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gemmy

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Everything posted by gemmy

  1. gemmy
    wow, right now i am at work and emailing my boyfriend about whether or not we should keep on trying to make this work. i think we can make this work, b/c over the past few weeks i have really had to look at myself and what went wrong with this relationship. it's so clear to me now. and that is what i'm trying to explain to him. but i'm doing it in a manner that says, "I'm doing really great, and i have been thinking we could be great together." if he says no, then, i still no i will be fine. i love him and care for him deeply, but i love myself more. i feel good about it. i am prepared for the worst and hoping for the best. good luck to everyone on this forum. i hope it all works out for everyone.
  2. gemmy
    My boyfriend last year went through some weird phase. He had just graduated from college. He moved back home with his parents and started a new job. He hated living at home, but loved going out with his co-workers for drinks after work. I was fine with this, until I noticed a change in him. He was distant and often would start fights for no apparent reason. He was talking to another girl at work behind my back. When I found out, he broke up with me. It was so obvious now that I think about it. He went through this little phase for about 3 months. He'd go out with new friends and hit the bar scene (which is something he never did before). It's like how can this person go from wanting to spend every waking moment with me, to this???? I was totally confused and caught off guard. But I had to let him go. He had to experience other things w/o me there. It was THE hardest thing I ever had to do. But it made me so much of a stronger person to have to get through that. In the end, he came back to me realizing that he was miserable without me. So, i say let him be. He's obviously going through some things and may need a friend, but don't smother him. Let him live his life.
  3. gemmy
    I have been on both sides of it. I have had to end a relationship that hurt someone so badly. He would call me and call me and cry over the phone. I was making it so much worse by sitting on the phone with him and letting him cry and ask questions. Now, it's my turn, AGAIN, to go through the heartbreak. I totally understand both sides of it all and I honestly don't know what is worse. No matter what, we cannot give up on life or love. It is natural to fall in love with others and we can't stop it b/c of a bad experience. I guess I'm just in limbo over what to do next about my relationship. It's possibly coming to an end, but there is hopefully still a chance it may work. I do know I love him and miss him. He will be so hard to get over.
  4. gemmy
    that is right. you have to learn to find happiness in other things and in yourself first. maybe you aren't ready for this relationship either. maybe u need some time to yourself to find out the things that make you happy.
  5. gemmy
    I know that feeling when you wake up in the middle of the night and your heart starts pounding b/c you want to answer it so badly. I answered every drunk n dial from my ex. i was so stupid. and even stupider was that i actually sat on the phone and let him tell me how miserable he was w/o me. how pathetic. this time around, there will be no picking up that damn phone. it will be off during the nighttime. why do they do that?????? It's so inconsiderate and just plain cruel. If they really cared, they wouldn't hurt us again so badly. Call at a decent hour and talk like a human being, not some drunken a-hole. thanks
  6. gemmy
    hi~ I know this hurts, but right now there is nothing you can do. You should be happy, however, that things are on good terms and that you ended it amicably. Most of us should be so lucky. That is a good start. So, he's not ready for a commitment. But who's to say later on, maybe he will be. Bottom line, don't wait around for this guy. He's obviously still enjoying being a bachelor. But don't be angry at him either. Let him live his life, and DO NOT stop living yours. Hang out once in awhile if you can handle it, but DO NOT ask for more. If he comes around and is ready, think about getting back together, but do not leap at the chance of it. U don't want to look desperate, that will only chase him away. I'm telling you, looking like you need him will only scare him off. Play it cool, even if you are miserable inside, eventually that front you display will become real. You will be okay, you will get on with your life. Please don't stop breathing b/c of some guy you dated for a month. It must have been a good month with him, so be thankful for that and end it there. Here is what you should do: Treat yourself tonight. Go to the store and get some bubble bath and candles, and take a relaxing bath in the tub. Then put in your favorite movie and cry if you have to. Then go to sleep, but not before you say a little prayer for yourself. Then tomorrow, start the next day, knowing it may be a challenge, but that you will get through it.
