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gemmy

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  1. gemmy
    wow, right now i am at work and emailing my boyfriend about whether or not we should keep on trying to make this work. i think we can make this work, b/c over the past few weeks i have really had to look at myself and what went wrong with this relationship. it's so clear to me now. and that is what i'm trying to explain to him. but i'm doing it in a manner that says, "I'm doing really great, and i have been thinking we could be great together." if he says no, then, i still no i will be fine. i love him and care for him deeply, but i love myself more. i feel good about it. i am prepared for the worst and hoping for the best. good luck to everyone on this forum. i hope it all works out for everyone.
  2. gemmy
    My boyfriend last year went through some weird phase. He had just graduated from college. He moved back home with his parents and started a new job. He hated living at home, but loved going out with his co-workers for drinks after work. I was fine with this, until I noticed a change in him. He was distant and often would start fights for no apparent reason. He was talking to another girl at work behind my back. When I found out, he broke up with me. It was so obvious now that I think about it. He went through this little phase for about 3 months. He'd go out with new friends and hit the bar scene (which is something he never did before). It's like how can this person go from wanting to spend every waking moment with me, to this???? I was totally confused and caught off guard. But I had to let him go. He had to experience other things w/o me there. It was THE hardest thing I ever had to do. But it made me so much of a stronger person to have to get through that. In the end, he came back to me realizing that he was miserable without me. So, i say let him be. He's obviously going through some things and may need a friend, but don't smother him. Let him live his life.
  3. gemmy
    I have been on both sides of it. I have had to end a relationship that hurt someone so badly. He would call me and call me and cry over the phone. I was making it so much worse by sitting on the phone with him and letting him cry and ask questions. Now, it's my turn, AGAIN, to go through the heartbreak. I totally understand both sides of it all and I honestly don't know what is worse. No matter what, we cannot give up on life or love. It is natural to fall in love with others and we can't stop it b/c of a bad experience. I guess I'm just in limbo over what to do next about my relationship. It's possibly coming to an end, but there is hopefully still a chance it may work. I do know I love him and miss him. He will be so hard to get over.
  4. gemmy
    that is right. you have to learn to find happiness in other things and in yourself first. maybe you aren't ready for this relationship either. maybe u need some time to yourself to find out the things that make you happy.
  5. gemmy
    I know that feeling when you wake up in the middle of the night and your heart starts pounding b/c you want to answer it so badly. I answered every drunk n dial from my ex. i was so stupid. and even stupider was that i actually sat on the phone and let him tell me how miserable he was w/o me. how pathetic. this time around, there will be no picking up that damn phone. it will be off during the nighttime. why do they do that?????? It's so inconsiderate and just plain cruel. If they really cared, they wouldn't hurt us again so badly. Call at a decent hour and talk like a human being, not some drunken a-hole. thanks
  6. gemmy
    hi~ I know this hurts, but right now there is nothing you can do. You should be happy, however, that things are on good terms and that you ended it amicably. Most of us should be so lucky. That is a good start. So, he's not ready for a commitment. But who's to say later on, maybe he will be. Bottom line, don't wait around for this guy. He's obviously still enjoying being a bachelor. But don't be angry at him either. Let him live his life, and DO NOT stop living yours. Hang out once in awhile if you can handle it, but DO NOT ask for more. If he comes around and is ready, think about getting back together, but do not leap at the chance of it. U don't want to look desperate, that will only chase him away. I'm telling you, looking like you need him will only scare him off. Play it cool, even if you are miserable inside, eventually that front you display will become real. You will be okay, you will get on with your life. Please don't stop breathing b/c of some guy you dated for a month. It must have been a good month with him, so be thankful for that and end it there. Here is what you should do: Treat yourself tonight. Go to the store and get some bubble bath and candles, and take a relaxing bath in the tub. Then put in your favorite movie and cry if you have to. Then go to sleep, but not before you say a little prayer for yourself. Then tomorrow, start the next day, knowing it may be a challenge, but that you will get through it.
