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Everything posted by Jibralta

  1. Take your time about it. Think about it while the two of you are together, but don't do anything. When you are apart, take steps to be more independent. Deviate from the rules a little (but in a way that won't hurt her). That will help you to create space and separate yourself.
  2. No. It is called lack of respect for other people's boundaries. "Boundary Issues," for short. Run for the hills.
  3. Not really - Oh, ok. Well, I think you (bbogdanov) react before you think. No, it definitely doesn't mean that you're like that in every situation. There are just certain situations that trigger you. I think living together triggered you, and perhaps trust issues trigger you as well. Right. It happens to all of us one time or another. When people get triggered like this, we temporarily lose our usual sense of perspective about whatever situation we are in. So, we typically overreact or underreact. Sometimes, we realize that our reaction was inappropriate while the situation is happening. Sometimes we realize afterwards. And sometimes, we never realize it. Not being aware is the worst, because the reaction can't be changed. I'm sure you can think of a person (or people) who fit into one or more of these categories. You can get better at it over time, if you remain aware and consistently make an effort to moderate your response. Therapy also helps. Eventually, the triggers can fade. Yes, it seems that now, you are doing more things right than wrong. She may be patient, or she may not even be aware. Sometimes people have compatible personality traits, and share similar triggers. So, there's an automatic simpatico (that's not always healthy, by the way).
  4. For the love of god, DON'T get past it. No mentally-healthy living thing with the smallest sense of self-preservation should be able to get past something like that. Just want to reiterate and emphasize:
  5. I think she means that you react before you think.
  6. Yes it did actually feel like projection in the moment. Specifically the “because I make it so you’re not lonely” claim. I’m not trying to completely suppress that though, but I’m trying to suppress it enough that I don’t blurt it out as an accusation in the middle of a serious conversation. Yeah, these are such odd things to accuse somebody of:
  7. Yes. It sounds funny, but the relationship itself should actually be functional and do work. It's a support system.
  8. Maybe he just lacks emotional strength or depth. He reminds me of a friend/former coworker of mine, Joe. That whole rabbit nest situation really reminds me of him. There's a lack of empathy or understanding there.
  9. Next time, don't dismiss your gut feelings. Despite what he said to you, you were getting "cold vibes" from him. I also suggest re-reading your journal a couple of times, once you feel up to it. The signs were there; you either didn't trust yourself or you didn't want to believe it.
  10. It's only been two months. I know you've heard this a million times, but these things take time to get past. You will get past it, though. I think it would help you A LOT to purge all of those shared things of yours, and close up that apartment. Be systematic about it.
  11. Not a bad way of looking at it, actually. That really is what you're doing: hurting yourself.
  12. I think that's probably a good move. Martial arts is so niche. I don't know any senseis who make it their full time job, to be honest. That's because most local economies do not have a thriving martial arts sector--they just have a couple schools. If you're going to thrive doing martial arts, you have to be able to go to where the demand is--follow tournament circuits or the movie industry, something like that.
  13. Haven't heard from you in a while. Hope all is well.
  14. It does sound like date rape. Alas, I think it would be very, very difficult to prove. Definitely avoid this guy in the future. And don't get drunk like that anymore.
  15. Wow, I just realized that we saw that happen in class. The memory is so vague now. But we had a TV in the classroom to watch the lift off, and we did start watching it.... and then suddenly everything was just a jumble of information. I know the teacher told us that the Challenger had exploded, but I barely remember that. I mainly remember being confused. I had no idea that we just saw the space shuttle explode. It wasn't like watching a movie, where everything is arranged so that you understand the sequence. There was no dramatic music to indicate a sudden change in fortune. I just re-watched the launch--with some trepidation. The explosion is pretty clear. But it goes unacknowledged for long moments. The CNN commentator initially tries to explain away the fiery change in trajectory as something other than the spaceship just blew up. But they do eventually recognize that there was a catastrophe. As a kid, I would have missed that dialog. I really only paid attention to imagery and usually tuned grownup-chatter out. So, I was totally confused when the teacher told us what had happened. But I did believe her. Everybody was sad about that tragedy. Do you know the story about the soccer ball?
  16. I remember when that happened. I was 10 at the time.
  17. I finally finished The Mammoth Hunters and have started The Plains of Passage. This may be the longest book yet. And we're off to a pretty slow start. But I've gotten through this book before, and I know I can get through it again. Jean M. Auel is not the most sophisticated writer. But in her defense, I think the main point of these books is to deliver information to the masses. Distilling her extensive research into digestible story lines was no small feat. So, it's not a big deal to me if her prose is a little uneven. The books are still super interesting, and I like the story. When I finish this book, I'll be on to a book that I've never read, The Shelters of Stone. And then there's one more book after that. I'm excited!
  18. I remember that album from when I was 16. I was so excited that there was a follow up for Sadeness Part I, which came out when I was about 13. That song and its video were like nothing else that was playing at the time. I remember being so inspired by it... I loved the imagery, the pan flute, the chanting, and the fact that I no freaking clue what the hell it was supposed to mean. I didn't know what anything meant back then, so it didn't matter. Interesting to look back on things I once loved, with today's perspective. Anyway, I don't know if I ended up getting my hands on MCMXC a.D. Things were harder to get back then. But I did get the next album. It was ok. Sadeness Part I is still my favorite.
  19. I went back and read what I think it the post where you first wrote about this break up. She called the cops on you for contacting her. Whether that was justified or not on her point, I don't know. But it does tell me that you absolutely must move on. Maybe you should go back to counselling.
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