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JohnnyTable

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  1. JohnnyTable
    I think that you are a little bit stuck. For one thing, you really have no idea how she really feels. I know that my ex has no idea how I really feel, and I don't know how she feels. All I could really do is guess and speculate. To be honest, none of this really matters does it? The thing that matters is that you broke up. You are no longer together. "Strategizing" on ways to get her back will likely just lead you to more heartbreak. Worrying about things that you did is not important. What you should worry about is what you are doing now. I know this is easier said that done as I catch myself worrying about the past often. Rather, I would strategize on how to get on with your life. And I mean *really* get on with your life so that your ex does not matter to you anymore. You have to take this seriously if it is going to happen. It just seems that right now you are focusing on micro details instead of the larger picture of where you want to go.
  2. JohnnyTable
    Don't call. You will know why in a few months of NC, trust me
  3. JohnnyTable
    How are you feeling?
  4. JohnnyTable
    I don't think it is good to be with somebody that has a low opinion of themselves. I've been there and it doesn't work. I'd go with option D as well.
  5. JohnnyTable
    Hmmm I went through something similiar. After a month of not talking my ex wanted to "hang out" with me. In retrospec it would have been best to ignore her and not respond, as eventually she would get the point and leave. Instead I told her that I wasn't interested and this opened up a bit of a can of worms. I didn't think that she was wanting to get back together, and in reality I'm pretty sure that I was correct based on her response. You have a reason for the breakup, otherwise it wouldn't have happened. People don't do it randomly or for fun. So unless this reason is gone (highly unlikely) then its probably best to let things go. Dumpers miss their exes too, and they start contacting them when they are weak. My advice is to go NC until you heal. If at that point you want to be friends, go ahead and try. If the other party doesn't want to, then you won't care anyway. Right now your heart is just too exposed.
  6. JohnnyTable
    I agree that it is probably a bad thing to do, especially since you aren't 100% sure about it. You don't need to explain anything to him nor show that you are a good person. You know that you are a good person, so go out and give it to the world instead.
  7. JohnnyTable
    link removed Well worth a look. I love the book.
  8. JohnnyTable
    I should also say that my ex did a similiar thing. She wanted to be my friend but I flat out refused. No "maybe later" or anything. Simply "I'm not interested". This made her pretty pissed off at me. But that is her problem. Not sure what she expected, but that doesn't really matter does it? What matters is that I heal. What matters is that YOU heal. They can think whatever they want about you. Go to NC and stay there until you are healed. Then decide what to do. As one poster put it: Staying friends gives you pain and lets your ex heal NC lets you heal and gives pain to your ex As you can see, you can shift where the pain is and where the healing is (of course both parties feel pain and heal as well). Heal yourself.
  9. JohnnyTable
    I told my mutual friends that they can do what they want, just not to tell me anything about my ex. They completely understood, and I'm hoping that yours should as well. It's really a no brainer. And don't feel bad about not being her friend. You were dumped. You need NC to heal.
  10. JohnnyTable
    This is the truth. You must be extra strong during this phase and don't fall for their contact as them wanting you back. They are just being weak without you.
  11. JohnnyTable
    Stop talking to her. Trust me I know, it will slow you down. It does not help. If she wants to work things out then she should pound your door down to get it. Otherwise move on. Block her on messenger for sure.
  12. JohnnyTable
    I agree with what others here are saying. He is just trying to get rid of his guilt. Don't fall for this. Don't reply. I believe that my ex is doing similiar things, instead of just apologizing.
  13. JohnnyTable
    It's already in the mail!
  14. JohnnyTable
    Exactly. She is not doing me any favors here. I also know that it is my job to make sure that I am treated properly. My heart sometimes wants to get back together but my brain says NO WAY given how she has been acting towards me.
  15. JohnnyTable
    If she wants me back, she is certainly going about it in a weird way. I don't think that she does actually. She has told my friends that she wants to be my friend, but she knows that I do not want to be hers.
