Advice4888

mine and my idk wether to say boyfriend anymore relationship has practically gone to ***. I don’t know if it’s saveable anymore as I’ve been really hurt and too much has happened. However we built a life together and I am 19 years old and was reliant on him financially and he was reliant on me in a way as well to help him financially. I’ve been sulking for a very long time and been in a bad mental state. I want to pick myself back up and want to be strong enough to handle the situation. He says he still loves me but because so much *** happened he feels very distant. So do I in a way. He still wants to work on it but says he needs space and for now to take it really slow just as if starting all over from scratch. I want to be strong enough to make a plan as I’ve realised that I’ve become dependent on him, dependent on eating and sleeping and doing daily tasks with him. I want to now be independent. The apartment we have together has a lease for one year that we aren’t very able to get out of at the moment. I want advice as I made a plan, I want to take a year, maybe stay in separate rooms, find independence, make a plan for my future, figure out how to love myself again, focus on making some money and grow as a person. If he says he wants to still try and make it work then I can go with the flow and see if it works however if the lease runs out and it doesn’t at least I will have a plan unlike now where I completely didn’t expect this and feel like I’ve been thrown onto a bunch of rocks. I wasn’t prepared. The thing is my other relationships weren’t this serious where we lived together. That’s why I’m hoping that this solution would be the grown up and adult thing to do. However I’m not sure how I’d handle it, if it would hurt too much if it didn’t work out. I’m not sure. I think it would help both of us out to live together, and he says he wants that. But what if it is emotionally too much.

I’m trying to show interest and improve on that in the present annd future anf everyone seems to think I’m the only one who disregarded his feelings. He did the same to me but I’m not leaving but trying to work on it

No I offered it because I wanted to feel connected to him as well. Maybe a part of me did hope that he would realise something by it as well. What do you think? I feel like perhaps he would have left by now but he’s sticking around I’m not sure

The least ends next January. The apartment is in his name. He says he doesn’t want to cancel the lease as it will affect his credit score really negatively and he might not be able to find another place. The apartment is only in his name because I’m a student and only have a part time job. But I’ve brought everything in the apartment. All the furniture and deposit was payed by me.

Thanks this honestly means a lot. I’m just not sure how much time is too much time. It’s been a week.

I cannot afford it by myself, i don’t even want to stay there at the moment because the apartment just remind me of him as it was meant to be out fresh start. He did say he will contribute but it’s just going to make things hard for me if he does end up ending it

Thanks for that, do you think it would be reasonable to give him some time to himself though before I try to ask him to work it out more? Being in a relationship for 3 years and living together for most of it, I feel like I don’t know who I am when I’m not with him and even I feel like I need to remind myself who I am. From what I heard from him he’s saying the same thing. The issue is the anxiety I’m experiencing is preventing me from trying to focus on myself because all I think of is him and what will happen no matter how much I try to distract myself

Thanks for that, the issues genuinely were communication. I felt like he didn’t listen to my feelings so then I disregarded his. I think both sides are at fault but this week gave me a lot to think about and I want to be more understanding. I’m just not sure what to do at the moment. I will give him that time I have no where to go anyway I’m staying alone at our apartment and don’t really have the opportunity to move out. I’m in a constant state of anxiety and it’s affecting my everyday tasks because even when I try to distract myself I can’t.

The arguments started way after we have moved in together. It’s only been recently because we stopped understanding each other and were both selfish with our own needs. We got the apartment together and it was a mutual decision. Before I lived with him for one year and his brother. I moved in with him and his brother one year ago as my relationship with my family was really abusive and had to get out of the situation. Then after a year of living with his brother we wanted our own space. We both work. Both share money if he doesn’t have money I’ll give him, if I don’t have money he gives me. We help each other out. We spoke about our values and I think they do differ but not majorly. We didn’t argue about money, the intimacy from my side was closed off for a bit because I was hurt and didn’t want to be intimate until now when I feel like I want to feel connected to him somehow. His family does cause issues in our relationship sometimes and it’s annoyed me but I’ve tried to be as patient as possible with it. I’m still trying to be better till this day. I can’t change the past but I can try and be better if he’s offering me a chance by saying he will visit me and we will take it slow and work it out no? Or am I being dumb. He was so in love with me and our miscommunication hurt him but before he left I didn’t even know it was that much pain from his side he didn’t even tell me. So I didn’t know how serious it was but he acted completely normal with me he wasn’t closed off or anything. And it just switched so fast I didn’t even process anything yet

