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Everything posted by SooSad33

  1. Yeah - ALL of this is Red Flags. He has shown you NO real interest or respect. You have accepted this for way too long 😕 . And WHY are you continously appologizing to him? Because you were trying to reach out/ get him to deal with you somehow? What do you do? it's done. You respectfully walk away, leave him be.
  2. I say, you stand your ground. The only person you need to look out for is YOU. You are an adult. If you want to travel & work elsewhere, then you aim for that. No matter what your father has to say.. This is YOUR future.. Your interests. So, just calmly say No thank you. Try not to lose it.. Try not to cause much of an argument about all of that. If & when you are able to move, do so. I have a family of 6. One sister went to a different city to study, and a brother went the opposite way to another city. All was their choices. No one made them do anything! Fine, if your father is suggesting you join your uncle & brother, BUT, you should not have to. And this is what THEY need to understand here! Hear you and respect YOUR choices. So... get out away from all of this when possible. Try to focus on you ... Maybe journal to 'vent' it all out - get it out on paper - good form of release. Also, get out & get some air... get physical.. Hang with friends etc. Be around all of that as little as possible..
  3. It was plenty enough he shared all else with you... continuing to ask for his personal info was not needed. What you're doing is pushing the respectable limit, and was no need for you to do this, being well aware of him being involved.... so, respectful boundaries are needed here. From now on, you just remain distant. Leave him be. In time, things will settle and you will accept this guy is taken and move on, yourself. You are young, you'll do okay. There's plenty more to come 😉 . And learn from this, when someone shows signs of no interest that way, to back off some.
  4. Because HE is feeling a sense of 'control'. YOU have options too you know. You have options to walk away.. ignore his controlling aspect and just say Enough! But, he knows he is your weakness, so he plays it. I do not believe he is truly your 'best friend'. You've come to lean on him a lot. But, once that line has been crossed ( you've become 'more' than just friends), can be a challenge to totally 'let go'. True friends are supportive. Not conniving. And they hear you, they offer support. Not make you feel like you are something useless. - Stop letting him lead you on. You NEED to take back your power. Realize you do not need him anymore. To find yourself again. Not sit back & accept some guy who's been telling you how to act! You both can move on again. You just need to see this. That you do not need to 'cling' onto him anymore. Yeah, it doesn't work this way. He's either willing to try again - or not! This is not a 'control game'. FACT : You two are not compatible, you already know this. So, you find someone out there in this great big World, who does fancy you. Yes, because it was someone new, who DID show you some proper affection - where you were lacking with your ex.... BUT, was still too much - you two never even got going on something real & healthy. You pulled, then pushed - way too soon for this to work. This is why you need some serious down time. Do NOT go out searching because you are tired of being single. Respect yourself more.. get better and to where you are NOT still into your ex- you know just recently you were willing to go there, again! Note: you are tired or working for a relationship- Right! you are tired, as a relationship has expectations. It does take energy, you don;t have that right now.. Slow this area of your life down for a while.. Stop giving yourself. But just be on your own and focus on YOU. Because YOU were not ready. So, please sit back a while.. slow everything down with expectations and just take care of yourself here. I do not feel you're close to ready to get involved again. Is best to remain single some more.. Get yourself back to good. Hang with friends, get out there & do things. Take some down time now, to heal properly. Not feel this 'need' to be involved again. Seriously, take care of YOU.
  5. Why have you done this, repeatedly? Because you have feelings? Yet, he has not shown proper respect and appreciation towards you. This behaviour is not right. He's acting like a jolly young man, in his 20's - who is single. Not involved. No respect. Stop accepting this from him. Say enough, you're done. Because you don't deserve to be disrespected!
  6. HE hurt you .. and for him to say no to you 'wanting to take it slowly - begin 'friend wise', is odd! He had that chance the first time. He pushed you away. Do NOT look at all of this as fact is you never showered etc- as the problem.. He seems stuck on this crap 😕 . HE has been quite rude & immature, instead of being somewhat understanding! A 'good' person accepts & lets some stuff go. So now, he is sorry? Nope! Accept NOTHING from such a nasty person. YOU have been struggling for way too long over his crap - WHY would you accept him again? 😕 Of course not. He's a stuck up pos. Walk away.. stay away. The past has NOTHING new to say! Respect yourself ! ❤️ Get over this loser, and find someone who does appreciate you without so much nastiness.
