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Everything posted by Jibralta

  1. Yes. Ironically, they often have a high level of emotional intelligence. This is what allows them to blend in and deceive so effectively.
  2. Of course it hurts. But yes, you will heal. I know you want happiness, but he is making you miserable. You can't be happy when you are miserable. I agree with others that you should speak to a lawyer. Just to be sure that you don't inadvertently short yourself.
  3. True. I shouldn't have said, "the effect is essentially the same." The appearance is essentially the same, but the effect of a sociopath can be much worse.
  4. This changes my perspective somewhat. I didn't realize that you would not have a supportive environment if you returned to Australia. However, I do still think that you should cut from your husband sooner, rather than later. Your husband is an astonishingly self-centered person, and I think you would be better off without him for a partner. Can you live in the same house with him as just a roommate? I think it would be difficult. But at least you could save up money, and focus on developing a solid plan forward.
  5. A blackout is defined as a period of unconsciousness. She found out after the fact, which means she did not give consent. Many of the date rape drugs do not show up in toxicology reports. If this happened to me, you can bet your ass I'd be going to the cops. They will decide whether it is a crime or not. If the cops choose to do nothing, that's their call. But it will be on record in case it happens to somebody else.
  6. Yes, but this is beyond 'tough.' He's literally told you that he wants to dissolve the marriage, and that he doesn't love you. As you say, both of you fall into opposite sides of the relationship equation. It's one thing to fight for a relationship, but it's quite another to fight your partner for the relationship.
  7. The Last Unicorn, by Peter S. Beagle, is one of my favorite books of all time. I haven't read it in probably eight years, but I always seem to keep it within reach. It's a wonderful, allegorical work of art, and I often think back to moments in that book when I'm going through things in my own life. The witch's stagnant eyes blazed up so savagely bright that a ragged company of luna moths, off to a night's revel, fluttered straight into them and sizzled into snowy ashes. "I'd quit show business first," she snarled. "Trudging through eternity, hauling my homemade horrors – do you think tha
  8. Yes, I think you should get on with it starting right now, and don't look back. Keep your eye out for a flight that makes sense. But start moving on now.
  9. Having sex with an unconscious or drugged person is definitely an abnormal, rapey activity, and I don't know why you would joke about it. The fact that your boyfriend asked you if you remembered anything is extremely disturbing. He's probably testing date rape drugs on you. You should report this joker to the police. Put him on their radar. You may not care what happens to your body, but most other people do not like to be violated while unconscious or otherwise. Do the rest of society a favor, please, and talk to the cops about his.
  10. I agree. It's very unlikely that you will get back together after you separate. By divorcing, you'll literally be going in the opposite direction. But I still think you should divorce. Even though you married your husband out of love, your husband married you mainly out of pragmatism. It's very unbalanced. I know it's heartbreaking, but I think you will be better off in a place where you are truly supported, and not where you feel the stress of his constant rejection.
  11. Agree. There's nothing to feel guilty about. Great idea.
  12. Yeah, it's a big IF. Some people are effectively asleep throughout their whole lives. Others are simply sociopathic. To the outside person, the effect is essentially the same. Yes, my godmother, a therapist, once told me that emotional intelligence is actually more important than intellectual intelligence. I tend to agree.
  13. I got pooped on by a bird once, while I was on a first date. I never figured out what my good luck was that day.
  14. Yes, I remember thinking that this one broke two records for me: Oldest zombie thread and longest run-on sentence I've seen so far.
  15. I know he isn't..... but when I'm stressed out, it feels like the whole world around me is made of stress. Of course Bill is stressed. Everybody is stressed. How can anybody not be stressed? Then, when I am blissfully happy, I think everybody is happy. It's just one of those me-centric things that I know is not true... but it still feels like it's true.
  16. I would react, though, if I were you. For example, don't dance with him. Go to lunch and workout with his wife. But sit out every dance that he is a part of. And if you dance and he tries to join you, go sit down.
  17. From https://brenebrown.com/blog/2020/02/13/the-courage-to-not-know/ I, for one, agree.
  18. I'm going with this. I can say for myself, when I have a lot of turmoil bubbling inside, watch out. I'm like a geyser. Any random person could be subject to my momentary venting about a difficult situation. I'm pretty open about discussing problems, and I like to hear other people's opinions--especially when I'm at a loss.
  19. No significant changes in my asymptotic career. Yesterday, I had my interview with the other company. I think the job is a little over my head at the moment. I have the skills and the ability, but I don't have the experience yet. The company is good, though. They have a strong QC policy--an arduous ISO process, actually. That's awesome. I'd say that eliminates 75% of potential bullsht finger-pointing right there. My boyfriend predicted that Bill would message me right after my interview, just because when it rains, it pours. And he was right. Bill did message with a screenshot
  20. I think it is, but I also think that you will have a very difficult time proving it in court. It's one of those things that guys get a pass on. I understand your sadness and confusion. It will linger for a long time. It will help you to be a support for other women who have had similar experiences, even just a kind word on a message board like this. I'm really sorry that this happened to you. It's not your fault.
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