However I was the one who offered sex he didn’t even mention it until I did and he said he didn’t want to take advantage of the situation and thought it was wrong but then agreed as I said I did want to. He said he still feels connected to me. I know I sound naive right now. Of course I want to believe he will come back. We have been together through so much and I’m hoping he’s not going to give up as he said the whole sleep over thing made him feel a lot better and it’s the first time he’s opened up to me in a while. I’m hoping that means something but then again I might be gullible

See this is whats confusing about it because he says he’s not moving out forever only for a bit to focus on himself and he’s still been visiting me and being really affectionate. He says he wants to try just needs space for now. I’m not sure if I’m being naive but I could understand him wanting space

They were about little things like being more understanding or we wouldn’t listen to each other but I’m willing to change that

I don’t know if anyone’s seen my previous post but short story, my boyfriend of 3 years who I’ve lived with for a year has moved out because we’ve been having relationships issues that were making us both unhappy. He is very confused about what he wants to do and says he doesn’t want to live together at the moment until he’s sure what he wants to do. You can read my previous post to see the full story. Anyway, he came over yesterday, I told him I still want to live together and he gave me all these mixed messages about how confused he is and he needs to find himself and he thinks he needs to leave me because he doesn’t want to make me wait. We can’t get rid of the apartment we have together because the contract doesn’t let us. He says he’ll be there for me as a person but he doesn’t know if he can be there as a boyfriend. But then everything changed I said okay I was obviously upset. He then started hugging me and kissing me so passionately. I know this is probably a bit not pg but then we had two rounds of very passionate sex. After that he offered to spend the night I didn’t even ask him to. When we woke up he said that the night made him feel so much better and that he’s glad we finally had a conversation were we didn’t argue but it’s only been one conversation like that and he wants to see if there will be more calmness in the future as he is scared to be in a relationship with me. However he asked me if I’m okay and I said I’m scared too. He said that for now we won’t be together but he will visit me and we are gonna work on it until perhaps hes less confused. He told me he loved me and then left for work. When I was with him that night I felt like nothings changed. He said he’ll message me and see me after he has some time to himself. What does this mean everyone I’ve never been in a situation like this and I’m really confused. I don’t know if I’ll be breaking my heart more if I wait for him and then maybe in the future he changes his mind or something. But then again I want to do everything to make it work and I want to improve from my mistakes and try and give it my best shot even if it is under the conditions he’s set for now.