  16. JohnnyTable
    Hello, My ex-gf seems to be on the attack lately, or at a minimum behaving strangely from my point of view. We have been broken up for about 7-8 weeks and I have not initiated any contact with her (she broke up with me). I have not spoken to her on the phone at all. A few weeks ago she contacted me asking me to hang out. Knowing that this was a bad idea given that I want to heal, I said in a very clear way that I was not interested. I didn't go into details as to why. She sort of went off on me about my "cold" response. I think she thought I was mistreating her due to my short answer. So I wrote back and explained that I didn't want to hang out so that I could move on, as it would be impossible otherwise. Then she wrote back with a nice email saying that she hopes I can move forward, was happy to be with me, thanked me for being good to her, etc. Sort of a polar opposite to her previous communication. Whew! Glad that was over with. Time to get on with my life! A week later she contacts me wanting to get a hairdryer back. I didn't get around to responding right away and two days later she calls again asking for it. I sent her an email, which I guess was a bit snippy, saying that I had been busy and that I would get it back to her this week. I said not to bother with returning my stuff since it wasn't worth the hassle. I didn't say anything mean to her, just the facts, but perhaps the tone wasn't happy happy. This set her off. Saying that she would rather not think that she spent a year with a jerk, hopes that this is not the real me, saying that I didn't need to be so angry and maybe it would help if I got rid of that anger, really liked the nice version of me, etc. etc. She sounded really mad at me and didn't know what the big deal was with exchanging our things (BTW, we already did this two months ago. The hairdryer was just left behind). Bottom line is that she was pissed. I think there is more going on here than just a reaction to a snippy email. Sure the tone wasn't friendly, but I don't think that it deserved the response that I received. Perhaps the NC has been upsetting her, and she thinks that I'm mad at her or something because I don't want to be friends. I'm doing NC because I want to heal, not because of some anger towards her. So I guess the reason I'm posting here is that I don't like how things are "sitting" right now with her all pissed off, but then again I don't really know what can be done besides going strict NC where I don't respond to anything at all. I feel that she is flipping back and fourth between liking and missing me, and hating me. Perhaps viewing me as a jerk is a way for her to get over me? It's like Jekyll and Hyde. JohnnyTable P.S. I have always treated her well. She has never acted this way towards me before. Then again I was always there for her and now I'm not.
  17. JohnnyTable
    This is an interesting situation. After 7 weeks of me not contacting my ex (she would email me from time to time) I got a call from my ex along the lines of: "Sorry to be calling you, but I remember that I left a hairdryer over at your place. You also left a towel and a few other things at my place. The hairdryer blew and I don't have funds to get a new one, so I was wondering if we could exchange. You don't have to see me or anything, so I'm open to suggestions." I found this a little fishy. Last week she contacted me asking me to hang out with her, and I told her no because I need distance to move on. Then I get this a week later. I haven't responded back. I might send her the stupid hair dryer in a box and be done with it. I don't care about whatever she has of mine. What do you think?
  18. JohnnyTable
    Don't worry about that it is "too soon" or that you are "busy". The bottom line is that you simply aren't interested. This is all that you owe him. Time is passing by and you are playing games with yourself. You are allowing yourself to be played. What he thinks and what he does is irrelevant. What matters is what you do, and what you should be doing is moving on!
  19. JohnnyTable
    Since you aren't sure, I think that you should decline and reschedule.
  20. JohnnyTable
    Whatever you do, don't go with him.
  21. JohnnyTable
    I don't think it is healthy to say, "Lets do NC for two months and then go on a date." Things can change a lot in two months. One person might still want that date and the other may be with somebody else by then. Personally I don't believe in setting out to do NC for some specified period of time. You do it as long as you need to.
  22. JohnnyTable
    I think that he is stringing you along, either intentionally or not it doesn't really matter. Given that you are already broken up, you do not need to wait around for him to make a decision. Go ahead and start dating people. You can do whatever you want. You are giving him all of the power over your life right now. Your happiness is currently depending on some decision from him.
  23. JohnnyTable
    My ex started contacting me asking me to "hang out" with her. She did not say anything about getting back together. She did not make any attempts to appologize or really say what she wanted. After 6 weeks of NC, it was sort of like, "hey what are you up to? Maybe we can hang out sometime?" Anyway I told her that I wasn't interested. She got a bit freaked out, and then I told her that I wasn't interested because I need to move forward and this won't happen if we are spending time together. She seemed okay with this answer. This leads me to believe that she wasn't trying to get back together, rather she just wanted to relieve some guilt or was just missing me. What do you think?
  24. JohnnyTable
    She is not showing respect for you and is being selfish. You should only need to tell her that you need your space away from her once. After that she is violating your boundary and you need to re-enforce it again. I would definitely go NC with her. You are simply being used. My ex did the same thing but not to the same degree. She tried to "hang out" with me and then got all pissed off when I told her no. Hopefully she will respect my wishes to move on.
  25. JohnnyTable
    Isn't that the truth! In response to an email where I said I need distance from her, she writes back saying how she has no regrets and hopes that I don't either (ie fishing for me to say this), saying how she was happy to have me in her life (saying she still wants me in her life), and thanking me for being a good person to her (saying that she wants me to keep being a good person to her). At least this is how I interpret those things. Then to sign she says, "Love, (x)". She hadn't put Love at the bottom of an email for months before we broke up, let alone months after! So I see this stuff as inappropriate selfish behavior. She is not respecting my boundary of wanting to move forward, which I have made clear to her. I think that they are realizing what they have lost and trying to hold on to the part that they want to keep.
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