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SooSad33

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Everything posted by SooSad33

  1. Yeah, you know a lot you do & think is not healthy... Your 'red flags', I don't see as much concern. I have never needed all that info from anyone I dated.. only once did i check an ex's phone after 5 yrs, due to my assumptions of cheating & was correct. As for your repeated words of "I can’t imagine him doing anything to hurt them. ". I think this needs to stop. Sure, you two have known each other for many years.. sure family/friends history is there between the families.. BUT, this is your own separate life & experiences. has nothing to do with your parents, uncle, etc. You chose to date this guy and should things fall out, has nothing to do with how well family know him or anything.. So, try to put this fact aside. Is common for people to 'know people'. But our relationships have nothing to do with this. I suggest you consider some prof help with your insecurities, as it's affecting this relationship. Sounds like he is trying & that's all he can do... But, may get to the point, he's feeling overwhelmed & it will affect him, to the point he loses himself & feels he needs to give in & give up. ( this, due to the effects of your distrust). So, is maybe time to act? To work on yourself and find your trust in someone you do 'love'. To me, he sounds believable.. but you are so insecure. He's a young male and soo many do these things. Look at women, it's normal. does not mean he's a cheater. But, I feel you just can't trust him & this is damaging.
  2. Everyone moves at their own speed.. but yes, can also affect them due to different reasons. eg. only child, lack of responsibilities, etc. I have 4 boys... oldest moved out fast when he went to college. He rented a room w/ 3 other boys in basement of a house. ( gov't funded while in college). Second one to move out was 2nd youngest. he tried within a yr of finishing school to live w/ his GF. It failed after a yr, they could not find work & he moved back home again for another 6 mos.. this time more successful. I still have 2 at home now. One is on disability ( PTSD & depression- moods are awful sometimes πŸ˜• ). And my youngest who is autistic, has managed to find a suitable job to his liking but needs my assistance- all is okay ❀️ . He sometimes makes his own 'quick meals', cleans hands when he gets home, get a drink, lets dog out. ( he does better with routine). Anyways, your daughter is 20 now and is in college. As mentioned, set some rules of 'expectations'. Is college being paid for somehow? If she's doing an 'online course', she is at home a lot! Then you set some rules.. yes, do her own laundry ( take her to it & show her how machine works).... then at least ease into the rest of it.. Reminding her, dishes need to be put into the sink.. soak them, etc. by dinner time every night, etc. Take her shopping with you each week, so she see's how it's done. She need to learn the basics. Does she have a bank acct? Cheques? Know how to use them? ( I still pay rent w/ cheques). So, maybe make a list of things you need to teach her now... In time hopefully she will get the jist of things and get used to life & expectations.
  3. Sadly, she is ready to give up..sorry πŸ˜• . Has been 5 months and that is enough time to see IF a couple is working okay or not. What you need to do is not be involved with anyone for a while, instead focus on yourself. as you said, you're still dealing with the past? And you've reached out for some prof help, good for you! Therapy can be helpful - been there a few times. So, now you do not contact her anymore. Be respectful & leave her be to move on. You two tried ( a cpl times) and it just isn't working. So, remain single and worry about you.. because if your past is affecting you it can/will affect your future. You need to be better than this..right? One day at a time.
  4. Right, doesn't sound like he's all in it at all πŸ˜• . Where do you feel this is 'genuine love'? Because he's dropped by on occasion over the last 3 months? IMO, If someone truly cares, they will find time. They will try. It will not work out of only one sided. ( and is not so amusing him 'joking' about you two breaking up), then just do it. Is maybe time to throw in the towel. And move on to find someone out there who will try & show you some attention.
  5. Ohh the challenges πŸ˜• . Is there a reason the fiance is so upset about this? YOu said especially sons gf? As mentioned, this issue with him does not mean he'll never get a chance at love/kids etc. And you have no idea IF they will progress in a healthy manner in this relationship. Is still so early ( 6 mos), I am guessing they both just finished school? (every relationship takes time to build, expectations, respect, trust, communication and it takes energy). Who knows if they've got what it takes. So, maybe think on this... is it really best to have her move in with you guys? Where are her parents in this? ( is there a reason she can't attend her studies/future at her own?).
  6. Okay.. I am unsure as to WHY you are even with this guy?? He's controlling & nasty to you! And it has only been a year? Wow, you need to work on your inner strength here. You need to learn when to walk away. No one deserves to be controlled and insulted. Not long after your first break up would have been good enough time to get away from him! I feel you are young, because otherwise I am sure someone being treated this way would know better...as soon as this kind of crap started to disown that person. Please get out of this nasty involvement πŸ˜• . You do not deserve to be treated this way! He's got some problems and is making YOU suffer.
