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SooSad33

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SooSad33 last won the day on August 21

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  1. You sound incompatible. He gets ticked off with you being so sensitive and you don't feel he's supportive, etc. But he doesn't need to be yelling at you like he does. Jealousy is okay.. to a point. Not to where it's damaging or affecting the relationship in a negative way. So, is maybe best to admit this isn't okay and he isn't for you. And maybe someday you will find someone more suitable, not make you feel bad for having emotions & not overly jealous.
  2. I don't feel you are over your ex, but doesn't help to keep contact this way either. How can you truly work on accepting & healing if you keep this up? As for this new guy, I think it's time to end that.. as you said, you're just not into him. Then date no one. Be on your own a good while more. No one says you have to be involved. You know if/when you are truly ready for that again. It can take a year to feel okay again, it could take 2+ ... we're all different with our experiences & the impacts left. So, let this new guy know that you can't do this, that you've got some stuff you still need to deal with ..on your own. And be done with it.
  3. You might want to write it all down before you end things.. Sounds like this has hit a wall. Dead end. Then is time to get out of it. For your own sake & hers.. has she ever dated before? If so, then I'm sure she's experienced a relationship ending. it is never easy ending something like this, but necessary. As for how she deals with it is not on you. Hopefully she has some support out there ( family/friends). But, fact is.. you are not 'happy' anymore. Then it's done. As for this 'other interest', I suggest you don't just jump into that but take it easy on getting over this BU first, just to make sure you are not rebounding. ( getting into something with new person but still affected by last one, etc). Take your time there because you only know so much about this new one. You have no idea IF things would work out there either, only that you have some feelings & this is normal when it's something new & feels a whole lot better than what you're in now.
  4. Yeah, you know a lot you do & think is not healthy... Your 'red flags', I don't see as much concern. I have never needed all that info from anyone I dated.. only once did i check an ex's phone after 5 yrs, due to my assumptions of cheating & was correct. As for your repeated words of "I can’t imagine him doing anything to hurt them. ". I think this needs to stop. Sure, you two have known each other for many years.. sure family/friends history is there between the families.. BUT, this is your own separate life & experiences. has nothing to do with your parents, uncle, etc. You chose to date this guy and should things fall out, has nothing to do with how well family know him or anything.. So, try to put this fact aside. Is common for people to 'know people'. But our relationships have nothing to do with this. I suggest you consider some prof help with your insecurities, as it's affecting this relationship. Sounds like he is trying & that's all he can do... But, may get to the point, he's feeling overwhelmed & it will affect him, to the point he loses himself & feels he needs to give in & give up. ( this, due to the effects of your distrust). So, is maybe time to act? To work on yourself and find your trust in someone you do 'love'. To me, he sounds believable.. but you are so insecure. He's a young male and soo many do these things. Look at women, it's normal. does not mean he's a cheater. But, I feel you just can't trust him & this is damaging.
  5. Everyone moves at their own speed.. but yes, can also affect them due to different reasons. eg. only child, lack of responsibilities, etc. I have 4 boys... oldest moved out fast when he went to college. He rented a room w/ 3 other boys in basement of a house. ( gov't funded while in college). Second one to move out was 2nd youngest. he tried within a yr of finishing school to live w/ his GF. It failed after a yr, they could not find work & he moved back home again for another 6 mos.. this time more successful. I still have 2 at home now. One is on disability ( PTSD & depression- moods are awful sometimes 😕 ). And my youngest who is autistic, has managed to find a suitable job to his liking but needs my assistance- all is okay ❤️ . He sometimes makes his own 'quick meals', cleans hands when he gets home, get a drink, lets dog out. ( he does better with routine). Anyways, your daughter is 20 now and is in college. As mentioned, set some rules of 'expectations'. Is college being paid for somehow? If she's doing an 'online course', she is at home a lot! Then you set some rules.. yes, do her own laundry ( take her to it & show her how machine works).... then at least ease into the rest of it.. Reminding her, dishes need to be put into the sink.. soak them, etc. by dinner time every night, etc. Take her shopping with you each week, so she see's how it's done. She need to learn the basics. Does she have a bank acct? Cheques? Know how to use them? ( I still pay rent w/ cheques). So, maybe make a list of things you need to teach her now... In time hopefully she will get the jist of things and get used to life & expectations.
