Getting selfies from a guy

[boozybunny83]

Started talking to a guy on an app. He was complimenting me on the app saying I seem like the ideal woman and worth any man’s time, saying I’m cultured, deep, beautiful and have a lot going for me. He said he felt lucky to have found me, but also would say he’s picky and wants a woman with values etc. He said his last relationship ended 2 months ago and it was toxic and she cheated. He was sending me lovey-dovey emojis 🥰😍😘 and it all seemed like a bit much for a stranger. But I went on a date with him anyway and he was complimenting me every 10 mins. He got a little tinyyyy bit touchy and asked to kiss me so we did. He also attempted to touch my leg but I think he then decided it didn’t look like I wanted that. After the date, he kept saying he wants to focus on us, get off the app, was talking future plans like Halloween… and saying we could eventually do a trip to another state at some point. I got overwhelmed and freaked by the fast pace behavior and told him it made me uncomfortable and seemed too forward and we only had one short date. He apologized and said he could take it slow and would prefer it. But he said he had been used to fast pace because of his ex and other women wanting fast pace. 
 

I wanted to like him but after reading his apology response, I decided maybe I was spooked and needed some time to think so I ignored his messages for the rest of that day- he sent a few. I planned to respond to him the next day in the late afternoon but he beat me to it by sending a selfie of his face while at work and asking about my day. The selfie had his one arm up under his chin as if he was showing off his watch perhaps. It’s kind of like a GQ pose… I thought it was odd to send a selfie when I had been silent and ignoring him. For some reason, I felt turned off by that. So I didn’t respond and later that night I received another message where he said he genuinely apologizes for going too fast😞, he’d like to take it slow, but he’ll give me some space and hopes we can go out for dinner sometime again.💙

I still ignored him because at this point I wanted to like him but …I have fears because I had been with a narcissist mentally abusive man in the past. So we didn’t speak for about 4 days and that made me feel like reaching out to him but he beat me to it again lol. And he sent me another face selfie where he’s sitting on a couch laying back with his head rested on his arm which is bent behind his head. Not sure if he was trying to show off his arm muscle there. He wrote shameless selfie incoming lol…if you feel free to talk hit me back. I can move slow for things to grow. I hope you have not given up on the prospect of us and that he would like to get together and he’s free these days.

I liked him/I wanted to like him but this behavior has me wary and confused. So, my question is, what do you think is up with the selfies? Could this be a nice guy or what?… Is your opinion to give him another chance or no? 
 

I want to add that I’ve never sent him a selfie and before I confronted him about his fast behavior, he had also sent me a selfie with a 😘 2 days after our date and said he wanted to snap something fast to let me know he was thinking of me. 

[Batya33]

I think he was not someone you should have met in person given his heavy come on to a complete stranger and his disparaging gossip and commentary on his ex to you -imagine if he speaks this way to a stranger what he'd say when meeting your friends, family, how he'd treat a customer service person if he got frustrated - he has no filter and is a loose cannon.  Red flags and creepy.  And only getting more creepy.  Be very neutral and polite "thanks for your messages and on reflection I don't think we have enough in common to meet again.  All the best to you."  

[gamon]

He seems a bit off.

Maybe more than a little bit off.

If you proceed Captain, proceed with caution keep Deflector shields up and photon torpedos armed.

 

[jul-els]

He’s on the rebound and not coming from a stable head space. Just move on. 

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, boozybunny83 said:

I liked him/I wanted to like him but this behavior has me wary and confused. So, my question is, what do you think is up with the selfies? Could this be a nice guy or what?… Is your opinion to give him another chance or no? 

I think your instinct is right. Lots of red flags here. The least of which is that he's love-bombing you, which is never a good sign. 

[Kwothe28]

I think you are on the right with the narcissism. Narcissists have 3 phases: lovebomb, devalue and discard. You are at phase no1 for now. Dont let it go into other phases.

[Lambert]

Ditch this one... your gut is right. 

[catfeeder]

I would have considered his initial messages too patronizing to want to meet him. He's on perpetual over-kill, and I'd ask him politely to stop messaging.

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, boozybunny83 said:

… Is your opinion to give him another chance or no? 

Delete and block him ASAP. Every single thing you wrote about him is a red flag from the faux love talking to faux commitment talking, etc.

He seems quite creepy. It's amazing you met with him in the first place but after he started pawing you up then sending creepy selfies it's even more amazing you didn't block him yet.

[MissCanuck]

His selfies are him fishing for compliments and validation. 

The rest of his behaviour scream "rebound" and he's way too pushy. I would end contact and keep moving. He's not a good candidate for dating. 

[SherrySher]

12 hours ago, boozybunny83 said:

Started talking to a guy on an app. He was complimenting me on the app saying I seem like the ideal woman and worth any man’s time, saying I’m cultured, deep, beautiful and have a lot going for me. He said he felt lucky to have found me, but also would say he’s picky and wants a woman with values etc. He said his last relationship ended 2 months ago and it was toxic and she cheated. He was sending me lovey-dovey emojis 🥰😍😘 and it all seemed like a bit much for a stranger. But I went on a date with him anyway and he was complimenting me every 10 mins. He got a little tinyyyy bit touchy and asked to kiss me so we did. He also attempted to touch my leg but I think he then decided it didn’t look like I wanted that. After the date, he kept saying he wants to focus on us, get off the app, was talking future plans like Halloween… and saying we could eventually do a trip to another state at some point. I got overwhelmed and freaked by the fast pace behavior and told him it made me uncomfortable and seemed too forward and we only had one short date. He apologized and said he could take it slow and would prefer it. But he said he had been used to fast pace because of his ex and other women wanting fast pace. 
 