  7. gemmy
    I know this is totally late. but i just wanted to add that i fell into a deep depression when my bf broke up with me. also depression runs in my family. my older sister suffered from it too. it is so strange how you can have the perfect life, family, friends, education, job, and still be soooo depressed. it's called DEPRESSION! when i realized it, i was like duh! anyway, went to my doctor, he prescribed me LEXAPRO.....i've been on it for a year and i have only had one morning where i woke up and felt a little down. every other day has been great. never do i have those sunday blues or the morning blues ever! My sister also takes it every day. she missed one day and felt a little down. go to your doctor. if you have been feeling like this for more than two weeks and don't see it changing......get help. it's so easy and so worth it. there is no reason to feel this way when youdon't have to. thanks. gemmy
  8. gemmy
    You NEED to change this behavior. Stop checking your phone and email. Get used to the idea of him not being with you at every moment. Otherwise, if you break up, you will feel so much worse. I'm not saying to prepare for a break up. I'm saying you need to at least enjoy your time together. Even if you aren't really together together. Don't spend every second worrying what he's doing and if he's gonna call, otherwise, how are you supposed to enjoy your life and the relationship?? This is not healthy, you know that. So make some changes as soon as possible. Don't take your cell with you everywhere you go. Don't call him so much or be so available to him. Find other things that make you happy enjoy those activities. Take up a class or go out with friends. I'm telling you that happened to me where I wanted to be with my bf all the time. He dumped me and I was totally depressed and lost. i had to really challenge myself to be my own person. please take this advice, otherwise you might be totally lost and alone.
  9. gemmy
    wow, it's weird to hear someone from the other side of things. First of all, you will not feel the same way about her like you did in the beginning, because LOVE GROWS and MATURES. Those sparks and butterflies disappear because your love grows and develops into another kind of love. maybe you are losing feelings for her, but just remember that love changes and when you are married for 50 years, it is a completely different love than your first year. it's still exciting though. Secondly, do not lead her on. If you are going to end it, then just do it. Do NOT make her wait or take a "break". That is just cowardly b/c you are scared to hurt her. You will end up hurting her anyway, why make it worse??? Be gentle with her and explain your feelings openly and honestly. do not sugar coat it. Thirdly, if you have a feeling youre going to go running back to her DON't. that is selfish. that is selfish of you to go back to her at your convenience. don't expect her to be there waiting for you. she might move on and find someone better for her that won't play with her emotions. It sounds like you truly care for her though. You recognize the fact that she has been hurt in the past and that is good of you to see. She also sounds a tad bit needy. This may not be a good combination. If she needs to see you a certain amount and talk to you a certain amount, that is not a good sign. you both need to have separate lives and live them indpendently, without depending on someone else. If you are having feelings that you are too young to be engaged (which you are). you are only 21. then you need to move on. you are sooo not ready for marriage and neither is she. she needs to love herself more in order to have a healthy relationship. So......I would say maybe you should end it, but please be gentle and DO NOT go running back just b/c you are bored, cant find anyone else, etc.........if you go back and then end up breaking up again, you really could destroy this girl's heart. Thanks for letting me blab and good luck
  10. gemmy
    Yes, you should probably let your friends know that although you appreciate the gesture of humiliating this girl, that you don't want to fight fire with fire. You are already receiving sympathy from many people in your life and in hers. Be grateful for that and leave it there. You will look like a jerk if this happens. Just pretend like you don't care even if you are still fuming mad. the anger will go away.
  11. gemmy
    wow that is a toughie........but i'd have to say that even though I'm sure she cares for you deeply. She is trying to distance herself for a reason. Maybe she needs to find herself or maybe she is actually interested in this person. Let her be. I'd go with some NC and live your own life. Don't show your anger, just back off. You don't deserve to be treated like that. Yes, I know it is hard. She probably consumes most of your thoughts throughout the day, but you cannot control her and please don't try to. that will drive her even further away. good luck.
  12. gemmy
    he claims this girl is just a friend. i think he definitely needs to have friends that are girls. it's just not healthy to control someone's circle of friends. anyway, i think i should clarify....we haven't officially broken up. he said he is not sure if he wants to work on things and we haven't spoken in a week. he called both of my phone lines yesterday, but didn't leave a message. i didn't call him back and won't either. i just don't know what to say yet. i always always follow the NC rule. Never do i cave in either. i just have toooo much pride and dignity to do that! I'm feeling okay though. I have just started hanging out with some new friends and that takes my mind off of it all.