  6. Sadly, she is ready to give up..sorry 😕 . Has been 5 months and that is enough time to see IF a couple is working okay or not. What you need to do is not be involved with anyone for a while, instead focus on yourself. as you said, you're still dealing with the past? And you've reached out for some prof help, good for you! Therapy can be helpful - been there a few times. So, now you do not contact her anymore. Be respectful & leave her be to move on. You two tried ( a cpl times) and it just isn't working. So, remain single and worry about you.. because if your past is affecting you it can/will affect your future. You need to be better than this..right? One day at a time.
  7. Right, doesn't sound like he's all in it at all 😕 . Where do you feel this is 'genuine love'? Because he's dropped by on occasion over the last 3 months? IMO, If someone truly cares, they will find time. They will try. It will not work out of only one sided. ( and is not so amusing him 'joking' about you two breaking up), then just do it. Is maybe time to throw in the towel. And move on to find someone out there who will try & show you some attention.
  8. Ohh the challenges 😕 . Is there a reason the fiance is so upset about this? YOu said especially sons gf? As mentioned, this issue with him does not mean he'll never get a chance at love/kids etc. And you have no idea IF they will progress in a healthy manner in this relationship. Is still so early ( 6 mos), I am guessing they both just finished school? (every relationship takes time to build, expectations, respect, trust, communication and it takes energy). Who knows if they've got what it takes. So, maybe think on this... is it really best to have her move in with you guys? Where are her parents in this? ( is there a reason she can't attend her studies/future at her own?).
  9. Okay.. I am unsure as to WHY you are even with this guy?? He's controlling & nasty to you! And it has only been a year? Wow, you need to work on your inner strength here. You need to learn when to walk away. No one deserves to be controlled and insulted. Not long after your first break up would have been good enough time to get away from him! I feel you are young, because otherwise I am sure someone being treated this way would know better...as soon as this kind of crap started to disown that person. Please get out of this nasty involvement 😕 . You do not deserve to be treated this way! He's got some problems and is making YOU suffer.
  10. this sounds basically one sided and she seems pretty unwilling to try to give a little on your side. You want to go visit family? Just go. My son & his gf attend family functions when possible ( not all) and sometimes will be just him ( she has to work etc), and that's fine. But, I'm sure she does not make him feel guilt or the need to 'rush home' back to her, but let him enjoy his time out. It's clear she's a negative challenge & unappreciative towards you re: money spent etc. You've seen this with her now over 3 years. If it's affecting you so much why are you staying with her?
  11. Yup, it is. I'm sure you realize this... with you saying something, means YOU are aware & concerned. He lashes back with excuses for his behaviour.
  12. Ahh no. Hardly anyone I know ever treats other's this way! He's got some major attitude and no respect. So, you get it right? He's abusive and it will start on you eventually. He is already accusing you of trying to control him. You NEED to see all of this.. and now! He's rude and he's manipulating, is how he is and will NOT be one to reason with. You need to be stronger than this now and say enough! Or you will regret a lot if this continues. He's bad news. Find someone out there who is respectful & decent.
  13. You've been dating half a year... In that time you'd come to know whether that person is for you or not. Obviously she is not. With you having such doubts says enough. Don't drag this on anymore. Be honest, and move on.
  14. I highly suggest you leave both alone now. I feel E is possibly a little messed up with all that's happened and is now kinda standoff-ish. And NO, you do not approach T at all anymore. Is called Respect! You now distance yourself, totally. And let them try to get back what they had before all of this. I can understand some 'curiosity' in all of this, but in the end, was not what at least E thought it would be like. Yeah, so to NOT make things worse, you back off the both of them now. Even if they split up, you keep your distance from him. IF she is a true friend to you, you will not cross that line again. You get out there & find someone of your own.
  15. Have you said this to her? If anything, I'd expect her to understand some & lay off the criticism. Was she exposed to alcoholic members in her family? Sometimes that can cause a negative effect. So, she's lashing out about it because of underlying issue's. She should be able to see with her own eyes, you are not drinking in excess anymore, so should not be such a big deal anymore. Maybe suggest she either stop pestering you as it's getting on your nerves, or she consider some therapy with her issue's? ( Otherwise, this will cause a wedge between you two soon enough).
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