I wanted to like him but after reading his apology response, I decided maybe I was spooked and needed some time to think so I ignored his messages for the rest of that day- he sent a few. I planned to respond to him the next day in the late afternoon but he beat me to it by sending a selfie of his face while at work and asking about my day. The selfie had his one arm up under his chin as if he was showing off his watch perhaps. It’s kind of like a GQ pose… I thought it was odd to send a selfie when I had been silent and ignoring him. For some reason, I felt turned off by that. So I didn’t respond and later that night I received another message where he said he genuinely apologizes for going too fast😞, he’d like to take it slow, but he’ll give me some space and hopes we can go out for dinner sometime again.💙

I still ignored him because at this point I wanted to like him but …I have fears because I had been with a narcissist mentally abusive man in the past. So we didn’t speak for about 4 days and that made me feel like reaching out to him but he beat me to it again lol. And he sent me another face selfie where he’s sitting on a couch laying back with his head rested on his arm which is bent behind his head. Not sure if he was trying to show off his arm muscle there. He wrote shameless selfie incoming lol…if you feel free to talk hit me back. I can move slow for things to grow. I hope you have not given up on the prospect of us and that he would like to get together and he’s free these days.

I liked him/I wanted to like him but this behavior has me wary and confused. So, my question is, what do you think is up with the selfies? Could this be a nice guy or what?… Is your opinion to give him another chance or no? 
 

I want to add that I’ve never sent him a selfie and before I confronted him about his fast behavior, he had also sent me a selfie with a 😘 2 days after our date and said he wanted to snap something fast to let me know he was thinking of me. 

You let him know you weren't comfortable and wanted a bit of space because he was going too fast.

He is not respecting that what so ever. 

Respecting that means letting you be. Allowing you to contact him when YOU are comfortable and not him being a jerk and continuing to send more selfies.

Why is he a jerk? Because he refuses to give you space, he obviously loves how he looks (signs of a narcissist), and keeps sending pictures of himself. 🙄

That to me is a bunch of huge red flags, not to mention rushing, and then blaming others...more red flags.

If I were you, I would let him know that you don't feel this is a connection, you are on two different wave lengths, wish him well and BLOCK.

[jul-els]

I concur with what the rest have said here. Lots of red flags. Lack of boundaries and way over the top. Say goodbye and block. 

[DarkCh0c0]

Lots of red flags from my end too. He's bad bad news and this is just the beginning of a slippery slope of his controlling behaviour. Block and delete him asap.

[waffle]

16 hours ago, boozybunny83 said:

. . . what do you think is up with the selfies?

He's in love with himself.  

[smackie9]

Ya this is a bait and switch. Love bombing you then thinking you hit the jackpot until they start making you owe them for all the attention they have given you. That’s when they switch and become controlling, possessive and jealous. He’s one big red flag. He’s cray cray 😵‍💫

[Wiseman2]

18 hours ago, boozybunny83 said:

what do you think is up with the selfies?

Warming up for pics of his junk and sexting. 

[lostandhurt]

The fast pace is to keep you off guard and not give you time to think and see who he really is.

Trust your gut and end all contact with him.  You said "I want to like him" several times so if you have to convince yourself to like somebody it is a good sign that you need to walk away and in this case at a brisk pace.

 I hope he doesn't know where you live or work.  Be careful

 Lost

[SooSad33]

20 hours ago, boozybunny83 said:

He said he felt lucky to have found me, but also would say he’s picky and wants a woman with values etc. He said his last relationship ended 2 months ago and it was toxic and she cheated. He was sending me lovey-dovey emojis 🥰😍😘 and it all seemed like a bit much for a stranger. But I went on a date with him anyway and he was complimenting me every 10 mins. He got a little tinyyyy bit touchy and asked to kiss me so we did. He also attempted to touch my leg but I think he then decided it didn’t look like I wanted that. After the date, he kept saying he wants to focus on us, get off the app, was talking future plans like Halloween… and saying we could eventually do a trip to another state at some point.

Selfies, I don't find a bother... This ^^ I do!

He's recently out of a relationship ( 8 weeks) before he is talking about a future with you.. trips etc?  Hurry much?? 😕 

Yeah, I suggest you leave him to deal with his issue's.  In other words,, avoid!

I dont feel he is in the right head space to be involved with anyone at this time.

 

Good, you've backed away... is best you think?

[Tinydance]

He's acting really weird and completely bombarding you with too many messages and "love bombing". I personally hate being smothered so I would freak out pretty quickly at these kinds of behaviours and tell him I'm not interested. It's not really normal that before he'd ever even met you, he was telling you how "perfect" you are. 

[moodindigo91]

Pretty much agree with everyone else, this guy sounds a lil too weird. Cut your losses lol 

[Cherylyn]

Don't want to like him,  don't continue contact and heed those alarm bells in your brain because they are there for a reason.  He's a jerk.  He does not behave like a gentleman.  It's good that you are wary and jaded.  This guy has red flags painted on him all over the place. 

Text him this final text:  "It's best that we go our separate ways.  I wish you well.  Please do not contact me anymore.  Thank you for respecting my wishes.  Sincerely,  Your Name"  After that,  ghost,  block  and delete him permanently.  Move on.  Live and learn. 

[mylolita]

On 10/2/2022 at 5:58 PM, waffle said:

He's in love with himself.  

“I love me, who do you love?” 
 

🤣

 

I’m late to the game here boozy!

 

Just a social commentary here but, fully grown men, sending selfies?! And all the time? In cringe poses?!? A bit OFF?! 
 

Oh my Laaawwwd!

 

It’s the most un-masculine and un-classy thing. I’m getting second hand embarrassment! 
 

This is not something sought after, with it, mature, intelligent gentlemen do! 
 

Delete! Next! 
 

Selfie culture is just the worst! So low end!

 

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