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Lambert

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Lambert last won the day on August 9

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  1. This is spot on. I don't know what kind of recommendations you are looking for.... if she's not interested and its been this long, I think the writing is on the wall. Also- are you a woman or gynecologist? Then please stop commenting on menopause. It's super annoying and offensive to have men throw out blanket statements and make jokes about something they have zero experience with... female bodies go through cycles that make it possible to produce life. Sorry you had to stand by while someone else actually coped with the effects.
  2. There are good guys! Don't let fear hold you back!
  3. I'm so sorry for your loss As others have said, maybe you're in shock. Try not to be so judgmental on yourself. This is new territory, emotions wise. So you don't know, it might hit you differently than anything you've experienced before. It's a lot to process and may come out in other ways. Who's to say what is appropriate. It's an awful situation and turn of events with your sister. Unless you have other siblings, you really have nothing to compare to. Even if you do, don't. It's not a one and done thing. This will be with you now. However you cope is OK. (((hugs)))
  4. Why are you with this guy? Dump him. he's an embarrassment. At some point the frat boy stuff gets old. It's not cool to objectify women. Don't tolerate bad behavior. You can't change who he is fundamentally. and his behavior is just that-- who he is. Raise your standards.
  5. I don't think you need additional proof... I would be openly pissed and ready to throw his butt out. You've been married less than a month, he's deleted messages and lying right to your face, justifying bull crap by saying YOU would read into it. Screw that! he's a married man and obviously wants to date other people. I would not waste time. I would talk to an attorney about an annulment. He's obviously old enough to know what he is doing. He has an adult child. I would NOT be embarrassed and hide this from my family and friends. He is a horrible person and he playing you, gaslighting you, because why? he likes attention.... the nerve. playing the sad victim. As for his daughter, don't make excuses to harm yourself. His kid might be great. but your marriage is to this guy. don't muddy it up. You act in your best interests NOW. Tolerating him, playing along to be nice etc will only harm you more in the long run. Cheat on me 3 weeks in? oh and believe me lying to me to protect another woman, your little toilet friend, is betraying me. And I would go scorched earth on his butt so fast.
  6. my two cents... when you are in a relationship you accept all parts of your partner. Part of having a partner is sharing holidays and events together- not separately. Don't be surprised if at some point your guy decides he wants a partner in all areas. This is his daughter's first Xmas at her place. the proper thing to do is to show up. Especially, if you want to be a part of the family. If it was the 2nd or 10th year, missing one is no big deal. But the first one? And the reason being you can't be an adult for a couple hours for the happiness of your partner's daughter and partner? Selfish? yes. but I think the better word is immature. How would you feel if the situation was reversed? He has go stag and face his ex like a loser with a less than supportive partner. ugh. I would definitely be thinking I could find a better partner than that. Go. Be the bigger person. Bring a beautiful floral arrangement or something special. Think of someone other than yourself. You might have fun.
  7. so true... its hard to be unhappy and grateful at the same time.
  8. I don't think wanting kids is necessary to date. It may be to a specific date. Knowing you don't want kids makes it easier. If you meet someone and you know they do, then easy peasy, you're not compatible. I don't have kids and I have more friends without kids than friends with kids. I imagine my friend with kids have more friends with kids. They meet a lot of people through the kids. But my non parent friends either chose that or circumstances dictated they didn't have kids. On both sides, I think people are happy with their choices. I am glad I don't have kids. I think wanting them is the most important thing. It's not easy and if you don't do it for the right reasons (for the kids) it's not good.
  9. You can't save anyone. The best thing you can do is let him go. When a person breaks up with you, the only choice is to let it go. You can't make them. It just doesn't work that way with anyone. healthy or not. Aside from that, you're pushing yourself on a mentally unstable person. Expecting him to make logical and sound decisions is a mistake on your part. You're in therapy. He needs therapy. Neither of you are healthy. How can you build a healthy relationship? Do yourself a favor... wish him well and focus on your life.
  10. I think you have some good thoughts here to consider. As others have mentioned, it means different things to different people. Self love, being happy, etc it's all subjective. And I think it takes a lot of soul searching and making choices that support the person you are or are trying to be. Which is very abstract and depends on your own circumstances. I think I am a pretty happy person. But I don't have it all together in life. I think what makes me happy in general is that even when something bad happens or "could" happen, I trust myself to get through it. Keep hope alive. Some people could look at my life and say it's crap. And that's their opinion. At some point, I just decided my life is good enough for me. And I work towards the things that are important to me. I try to make good choices. For example, if you want to be healthy. You have to make healthy choices. Healthy choices in every area-- from what you consume: food, water, music, reading materials, television, social media, the people around you. To how you spend your time, how much sleep you get, your thoughts.... But things can still go wrong. It's how you cope with the things that go wrong, too. If I do everything I can to be healthy but get sick or hit by car or whatever, it's still on me to deal with it and get back on track. My philosophy for my own life is to choose happiness. Yes, bad stuff can happen. but good stuff can happen, too. Maybe I was born with a brighter outlook. That doesn't mean when something bad happens, I refuse to let it get me down. I can feel down at times and yet I am still happy in life. I think love of oneself and life is just like bathing. If you want it to last, you have to do it daily. You have to put in the work. That means making good choices, being true to those choices, even when they're hard. That builds confidence and that confidence in yourself helps you when things get hard. It's like dieting or working out-- a little cheat here and there is no big deal. It's consistency that matters. You get up. You show up. You do your best. Everyday. You commit to taking care of yourself and doing the right things not always the easy things.
  11. It's been 3 months. Anyone and all relationships can seem perfect in that short of a time frame. So I wouldn't count too much on what you think you know of him.... So try to keep that in perspective. One lie in 90 days? there might be a lot more you don't know about. Considering to him he's only really giving an opinion of how people should act. Instead of saying what he really thinks, he is saying what you want hear. That's another red flag. The other thing is, you're also being deceitful, setting a trap instead of being real with him. So whether you stay with him or not, this probably isn't a long term thing. Neither of you is really being your authentic selves. It's more about physical needs being met and having 'someone'. The true connection and meeting of the minds and souls isn't there. If that's what you're looking for, I'd move on....
  12. break ups are hard and it totally sucks. I'm sorry. When we're hurting and want them back, we see things through that lens. People struggle to be direct for a lot of reasons but none of the reasons are because they want to be with the person. It's mostly because they want their options open. Which if you think about happy, healthy unions, they're not about individual options. You're doing yourself no favors by holding on to signs that are not signs. If a person is unsure about you, your only response should be to completely walk away. He cheapened your relationship and you don't deserve that. You're all 'It's not that we don't love each other. He's all "keep me posted on the dog. " Can't you see how messed up that is? keep me updated means, I don't really care enough to follow up, but you remember me and hold my place. He might be feeling lonely or he was just curious about your friends. maybe he is interested in them in some way.... People who want to be with us, are with us. It's really quite simple. Let this guy go. And don't fall for his 'it was petty of you to block him When someone is supposed to love you and they hurt you, they don't get to be the victim, too. If someone dumps me, it is over...go away. you can talk to my friends all you want.. my friends aren't me.
  13. Yes! He has brass bulbs to put this all out there like he's so great... you just wait a year. maybe he'll change his mind. i don't know about you... but when I think of a partner and a life with someone this is completely NOT it. Trust yourself and your own path. There is another man out there that has yet to learn how his luck just changed. The very best thing you can do is go on with your life and live it well, without him. Find your inner strength... burn the bridge on this guy. Save yourself, your self respect and self esteem... it is the only way. self empowerment... that's your focus... you seriously don't need his crap.
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