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Lambert

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Lambert last won the day on November 16 2020

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  1. I appreciate how open you are to all this advice. some people can't take it and get really defensive. You might have had rough times but I don't think that should weigh too heavily on you decision. ALL long term relationships have fights and periods of ebb and flow, if you know what i mean. it takes a lot of forgiveness, compromise and choosing your battles from both people for things to work, especially for 10 years. I can tell you, I was in a similar situation, at one time. And I did end my relationship. Never mentioning that someone else sparked it. Because truthfully, meeting t
  2. It's a horrible thing to dump someone "for" someone else. Especially the way you explain it. If you decide to end your relationship end it for your own reasons. Then spend some time, single & working on yourself. You've been with this guy for 10 years from a young age. It's a common thing in these cases to eventually grow apart or have your feelings change. But you also have to consider why you want to end things. Is it the relationship? Or are you just turned on by a new option? I don't think you're thinking very clearly. You are willing to toss 10 years away, fo
  3. Who can say what she meant. it is a little bit weird what she wrote. But I think the real lesson here is... when you break up with someone, leave them alone. You sent her a letter that, actually sounds pretty sad, or at least, was all about you, on her birthday. You can't ever know what another person is up to or going through in the moment. Maybe she took the letter to mean you wanted to reconcile. Who knows. And then her response was probably not what you expected. Try to put it out of your mind. After 3 years, a few months, isn't that long, to get over this break up. K
  4. I agree with the others... don't pursue someone that told you they only see as a friend. Look at it from they perspective. It's hard to be honest, but it's the right respectful thing to do. And everyone is always saying. "oh I wish they'd just tell me the truth! " So when they do, respect them back. Accept and go away. She isn't jerking you around. You're making yourself confused. Sorry. It does stink. You felt chemistry. That was your feelings. She didn't. It doesn't change. you still feel it. she still doesn't.
  5. Exactly! it's not about this guy. It's about wasting your time and potentially missing out on better! I never understand people who are afraid to be alone. When you are alone, you have all the options, all the choices. And when a winner comes along-- it's a no brainer. Love should be a no brainer. Happy, fun, supportive.....
  6. Honestly, I think you know who this guy is. I've kind of reached a point in my own life, where I need to be surrounded by people that I respect. And if someone is disrespecting me, how can I respect them? You said he's used gaslighting in the past. That can have long reaching impacts. That's what makes it such a great manipulation tool. You are doubting yourself. But even your post here, points out some pretty harsh truths. - it takes a lot of effort to create and pay for, not just one, but two apps. -his remorse was more for being caught than the actual act. I th
  7. Can you elaborate on this a little more? Are you having a problem with one friend and the way he is acting or do you have this problem with many friends? Maybe your friends are not the right ones for you. I am not super affectionate with my friends, but I am with my romantic partners and even my immediate family. If I had a friend that was too touchy- feely, I wouldn't like that at all.
  8. I agree with you. But someone needs to tell a 10 year old to not run around naked. There is obviously more going on here than the OP is aware of. And since she is clueless, I was making the point of what responsible adults do when they raise children. Which does in fact, include teaching them things in words they understand.
  9. Honestly, the best thing you can do is remove yourself from this situation. Draw a hard line-- she broke up with you. The end. Don't accept this wishy washy crap.
  10. I am sorry this happened. You fell hard. But here's some things to consider-- these feelings are yours. You created them based on your notions of this guy. There is no way after 4 dates, they are real. Sure if things had continued maybe they would turn into real feelings. But right now, you need to tell yourself a different scenario. Our brains are amazing, they will believe what you tell them... But to answer your question-- Hecks to the no! I would not wait for this man or any other. Consider it this way-- are you interested in some sad sack that is willing to put their whole
  11. I am not from a culture of arranged marriages. I want to tell you that, because I may not fully understand your situation. So please take my advice for face value... I don't think you should wait for him or any man, for that matter. I know rejection hurts. I am sorry. And I imagine it can get pretty heady, thinking you found your future husband and all the dreams, that come with it. This is a huge disappointment. Take some time for yourself to let this go. Remember, it was only a few months. You can and will meet someone better. Be glad you don't have to deal with this wom
  12. I think at some point, you have to decide, that it doesn't matter, if you creep a guy out. Because you have to be true to yourself. He said he is unavailable for a relationship. I think that is what you have to go with. But the next time he brings up who you date, what's happening etc, use that as the opening. Ask him some questions. He brought it up. The truth of the matter is, a person that says they are unavailable is saying that because they are an emotional mess. I think sometimes we try to not see people for what they are. Emotionally unavailable is not a choice. Just like a
  13. This does sound like a lot of compromise on your part. And the boyfriend aka dad does not really have the tools to deal with his kid or his ex wife. So while I really like @catfeeder advice. (That does seem the way to go btw....) However, I think you need to decide. if this doesn't get better, how will you feel? I would also stop giving up things you like to do etc. When you do this, it's like they aren't putting your needs first and neither are you. You have to start putting yourself first. It might be hard to do, especially because you see this as your forever relati
  14. There is NO REASON a grown adult should be in their underwear in front a child, at any age. I don't care what the relationship is. Adults should teach children modesty and to not share their bodies. This is a standard boundary. You can't confuse the issue to children. They need to know that no one is allowed to touch them or see them naked.... and that everyone should wear clothing at all times. Of course growing up in a house with other people, you might get a glimpse of someone, for some random reason, like they forgot to take a towel into the shower or something. And you happen to
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