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JohnnyTable

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  1. JohnnyTable
    It is hard not to respond to her tonight. Her email is burning in my head. I'll give her credit that she knows how to write an email to try and illicit a response when I have already turned her down. A member on the other forum thinks that I need to end things peacefully with her. Not sure that I agree given that I haven't been hostile. Sure I was short and not pouring with emotion, but why should I be? She is the one that said f-you. She ended the relationship. I am just trying to move on.
  2. JohnnyTable
    Thank you. Funny thing is that she could have had me back if she went about it in a different way. In a way that showed respect for my perspective, what was wrong, and how things have been fixed on her end. Instead this is just being selfish. I don't think that she really wants me back, she just wants control and wants to feel okay about things.
  3. JohnnyTable
    I am too drained to explain the full story, but a thread can be viewed here: link removed Bottom line is that I implemented NC with my ex to heal. I would respond to her emails, until she started emailing and calling me asking to hang out. It felt like manipulation. After a few days I told her that I wasn't interested in hanging out and she went off on me. Wow, to be honest I didn't see it coming. Its like she is hurting and trying to make me hurt as well. I now feel like the dumpee is dumping the dumper. She is asking for me to explain, but honestly I don't know what to do at this point other than to say nothing. Why should I have to explain why I don't want to hang out with somebody who broke up with me? It would be impossible for me to move on.
  4. JohnnyTable
    I think that I was right about the fishing, because I got the big fishing email the other day. Asking how I have been, telling me how great her life is going, and seeing if she could hang out with me and my friends. Honestly it shows no understanding of the situation if you ask me. Anyway I haven't replied as I don't know if there is a good way to reply to something like this. She should know better than to break NC after 1+ months and just ask to hang out. Then I got a call and by the time I realized it was her, she hung up and didn't leave a message. Like she was trying to bait me to call her back instead of leaving a voicemail or something.
  5. JohnnyTable
    It would be selfish to dump this on him. I don't think that you should do it.
  6. JohnnyTable
    ha this is funny. I got almost the exact same letter from my ex after NC. It was basically: -Do you feel uncomfortable having me around? -I am having a great time! -Maybe we can hang out sometime?
  7. JohnnyTable
    In all of my contact with my ex, I have been friendly. It took me about a month to realize how much I was being disrespected. She of course doesn't know that I feel this way and probably assumes that things are "okay"
  8. JohnnyTable
    I have been doing NC with my ex for 5+ weeks. No phone calls or emails other than answering a few questions from her. I wanted her back after we broke upl, but I eventually realized how poorly she was treating me the last 4-5 months of our relationship. That is another story. I'm eating lunch with a buddy of mine that I see 3-4 times a week. The conversation is: Him: "Have you talked to XXX yet?" Me: "No. I don't want to talk to her or see her." Him: "Ever?" Me: "I have no plans to." Him: "I have been emailing with her a little bit and I think that she wants to be your friend." Okay, I got monumentally pissed off by this for three reason: 1) Why is my friend who I see talking to my ex about stuff like this? I know that they were friends before, but this is not his business. Anyway, their relationship is up to them. more importantly 2) WHY IS HE TELLING ME STUFF LIKE THIS? I feel like a big setback is happening when I hear *anything* about my ex or feel that she is hearing anything about me. I am doing NC for a reason, to not have any contact. 3) Who does she think that she is to even consider being my friend right now after what happened? When has it been okay to stomp all over somebodies face and then be their friend? Anyway I was pretty mad. I simply told my friend, "If you want to talk to her that is fine, just don't tell me anything about it" and he agreed.
  9. JohnnyTable
    I don't think that you should talk to your ex for the next month or so. Then see how she feels. It sounds like she just wants you because she is getting out of another relationship. She should want YOU, not just somebody.
  10. JohnnyTable
    The hope should be that you can move on. Hope should not be pinned on them coming back, because most likely they are not going to. Good job on the NC and improving yourself.
