a message in your head that down the road says, "I'm not sure why I don't want to be with her (I haven't thought about it in awhile) but I *know* that I don't want to be with her."
  25. JohnnyTable
    Hi Captain, I fall into a similiar category as you. I'm a software engineer, and my job is to analyze. I would catch myself analyzing her words far too often. To be honest the words mean very little, actions are where it is at. We broke up two months ago after being together 1.5 years. I have not contacted her but she has emailed me numerous times. Once she was emailing/calling asking to hang out with me. I didn't know what she wanted, I thought it was suspicious, so I told her no. She got upset, but that is her problem. Then she contacted me a week later asking for some stuff back. I returned it via mail (she seemed miffed that I didn't just meet up with her) and since then I haven't heard from her. That was two weeks ago and I don't expect to hear anything more from her. I think a mutual friend has told her that I want to be left alone, but I'm not sure. I went through a breakup two years ago (5 year relationship) and to be honest my progression has been about the same rate, however this time I didn't go through those months of begging or deal making. My problem now stems from the mutual friend aspect. I just want her gone, yet I know she is around. I won't go to some parties because I know that she might be there. I'm not really ready to "hang around" her and I'm not sure if or when I will be. I suppose I just need to accept that she is still around and learn to deal with it. Sometimes I want to be friends with her, simply because I miss what she added to my life. But on the other hand, I know that being friends now could be devistating to my recovery. With my previous breakup, the ex and I basically did NC. No calls or emails for the last two years. I have gotten over her to the point where I do not care about her, wouldn't mind if she was married, whatever. However this doesn't mean that I want to hang out with her. Looking back I'm happy that she never called though.
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