  13. gemmy
    Listen, i know my ex will be running back to me soon. well, i think. I have thought about what i will do. I've taken him back once and it actually went really well for awhile. but we were serious about our relationship working. i just don't know if this guy is serious? did he treat you well? you should do what makes you happy, but if you truly believe he will do it again, please don't take him back. only take him back if you honestly believe he is ready and willing to work at it. i still haven't made up my mind what i will do.
  14. gemmy
    don't worry, it is just a rebound relationship and it won't last. This guy sounds like he has major committment issues. if he's already broken up with this girl before, it sounds like he likes the drama. i suggest staying away from him. don't call him back. notice how he runs to you whenever things aren't great with her. dont put up with that. keep with the NC rule.
  15. gemmy
    dopestar~ please don't do that, it will only make you look bad. take it from me. just walk away like you don't even care. if you do the tshirt thing it will look like you care too much.
  16. gemmy
    I would like to say to everyone on this forum good luck. I am going to say a special prayer tonight about this. For all those who have been hurt and are trying to heal, I will be thinking about you tonight. I am also going through a tough time, but find so much comfort in this forum. Thanks for letting me read all of your posts. I love hearing what others have to say about living their lives and moving on. We will all be so much stronger after this has passed. We will learn to rediscover ourselves and become our own person. I'm actually somewhat excited to hang out with myself for a little bit. When this is over for me, I am going to be so much of a stronger person than he ever will be. I think I'm great and that is not my ego talking. That is my self-confidence. Thanks for letting me rave for a few minutes. [-o
  17. gemmy
    THink of it this way, are you going to sit there and meet him when he comes to pick her up??? he can meet the parents and then you? NO way, don't stand for it. If she is willing to throw away the relationship, then I'd say forget it.
  18. gemmy
    Christina~ I also look through the self-help books and even ordered Dr. Phil's life strategies tapes to listen to in my car. I also am going through a break up. I am 23 too. Here are things I do: 1. Have one last look through all the cards and pics, have a good cry, then put them away for good. 2. Talk to your family 3. Distract yourself 4. Surround yourself with nature, looking at the things God created makes you appreciate life in general 5. Count your blessings. You cannot get your happiness from just one person. It comes from so many other aspects of your life: friends, your job, school, music, your talents, yourself 6. Relax. Treat yourself. I always allow myself to splurge on something that will make me feel better. Buy those new shoes! You deserve it. 7. Pamper yourself. Go to the Body Shop and buy incense or moisturizers and take a bubble bath with candles and music. 8. Exercise. Take care of yourself. Look your best and don't let yourself go. My first break up I barely ate and looked like a rail. Didn't wear makeup and never got dressed. I felt horrible on the inside and looked it on the outside. 9. Don't stop your social life. Go out at night with your girls and have fun 10. Write your thoughts down. Journal your days of healing.
  19. gemmy
    I had the same thoughts in my head about men too. But then I came to realize that not all men are like this. My dad is the greatest man I've ever known. Kind, smart, caring, giving, funny, and supportive. So, I have decreased my man-bashing. I know guys can be jerks, but I have stopped blaming just him. I also contributed to where I am now in my relationship or ex-relationship. I had to remind myself as to what I did to contaminate the relationship. Don't forget about you. Deal with you first.
  20. gemmy
    Girl~ Listen, I'm in Boston too. It has been crappy weather, yes I know. I just broke up with my boyfriend and he hasn't called me for a friggin week. I'm moving on with my life though. I'm not going to sit around and be depressed while he's out having a good time. Please do not call him. Why are you being dependent on him?? So, you are going through some changes right now. Roommate is leaving, boyfriend has broken up with you, quit your job, etc. Enjoy this time you have to yourself. Having no roommate is fun! You can dance in your apartment, walk around naked, leave your clothes on the floor. Enjoy your time to yourself. Pamper yourself. Take a bubble bath with candles and music. Then moisturize and relax! Don't call him. Don't answer the phone if he calls you. You calling him with your problems is only going to chase him further away. TRUST ME! He will see what a mess you are without him. Yes, pretend you are fine. I know you aren't, but pretend. It will be a superficial front, but soon that front will turn into something real. You will be better and feel better. Just believe it. Just believe that you don't need him. Your life does not stop for some man. Please take care of yourself tonight and do not depend on some phone call to make you feel better. If you are this upset right now b/c he is no longer with you, it was a good thing b/c now you need to rediscover yourself. Live your life happily with YOU!!! In the meantime, I will be saying a prayer for you and everyone else on this forum including myself.
