screwedup
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Ugh I am so mad! And my new year resolution
screwedup replied to screwedup's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Yeah that is scary, isn't it? -
My ex boyfriend and I broke up about 6 months ago. That's actually why I came to enotalone. You guys can understand what ind of hell I went through. But I am fine now, figuring that life is too short to waste on someone that doesn't care about me. Anyway, we haven't had any contact for months. But on Christmas Eve I decided to send him an email just to say "Merry Christmas" and "happy holiday". After all, this is the person who gave me some happy time and had some positive impact on me when things were good. And he replied, saying "thanks for the consideration. and I hope things are going great with you these days", and "how are you?". So I emailed back saying "i am doing fine". That's it. I guess I actually do not want to keep emailing. What you don't know won't hurt you, right? He hasn't emailed back, which is totally fine. But today I think about his email, and start feeling REALLY mad. Does he really have no idea how much he hurt me and what I went through these days? How could he just say "I hope things are going great with you"? How could things be "great" when I was crying and could not eat and sleep? I lost 15 pounds in 10 days after the breakup. Of course I understand that people say that out of courtesy. But I am very very mad about it. Anyway, again, life is too short to waste on someone whose heart and face change color in 5 seconds. I actually met another guy and we are going to have our first date after we both come back in town from this crazy holiday season. You can understand now I am kinda protective of my heart. I can't help thinking the what-ifs. What if this new guy and I cannot get along, what if he's just another player, what if new relationships cannot survive?.... And last night I finally figured out something. And I am putting that as my new year resolution: I will not worry about and be obssessed about things that I cannot control. So I will not keep thinking about "he likes me, he likes me not", or "how long will this last", or "what have I done wrong" or "will I ever find a nice guy". Those things are NOT in my control. I will just try to totally relax and not be affected by what other (stupid) people do to me. Am i making sense here?
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Thank you guys for all of your concerns and advices. I am not gonna "wait" for a month--I will just do things to make myself happy without him. If after a month I still have feelings for him and he also still has feelings for me, maybe we will get back together. If that doesn't happen, I will just accept it for good and move on. We did 100% NC for about 3-4 weeks.
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We broked up about a month ago. It really tortured me. I tried to travel and spend time with family and friends, find fun things to do, and spend more time on work. But I still miss him a lot. So the day before yesterday I called him. He was surprised and asked my why i called him after one month of NC. I said "I miss you, and want to know how things are going with you". I asked him if he's comfortable with me calling and chatting, and he said he's not sure. But we talked for about 20 minutes. He said he needed to think if he's comfortable, and promised to let me know. Last night he called. We talked for more than 1 hour. We addressed a lot of issues, like why he was angry with me, why i was angry with him, and how we can communicate better. Then he said he will be very busy in Aug and it won't be fair to me. He said maybe we can NC for another one month, both think about whether we want to give it another try, and he will call me at the beginning of Sept. It was a really good conversation. I told him that i still have feelings for him otherwise i wouldn't have called. He said he was hoping that, and told me he still has feelings for me. So we will do NC for another month, and if we are meant to be together again, we will. Now I am keeping my fingers crossed. In the past month I learned a lot. I hope it will help me later. Pray for me, guys.
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Gut feeling that marriage/kids will never happen for me
screwedup replied to violingirl's topic in Relationship Advice
I undertand perfectly--I have the same feeling now. By normal standard I am pretty successful, but personal life wise, I suck! I don't know if there's hope, so i cannot comfort you. But at least you know you are not the only one who feel this way. -
When we broke up, I think he deleted me right away, but then added me back, since I got a request about him adding me into his messenger. I deleted him after I talked to him in vain. Then after a few days i added him back (he should have received a request). I blocked him so he could not see me. But I could always see him online, which suggests that he did not delete me. Then tonight finally i deleted him again. I don't think i will add him back again. It's kind of sad, like feeling that part of my life is forever gone.
