JayParker

Thank you very much for your response. Because you can relate to the esteem issues, you were the type of person that I hoped would respond. To be honest, I've dated women that while attractive, something was missing. I wanted the same passion when spending time together while chatting on the patio as in the bedroom. . Many times I've felt alone although my companion was in proximity. Meanwhile, this woman could make two hours spending time together feel like it was only 20 minutes (the connection was really that good). But there was also the other reality. When there was conflict - which would arise about once a month, it really chipped away at my relationship foundation and caused me to feel uncertainty . Because otherwise, it seemed better than any woman or relationship I would have ever imagined...I held on. And I am now seeing that this is an unhealthy cycle and it's now time to tell her goodbye and for good. Thank you for our insight, Dancer Candy. It's much appreciated.

In her past, I can safely say that she’s chosen relationships that offer no worries . She hasn’t told me this, but these men are what I would define as ‘safe’ because these men probably thought they’d had a trophy girl and would do anything to keep her. She held the cards. I’m 100% certain. I was proud to be seen with her too, but unlike these men (and this isn’t to brag) I do have options to date equally attractive women. I also prefer women of depth and she had this - while a lot of women do not seem so deep. I’m thinking that she chose men of her past because she would not feel vulnerable, but instead have complete control of her emotions. i’m sure that the men in her past were probably nice. But I also think, they probably never had a woman this attractive in their life before, and were probably willing to jump through more hoops. Although this woman is very deep - which means a lot to me and we’re very well-connected – (more than any woman I’ve seen in my past) there were also these multi breakups and… I’m thinking it’s time to let go. Who knows.

Yes. I’m very close to closing the door to the point of no return. Recognizing, that I can sometimes make impulsive decisions, I want to be completely sure. I do not want to end things and then afterward have some realization that I didn’t consider something and that my ending was in haste. As you (and I’m sure others know) when we are inside a relationship, it’s difficult if not impossible to look at things from both sides. This is why I seek an outside point of view. I thank you for sharing yours. Also, it’s ironic that you say that she always wants to be right, because she always accused me of this. I told her that I want resolution to conflicts over winning one.

I’ve always considered myself to be a sensitive person to other’s shortcomings. Having had awkward moments myself, I believe I do my best empathize. I’m struggling with a girlfriend that openly talks about her insecurities. It maybe seems passive aggressive. If she sends me a photo and I do not flatter it, She’ll respond with something like “I didn’t realize I was that ugly today. Sorry.” Although I try to be attentive, it frustrates me because it almost seems like an attention getting tantrum or something. I’ve been trying to read up about women with low self image, esteem issues and insecurities. It seems like it’s a deep psychological real problem. And for the record, my girlfriend is going to therapy. Here’s one example. We were at a local club where a lot of my friends hang out, and she accidentally knocked over a glass of wine. Nobody noticed. She later told me that she was afraid that all my friends saw it, and were laughing, and that I would break up with her. If my friends did see it – which they didn’t, they wouldn’t have laughed. Of course, I would’ve never broken up with her as I have done similar things like that myself and still do. Part of me thinks that because I’m sensitive to her, she’s exploding it. I don’t like feeling that way, but it almost seems like her insecurities provide her with an excuse to milk me to the point that I sometimes feel very drained and depleted. This might make me sound insensitive, but actually I’m not. Can any if you even relate to her behaviors? Has anyone ever dated someone with these type of behaviors?

She and I can go weeks without conflict. And it's not like there aren't opportunities. It just doesn't usually happen weekly or anything. It's like, when we disagree, it's never a tiff (like what happens in 'normal' relationships). In fairness, neither of us seem to give the other much wiggle room when we argue. The major difference is that she snaps to the point of breaking things off. Believe me! I've felt like breaking up too, but I seem more able to step back before being this impulsive. She doesn't. Most of the time it's great. In fact, it's the most good fit that she or I have ever experienced. But when it's heated, it's not good.

This felt like it happened in a blink of on eye. She and I are in our late 40's. Although we may appear more 'seasoned' this relationship had its immaturity. I have dated quite a bit and am usually the one offering my friends productive advice. My current relationship has me stumped. I've met a girl like I have never met before. It's almost like a mirror image of myself. We have that much in common It's not unusual to make (what I think is a five minute call) and we end up on the phone for an hour or two. The conversation just flows that well. We've been together for five months. I would say that in the first two months we knew more about each other than a lot of married couples that I know. I wouldn't say that either of us rushed things. The conversations were natural and comfortable and just flowed . The 'bedroom' department also went well Sound ideal so far, but there's one problem. She and I have so much in common that our arguing styles are also identical. The only difference is that she does something that is a bit extreme. She impulsively breaks up. The relationship started last October and about 4-6 weeks, "it's over." I don't think that she's trying to make some statement or anything. I really think that in that moment, she's genuinely done. I've felt that same way too, but have bit my tongue a few times. After a day to a week, after the dust settles, we are back together. Neither of us are co-dependent and it's not like we couldn't find someone new if we wanted. I think that she also knows that she and I are so alike (same quirks, sense of humor and enjoy depth) that we both know that we'll probably never meet someone that fills as many slots. My friend said that I do not give her enough drama and so the breakups are her way of getting her needs met. It's not that I'm a pushover. It's just that we otherwise seem to fit so well that there's no conflict. Another friend said that I have made her smug. I don't overshadow her with flattery, but she always looks nice when we go out together and I do let her know each time I'm clueless on this one. Can anybody offer an opinion?