  7. gemmy
    I know this is totally late. but i just wanted to add that i fell into a deep depression when my bf broke up with me. also depression runs in my family. my older sister suffered from it too. it is so strange how you can have the perfect life, family, friends, education, job, and still be soooo depressed. it's called DEPRESSION! when i realized it, i was like duh! anyway, went to my doctor, he prescribed me LEXAPRO.....i've been on it for a year and i have only had one morning where i woke up and felt a little down. every other day has been great. never do i have those sunday blues or the morning blues ever! My sister also takes it every day. she missed one day and felt a little down. go to your doctor. if you have been feeling like this for more than two weeks and don't see it changing......get help. it's so easy and so worth it. there is no reason to feel this way when youdon't have to. thanks. gemmy
  8. gemmy
    You NEED to change this behavior. Stop checking your phone and email. Get used to the idea of him not being with you at every moment. Otherwise, if you break up, you will feel so much worse. I'm not saying to prepare for a break up. I'm saying you need to at least enjoy your time together. Even if you aren't really together together. Don't spend every second worrying what he's doing and if he's gonna call, otherwise, how are you supposed to enjoy your life and the relationship?? This is not healthy, you know that. So make some changes as soon as possible. Don't take your cell with you everywhere you go. Don't call him so much or be so available to him. Find other things that make you happy enjoy those activities. Take up a class or go out with friends. I'm telling you that happened to me where I wanted to be with my bf all the time. He dumped me and I was totally depressed and lost. i had to really challenge myself to be my own person. please take this advice, otherwise you might be totally lost and alone.
  9. gemmy
    wow, it's weird to hear someone from the other side of things. First of all, you will not feel the same way about her like you did in the beginning, because LOVE GROWS and MATURES. Those sparks and butterflies disappear because your love grows and develops into another kind of love. maybe you are losing feelings for her, but just remember that love changes and when you are married for 50 years, it is a completely different love than your first year. it's still exciting though. Secondly, do not lead her on. If you are going to end it, then just do it. Do NOT make her wait or take a "break". That is just cowardly b/c you are scared to hurt her. You will end up hurting her anyway, why make it worse??? Be gentle with her and explain your feelings openly and honestly. do not sugar coat it. Thirdly, if you have a feeling youre going to go running back to her DON't. that is selfish. that is selfish of you to go back to her at your convenience. don't expect her to be there waiting for you. she might move on and find someone better for her that won't play with her emotions. It sounds like you truly care for her though. You recognize the fact that she has been hurt in the past and that is good of you to see. She also sounds a tad bit needy. This may not be a good combination. If she needs to see you a certain amount and talk to you a certain amount, that is not a good sign. you both need to have separate lives and live them indpendently, without depending on someone else. If you are having feelings that you are too young to be engaged (which you are). you are only 21. then you need to move on. you are sooo not ready for marriage and neither is she. she needs to love herself more in order to have a healthy relationship. So......I would say maybe you should end it, but please be gentle and DO NOT go running back just b/c you are bored, cant find anyone else, etc.........if you go back and then end up breaking up again, you really could destroy this girl's heart. Thanks for letting me blab and good luck
  10. gemmy
    Yes, you should probably let your friends know that although you appreciate the gesture of humiliating this girl, that you don't want to fight fire with fire. You are already receiving sympathy from many people in your life and in hers. Be grateful for that and leave it there. You will look like a jerk if this happens. Just pretend like you don't care even if you are still fuming mad. the anger will go away.
  11. gemmy
    wow that is a toughie........but i'd have to say that even though I'm sure she cares for you deeply. She is trying to distance herself for a reason. Maybe she needs to find herself or maybe she is actually interested in this person. Let her be. I'd go with some NC and live your own life. Don't show your anger, just back off. You don't deserve to be treated like that. Yes, I know it is hard. She probably consumes most of your thoughts throughout the day, but you cannot control her and please don't try to. that will drive her even further away. good luck.
  12. gemmy
    he claims this girl is just a friend. i think he definitely needs to have friends that are girls. it's just not healthy to control someone's circle of friends. anyway, i think i should clarify....we haven't officially broken up. he said he is not sure if he wants to work on things and we haven't spoken in a week. he called both of my phone lines yesterday, but didn't leave a message. i didn't call him back and won't either. i just don't know what to say yet. i always always follow the NC rule. Never do i cave in either. i just have toooo much pride and dignity to do that! I'm feeling okay though. I have just started hanging out with some new friends and that takes my mind off of it all.
  13. gemmy
    Listen, i know my ex will be running back to me soon. well, i think. I have thought about what i will do. I've taken him back once and it actually went really well for awhile. but we were serious about our relationship working. i just don't know if this guy is serious? did he treat you well? you should do what makes you happy, but if you truly believe he will do it again, please don't take him back. only take him back if you honestly believe he is ready and willing to work at it. i still haven't made up my mind what i will do.
  14. gemmy
    don't worry, it is just a rebound relationship and it won't last. This guy sounds like he has major committment issues. if he's already broken up with this girl before, it sounds like he likes the drama. i suggest staying away from him. don't call him back. notice how he runs to you whenever things aren't great with her. dont put up with that. keep with the NC rule.
  15. gemmy
    dopestar~ please don't do that, it will only make you look bad. take it from me. just walk away like you don't even care. if you do the tshirt thing it will look like you care too much.
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