  7. this sounds basically one sided and she seems pretty unwilling to try to give a little on your side. You want to go visit family? Just go. My son & his gf attend family functions when possible ( not all) and sometimes will be just him ( she has to work etc), and that's fine. But, I'm sure she does not make him feel guilt or the need to 'rush home' back to her, but let him enjoy his time out. It's clear she's a negative challenge & unappreciative towards you re: money spent etc. You've seen this with her now over 3 years. If it's affecting you so much why are you staying with her?
  8. Yup, it is. I'm sure you realize this... with you saying something, means YOU are aware & concerned. He lashes back with excuses for his behaviour.
  9. Ahh no. Hardly anyone I know ever treats other's this way! He's got some major attitude and no respect. So, you get it right? He's abusive and it will start on you eventually. He is already accusing you of trying to control him. You NEED to see all of this.. and now! He's rude and he's manipulating, is how he is and will NOT be one to reason with. You need to be stronger than this now and say enough! Or you will regret a lot if this continues. He's bad news. Find someone out there who is respectful & decent.
  10. You've been dating half a year... In that time you'd come to know whether that person is for you or not. Obviously she is not. With you having such doubts says enough. Don't drag this on anymore. Be honest, and move on.
  11. I highly suggest you leave both alone now. I feel E is possibly a little messed up with all that's happened and is now kinda standoff-ish. And NO, you do not approach T at all anymore. Is called Respect! You now distance yourself, totally. And let them try to get back what they had before all of this. I can understand some 'curiosity' in all of this, but in the end, was not what at least E thought it would be like. Yeah, so to NOT make things worse, you back off the both of them now. Even if they split up, you keep your distance from him. IF she is a true friend to you, you will not cross that line again. You get out there & find someone of your own.
  12. Have you said this to her? If anything, I'd expect her to understand some & lay off the criticism. Was she exposed to alcoholic members in her family? Sometimes that can cause a negative effect. So, she's lashing out about it because of underlying issue's. She should be able to see with her own eyes, you are not drinking in excess anymore, so should not be such a big deal anymore. Maybe suggest she either stop pestering you as it's getting on your nerves, or she consider some therapy with her issue's? ( Otherwise, this will cause a wedge between you two soon enough).
  13. That can be quite a difference at your ages. I can understand being with someone maybe no more than 3-4 yrs difference if I was 19. I remember back in HS, I hardly looked at the seniors when I was a junior and that's a difference of 4 yrs. So, this gal, just barely getting going & getting out of school type of thing is just starting her life. You are well ahead of the game there, as you're turning 26. I say think twice and tread carefully. Yeah, you may have some raised brows in which case you could have some people question this. BUT, you don't even know if she see's you as someone to get involved with. Be pleasant, as you are. But not pushy... as mentioned, ask her out for a coffee.
  14. I have nothing to say on your mention of dating a hometown girl. Not a problem with that. And no, no girl is going to magically appear in your life. You are doing something to 'look out' for a decent girl. Keep on it πŸ˜‰ . What is concerning is your mention of her still posting relationship stuff- so she is probably still hurting. So, what could happen IF you were to get into something with her, is she could hurt YOU. because you could really come to like her but she may not be in that 'frame of mind', yet. As for your feelings fading? You have no idea yet if things would fade that way, once you get to hang with her, see her & talk to her more. As of yet, you are not doing this... No one truly knows until they are in that position. So, yeah. looks like some chances will be taken IF she fancies you as well.. but, you don't even know that yet. Contact her if you feel is right, see if she shows same interest in you.. But, proceed with caution. Try not to get too into this, until you get a feel when she is around.
  15. I am suggesting you do not bring him along to something 'family oriented', when your long-term relationship just ended. You could both end up feeling awkward doing this. I feel is best for YOU to seek your personal interests, especially so recent, outside of a family/friend event, such as this. Fine, you know him well enough but you were not involved with him for the last 4 yrs. Like I said, awkward. Is maybe best to sit him out of this event and continue to get to know him & spend some time ( gradually) on your own times.
  16. First off.. I am very sorry for loss of your sister 😞 . Loss is not easy. Second, IF your bf truly appreciated you he'd be honest about his ex and speak up to her about stopping her texting to him . Plus, he'd be appreciative of you. Not lie about it all. Then you did right. And as for this neighbour, well, you chose to go there (rebound) and no guarantee that will last long either, as you said, he's a rebound. They often fail quickly because you are NOT in the right mind πŸ˜• . ( So you may have 2 fails to deal with soon enough) - which is not such a good thing, right? I suggest you get out of this with them both! You stay away from getting involved for a good while, until you truly feel yourself again and you've recovered some from all of this and your loss of sister . Is really best to consider this, so the next time you do get involved, you're doing it with a more stable mind & heart. Slow your life down a little... and aim for things to be a little more stable & calm ❀️ .
