Citrine

Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to reply to me. I know this is showing signs of mental abuse, he has had history of drug taking and he does drink regularly but not to the point he’s an alcoholic or getting drunk every night. I know that drinking definitely doesn’t help his mental state. He has always had paranoia issues and openly admits that to me which stem from his childhood but he goes through phases of it being particularly bad. This time feels the worst because he’s really putting the blame on me and that It’s my behaviour that is making him think those things not his irrational thinking. I’ll admit I have backed away from him a lot but that’s only because I feel pushed to that.

I desperately need relationship advice. I feel so stuck and low. I’ve been with my partner for 7 years nearly, we have a 4 year old daughter together and I have an 12 year old daughter from a past relationship. My partner is a very loving, hands on family man who’s the most amazing dad, kind and empathetic person. He has of course issues like anyone else that I have chosen to ignore over the years because I know he’s a good person and everyone has faults but for some reason this past 3 months we are struggling immensely and I don’t know how to get out of it or what to do. I feel like these issues are all his problem and I feel like I’m on the receiving end of it and it’s becoming so painful to live with. He has always had paranoia issues but again this is recently very heightened and he keeps blaming me because I’m not showing him enough love or affection. He’s started expecting sex almost every night which he hasn’t always done and if I turn him down he gets in a strop and says I just don’t want it, I don’t find him attractive etc. to be honest none of that is true but the more he’s been doing it recently I’m more turned off and find it harder to want him, when I do try with him I’m then being told I’m forcing myself to. He makes up these crazy scenarios that I’m cheating, constantly makes little digs that he says are jokes but he really believes them. We end up having a fall out often because I will finally bite and tell him I’m sick of it all the accusations and the paranoia and then he’ll give me the silent treatment for ages. We are such a tight family unit and don’t believe in arguing in front of the children so I don’t ever feel like I have the chance to really have things out with him because he won’t really listen to me without either an argument or telling me we can’t talk in front of the kids. I’ve sent him messages before so he can read them to let him know I’m struggling or that he needs therapy for the paranoia and he’ll just ignore them and not discuss it any further. Our 4 year old daughter is so precious to us, we both love her insanely and if it wasn’t for her and even my oldest daughter who has been through enough already I would have ended things at least for a while to make him realise that something needs to change. I feel like I’m drowning in it all, it makes me so sad because I’ve never given him a reason to not trust me, I know I’ve been an amazing partner to him and I don’t know how much more I can take. I want to make things work so badly and I don’t understand how he can’t see that he’s pushing me away so much. The thought of telling the kids we’ve broken up or letting them know we are having problems and need time apart kills me, our little one is so attached to us both and wants us both there all the time. I feel like I would be hugely letting them down but at the same time I know I don’t deserve this treatment and I feel trapped. Please can anyone offer me any advice as to what to do from here.