  7. Right. You are confused. For your ex to say to you NO arguments.. for a year (w/e), that's ridiculous! Every couple argues. That is expected! But, I think it just became too much of it - he wasn't happy anymore. As for this new one, I understand how much you enjoyed him & his company, but it was so 'short lived'. No one comes to 'love' in that short of a time. It was just words.. Love develops over time. He did not love you, nor you, him... It was a fast action, excitement for you both. But, in the end, it did end and BOOM - he's with someone else ... He's weird! And not for YOU. And, as it sounds, is you are still hugely into your ex anyways.. so this would not have worked for you. Okay, so you are single.. Does NOT mean no one will ever 'want you'. This is your frame of mind right now because of these experiences you have had. You can't be thinking of getting involved again anyways at this time. you need to feel okay again, first! And you're not. Not, until you know you are over your ex.. and not 'hurting' or wishing him back anymore. So, all is up to you - I guess, if you feel you must remain as 'friends;, so you will (your choice) .. But, this is what often causes these ongoing issue's- because things have never been 'cut clean', to where you are truly away from him in order to heal properly. Maybe, someday, you may feel okay again, will just take longer. But, please remain single for a while.. no 'searching' because you're lonely.. or you will keep on feeling 'lost & hurt', as you already are? One should never try to get involved again, UNTIL they know they have no more feelings for a past relation. - Then you CAN feel right and step into it whole heartedly.
  8. First off, kinda hard to read one huge sentence.... He's admitted he's not 'ready' to settle down? yet you have been together for 8-9 yrs? Or have you? If he prefers to have other girls numbers & not 'be a man', then leave him. He's obviously making you suffer from his ignorance! Get a place with your kids, give him visitation and get a lawyer to make sure he pays support!
  9. Yeah, if he's seemed a little colder since, he's probably feeling rejected, but oh well. Nothing to say or do about that. People need to realize that just because we're 'kind' etc, does not mean any more than that. Move along. No worries 🙂
  10. Sadly, this is way too much going on for you 😕 No, it is not love. Is like lust. Huge interest in the beginning, only. What YOU need is to NOT be contacting your ex anymore. Do not be telling him of your encounters/ experiences, etc. He need not know any of that. As you see, this with him is making YOU feel miserable etc.. Then, why? Whatever's up with this guy - is not on you. He sounds just as messed up. Being involved with someone a cpl weeks does not affect them that badly, if one admits they're not as into it... Ahh. No. YOu just can't do this - be friends with an ex. Not, unless or until you know you're over them! You are far from there... And this is very unhealthy, jumping between these two guys ... you are not 'stable' in the least at this time. This other guy was a 'quick trip' and rebound, to TRY and hide feelings of your ex- doesn't work! Regret isn't killing you... your loss is. Of your ex. He moved on & you can't.. of course not.. You are not ready to do that. You have nothing to give someone new. You need some serious 'down time', to work on grieving properly & healing. Now, how to you move on? You remain single a good while to work thru all of your emotions & to heal. You do NOT deal with the ex at all anymore. No more contact.. Nothing. It takes time.. and less you know the better, in order to 'move on' again, with your own life. Journal, that helps you 'release' in a good way.. say all you want & feel that way. Hang with friends, get outside, get some air.. cry if you must, it's okay. But give yourself time.. on your own.
  11. First off , yes, is majorly important that she stay medicated and have the professional help (therapy), in order to work on her issue's, vent, etc... Second, If it's been 3 yr of her harping at you over YOUR past issue's - not sure IF it will ever stop 😕 .. Or when's the next issue? etc. it is very hard at times to deal with someone like this.. as you have noticed (walkin on eggshells)- that is rough 😕 . As for self care.. do you get out to hang w/ friends at all? Get out of the house.. or manage to do your own things? ( your down time), away from this... Re: this investment, SHE needs to calm down.. as it is not her problem. So, as with anyone, it is not necessary to keep at it & drive the other person crazy! 😕 (you) .
  12. Okay, but this doesn't mean much - sure, she cared a lot for you. She does not 'hate' you. She was involved with you. But, does not mean she wants to be involved with you... I've had same type of reaction after a BU, a cpl times. Fact ~> If she wanted to be with you, she would be. Right? And yes, for a while you will be in 'denial', as mentioned ( is part of the grieving process).
  13. Yeah, is best you remove yourself now - totally! Has been a few months and I know... you keep holding on, with hope. 😕 . Doing this is not doing you any good.. just dragging it on. Sounds like she has always been kind of 'unsure' . And has finally come to admit it to you. In order to work on accepting it all & healing is No Contact anymore. As you've read by other responders, she was trying to let you down easy, but fact is... no matter how a break up happens, it hurts! 😞 So, leave all alone now and focus on YOU. Do not reach out - as you've seen that result 'cold'. She needs to be left alone . So, she too can focus on herself, her own needs and so she can work on accepting it all as well. Takes some time to heal & move on - but always best to remain NC in order to do so. Keep busy with your friends, as you do. Journaling helps too. - helps you 'vent' in a diff way. One day at a time.
  14. No, don't. Just move on, let it be. We cannot be 'friends' with an ex, especially while we try to accept & heal from everything. You back off.. and focus on YOU now. You need to work on accepting this now & letting go. You can't do this w/out going NC and keep at it. Be strong.
