SooSad33

Yeah, sounds like you are just pretty frustrated over all the crap YOU have had to endure thru your life 😞 . Did you mention if you've also been in therapy? I feel this could help you along as well. As it seems you're still struggling with your own past and still seem to be holding onto some negative vibes and after effects of it all.... I agree with them putting people like this away for a while to monitor them. Get them on the 'right track' and then help them get situated again. Many people in this situation could benefit from that! Has this bene discussed or looked into? As for his diet.. I don't know? it may be more something HE needs to address on his own. I've had to adjust mine as my cholesterol was on the high side. I've gone now almost 2 yrs, not eating beef or pork and more salads, chicken & fish. With the occasional treats 😉 . Moderation is the key. But, his diet reminds me of my first ex's best friend. The guy would wake up & go out to grab a coke & cookies. ( while we all got up & made a coffee, to start our day). I also have a friend ( on the heavy side), who drinks pop all the time, while his gf likes her coffee. We all have have some challenges, whether it's re: our diet.. our mentality,, whatever. So, give it all time. See IF he does manage to change for the better.. But remember, the key word 'Time'. Time is what is needed here. To see if things will improve with him or not. You are not his mother or his doctor, but you were his partner. Yes, he is challenged at this time and I feel in ways, so are you. You cannot take his problems away & make him better, that's on him. As it is for you re: your own past experiences. ( 2 wrongs won't make it right) 😉 . So, for now, try & focus on your own self. Especially while you two are not involved at all. I feel, in time, you'll know if it's salvageable or not.

Good for you! Shows your strength 🙂 . I had an ex or two try that crap as well. Stoopid me, replied once and the chatter went on for a cpl weeks.. then I was triggered, as I felt in ways, I was being led on.. again and quickly put an end to that! He ended up asking me why I stopped talkin to him via email, so I eventually did respond with .. ' I appreciated you & never lied to you - sadly, I didn't get it in return'. - and felt it had all triggered me again 😕 . This was back near end of Oct and we hadn't spoken in about 4+ yrs! Then he msg'd me again on NY's, wishing me a Happy NY's.. blah blah.. and then to view my profile recently on dating site? - whatever. hey buddy, your loss 😉 . Carry on.. as I remind myself,, 'the past has nothing new to say'.

Sadly, this reminds me of my ex's daughter 😞 . She's become a sad mess over the years and ended up being put away a few times and losing her kids to her ex, due to her behaviour and psychotic-like behaviour. She ended up back in town, recently and tried to get to talking with her father again and he's refused ( kind of like how you explained your ex losing the support of his 'mother-like' person). They come to realize that person is nothing but a negative in their life, causing way too many issue's. I guess, what I am saying here, is to look at his past, the issue's that have occured and could very well repeat, throughout his life. Fine, if he's got it together now. But, he could easily falter again 6 mos down the road.. and again, 2 yrs from now. It could end up becoming a real 'struggle' for him to keep straight & sober. And this is NOT something you want to have to experience 😕 . I agree with this. You NEED some serious 'down time'. Time to work on your own self & emotions with all you've been through as well. What you don't need is a mentally unstable partner. I get it, you still have feelings for him, of course. It's only been a few mos, since the BU. So, as mentioned, if anything, have 'limited' amt of comtact. Every day or half a dozen times a day isn;t necessary, as you two are no longer involved. He NEEDS to focus more on his own self - maybe even getting himself in for some prof help as well. I found therapy helpful in dealing with all that was going on with me and helping me 'work through it all'. And I knew, in no way was I okay to be getting involved again.... ( am presently single for over 5 yrs now and am fine with that 🙂 . I know I can't do it, as It's mentally & emotionally draining. Plus, if ya don't get involved, ya won't get hurt). Anyways, please give this all some time. Give yourself time and go with 'No Expectations', with this guy. I do feel you're already at that point & guarding your heart, good on you! See how things are a year + from now. See IF he's 'able' to keep it together and prove he is actually stable enough & remain on his meds, getting his life together, finally.

Yup, I knew a couple of these thru school too, lol. BUT, I came to realize , as you said, yes, we change over time! He won't be the same guy you knew in school. He's had some adult life experience now, as have you ... and, do ya ever wonder.. Why is he single? 😉 . Maybe he isn't 'relationship material'? Then is best to carry on now. No loss, right? 🙂 Take your time, getting to know all these potentials out there. And keep working on yourself as well in the meantime. Good luck.

