marmar

My thought process was I was alone with this guy and I didn't know what he could do to me. You weren't there I didn't sit on his lap....no I wasn't on birth control but no I didn't get pregnant. As to him I have no idea, I tell you I didn't see his thing he didn't show me I could just feel him doing it. Another reason why I was feeling very confused as this was my first time. Next day he denied that we had sex, he only told me it was sex a long while later like months later (yes I was confused for months). I'm in my late 20s and previous guys I dated never rushed into sex like that or even asked for sex. I barely knew the guy we only had a few meetings before this happened. This happened a year ago.

I didn't have my phone in the bathroom, I was alone with this guy in his house, I know it was a mistake to go there in the first place. Not only was I alone with him but I was also a bit freaked out by his neighborhood. My car was parked a bit far off. I know made dumb decisions leading up to it. But I had liked him a lot at first so I trusted him too much. It was also not my first time in his house, my first time in his house he had directly asked if I would sleep with him on his bed but when I had said no he had respected that after a while, I was not expecting him to suddenly have sex with me the next time I came to visit.

I was in a state of shock when it was going on, I wasn't ready to have sex with him nor was I expecting to have sex with him. And I didn't know how to leave the situation. My mom wanted me to date him because she was under the impression he was in love with me but at the time, she hadn't believed me when I told her about the experience. I didn't actually end up reporting him or anything although at first I had asked my parents if they could but they didn't (because of them not believing me). Then I was terrified of the guy for a long time and ill even though yes I was also questioning everything that had happened and everything about my feelings about the guy.

I forgot to add that after the sex started, although I was in shock, it was so sudden, I attempted to remove myself from the situation. I told him I wanted to go home, which he seemed to not hear or not understand. I asked to go to the bathroom, which he then allowed, but then he went back to doing the sex again. I tried to move my body away and towards the end covered my vagina with my hands but he said "don't leave me hear like this" moved my hands and continued until he finished.

The whole situation was very messed up for me. I became very very ill. Yes, my parents originally did not believe me. They actually didn't think we even had sex and assumed I was making stuff up because of my mental health. So at first I wasn't getting their support and my mom was wanting me to get back with the guy because she thought he loved me and that nothing inappropriate happened. The most heartbreaking part about it was my father's reaction, he said he didn't care. So I felt very confused for the longest time. Now, I replay what happened in his house every single day. It was a terrible experience for me. The entire time he seemed happy and afterwards he seemed to not understand my emotions about it and was saying he loved me for the longest time.

I'm now thinking that regardless of whether it was rape or not, I felt absolutely terrible and ill from it, and even so, I really do feel that he made me do something that was against my values and beliefs. I feel that sex before marriage is wrong and he ignored that and made me do it with him.

I don't feel I wanted to have sex with him or that I consented. In the moment he didn't ask me if I wanted to have sex and just started doing it before I could even react. We were sitting on a couch not in a bed. We weren't even really making out we were just sitting there. He didn't take off his clothes. I was wearing a dress. He took off my underwear and before long I felt him penetrate me. He didn't ask. I never even saw his penis. I just felt it inside me and that was how I figured out he was having sex with me. The whole time I was scared and wanted it to stop, but he seemed happy and didn't seem to notice.

So I feel that I don't actually want this guy even though he took my virginity. I've been reflecting on the experience. When I talked with him about it, he said to me, "You don't need to tell your parents when we have sex. Husbands and wives have sex and they don't tell their parents. Don't be afraid of sex. You won't be afraid. I desire sex with you. What do you do, when you desire sex with me? Tell me without fear! Don't you want me to be happy?" Well, something about that verbal exchange made me feel not good. Was I wrong in my feeling?

If she was afraid you would break up with her over something like that it sounds as though she may have trauma from her past relating to relationships, or she may be insecure about the relationship and worried you don't love her. Either way it's not a good thing. It's common for women to deal with insecurities but if you are judging her for this that isn't good either. If she doesn't have too many flaws you can accept her but if you are questioning everything ask yourself if it's something you want or if you can look past it. Do you love this girl or not.

I didn't lie it's just, I almost feel I want to just forgive him

I had actually been stable for a long time before this, like for a couple years, but got ill again after the incident. You do have a point about the premarital sex it's just now I feel terrible because I left him even though he took my virginity.

So this is a long and complicated story. I dated this guy for a bit last year and I accidentally lost my virginity to him. Then I freaked out and dumped him and told my family that I thought he raped me. I believe that sex is for after marriage so I definitely didn't want to be having sex with him. I then got sick mentally but I have always suffered from mental illness so it's not as though it was totally the guy's fault. But now, I've been texting him and he wants to get back with me, it's been a year at this point. I don't know how to explain to my family that I've been texting him or that he's been wanting me back. Part of me is wanting to get back with him. I almost feel as though I just want to forgive him and date him again. He seems he may be a good guy just that we accidentally had sex and maybe he just didn't realize I wasn't ready or whatever. I don't know if I can love anyone else. He seemed like a good guy and he really wants me. I felt scared of him for a long time but I'm wondering if I should just forget that and try again with him.