surferchic

Please try not to burden yourself, trying to change another human being. They may eventually come around. They may not. Neither should control how you feel day in and day out. I'm wishing you the best outcome for you.

Again my main reason for posting the thread is because mum does not like going back and forth. I've had to convince her sometimes. I will advocate for what she wants always as long as it's safe. Her voice matters. Some people don't even think about that. My sister can be controlling and verbally abusive. That... is one reason I am trying to get a larger place. Size affects comfort for her, not just me. She been with me. I'm younger and can cope but I won't have her cramped and going back and forth if she doesn't prefer that. It's fair for me to ask anything I want, regarding one poster. If my child asked me to live with them, I'd be so sad having to go away every other week/weekend or when out of towners come. That's real and it ain't cool.

Thanks so much for asking. She has said several times, she doesn't want to keep going back and forth. And she does not want to go to an assisted living.

Thanks so much. Yes . But mom can take care of herself and is mobile, just with a walker. She is not in need of a nurse or around the clock care. She gets around on her own and gets up early on her own to eat, use bathroom, etc.

Thanks so much. My mom can get around well but uses a walker. That's part of the issue of my place, several floors up/ one bedroom and one bath. If an emergency happened that would be a big problem with her trying to get out. We've had a few emergencies at my place, thankfully she hasn't been here during all those emergencies accept for once when it was false alarm. All the other times she was with me, I haven't had to evacuate. She actually had a boyfriend at one point who visited her at my sister's a few times. It was good to know she had a companion. She doesn't need a nurse any longer though. She is at my sister's as a permanent residence as part of the plan after healing from her injury. Just to be clear, mum has stayed at my place many times. She knows my place is smaller. We're actually closer emotionally than she and my sister. At this point though, my mom does not like the going back and forth between my place and my sister's. It's almost an hour an a half away. She likes being in one place and each time i ask her about coming to my place, she says how much she loves me but she prefers staying put rather than all the back and forth. Before her health issue though, my mom and sister were very distant due to my sister's temper and other personality issues. However, she and her husband have a spacious place which is a blessing. I still will try to get a larger spot once I can afford to. As of immediately though, I cannot. The only discord is between myself and my sister, not my mom. There are some other things to explore as I've found through our county's department of aging and social services. My life coach and mentor have both told me that I should hold firmer boundaries with this situation because my sister is rude and it doesn't make sense (to mentor and coach) for mom to be going back and forth when the house is fitting. I sleep on the floor when mom is with me.

...expect them to regularly go someplace else/another relative every other week. Our mom(senior) got ill 2 years ago, so rather than going back to her home to live alone my sister asked our mom to live with her(out of state). My sister asked because she has a 3 bedroom/3 bathroom house where there's plenty of space and our mom has a private bedroom and it still allows for my sister and spouse to sleep comfortably. I, on the other hand, have a one bed/one bath apartment. I have had our mom come stay at my place several times and I sleep on the floor so that she can have my bed. I haven't been able to have her stay as much once I had to travel for work and have a health issue I'm dealing with while still working... I have received helpful feedback from a few others, including a life coach, who've all suggested that I need to hold firmer boundaries or they ask why on earth is my sister trying to have my mom go to my place when my sister has a whole house, plus it just sounds ...mean. I agree with the feedback but now I guess I want to make sure I'm not tripping. Is it "ethically" right or in good conscious, to ask a senior adult to uproot from out of state where she's lived for about 2 decades, to move and live with you but expect your parent to go someplace else when other people come into town or because you just want less people in your house? I understand if they may want a break but i've offered to go there and give them relief, but they've rejected it saying they don't need another body(me) in the house. I too think it's mean and just not right. Am I tripping?