Yeah, this is ALL a little concerning! Sounds like she moved way too fast, then realized she couldn't do it. Sounds a lot like my son's boss, who's out there with one after another, after his wifey asked for a Divorce abt 8 mos ago 😕 . Has been hard on him and now he's rebounding all over the place - sounds a lot like what she's doing. ( which is selfish- knowing you can't do it) . Then fps, be single for a while & get over your last relationship. So yeah, now you did what was best & removed her from everything. Do not keep giving in to her. As you explained already, you can't just be 'friends' with someone you have such feelings for - and I agree! That just keeps the thoughts etc going w/ reminders etc. Nope, just be done and don't respond to her anymore . You owe her nothing! Heck, it was only a couple of months. Time to let it go & move on.

I say you are still 'in mourning' and grieving the whole thing. In ways, maybe some 'loss'. But also where you lost yourself in this? 😞 . Yes, it all takes time, then you do your best during this time. You need time to work on finding yourself again. You need time to work on accepting what is now. And you need time to just heal from this experience. IF someone's been damaged by a rough experience, they'll need time to 'heal' and move on. Can take a year, may take two. So, I can still see, someday you WILL wake up and realize he was NOT the first thing you thought about for once! 🙂 . That is 'progress'! And it's to show you that no matter how small, you're getting there. Will be to the point, you realize you really 'don't care' anymore 😉 . I found journaling helpful. All I wanted to 'say to him', I'd say it there. I had some hate & anger coming out, I was so ticked off with him and was getting it out on paper. I'd do it for months & months, to where finally, one day, I just stopped journaling. Realizing, he had no more room in my head anymore.. And I was moving ahead with a true breath of fresh air. 🙂 I also zoned out with my music. it does help as well. I'd spend a cpl hours just listening to my tunes and cry if needed. 'Get it out'. If you goto bed, shedding a few tears, that's okay too. So, be easy on yourself and keep on. Keep up with the therapy and your healing. I found, with therapy, it helps you work through those challenging moments and overwhelming emotiions. We're human, we feel. Either way, in the end, although you may not think you're getting ahead, believe you are.

I doubt your response has anything to do with her. IMO, she's pulled away, on her own accord, realizing she can't do it, for a number of reasons. Sorry for your loss.

Well, a couple things stick out for me here. You say you've experienced suicidal ideation kinda thing and you've been dx as autistic. Yes, some may not be able to experience 'emotions' in the right sense with this. Good though, you've sought prof help - maybe keep on that. Re: Emotional intelligence & autism: Autistic people may lack the ability to recognize and label emotions, and they may have difficulty responding to social cues. This can vary from individual to individual. Cognitive empathy can be taught, so it is possible for autistic people to learn empathetic behavior. Other therapies may improve emotional empathy. So, I will assume, you maybe were, in ways, just happy to have been around to admit you have 'experienced' such huge events in your lifetime, not that you actually 'enjoyed' it all.

First off, I'd suggest you avoid making any issue's re: social media. That's a nothing. I've dated guys and never posted pic of us on there. it's called a 'personal life'. Some don't want the whole world to know everything. Many people keep stuff to themselves - unless they're maybe going to marry 😉 . Second, I find her very unsettled and needy or avoidant. She doesn't sound to happy at all. And why are YOU so into the idea of looking for a home with her at this time ( of only dating 1 year)? . you in a rush? Third, imo, IF she were this totally into YOU, I'm sure she'd be happier than anything to let all of her family into this fact... I feel that you are trying so hard and she is hardly trying. This isn't meshing well for you at all. I suggest you just back off and let HER reach out for once. See IF she does. She seems rather distant with you and demanding, to where YOU don't feel 'heard', correct? I wouldn't exactly be wanting to move in or marry anyone who's this odd!

