lolo

We have been together for 18 years and we are in our late 30s. We live together, we don't have kids. And before you say it, I know, after 18 years it's kind of normal for the passion to fade away and for sex to become much less frequent than before... but is it? I don't expect to be constantly on each other as when we were 18, but... you know, there's something in between 🙂 She has acknowledged that lately she feels less sexually driven in general. Over autumn/winter she always gets a bit depressed because of the lack of natural light. For sure that has played a role in this. She also has a hard time in dealing with work-related stress. When she has stressful times at work, she struggles not to have that stress affect life at home as well. And when she's stressed, her sex drive goes to 0. She has also said that she feels we are letting our relationship go on autopilot and that there's lack quality time together. Since then, we have both tried to spend more time doing things together and it seems that the situation is improving. Domestic rut? Yes, possibly, at least in part. We have moved to a different place about 4 years ago and it has been difficult to make new friends. Most people in our age group starts to have kids and relationships are more difficult to maintain if you don't have kids yourselves. In terms of common interests and hobbies, yes, we do share common interests (sports mainly) and we try to practice them together as much as we can. FOBO I really don't think so. She's not perfect (and neither am I) but I know she is worth her weight in gold. She is a great person and we have a lot in common, I have no interest whatsoever in looking for someone else. Midlife crisis and envy for a carefree lifestyle? Also unlikely... even when I was in my early 20s, I've never really been "carefree". I don't envy his lifestyle or the fact that he has tons of sex with many different people. I don't think I even envy him at all. It's more like, he's a sort of constant reminder that other people have a lot of it and I don't. It's really difficult to explain... if I have to be honest, it's quite difficult to define what I really feel. I truly admire people that are happy in a sexless relationship but I could never be in one voluntarily. I could be in one only if the relationship started "normally" and then evolved into sexless because of something outside of the other person's control (like a medical condition, for instance). It that case the love for the other person would allow me to accept the situation. Hang on, hang on, I don't listen intentionally... I'm not a creep 😅. They party walls are quite thin and you can hear regardless of whether you do it intentionally or not. It is very possible that he can hear us as well... who knows. If I was sexually happy with my relationship, I would could not care less about how much sex he has. He has plenty? Great, good for him. It's more that, hearing others having plenty of it, represents a sort of reminder that "others do it plenty and you don't"... if you see what I mean. Yes, that is exactly my problem. I know it is... but how do I solve it? It is also possible that after 18 years I could have completely unrealistic expectations. Also, what about when we'll be in our late 40s or 50s? What happens then if this situation is to repeat itself (I mean the very active neighbour that reminds me there are people who get laid constantly)? I need to stop comparing my situation to others and not be bothered by this. That does not mean that I might still not be satisfied by our intimacy but at least it would be MY problem, not a problem that is induced by comparing myself to others... if you see what I mean. But again... easy to say! In practice, how do I get out of this vicious circle?

Your mother is partially right, she says nobody is perfect and that is very true. It is unlikely you will find someone that is perfect for you in every sense of the word. You will always have to settle for something that is not 100% perfect. The real question is: what flaws are you willing to accept? If you feel that the flaws of your current BF are not acceptable for you, then I suppose it might be time to move on. In my opinion, it does not make sense to stay in a relationship with someone that you will eventually grow to resent because of the way they are and behave.

Not really sure it's the right place, maybe I should post this into the sex forum... well, I hope I'm not posting in the wrong place. Also, the title is not 100% right... but you'll see why in a moment. Anyway... I'm facing a difficult situation and I'm not really sure what to do about it. I am in a long term relationship. We got together in high school and we have been together ever since. In general, I'd say we are happy together but for the last 6 months or so, our sex life has been much less "entertaining" that it used to. We might do it once a week when it's a lot, but we can spend 2/3/4 weeks without doing it. At the beginning it was not bothering me so much but, as time goes by, my emotional state gets worse because I don't feel satisfied. We are pretty open with each-other and we have talked about this a couple of times. She knows how I feel but she does not know the full story. It has happened in the past, but it did not bother me this much (and it did not last this long). I think my triggering factor now might be my neighbour. He is about 10 years younger than us and a real party animal. He also seems to have a very active sex life. The party walls are pretty thin and I can hear him having sex late at night basically every day, usually more than once. He's not in a relationship and I believe most of it happens with random ladies from clubs and stuff like that. Would I want his life? Hell no! I hate clubs, I am quite shy and I'm not really into one night stands (sure, they are fun, but I prefer sex with a person that I am emotionally connected to). That being said, hearing him having sex so often does make me envy him. I am not saying I expect to have that much sex after 20 years but a bit more would not hurt 😅. I am starting to get obsessed about this and it is depressing. I should be happy that I have been in a stable relationship for so long and we are in general happy together but somehow, this situation prevents me from being satisfied with my relationship. What would you suggest to do to overcome this situation?