  11. JohnnyTable
    You certainly need to cut contact with her. If she emails, don't respond. Eventually she will get the message and stop emailing you. Don't return phone calls. Nothing. And also don't worry about this somehow "ruining" a "friendship" in the future. You can contact her someday when you are ready. In the meantime, it is youtime! Your "relationship" with her is not worth you ruining your life for the last few years let alone another two years.
  12. JohnnyTable
    You are having a clear moment which is great. I had one yesterday for about two hours. You aren't out of the woods yet, but NC is working. Eventually you will feel this way more and more often.
  13. JohnnyTable
    It doesn't matter what she does. What matters is what you do. I think that you need to cut her off immediately for awhile.
  14. JohnnyTable
    I suppose this is possible. It's like they have a reason to contact you so they go ahead and do it. Perhaps this leaves the door open for me to say "so how are things going?" which would start a conversation. However I haven't done that, rather I respond with the answer to their question and leave it at that. The reason that I do respond is so that I don't have to think about it anymore - ie I don't have to worry about whether or not I should respond since I have already done so. From their perspective, I can see how it would be difficult given the fact that I have not called once or emailed about anything other than a few questions that have been asked of me since the breakup. Before this, I was open to staying together. In a way this reversal is perhaps more painful for them than it is for me given that I am doing it on my terms and not theirs. Sure the breakup was their decision and I must deal with that, but they have to deal with this.
  15. JohnnyTable
    BTW this is email, not calling.
  16. JohnnyTable
    Since you are willing to be back together with her, then you simply cannot be her friend. It will not feel good for you and she will pick up on it and it won't feel good for her either. You are fooling yourself. If you truly wanted to be only friends, then you wouldn't be posting here. I certainly don't worry about these things with my friends!
  17. JohnnyTable
    This is the getting back together forum. Do you really want to be just her friend? Why?
  18. JohnnyTable
    Good point. I think that they should call if it was somebody that I also had a close relationship with, yet was terminated only because of the breakup. For example if your ex-gf had children that you grew close to, then you might want to know if something happened to one of them so you could go to the funeral. I know that I would. But my point was to show that it shouldn't be about bills, it needs to be more important if anything at all.
  19. JohnnyTable
    My ex and I broke up a little over a month ago. She agreed to leave me alone because I told her that I needed to move on. Twice she has broken NC to ask me a question via email. One time wondering if I had something of hers that was easily replacable. Another time to ask if I remembered something that happened 5 months ago regarding a bill that hasn't been resolved. Sure I'm probalby the only one who knows the answers to these questions and I told her those answers (although in one case I had no idea, which was my answer). I know that she doesn't mean anything by these mails and simply wants to know a few things. However I guess I find it a tad disrespectful to break NC for these reasons. Sure if somebody died in her family then she should call. But asking about a bill? Is the amount of money really worth me having to think about her more? I guess so from their perspective, because they aren't going through the same things and don't know how contact can effect us, regardless of what the contact is. I haven't contacted her at all and things seem to be getting better. It just bothers me that these emails come now and then. They are nothing personal towards me, simply selfish questions coming from the other side.
  20. JohnnyTable
    I'm sure that she will miss you, but that doesn't mean that she will want to get back together. Keep this in mind.
  21. JohnnyTable
    Why can't you cut him off? This is obviously causing you a lot of pain in your life. I know it would be very hard to move on with him around.
  22. JohnnyTable
    For one thing, block her on IM. IM is not a good way to communicate about these types of things. You can not read the other persons voice, let alone their body language. It is too easy to hide behind. But I agree that she is not trying to get back. She is trying to have control which you took away and gave to yourself... and you need to keep it for yourself!
  23. JohnnyTable
    Yes, but you have already been cashed out. So take the money and invest it in a better bank
  24. JohnnyTable
    I've been in your position before. These boards were not helping. I went into therapy and it really helped a lot. Well worth the money. Each session I grew stronger and moved on faster than I would have otherwise. Do it. It felt very good.
  25. JohnnyTable
    What was the motiviation to contact her? To be friends? Do you know why you would want her as a friend?
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