- All of this is just going to drag you down more & more. She needs to continue on in dealing with her mental health. And is best med's be taken AND therapy, in order to have anything succeed. But, this gal does NOT have the right frame of mind to be in a relationship and fps, YOU are 20 years older!? Crazy man, just crazy! You've had some decent experience in life and she has only just begun! Eventually, many more things will cause an issue than just her mentality.... Okay, this is just tooo much! No, YOU cannot 'rescue' this girl. She has barely just begun her life and YOU will end up with nothing but continous challenges with all of them! It's time to just stop it all. You cannot save her, you cannot bend over backwards to try & make her happy. She is NOT stable at all and all these people will do is continue to challenge you. I don't think you fit in well at all here! ( put yourself in her parents shoes- how would you feel if you kid was dating someone 20 yrs their senior?) . Time to take off those rose coloured glasses and smarten up, seriously. Back off and wish her the best. Take some down time to get yourself back to good and look into dating someone closer to your own age & more stable than this.

Yup, I agree. Sounds like she's way too busy for a real relationship and you're already aware of how she works. So, fine, meet up with her this next time if you want, but don't expect much, as you know it'll prolly be another month maybe until she can 'hang out' again. Is maybe best to move on. Don't expect much from her.

Then things will remain the same. No changes, no hope, imo. I suggest you do not get involved again. You already know what to expect. Be strong and expect nothing... but, move on with your life.. and maybe ask her to STOP reaching out, out of respect? - As I feel, this is what's holding you back 😕 .

None of this is healthy. He pulls away or breaks it off with you repeatedly? Then, in turn, you do the same to maybe form some 'control', or attempt, as you said, to get him to 'change'. No, none of this has been working, has it? You two just aren't compatible. More toxic, and the way you two were going about it has done nothing but cause more problems. So, it's a lack of respect and communication. You will NOT get what you want from him. As I said it's all very unhealthy. It's best to just STOP the torture and mind games and accept it's done now. Or you will just keep dragging yourself down again & again with an immature man child.

If HE wants to? What about you?? Why would you even think twice if you're seeing someone? Are you emotionally attached to this guy now? Oh gawd, hope not! Cause you know, guys can have a FWB and feel nothing! Sadly, it's often the gals to get attached. Be smart, don't be around this guy anymore. he sounds conceited and IMO, you should just leave him in the dust. Do as you are now, and look for a real relationship.

YOU have nothing to be sorry for! but, he does.... HIS behaviour is unacceptable and sounds much like my first ex- which I divorced. 😕 . Was a hard road travelled and as mentioned, alcy's are pretty much 'married to the bottle'. You won't win here, sorry 😞 . Is best, for your own well being to be done with this guy. He's dangerous with the way he is handling things ( drinking/driving)! I would not have gotten in the car with him, , so, Please think better than this! Unless he starts attending AA meetings and is truly Wanting to Quit, you're on your own in this.. and there will be many more arguments like this.. unless or until you be done with him - or he ends up causing an accident due to his behaviour! Be serious, please open your eyes.. Be safe, for your own self here.

I say , just give it all time. You jive well, then let it grow as is 🙂 . If their kids are now in HS, they're not so vulnerable re: how dad talks about Mom. They have their own perspectives and if dad wants to be so nasty, is up to THEM to realize this. If he is toxic, they should pick up on this and if it causes issue's between them & dad, he's done this himself! Kids should NEVER come between a parents squabble and if he's acting out, this is on him. They're no longer together, so mom has every right to be involved ( move on), as dad has. So, let things roll, as they are. The kids, if decent-minded, will come to see you ARE a decent person on their own.

Wow 😕 , IMO, this all sounds like a sad woman who's been 'trauma bonded' ( from her abusive ex, results), as well as her watching everyone. it's the behaviour of a 'hypervigilant' person. We watch everything! Always afraid or unsure of those around us. As for her behaviour of 'wanting to please you', is due to her insecurities and inability to 'think for herself', but depending heavily on someone else for opinions on what SHE should do 😕 . And always 'aiming to please', fearing possibly being faulted etc. As for YOU, why are you giving her hell because she's on Tinder, when you ended things with her? That's her choice, not your anger & frustrations going at her to have her stop! Same goes for how you've been towards her in your own ways... so angry with her to just 'looking' at men.. Then in turn, you do it yourself - Just to make her upset.. wow 😞 . Okay, THIS is a super Creepy EX, who's possessive type behaviour and YOU need to stop it! I would really come to dispise an ex who's blowing up my phone! Oh wait, I had one... yah, not impressive at all, but makes YOU look worse. She is right! You ended it with her, then fps leave her alone to move on!! - But, you are NOT her partner.. you fail to see this. You two are done now. You really need to back off this poor girl and work on accepting what is. She's move on and is NOT with you. she owes you nothing! As for her, she'll benefit from some therapy, to deal with her deep rooted issues. Anyways - is time YOU stopped contacting her and leave her alone to move on. It was a realtionship of leas than 1.5 years. You were not married, so let her go! Have some self respect here and respect her wishes. Admit the fact you two are NOT compatible. And leave her alone now. I get it, you're super upset with the whole thing, but comes a time, where it's time to start to work on accepting it's done and let it go. It will NOT change until you start working on this, and nothing will start getting easier for you until you stop contacting her. There's step no 1. Stop contacting her. Work at moving on now. Hang with friends, get your own life going.

