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Lambert

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Lambert last won the day on July 3

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  1. Of course he's going to gaslight you and say he is doing nothing wrong... he likes doing what he wants. and if he can manipulate you to have things his way, then of course he is going to do that. Why? because he's not a good boyfriend. A good boyfriend considers your feelings and doesn't do player boy things that make you question the relationship. Dump this one.... you know what you're comfy with. don't let him tell you different. Follow your gut. The fastest way to get what you want? reject what you don't want.
  2. I know what you mean and I always go back to 'healing is spiral'. There are things from my past that if I dwell on, I can still feel those same feelings.... I sometimes think it comes down to the realization that life is messy and I do not, nor does my life live up to whatever. And that's ok! It's the great human condition. Because at the same time I've had some true happiness. It helps me to take on the role of the observer. Enjoy the good things that happen. Be happy for myself and appreciate it.. For the not so good, be strong for myself. recognize it is a disappointment but know that I'm going to get myself through this. be grateful I'm still alive. because at the end of the day... if you are alive, you still have time to get better, feel better, enjoy something. It's perseverance to me, that makes the difference. it's not letting things control me. it's me, accepting that bad things happen but no one thing defines my life. I'm sorry you were not as far along as you thought... but maybe that is what will push you that much further along in your healing. I got my heart broken over 3 years ago. And I've posted that have moved in etc and I have... but it can feel unhealed at times. Sometimes it is when I'm hurting about something else. and its like see- more proof that I am a loser. but then I realize... wait a minute! Time to adjust and try to be a little nicer to myself. it's ok to not be over it. be proud of yourself for coming along as far as you have. ❤
  3. You are being treated very poorly, being used and manipulated. Yes. She is a horrible girlfriend. But at this point, if this continues, it is your fault for sticking around. Move on. Work on yourself and your self esteem. Learn to set boundaries and not allow yourself to be abused. When you do, you'll find better partners. Do not mistake a long time girlfriend for a quality girlfriend. This woman is not kind, compassionate or caring. She is jerking you around and abusive. You can do better.
  4. you are doing this all to yourself by allowing yourself to be used. It's only going to get worse. When he meets someone else. When you don't meet someone else because your feelings are all about him. This is not healthy and is damaging your self esteem and image. It's very ego driven. You're telling yourself a narrative that he is better than you, you need him, his approval of you is more important than your own. The only solution is to change this narrative through self love and self parenting. Setting boundaries like not talking to him for any reason, not having sex with him, telling yourself you deserve and will find better, let him be the villain in all this.... It's ok to not have sex for a while. You can control yourself. You're making excuses because you want to. but in the long run, you will pay the price. Get your head out of your butt. you'll thank yourself later when you are free of this leech and on to someone better.
  5. Op, you are an adult. You are capable of making your own decisions. in all areas of your life. It is not right for your gf to impose her issues and opinions on you. You are not married to her. When you are married, I agree, you share a life and decisions. I think this relationship costs you a lot in emotional and mental capital. As a highly independent person myself, I am very leery of anyone that tries to control me. I would not tolerate an ultimatum. My response would be that's your choice. But I also think once you get to this crossroads, the relationship is irreversibly damaged. One person cannot own or control another. Both people have to accept the other as they are. Just as this arrangement was pre-relationship. It would be different if all of a sudden you decided to do this and your gf decided it was a deal breaker. even as I write this, I think, it's ok for her to decide now it's a deal breaker. that is her choice. For her men and exes are deal breakers. For you, it's ok. That leads me to think you're incompatible Why continue to beat your head against the wall with this woman? Why are you working so hard on this?
  6. this is extremely disturbing. You should not prey on intoxicated women because you want sexual experience. This is sexual assault and rape. A crime.
  7. I agree with this... there are many other things that make this relationship a lesson learned. Long distance is hard and rarely works out long term. Add in the secret, your ages, and stages of life there are many strikes against it. Next time be more deliberate in your communication. Don't break up when you don't want to, trying to manipulate the situation. Date locally, someone that makes a place for you in their life with their friends and family. Mail her stuff and toss the rest. block her. make a clean break and move on. life is too short for all this drama.
  8. I think you said at the end in the form of a question... how to do it responsibly? by telling your SO how you feel, what your needs are. Listen to their response and if it's not resolved, end it Clean break. you don't drag it out. You sit with it. you feel how you feel. You go no contact. you continue to be a strong parent to yourself. Setting boundaries- you don't reach out to her, you don't allow yourself to make bad choices that will hurt you or anyone else in the long run. You ask yourself tough questions and understand the answers. like why can't you be alone? is it what you think it says about you? to others? Are you living for you? Or for what others expect of you? or what you think they expect of you? there is no easy way. no pre plan. no meds. eventually you have to face your life and your feelings. the sooner you learn to love and accept yourself, your feelings, your actions and come from an authentically you position the easier it gets.
  9. I am sorry for all you going through. it sounds rough. I think you are dealing with so many internal issues, you're really not a good partner. It is confusing when you act one way (like you're in a relationship) but then want to keep your options open. So you both sound like you want your cake and eat it, too. Her, maybe because she is insecure. Based on you rejected her in the past and the only time you value her is when you see other men giving her attention. You probably should take a step back and work on yourself. because it sounds to me like your feelings for her are not true feelings. they are more like the feelings you need to receive because you're down in yourself. Fix your drinking problem, get a plan in place for the financial problem and work on yourself. Maybe apologize to her for being a mess and the mixed signals. And ask if it would ok to reach out again once you are in a better place.
  10. It sounds like a typical LDR... you enjoy all the fun and the visits but you're not there to actually experience life together. I don't think he's pulling your leg. taking care of a dementia patient, especially a parent, is hard work- physically, mentally, emotionally. But... if you can't go to him and carry more of the burden, you're kinda just left with a pen pal. You're not being realistic. When you're caring for a sick parent, there aren't a lot of opportunities for extended breaks where he can go across the country. I don't think you really seem to empathize with him. You're really just thinking of yourself and what you're missing out on.
  11. I understand.... you're in a tough spot. I probably would tell the bride "your bff was a total b**** to me and I'm only trying to help. Or I would message the girl back and say... I want you to know, I don't appreciate the way you spoke to me. I'm not even in this bridal party! but I am trying to help. It doesn't matter if some time passed. she's the one that was a jerk and you have every right to tell someone you don't appreciate being treated a certain way. It may clear the air. or at least you'll get it off your chest.
  12. I think helping to organize is one thing... buying the supplies is another. I world explain to the bride you are willing to help but not financially. I feel like this- would I expect them to pitch in on my party? Am I a good enough friend that I do this unbegrudged? that's the deciding factor. I understand where you're coming from. I think I'm a little bit more willing to end friendships than you. I'd rather have one true friend, then a room full of part time users. Buy 15 head bands, a balloon bouquet and take responsibility for the supplies for a person I'm not sure I am even that cool with? no thanks.
  13. I would decline the whole thing. Tell them u don't have the money for this and then unfriend her on Facebook. Why let fake friends use you like that?
  14. Do not make his performance issues your fault. This is his problem! This guy is a real dud. Get out now.
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