  21. gemmy
    Listen~ As much as you want to hear most of us say to go to his house. I am advising you not to. First of all, that is like playing a game by not answering your calls but then wants you to act out some romantic movie scene. Life is not a movie. Things like that don't happen. (sometimes they do, but rarely) Relationships are work, not passionate movies to be acted out. I fear for you that you will be very disappointed going to his house. Anyway, why would you go when he broke up with you? I don't think he's kidding around about it. He's off to college and trust me, I have been there. When you go to college, new experiences and people are waiting to be discovered. You will have that exciting adventure too. My high school boyfriend and I are good friends now. The whole college thing made it tough for us too. Actually I was in CT and he was in Boston. Neither of us had cars and there were a lot of trust issues. Let him go. He is going to experience college now. You made an attempt to get in touch with him, but he has not responded. Live your life and concentrate on getting better and getting right with you. You are the most important right now. Not him.
  22. gemmy
    Hi guys~ I'm going through the break up thing right now. I've done it before, so this time around it's not as bad. I learned that I can live and breathe on my own. Not to say it still doesn't hurt tremendously. I miss him sooo much. And all I want is for him to call me up and say "I'm sorry, let's make this work." I know now that that is not going to happen. Time to move on. The only bad thing is this: Picturing him with someone else! Does anyone do this????? It's the most wretched feeling in the world. I have to pinch myself everytime i do it!
  23. gemmy
    Amen, Julie! My boyfriend (soon to be ex) hasn't called me either. I am waiting for him to call, since I did the calling last week. He barely made any effort to get in touch with me. I know he loves me, he was the greatest boyfriend I've ever had. But things have gotten rocky and he just can't take it anymore. So, he told me we could work on it, but then changed his mind and said he wasn't sure. Now, he hasnt even called. This coming from the person who said he couldn't live without me. What is the point in lying???? What is the point in stringing someone along?? Especially someone you care about???
  24. gemmy
    Dopestar~ I totally saw how the thread kind of went off topic. Here are the things I do...None of them take away all the pain, mind you, but they all help in a little way. I figure if they take my mind off of it for even just 30 seconds, it's improvement: 1. Praying - I pray to God and to my cats and just recently to my ex-boyfriend's neighbor who passed away (she liked to see us walk by her door) 2. Bubble Baths - lighting candles, playing music and just relaxing 3. Exercise - i heard it's supposed to make you a happier person anyway (endorphins) 4. Self-help books - Lot of Dr. Phil. He knows everything!!! 5. Posting on Forums (like this) - I wish I had known about this forum the last time we broke up 6. Talking to my mom (she is a marriage counselor with her phd) She also worships Dr. Phil 7. Surround yourself with nature - when we broke up last year, i was studying for finals (hmmm, could it happened at a more worse time). So, I would study outside.....it made me feel better) 8. Writing my thoughts down - I never keep a journal b/c i"m always scared someone will find it, but i will type out my feelings in a fake email and send it to myself. or i will write my feelings out and then burn it. 9. Take down alllll pictures, etc - Take them down immediately! 10. Be with your family - they make everything better for me 11. Count your blessings - some people have it soo much worse. My best friend's sister was just diagnosed with M.S. and her father was in the hospital. I'm lucky in so many ways. 12. Talking to people like you guys 13. Praying - I say this twice because it always brings me comfort. I know God loves me and will take care of me.
  25. gemmy
    Well, thank you very much for the advice. It has become very clear to me over the past few weeks, exactly what I did to contaminate this relationship. (My mother is a marriage counselor). I have done the damage by snooping and accusing, and now I am in this bad place with him. All I can do now is pray that he believes this can work and wants it to. Right now, I think he has had it and will be giving up. Since he has not called or emailed, I am sure he has made his mind up. However, since I haven't heard the verdict yet, I will carry with me some hope, even if it is just a little. pray for me! and thanks again.
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