Hi, me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years and we live together, we recently had a really bad time were we both kind of turned toxic against each other. He packed up his stuff last week and left to go live with his sister, he didn’t even let me know that he wanted to leave. I love him and even if our relationship had its bad stage I wanted to work through it. I’m really upset right now because he’s the only person I have in my life as all my friends moved away to other cities and my family doesn’t keep in touch with me. I am not financially able to afford the apartment we live by myself, it is also under his name and it makes me really sad living there because it was meant to be our new start. I texted him because I wanted answers. I am really confused on what I should do, because he kept saying he still loves me but he is confused whether he still wants to be with me as we are both unhappy. He’s been gone for a week, in this week I have been so depressed because he’s the first person in my life that ever took care of me, I didn’t eat or sleep, I got drunk and took sleeping tablets, I couldn’t get out of bed. I blame myself a lot because I know during our bad stage I was being stubborn and inconsiderate but so was he. I love him so much and I want to make it work, this week that he was away I did a lot of self reflection and realised all my mistakes and I want to improve on them. He keeps giving me these mixed signals saying doesn’t want to be with me until he sees that something will change and that we won’t argue anymore and that we will both be happy. We have been living together for a year, and he said that he will come see me so that he can see if there are any improvements but he said he does not want to live with me anymore. When I asked him for how long he said “I don’t know the contract ends in a year and we’d have to see from then”. I told him I was really upset because it seems like a huge set back. He said he’s not saying he will stay away for a year he’s just saying he will stay away until he’s sure thinks have improved as he has many doubts right now. I’m really hurt because he’s never left me like this before. I don’t understand how he wants to see if things will change because this whole week all he’s done is ignored me and barely answered any of my messages. He still says he will come visit me but I’m not sure I believe him because of all these mixed signals he’s sending me. I don’t want to try my best to fix our relationship if I’m gonna get my heart broken twice. I’m really scared as I have no where to go. He said he will keep paying for the apartment but I don’t even want to stay there alone because it makes me think of him. If there is any chance that we will be together I want to try and give it my best but I’m worried he’s just gonna change his mind as his answers are so unclear right now. Please give me some advice. I don’t want to work and go through all this pain if he’s just going to give up on me, I’ve tried to have a conversation with him but he looks confused himself. I just want this pain to stop and I feel like something needs to be resolved either bad or good because it’s making me so depressed I barely leave the bed. What adds to the situation is the fact that when he saw me earlier he kissed me and hugged me but his answers are still the same. I don’t want my heart being messed with because he’s confused and I’m not.

Hi, me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years and we live together, we recently had a really bad time were we both kind of turned toxic against each other. He packed up his stuff last week and left to go live with his sister, he didn’t even let me know that he wanted to leave. I love him and even if our relationship had its bad stage I wanted to work through it. I’m really upset right now because he’s the only person I have in my life as all my friends moved away to other cities and my family doesn’t keep in touch with me. I am not financially able to afford the apartment we live by myself, it is also under his name and it makes me really sad living there because it was meant to be our new start. I texted him because I wanted answers. I am really confused on what I should do, because he kept saying he still loves me but he is confused whether he still wants to be with me as we are both unhappy. He’s been gone for a week, in this week I have been so depressed because he’s the first person in my life that ever took care of me, I didn’t eat or sleep, I got drunk and took sleeping tablets, I couldn’t get out of bed. I blame myself a lot because I know during our bad stage I was being stubborn and inconsiderate but so was he. I love him so much and I want to make it work, this week that he was away I did a lot of self reflection and realised all my mistakes and I want to improve on them. He keeps giving me these mixed signals saying doesn’t want to be with me until he sees that something will change and that we won’t argue anymore and that we will both be happy. We have been living together for a year, and he said that he will come see me so that he can see if there are any improvements but he said he does not want to live with me anymore. When I asked him for how long he said “I don’t know the contract ends in a year and we’d have to see from then”. I told him I was really upset because it seems like a huge set back. He said he’s not saying he will stay away for a year he’s just saying he will stay away until he’s sure thinks have improved as he has many doubts right now. I’m really hurt because he’s never left me like this before. I don’t understand how he wants to see if things will change because this whole week all he’s done is ignored me and barely answered any of my messages. He still says he will come visit me but I’m not sure I believe him because of all these mixed signals he’s sending me. I don’t want to try my best to fix our relationship if I’m gonna get my heart broken twice. I’m really scared as I have no where to go. He said he will keep paying for the apartment but I don’t even want to stay there alone because it makes me think of him. If there is any chance that we will be together I want to try and give it my best but I’m worried he’s just gonna change his mind as his answers are so unclear right now. Please give me some advice. I don’t want to work and go through all this pain if he’s just going to give up on me, I’ve tried to have a conversation with him but he looks confused himself. I just want this pain to stop and I feel like something needs to be resolved either bad or good because it’s making me so depressed I barely leave the bed. What adds to the situation is the fact that when he saw me earlier he kissed me and hugged me but his answers are still the same. I don’t want my heart being messed with because he’s confused and I’m not.