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  1. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice as such, but any advice or comments are very welcome. I guess I just like writing here to get things off my chest. So it's now been about a month since I ended my friendship with Rachael* and I've been spending a lot more time on my own. It's really weird but I am actually missing Rachael's friendship because the past 1-1.5 years we talked a lot and hung out reasonably often. But that was actually how long I was friends with her overall and just in that short time there were a lot of issues. I won't discuss that part of it anymore because I do have other posts about it that I made. I'm feeling sad and alone as of late and really starting to feel like I'm sort of drifting from some of my friends. I don't think it's for any particular reason but I guess it's just what can happen in life. Especially as you get older. I'm feeling really sad because my friendships with my two best friends, Belinda* and Sally* have changed/are changing and it's just a bit hard to come to terms with I guess. I'm 36 years old and Sally is 37. We've known each other since I was 19. We met at work and for probably about 5 years we were best friends and inseparable. Granted we were very young, but we went out together a lot. We would go out everywhere - to the movies, cafes, shopping, clubbing, parties. We stayed at each other's houses a lot. We just got along so well and could talk about anything. When Sally was 24, she met her husband on online dating. Gradually as she got more serious with him, naturally she didn't spend as much time with me. In 2012 she got married and I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. Eventually she had two kids. We have still been best friends all that time and our connection is still the same. So what I mean is, when we see each other things don't feel any different. We talk regularly and see each other maybe once a month or less. But since Sally has been with her husband (13 years), we just haven't been as inseparable. Back in 2011 I met my other best friend, Belinda. Same thing, we were completely inseparable and actually dubbed "The Siamese Twins". Because where one of us went, so did the other. Belinda and I had so many fun adventures together and I guess she wanted to go out a lot more because she was actually quite a bit younger than Sally. When we met I was 26 and Belinda was 20-21. Over the last 10+ years we've had so many adventures together! We also have A LOT in common, so we didn't just do the typical things like go to cafes and go clubbing. We are both bisexual and we went to a lot of GLBTIQ events. We also both really love dressing up in costumes and going to costume parties. Belinda and I basically talked every day and hung out once or twice a week on an ongoing basis for ten years. We had also been on a few fun interstate trips together. We'd usually talk on the phone for 2-3 hours, but sometimes it'd be more like 4-6 hours! A year ago Belinda met her boyfriend on online dating. They're in love with each other and they're very serious and going to move in together soon. Now I want to say very honestly that I'm not actually jealous or bitter about my best female friends having a boyfriend or a husband. I just miss them, that's all. I still hear from Belinda and still see her, but it's just not the same. Now I just don't hear from her as much and I only see her maybe once a fortnight. She does contact me first, but it's more me contacting her and me initiating to catch up. I have two close male friends also. One of them is gay and we have a bit of a big age gap. He's 29 and he still lives at home with his parents. I met him at community college and we were really close to the point where people wondered if we were actually dating. Unfortunately as the years went on I began to feel like I'm starting to drift from him a bit. I'm 7 years older but also I don't feel like he's very mature for his age. After our mental health course at community college, I got work in that field. I've been working for eight years in the field and I've been living out of home for 13 years. My friend has ADHD and he has really bad issues with time management. Every time we catch up, he's 1+ hours late and doesn't even let me know. Plus in other ways I feel like he's still exactly the same as in community college. Back then he was 18, living at home and no proper job. He's still in exactly the same place now and basically has been all that time. My other close male friend Henry is a really nice, sweet and chill guy who has no bad bone in his body. He's 37. He adores me. We initially dated 6 years ago but I didn't have real feelings for him and also he's polyamorous and I'm not. I know he felt really strongly about me, he told me that. He reaches out to me all the time and he's very loyal. I feel bad because I do like him as a friend but I actually have always felt that conversation with him is lacking. He's a very quiet and introverted sort of guy. Some of our friends and other people wondered if he's mildly on the autism spectrum. He's a serious person who doesn't laugh much and he never understands any of my jokes. My jokes are largely sarcastic lol For these reasons I've found it hard all these years to truly connect with him. I care about him a lot but our conversations are quite generic, which is mostly on his part. Recently I tried to make a new female friend from a Meetup group. I went out for dinner and to see some stand-up comedy with a 29-year-old woman that I met at a Meetup group two years ago. She's only been in my city for four years (came from interstate). We have a little bit in common but mainly during our catch up I was feeling like I'm really not connecting with her. She's uneducated and kind of bogan (redneck). We hung out for five hours and she spent the whole time just talking about herself and actually didn't let me speak at all really. She was drinking alcohol the whole time though but I wasn't because I was driving. Afterwards she actually messaged me saying that she had a really nice time with me and she's lucky to have me as a friend. She actually acknowledged that she only talked about herself and sort of apologised. I thought that maybe I could give her another chance, but now I'm really not sure. She did say to me during our catch up that she has issues with her Mum. She still lives with her parents and she said when she had a falling out with her Mum, she was staying at a hotel. She said she also lost her job but she wouldn't talk about why or what happened. Anyway, she messaged me today asking can she stay at my place on the couch because her and her Mum had another blow up. I know she has depression and she said her Mum has bipolar disorder. I said I was really sorry but I don't have a couch coz my ex took it. Also that my front door can only be locked with a key and I have only one set of keys. Both of these things are actually completely true, I didn't lie at all. But the main reason is that I have met this girl only twice in my life and the first time I didn't even talk to her much. She said she would pay me for staying with me but how could she pay if she doesn't have a job? Anyway, after I said no she just didn't reply. So once again I feel like this girl has a lot of issues and she was also just trying to use me for a free place to stay. I guess I'm just feeling so lost... I'm 36 years old...Do I actually have a chance still to make genuine, real close friends? Or is it too late? If I don't find a partner anytime soon then will I just be that single "spinster" all on my own?
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