justme80

I wont be checking in and she is the type of person who will not ask for help, if needed. Her own mother even said to me recently its like she prefers to own the problem than seek a solution. Also, its minor, but i never actually said she was "struggling" as you have quoted. But i do appreciate your replies.

I totally respect, understand and appreciate that she wants some space. With the way she has been acting towards me of recent times I am glad of it. I guess the good person that i am is always making allowances for her.

A very assumptions post without allowing me to explain to your previous post, which I have replied to. I would also like to add that she asks for my help with the horses as she struggles, as through the week she gets her mum to help when im not there. So I would say me being there is to her gain. Also adding she is a school teacher so gets more time off than most. I have never actually called her a "nut job" as you quote, only you so far has mentioned this term. Perhaps infuture wait for the reply to your questions before jumping the gun.

Im glad you raise these questions. So, yes, I goto hers every weekend and I have done for the most part. This is due to the fact that she owns 2 horses at a stables very close to her home and she needs to tend to them twice a day (once in the morning, and once early evening, each day). She outlined from early on in our relationship that it would be a huge help to her if I stayed at hers rather than her coming to mine due to the horses, and this has never been a problem on my part. Infact when im at hers I come and help with all the jobs every single time. So far this year she has been attending more and more horse shows with her horse and she needs me to come and help her with that, which I have been doing and im more than happy to do so. I have ALWAYS contributed towards groceries when I stay. More often than not she insists on takeaway which I always pay for, not sometimes, ALWAYS. I take all my own toiletries, toothpaste, shower gel, towel etc etc. I am very clean and tidy and respect her home. I do house hold chores, i wash her car, i help with the horses, and the dog. I do all these things of my own accord and i do it willingly. I have always said to her if she ever wanted a weekend(s) to herself then all she has to do is say.

I just want to know what I do that annoys her so much. It sounds like im blowing my own trumpet, but i always avoid confrontation, i get on with everyone, im a very understanding guy, im open and honest, i willingly do loads for her. I feel unappreciated at the moment. The sad thing is i guess I am making allowances right now due to her headaches. I get the feeling shes freaking out. I think shes got in the back of her mind its perimenopause, or something even more serious. She cant handle any kind of stress or pressure and recently she has been really stressing and moaning to me about her job. She gets very worked up. Also, she seems to be obsessed with her sister who she no longer speaks To. Anything her sister does my GF gets all angry towards when its nothing to do with her. Its not nice being pushed away and treated so badly when all im trying to do is help and be a good partner to her. The worst part is I feel like she sees me as doing nothing for her and even a hinderance.

The reason I am still with her is because her mood changes towards me have changed at the same time of her bad headaches and lack of sleep. She has been on medication which isnt working. She goes for an MRI scan soon. I guess I have been making allowances and trying to be understanding, as hard as it is. I have been hoping once (or if) the doctors have it sorted she would be better.

So a small update. I have heard from her saying "I think a weekend to ourselves might be best". That's not a problem for me, it was expected, and I agree with her. We usually spend every weekend together from Friday evening to Sunday. I have messaged her back saying that's not a problem, and that i know she's not herself recently and i think i understand why (headaches/lack of sleep, stress at work, etc.), and that I'm here if she wants to talk. She replied back in what i can only interpret as yet again an aggressive manner by saying "I'm fine, i wish you would stop second guessing that something is wrong with me". I know her well enough to know that something isn't quite right, even though she says she's fine.. Her moods have been horrific, she has been snapping at me & her mother, and, she has barely spoke to me the past 2 weeks when normally she messages me A LOT during the day about anything and everything. I haven't even had a single message from her in 4 days. So its very clear she's not fine. I will give her space, I will leave her be to figure it out herself. People here are rightly asking my why I have stuck around with her while shes been treating me this way. I have been making allowance's for her because her behavior has coincided with her bad and constant headaches and lack of sleep. She has been under medication but its not been working. She is going for an MRI scan in a week or so.

Some people do this. The only thing I can think shes moved this quickly is for a confidence boost now she is newly single. Some people cant bear to be alone. In my opinion the best way to be after a breakup is to focus on yourself or your loved ones around you. Focus on you mate.

I get nothing from the relationship apart from grief. I have outlined that. I wasnt here to ask if i should stay or leave, I was here asking to understand why her behaviour is like what it is. To understand for my own sanity, because she has been manipulating me to think everything is my fault.

Currently, now, there is nothing pleasant. We never go out even though i regularly suggest things. I am walking on egg shells around her. But what attracted me in the first place was we got on very well, we share the same values, she was kind, thoughtful towards me, caring, we did things together frequently that made us happy.

I do not have a habit of staying in toxic relationships. I am a very independent guy who before i met my GF i was single for 12 years, through my choice. She is my third serious relationship in my life. I am a very confident guy whos head is screwed on.

The aggressive nature towards me has been occurring since the beginning of this year. Prior to this she never lost her temper. She does however have a track record of falling out with her relatives and it lasts a very long time. At the beginning of our relationship she fell out with her mother and they didn't speak for appx 3 months. She then fell out with her eldest sister at Easter of LAST year, and they still don't speak, and her other sister she fell out with in August and they are still not speaking. She loves to bad mouth her sister and anything her sister does winds her up whatever it is, even when it has nothing to do with her. She really can be odd (well, odd to me!)

So, yes, her personality changes have changed since the headaches and lack of sleep, this is why I have been making allowance's for her behaviour towards me. She has been to the doctors 5 times in the past few months. They have given her tablets which are doing nothing at all for her. She went back to the doctors recently and they have agreed the next step is an MRI scan, which she has in 2 weeks. The headaches were that bad she had a month off work in February. She says she can not remember a time when she did NOT have a bad headache.

Sex?! Ha ha ! Whats that?!! We havent been intimate in a LONG LONG time! I do deeply appreciate your advice and replies, but, I can assure you i am not trying to cling onto anything to do with her as a person. I wont insist on seeing the puppy. If she says no then there is nothing i can do. Even though when we got the puppy she reffered to it as "our dog", she paid for it, and it lives at her house. I have financially contributed towards its upbringing so far, but that doesnt mean anything. It was fully her idea to get the dog. If she says no to me seeing the dog there is nothing I can do about seeing it. Either way, if I get to see the dog or not, I cant have anything more to do with my GF.

I will be open and honest with you all, my one and only concern right now is I still want to be able to see the puppy when we break up. Obviously I would collect the puppy and take her out by myself and then return her. I love the dog more than life itself and we have a great relationship. Im scared of my GF not allowing me to see the puppy after the break up.