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Thanks for your reply--I need all the encouraging words that i can get. I feel this breakup comsumed too much of my energy. I work in a pretty stressful profession and these days i already put off lots of work. I cannot do that anymore. Maybe i grieve too much about the past, about things i cannot do, and people i cannot change. I feel i have some depression because of the breakup. I am thinking of going to a shrink. I know eventually i will get over him. I just hope it won't be too long, because it's really hard to go through. Anyway, i will try to be patient with myself, and try to be strong. My post seems random too. I guess i just need to take something out of my chest.
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Funny that it's only been 10 days, because it feels like a terribly long time. I did some traveling, and took emotional shelter from friends and family. They hugged me and sat with me when I cried—I am blessed that I have them. Sometimes I logged into the IM. He's always online. He did not delete me, and I blocked him so that he won't see me online. Sometimes I unblocked him, so that he was able to see me online. But he did not IM me at all. Then after about 20 minutes I blocked him again and logged off. I guess it's normal to have good times and bad times. In the good times I can pull myself together and am motivated to do things I enjoy. In the bad times I just want to cry like a baby, and think over and over "why doesn't he want to be with me anymore" I just hope that there will be more and more good times and less and less bad times. I hope that time heals, and that I can get over him.
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1. In the deep--Bird York No song can describe my feelings these days better than this one. 2. Do I ever cross your mind--Ray Charles There is no contact between us these days. NC is good, but sometimes I wonder if he still remembers me, or how long he would remember me. 3. Fighter--Christina Aguilera What else can I do? Just try to be strong and be myself. This song somehow helps me to shake off the sadness and start doing things i need to do.
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Stop thinking about what he thinks of you now. So what if he thinks of you as a b****? You know you are not. You've done your best appologizing and explaining, and that's enough. Yep I pull myself together fast. It's like there is a switch in my mind. Finally i found it and turned the light on. You will get there too. BTW, send me a PM if you want to talk more.
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I know exactly how you feel. It's like "he was so nice before. how could he suddenly turn so cold and not remember the past?". But honey, if it happens, it happens. It's normal that the dumpees are always wearing the rosy glasses to look at the past. I am still doing that too. Every small thing can remind you of him, the sweet things he did for you or the sweet words he said to you. Now if something reminds me of him, I try just smile at the thought, and let it go.
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He's not that nutty. But he was very insecure and sensitive. I also thought he's the best ever happened to me. Well now i think, maybe the best is yet to come. ;-) What i can tell you now from my "experience" is, stop obssessing about what went wrong. If his IQ matches your IQ, there should not be so much misunderstanding. You've done your best explaining things, and he still could not get it. What can you do? Nothing. Calm down, and give yourself time to heal. We all do things that we later regret. But that's life. Just learn, accept the loss, and take care of yourself.
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I agree with Beyondthesea. It's your life. You choose whom you want to spend your life with. A friend of mine was dating this guy who's 20 years older than her. Guy was divorced and had a kid. Her dad was so mad at her. "If you marry him, i am not your father anymore". But, the always-a-good-daughter girl knew what she wanted for her life, and they got married. She told me that's the best decision she ever made for her life. Guess what, her dad accepts the guy now. What else can he do?
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hi, i read your story. It looks like we have something in common. I think i sorted something out in my mind. in my case, i could not let go because he's so "special" and he was very nice to me. So i had this feeling of guilty, like "how stupid was i to ruin it".....You can tell from my username how i felt those days. Then i realized, every relationship starts beautifully, and the guy will always say nice things and show how much he cares. The more important thing is, how long would that last. In my case and in your case, it doesn't last that long. That's it. My understanding is, your guy is not capable of being in a good relationship now. Kids, job, church..... he needs to deal with his problems first. It's not your fault. People change, feelings change, and that happens all the time. It definitely hurts. I lived on 2 pieces of breads and one pack of cigarette a day for 7 days. Dropped 1o pounds. Could not take it anymore. Gave myself a closure. And now pulling myself together. Of course it's easy to say. I understand the feeling of "nothing works". But it will get better. You will pull yourself together too. Trust yourself. You are stronger than you think. I was like you before--proud, independent, and nice. So i think you will be fine, just like me. BTW, are you in love with him, or are you in love with an illusion?
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I guess you are right. most likely won't get the response i want. we used to communicate so well so i was hoping that thhis time we can still communicate and resolved the issues. I guess it will be harder than i hope