  17. He's full of it. That's how they roll.. being 'very convincing'. And on it goes.. totally blowing your mind! He is not sorry.. He not okay. So hard to comprehend, I know! Their mind is 'crazy'! They take you on a ride. They mess you up mentally. This is the way they 'play' πŸ˜• . The manipulation.. the major 'head games'!! So sorry you've had to endure this crippling drama. Is really sad you've had to experience all of this. But, this is how they are. They love bomb you, they lead you on to drag you in. Then they totally make you so messed up, you don't know which way is up! Totally unrealistic. If Lisa is for real & someone he has encountered, she could possibly be as mentally unstable as he is. Or, it could just be a buddy, playing her. ( but didn't they meet up on his trip away?) Or, was this someone different? As I was reading your story, I got to thinking, he has a thing for her and she has possibly been 'controlling/manipulating' him as well all this time. Is really hard to figure out πŸ˜• . Either way it will all take time to work yourself back to 'okay' again as you're so mentally messed by this experience and it's how they are. So unreal πŸ˜• ... and what ticks me off is how their mind works with other's. It is damaging! Maybe you can seek some prof help? I do feel this has messed up up quite a bit.. I know I once was, thankfully I was already in therapy and managed to 'work through' my experiences.
  18. He has not changed, he is toxic. They are nasty people.. you know, you've experienced it. So, keep him on blocked now and stop giving in to such a loser! Keep your distance and keep reminding yourself you have REAL friends out there and remain distant. Be stronger than this and see how you need to be around kinder people & bf's.
  19. I feel it's too much too fast and you're now learning how you two clash. He finds you annoying now over the ice cream, when it's a simple solution to just get it yourself. Not ask him to keep getting it for you. Plus, you're there too much. He's needing a break from all of this. If you do not live there, then yeah, go home for a while. Has only been 3 month involvement. So, you two can either find a happy medium or you two are not working well together.
  20. Yeah, I doubt you're all for this poly... Do you honestly believe him? That you're his primary? You just said you feel you get the brunt end of it all... therefore, you are not his primary, if you are lacking his 'emotions'. And I am sure he's just loving all of this attention. I say he's a regular player is all. And is his lifestyle. Are you okay with having a partner like this?
  21. I'm sure you realize you two never got to get things rolling at all. It was off & on.. stuttering. There's been no real stability, letting this relationship grow into something real & healthy and instead you're both unsettled & uncertain what is going on.. who's going to walk away again, etc. So, it could possibly lead to nothing due to the instability between you two. And was no good, him being around you knowing you were still stuck on your ex ( failing relationship), of course you were not in the right 'frame of mind'. He was more like a rebound. I say to visit with him again if you choose, just don't expect too much with this. And should it not go so well, is maybe best to let it be and just move on from this one. We can only try so hard and if it's not there, nothing anyone can do about it.
  22. It is sad that you went through this again with her.... but in reality, did you feel you could handle such a long distance relationship? Things fell apart with her after 3 months a year ago.. I guess this be a lesson learned πŸ˜• . I know a cpl people like this. I agree, do not be a friend with her.. not worth it. Move on now, and just leave this piece of your past behind!
  23. Good stuff that you've given it all some time and worked a lot out , exercising, etc πŸ™‚ . You feel something is missing? Do you have hobbies? Hang with friends? Journal? I find getting out that way also helps, as It's another form of 'release'. ( out of mind, onto paper). Even things like yoga, can help you out- I find that's like a calming form, although slow movements. It's good. You can also make your own environment pleasant.. adding plants, have some sunlight (brighten the home), enjoy nice scents ( i like candles) πŸ™‚ . And I do a lot of my own things and have 'my time', I do my crafts, watch my shows, in peace..lol
  24. Okay, then leave it at that. If he's wanting to see you, he should let you know if it's a go. If you two never really talk other than setting up dates to 'hang out', doesn't sound much like an actual couple. A couple communicates regularly and 'gives a little', not all one sided. Plus, if both are interested for real, it should be known and no other's be involved.
  25. Is up to you... I am guessing is not just you initiating, as you said he has contacted you to 'meet up'? If he's interested enough, you'll know. Just make sure it is not always just you reaching out and to learn soon enough what it's all about.. just occasional hook ups - or what you two are wanting out of this.
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