  15. This is a form of bullying? Has this person been reported? No reason for YOU to feel so badly at your workplace 😕 . Is she like this w/ everyone? Or you, specifically?
  16. You two haven't even met? 😕 In order to accept & move on, you do not act like this... You do as YOU please, as does she... Who cares if she views anything. Fact is, you two are done. There's too many issue's happening between you's. And now YOU need to just work on accepting this & letting go. Do NOT post anything more, directed at her. If you want to 'vent', do it privately. eg' word pad on your pc, etc - Journal is healthy, but why so publicly? And in order to 'move on' properly, we do not 'watch' for what the ex is doing/ reacting, etc. You stop. Just stop, totally. This is not a game. is time to let it set in, that you two are no longer.. and best way is to have NOTHING more to do with each other. Meaning, you walk away & deal with it and she do the same. So, no more contact, about anything. Just leave all alone now.
  17. Yup, I feel it was good you spoke up .. how she's been reacting is on all her - and not 'professional'. Good the big boss is on her 'paying attention', and it seems her behaviour is affecting the whole workplace - no good! Hopefully, she either gets a stern talking to, or removed from there. She knows fully well what she's done. Remain for a bit longer, see how this pans out.
  18. Is possible you are still 'affected' by being involved with a 'toxic' person 😕 . Do you feel it was okay to move on already? ( as it's only been about a year) .. Were you two long term? - I guess it doesn't really matter, since, even short term w/ a toxic will leave after effects! Normally, all BU's take some time to 'heal'..accept, work through all of the emotions, etc. Not sure how to make it 'stop', as it's all in your mind now.. you were involved with them. IF it's causing some really negative effects, consider some prof help - therapy. Maybe you need someone to 'vent on' and work through all that's going on in there?
  19. He's being kind. Normally, when an ex breaks up with me, I am not their 'friend'. Although some suggest or would like that? I say no thanks.... and remain at a distance to work on accepting & healing from it all. Is bad enough you work with the guy! leave it at that. He is tolerating you . But no, you two are not true 'friends'. How about respectfully leave all alone now. You work and go home. Expect no more from him.
  20. This has not stemmed from one argument.. sounds like he's been stewing over this for a little while... he just finally spoke up. Fact is, he does not see it lasting long-term. sadly, your differences are too large 😕 .. And one cannot 'fake it' for long. Sorry.. but it happens. Was best to admit the truth , so you can both work on accepting what is, heal & move on.
  21. Sadly, that's the way 'addiction' is 😕 ... trying to pull you back.. to give in..again. Great you're seeking some prof help.. yes, for sure, keep that up! You are strong, so keep fighting those demons! Convince yourself over & over again.. You do NOT need that nasty stuff.. you do NOT want it! That's the fight. Any way you can change somethings in 'how' you deal with it? eg. Maybe a fizzy drink instead- when you feel weak? .. Or suck on a mint, eat some chocolate? Try to keep your hands & mind busy.. take the thoughts elsewhere. One day at a time . ❤️
  22. This is just how he rolls. But it's affected you ( due to your past). I have a cpl friends who function like this as well.... Morning coffee turns into an afternoon of beers! 😕 So, although your thoughts were overwhelming due to your past experience, it won't affect them much, as this is their usual course. So, you reacted to it.. and I am sure he's heard it all before... So, just don't go there! You can either take it.. or not. As for his 'visit', yup, sounds like a hook up. So, is maybe best to let him go. I highly doubt he's for you. No need to contact again.. nothing.
  23. After 2 months dating.. to even mention something like 'love' and marriage.. is VERY odd! That is totally unrealistic. Love develops over time - so all he's saying is not true. And to add marriage talk is another joke. If you are truly into him, give it more time.. see how it progresses.. OR, walk away from this one (assuming he's involved with someone else as well..- Or rebounding (from an ex - recent break up..?). Either way.. if you find him acting odd, soon enough I think you'll catch on, he's not okay.
  24. Yes, is normal - especially if you're a social butterfly. Has not affected me too badly, I have managed to see some family on occasion, out doors. Plus I see a friend once a month or so for a little visit & coffee..otherwise, I remain at home & do my own things.. ( hobbies, my pets & my son) 🙂 . Can you not meet w/ friends now, out on patio.. or visit them by now? I see here, sport have picked up - baseball & I see kids at the skate park, etc. Things are improving here now 🙂 . So, maybe give some effort & reach out to some friends? To get yourself out there, mingling again.
  25. IMO, she was your wife.. so she married you for reasons. So, is possible that things fell apart for reasons- which has possibly led her to feel some resentment in the end. Also sounds like her mental health has hit a low 😕 . And is now struggling. Then, to see you've moved on again & successfully.... hit her even more. Anyways.. you two have no kids. Nothing to STOP all interactions & worry about each other. Are you done? Then be done! No concerns.. it is her life over there. Let go now.. worry about your own new life.
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