I suggest you keep your own self busy in the meantime. In this situation, I feel he isn't exactly saying he is done with you & this relationship, but he IS quite stressed & just needs a breather maybe, to get his thoughts processed, etc. Look at it this way, he msg'd you/ spoke to you on the weekend, which is good! 🙂 . So, can you go hang with friends/family more for now? How about Xmas stuff? Decorate, shop, wrap, bake etc? Keep busy and remember to take care of YOU in this as well. if he needs a breather ( some down time), let him have it. I feel, in time he will come around again. Sometimes, guys need that ( to go to their mancave) 😉 . Without pressures or guilt. No one knows for sure - but one thing is, that saying 'Distance makes the heart grow fonder'. IF he is truly into you, he'll be back. Wishing you the best. 🙂

This, is how I see things. YOU weren't even sure yet if this would amount to anything. No exclusivity had occurred yet, so it was still up in the air. Therefore, i don't see whatever happened as anything like cheating. But, you two are an item now, so all is good 🙂 .

You've been friends now for a good while. IF you cross that line, expect things to sadly affect that, should things not work out between you two. Obviously you've gotten some feelings now - and yeah, it happens often when guy & girl be 'friends', and is why many have said it's never a good idea, but is better to have some true friends of the same sex... or this can happen 😕 . So, think on this. is it worth losing him as the friend you have in him? ( if it is too much, maybe back off the constant contacts and let yourself cool off a bit).

I'd avoid the whole thing. You fancy A, but say you've had no real sign he feels the same, Then don't go there.

Depends. If you broke up due to things causing problems and those problems were resolved, it may work out. But, many times a couple will get back together because they 'miss them'. Doesn't make it right, though. So, if, after 6 mos, someone does this and problems are still there, things will not be okay. eg. trust. If one person pulled away or ended things, the other person may fear they'll do it again :(. IF things do feel 'great' when you get back together, it may just be short lived. Because of the temporary excitement of being with them again... but as I said, if the problems are still there, it'll go back to the way it was before the BU. Be careful and think on all of this.

Probably because of the way things are nowadays. eg. online dating, where we have so much more opportunity & access. Where, back in 80's, 90's etc. we basically met one or two 'live'. Not as much opportunity with that. To the point, that you DO really need to find out IF you're just being used, being seen as a fwb or if the person IS actually wanting to be serious enough with you.

Love bombed? I say more like terrorized! 😕 This is a controlling manipulator! Screams RUN for the hills girl! Never give people like this any sort of control.. Red flags are raised to the hilt.. Realize this! Avoid people like this, totally! They do not own you or control you.

I second this. It's like you overlapped for a time, before you asked the hubby to move out & divorce... You took no real 'down time' to work through your emotions on your failed marriage. Now, you sit here broken 😞 . I'm sorry for your pains, yes it hurts. You just need time. I suggest you take some decent time now, on your own to work through all of this you've experienced and get back to good again. 🙂 . It'll happen, in time. For now, you have a lot to process. In time you'll also realize why this last one didn't work for you either. ( you two were obviously not compatible). It happens. We meet people, we fancy certain ones and we seek affection, attention etc from them. We can also become easily emotionally invested in them. Now, you just need to process everything and work on accepting what is. Be easy on yourself, take walks, get some air, try and get out there, chat w/ friends and journaling, I found helped. If you don't feel up to par in a cpl mos, consider some therapy, maybe. Take care. One day at a time.